Feeling So Down Today

I woke up this morning and felt upset. I don’t know why. For no apparent reason, I am depressed. In fact, I have been like this for the past few days and it’s worrying me. I nearly skipped lunch with the rest of my colleagues two days ago because I didn’t feel like eating with them. And we were actually celebrating a friend’s birthday. I didn’t feel like having fun, chit-chatting or talk to people even. I don’t know why I have been feeling this. I never feel this sort of feeling. Well, very rarely.

I guess it’s got to do with a lot of things. First and foremost, I guess it’s because I’m having my PMS. It’s the second time since I gave birth a year ago (oh my God.. that reminds me, I haven’t upload a story on my Raqib’s FIRST birthday!! What kind of a mother am I? I did a short story on Marsya, but not for Raqib.. I promise I’ll do a special one for him soon).

Then I suppose is because I am missing Marsya so much. She’s in Taiping at the moment with Maksu. Whenever I tried to talk to her, she would either be playing outside, or sleeping. So, I couldn’t really speak with her. I guess it made me irritated to learn that she enjoys herself when she is with Maksu and family, rather than when she’s with me. I’m supposed to be her mother. She’s supposed to enjoy spending time with me. But no, it seems like she enjoys spending her time with Maksu. I think it got to me. I can’t bring her to the funfair, nor can I bring her to picnics or waterfalls. Heck, I haven’t even been bringing her to the pool, and that pool is just a few steps away from my house. If you stand at the balcony, you can see the pool. I simply do not have the time (I know.. lousy excuse). Arrgghh..

Then of course it’s Bie. I know I have been saying this over and over again. But I am tired. I am tired of having to worry financially, or whether my money is able to cover several essential expenses. And whether I have enough to pay for certain leisures and pampering (I need a break. I am in desperate need of a break). I can’t rely on him. His money is to cover for the house and few bills. I can’t count him to pay the groceries, the kid’s expenses, tolls, petrol, etc, etc. Sometimes he pays for them. Then I get worried. Does he have any money? Will he be able to pay for the house next month? Now that he’s paying, does he already have money in his pockets or are they just a one-off kind of thing? He paid for that, but why is he claiming certain expenses from me; is he running out of money? You see, I’m just worried. I don’t know how long more I have to play this guessing game. Or ask him, “Do you have money?” or “Have you got enough money?” or “You sure you’ve got money?”. I don’t want to burden him with these questions coz I know that he’ll get mad at me. I know that he’s trying to tie a few deals, but there’s just no knowing when he’s going to get paid. And if he does get paid, I’m just not sure whether the pay is enough. Because sometimes I think he has the money, but he still asks me to pay for certain stuff, which clearly indicates that he’s not getting enough and still cannot provide for me and family, financially. I am tired of waiting for the big break. But I have to. I have to be brave for the kids, for my parents, my in-laws, my brothers, my aunts and my friends. I have to show them that I’m ok with this, and that I am supportive of Bie all the way. So I can’t complain to them. I can’t complain to anyone. I have to show them that I’m capable. I have to show them that whatever happens, my family can rely on me. I have the money. I don’t like charity. And I don’t like it when sometimes Ayah pays for certain things. If I have the money, I’ll definitely pay him back. And that’s what I have been doing so far. Even if I borrow for him, I always pay him back. Now I’m depressed.

Then it’s this stupid hike in petrol price. I don’t even want to go there. It makes me even mad.

I just hope that this feeling will go away soon. Tomorrow Marsya is coming home. I can’t wait to see her. I miss her so much.

Disappointed A Bit

I am disappointed at a lot of things today. It all began last night when suddenly the PM announced that there’d be an increase in the petrol price. The roads were badly congested yesterday after work. One was because it was raining, the other was because everyone was lining up their cars to the nearest petrol station to fill in their petrol tanks at the previous price i.e. RM1.92 per litre, because the new price is RM2.70 per litre. An increase of about 40 percent compared to the old price.

What I hate about this is because, an increase in petrol price will lead to an increase of MANY goods and services. And of course lead to an inflationary effect. I learnt this in Economics once and I had never expected to be actually applying all those theories I learnt into practice today. It’s all just so horrible. The PM isn’t affected by this. Nor are his ministers. They have petrol cards provided by their offices. So they can just fill in their tanks without having to worry how much they’re supposed to pay because.. it’s simply being paid for BY the government (using tax payers’ monies, I assume). They do not face the pressures of having to pay petrol.

Now everything is going to increase. Gas, food, even the curry puff you have for breakfast. It’s just annoying. And sad. Imagine me complaining about this. And imagine someone with lesser household income. Lagi kasihan, you know. Yes the PM said that he’ll put a curb on the food prices, but it’s easier said than done. He’s not the one who will actually monitor and check each shopping outlet to control the price of foods.

I know that the government can’t do much about this, as this relates to the world’s price, but deep down inside, I still feel that the government should have been more creative in trying to give back to the people. Find creative ways so that the people do not feel too burdened by this. I mean, they have their own think-tanks right. I’m sure they must be something that they can offer.

I am just so disappointed. And this morning, the stock market has gone down (a bit) and analysts are expecting inflation and rising interest rates. I still have some stocks to dispose. Should I be disposing them now? It makes me wonder why I hadn’t disposed them a lot sooner. Hhmm.. no rezeki.

And today, just before lunch today was my emcee audition. I was the only participant that prepared the third script aka the optional script. Others used the scripts furnished by the organizer. I guess I wanted to be different. I wanted to run away from the normal, boring stuff of emcee-ing annual dinner, or signing of MoUs. So, I did the first two mandatory scripts, and for the optional script, I emulated the MTV Asia Music Awards. I co-hosted the show with Jared Leto.

Unfortunately, Mrs Dee was not too keen on my presentation. She felt that I should be more corporate, or at least combine my passion shown as the presenter of the MTV Asia Music Awards with the two (boring) scripts given by them. So much of wanting to be creative. The other judges were okay. The members of the floor also liked my presentation. But I had wanted to impress Mrs Dee, the Director of the Group Corporate Communication. And I guess I could not quite make it. Oh well, it could just be me. Mrs Dee was only doing her job. I guess I was expecting too much from the judges. Hhmm.. mental note: You can’t impress EVERYONE.

So, combining with the effect of the rise in petrol price, and the comments by Mrs Dee, now I am feeling like s*#t… Being a bit over the top, aren’t I? Aarrgghhss… stupid increase in petrol price. Where were the promises to reduce petrol / oil price? I remember one of the opposition party’s manifests was to reduce the petrol price. Where are those promises now? Nowehere... they’re just a bunch of liars, like anyone else are during the before election-period. I hate that. Taking the people for a ride.

You know what? I have to stop here. I’m not very nice when I’m feeling like this. Till later, ok.

Can I Still Look Hot?

Marsya isn’t here this week. She followed Maksu back to Taiping. At first, I was reluctant to let her go. I mean, I’d not be able to see her for ONE WHOLE WEEK. I’d miss her terribly. But she kept telling Maksu that she wanted to balik kampong and see Tok Nyang (Maksu’s father-in-law), ducks and chickens. She wanted to ride on the bicycle. So my heart softened. I let her go. But last Friday, I had a bonding session with her. I took her to Sunway Pyramid to buy her new shoes. And yes, she is exactly like me when it comes to shoes. She LOVES them. Hehehehe.. she tried ALL the shoes she saw on the rack (her size) and even proceeded on trying a pair of boots. And when we got to the adult shoe store, she kept on throwing all sorts of shoes for me to try on. It was fun. I could see ourselves in the future giving tips on the sort of shoes we should buy. A long way to go still, but it’s nice to think about it. Insya-Allah…

Which boils down to the next question… do you think I’m HOT? Hehehehe.. lately I don’t know why, but I feel that I’m hot. Call me perasan, but though I have two kids, I feel that I can still make heads turn. Some of my friends like to drop names like, ‘Hot Mama’ and all, to me. Calling me like that actually boosted my confidence to a higher level. I don’t feel ugly. I don’t feel fat (though I know I’ve got stuff clinging to my legs and butts called ‘fat’) I just feel that I am still hot. Oh gosh, what am I saying..??

I love high heel shoes. I like skirts (I’m trying to reduce wearing them, but give me time. At least I don’t buy new skirts anymore) and I love looking good. I’m not saying that I look drop dead georgous in them (I know my limits; I’m no Maya Karin), but I do feel good. So yes the butt part has expanded a bit these days and so have the upper part (I have to be frank don’t I) but there are ways of dressing to cover those areas. And if you have them, just flaunt them. Hehehehe..

But I still cover where I think should be covered. I try not to wear tight-fitting clothes, and revealing or plunging necklines. After all, I do have my dearest Bie to think about. I am still his wife, and I have to respect him. And my duty to the One goes without saying. Nonetheless, I am lucky that he doesn’t force me to wear head scarves or tudung after we got married. Though his mother has been harping on it for quite a while, he has never practiced his authority to enforce me to wear the tudung. I am thankful for that, unlike other husbands I know.

I know it’s not good to look extra hot when you’re married with kids and all. It’s for fear of inviting unnecessary attention to yourself. But I guess if you know what matters most, then I’m sure you will not indulge in immoral activities, right. I mean, you have the children to think about. And of course your husband. Not to mention that it’s kind a sinful (I’m not perfect here, but if possible, we wouldn’t want to open many ‘holes’ coz it would just be too many to cover. Dah tak pakai tudung tu is one ‘hole’ already. So don’t create more ‘holes’. Do you know what I mean here?

I know of someone who’s reaching 40 in two years’ time but still is one very hot mama (she has FIVE kids by the way). She wears the tudung thought (light scarf) and wears really modern clothings. Long skirts with high-heeled boots. Platform shoes with flared pants; really good. And she is pretty as well. The not so nice one is that, we feel that the young man who has been accompanying her is not her husband and that he was (or is) her boyfriend. At first we felt like giving him the benefit of the doubt. But their lovey-dovey actions were just too much for us to bear. A friend even caught them hugging (it was a spur kind of moment thing and everybody was rejoicing happily). I felt bad. I wish she hadn’t done that. In fact, I wish she wasn’t that bold. But she was. They acted like they were a couple, in front of everyone.

Now, I pray to God that I will not be like that. I love Bie and my children too much. But I guess when you’re at that age, you just get bored especially if you’ve been married a long time and your marriage life seems to have lost its entire sparks. Kind a scary isn’t it. So when another man shows an interest in you, of course you like it. And you tend to participate in the illicit affair even when you know that you shouldn’t, because it’s all just exciting. God forbids..

However, I do love the idea of being a Hot Mama. And I do love being labeled as one. But I fear that later in life, without realizing it, I may go overboard. Scary isn’t it. Yes I can say that I’ll never do that to my family, but a few years down the road, you just never know. But for now, I am just going to enjoy being one Hot Mama..

Mondays As Usual

Lots of stuff to do. Agreements to be sorted out. Well, the calculation bit of the balance purchase price. It needs to tally with the debt amount, which needs to be broken down into smaller amounts because there’s this creditor we’re dealing with that does not want to seek its shareholders’ approval because there was no LOA given upfront to capture that particular debt amount. No document to support the debt. So it’s all such a big hassle and my head is tired of having to think how best to do this.

Then there’s this Board meeting end of this month. My paper is to be tabled to the Board, and I have yet to do the slides. I am so lazy at the moment because I am just too sleepy. So, I am just going to do a bit of blogging (I consider this as resting for a while) just so that I don’t fall to sleep.

Remember last Friday where I was supposed to go to karaoke at Red Box? Well, it didn’t happen. I had to stay back at work, with a couple of friends in conjunction with the Board paper. It was tiring. We stayed back until 12.05am, together with the boss as he wanted to see the Big Boss on the paper on Saturday morning (which I doubt happened because he seems to be rushing us on the paper with whatever amendments TODAY, this morning). But I’m just giving him the benefit of the doubt here.

And coz I had that wedding in Pilah on Saturday (my cousin got married), I had to go back to Seremban. My children were already in Seremban. Maksu brought them back with her earlier that day. Coz my dearest Bie was hungry, we stopped by at the KFC. So we finally reached Seremban at 1.30am. And get this, my baby wasn’t asleep yet. He wanted his you-know-what, and would not go to sleep unless he had it.

So without taking my contact lenses off, and changing my work clothes to something more comfortable, I put Raqib to sleep. He was excited to see me. And I have to admit, I loved seeing his face looking at me with high eagerness and love. The feeling was just wonderful. It made me forget my tiredness for a while.

I woke up at 5.00am. I opened my eyes and was surprised to see how clear my visions were. Has my eye-sight improved tremendously in within a few hours? Was it a miracle? But ooppss.. no. I forgot to take the lenses off. So I did. And went straight back to sleep.

Saturday was an exciting day coz we went to Pak Ngah’s house. Her daughter was getting married. She’s the youngest of all the three siblings. Her elder sister isn’t married yet. But I never asked whether she was given any gift, or trinkets in view that her younger sister got hitched first. It was too sensitive an issue to ask. And I respect that. But she seemed happy that her sister’s getting married. Who wouldn’t, right.

The next day, which was a Sunday, we went again to Pak Ngah’s house. Sunday was more like a reception event. The foods were nice. I particularly liked the fried chicken. And also the ‘gulai nenas’ masak cili api. In fact, I ate a lot last Sunday. Oh well, it’s not like as if I do it all the time.

And now today, back to work. I am so tired. So sleepy. And the fact that I need to rush for something makes me even more tired. I want to go back early today. A friend just sent me a text message saying that he wanted to meet me for dinner tonight. With another friend of ours. Adduuhh… malasnya. I want to go back. I am sleepy and tired. Help me. Luckily today is the beginning of the school holidays. So the roads aren’t too bad. I wish everyday, the roads are like this. Penatlah when it’s jammed and congested.

By the way, my maid has been quite helpful. There are still many things to be done at home because I still send her and the kids to Maksu’s house. But she takes care of the clothes department, and the kids department especially when they need a bathe or feeding, or cleaning up pooh-pooh. She has also been helping me in the kitchen (when we’re at my parents’ house. She hasn’t has the opportunity to cook at my house yet). I have only had her for two weeks. It’s too early to tell yet whether she’s ok. I just hope that she turns out alright

Not In The Mood

I don’t know why I feel so lousy this morning. In fact I think it started yesterday, at 5.30pm after work. And this morning, it just got worse. I am not my usual chirpy mood. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. My laughs seem forced. And I am even feigning interest on some of the things that my colleagues are telling me. This is bad. I hate feeling like this. It’s like one of those days where you were supposed to get your PMS, but since I had mine about 3 weeks ago, I don’t think this foul mood is contributed by that.

I am supposed to go back to Seremban tonight, but my homies want to go to Red Box for a sing-a-long session. They’ve been planning this since last two weeks, and I don’t think it’s fair to tell them that I don’t feel like going. Besides, singing my heart out could be the medicine to get rid of these foul moods. Anyway, Maksu is going back earlier, thus it wouldn’t be fair for her to look out for my baby when I am out there enjoying the karaoke session, as I know that I’ll be coming back late. So my dearest Bie is thinking of transferring Raqib and the maid to his parents’ house later in the afternoon (we’re not comfortable to allow the maid staying at the house alone just as yet). It’s a bit of a hassle, I have to admit. I hate having to bring Raqib and the maid from PJ to Setapak, and then later fetch them and go back to Seremban. It’s a lot easier from PJ as the route is nearer to Sungai Besi, allowing us to go back to Seremban easily. Such a hassle. Besides, I don’t like posing this hassle to Bie since he’ll be the one driving here and there.

We’re going back to Seremban because my cousin is getting married. I have already bought her a gift. I bought her a carpet. I love buying carpets as wedding presents. I don’t know why. It’s unique, and different from all those rice cookers, steam iron, electric kettle, pots and pans, dinner sets (plates and all) etc.

Anyway, that’s just one headache that leads to my lousy mood today. The other is work. Getting irritated emails in the morning when your mood is already like that, is SO NOT HELPING. I received an email from someone this morning who insisted that certain provisions be included in the agreement, when those provisions have actually been reflected in the agreement except that they were worded differently. And he went on and on about that thing, which to me is very insignificant. Oh God.. please stop it already. It’s just boiling mad irritating.

Today is supposed to be a let-down-hair day. It’s Friday. I love Fridays. But somehow today, I don’t particularly feel the Fridays’ vibe as usual. I hope I’ll be better after lunch.

By the way, I received news from a colleague here yesterday that a staff on the 20th floor saw a leg-less spectre in a yellow headscarf and outfit wondering around the ladies’ toilet at 7 to 8pm the day before. I was shocked and scared too, because on that same night, I was at the 19th floor, all alone, expressing milk for my dear Raqib in the small make-shift surau room. I was there from 6.50pm to 7.30pm. Imagine my horror when I learnt that there was a leg-less spectre wondering about at around that time BUT on the 20th floor. It is just plain scary. And that wasn’t the first incident. Apparently the staffs at the 20th floor including the MD, prayed together for Asar and got some ustaz to recite some prayers, hoping for the encounter with such specters no longer happen. It’s scary coz I always go back late. And I express my milk on the 19th floor while waiting for Maghrib prayers. Hhmm.. maybe I should re-schedule my timing. Or just get someone to accompany me. We’ll see.

Oohh gosh.. I am SO NOT in the mood. Help..!!

Sports Carnival

Last weekend was the futsal game. It was held at Sunway Sports Planet. The company booked the entire Sports Planet for the day. It was fun. When we got there, there were just so many people; mostly players, male and female, all wearing their colourful jerseys, getting warmed up to play. I had to admit that I was quite intimidated by their actions. The cooler female ones, looked like they were ready to kick our butts. While the male players looked relaxed and more at ease.

I didn’t play in the first half. I injured my foot during training so I couldn’t run as much. But I did play in the second half. I played defense. But I also had to cover my midfield team mates. We played zoning a.k.a positioning coz most of us had never kicked footballs in our whole entire life. The coach was my dearest Bie. Yeah, he coached us for free.

We didn’t win the first game. Nor did our opponent. It was a tie. I bet though that our opponent team didn’t expect a good game from us coz during a friendly match before the actual game, we lost quite bad to them. Well serves them right for being over-confident downright suckers… hehehehe. We did win the second game though; 2-1. It was good. We had never won before, so it felt good to win. Coz I only played in the second half, I cheered like mad in the first half, especially when our team scored. Too bad we didn’t score more. The thing with our team is that, we didn’t have the finishing. There were none of us good enough to be strikers. I mean, what do you expect. We had training for two solid weeks before the game. Note that none of us played futsal on a regular basis. Heck, I had never played futsal in my whole entire life. But we had good defense. And our goalkeeper was excellent. This was acknowledged even by our male team, and some of our other opponents.

However, I am proud to announce that we managed to secure a position in the second round. Unlike our male team. And we played against one of the best teams. We weren’t intimidated by them. I guess going into second round was huge enough for us. In fact, it was a bonus already. I have a feeling that the opponent team was more pressured though. They had three good players, steady like rocks they were. Well two of them at least. The other one was just a good striker. Too bad that we lost to them; 2-0. But I didn’t think it was that bad because during the friendly match before, they managed to score quite a number of goals.

So there. I had a great time during the game. It was good to see everyone at the game. Sports can really bring people together. Anyway, we’re planning to retain this team. In fact, we were supposed to play against the Jabatan Perancang KL last Tuesday, but because we were bogged down with work, we’re postponing it to next week.

Adios..!!

Got A Helper Now

I now have a helper at home. She’s from Indonesia. Married with two kids. She’s 27 years old. I have to admit that I am a little edgy about having a helper staying at the house. After all, my house isn’t big. But, I am coping with the idea. I got her since last Monday. Before that, she stayed with my parents for a few days. But since coming to the house, I haven’t been able to ask her to do much because I still send the kids to Maksu’s together with her. That gives time for Maksu to supervise her, and also allow her to bond with the kids. I don’t worry much about Marsya, but I do worry about Raqib. He doesn’t want to be held by her at all. So he has been crying since the past few days. Kesian dia. But I told Maksu to be strong and not to give in to his crying. I want him to familiarize himself with the maid.

So she’s been looking out for the kids. I haven’t asked her to do much at home. But yes she does clean the kitchen, fold my clothes and iron them. So far, she seems ok. But then, they all seem ok at the beginning. I just hope that I wouldn’t have to look for a replacement. I pray that she’s ok. It’s such a hassle having to look for another maid. I have four months to evaluate her anyway. So we’ll see.

Only time will tell.

Why Not

I had a meeting at the Group HQ’s office yesterday. So I wasn’t aware that the Group was looking to establish a pool of emcees to handle any of its events. Well, basically I wasn’t at my table, so I didn’t have the computer on, so I didn’t get the email from our Group Corporate Communication requesting for those who are interested to be emcees, to submit the forms to that department.

So when I finally came back to the office and switched my computer on, I immediately clicked on my email and there were several emails from my friends here asking me to give it a go, and that they’ll ‘afundi’ me and all. I was confused. Why was I receiving these sorts of emails? Why would they want to ‘afundi’ me? So I scrolled the email further down, and fancy my surprise when I read that the Group is looking for potential candidates to be emcees.

I was excited. But of course I was nervous too, at the same time. Our Group consists of MANY companies. So imagine how many employees the Group actually employs. A LOT…! And I am just one of the many employees who will be interested to try out this emcee thingy. The audition (yes, there’ll be auditions. They can’t just pick out anyone they want) will be held in the first week of June. And I guess the head of the audition team is Basariah (she’s Jamal Abdillah’s ex-wife. Yes, she’s our Director for Group Corporate Communication).

I have always wanted to make money by just being an emcee. But of course I need a break somewhere. So the idea of starting from this pool of emcees may just be the stepping stone for me to consider being a freelance emcee. And I’ll get paid for just talking. Hehehehe… I know. A bit too far to think about that. But it’s not impossible. Of course I have to be good. If I’m not, then what’s the point, right? Heck, I’m just going to be positive and consider myself as a good emcee, and that I’ll get through the audition and be one of the Group’s emcees. I don’t think we’ll get paid, IF we’re selected. The Group will consider this as a valuable experience (yeah right.. ).. but sorry, WE CAN’T PAY YOU. Oh well, at least it’s a start isn’t it.

So yes, I have submitted my form. Why not, right? So now, I will just sit down and wait. I will let you know if I’m chosen or not. Wish me luck..!!

By the way, my futsal game is this Sunday and I am a nervous wreck. I know that it’s all just for fun and everything, BUT I still am a little scared. We haven’t been winning any of the friendly game, so I don’t know how we’ll do this Sunday. Wish me luck for this too, ok :)

Getting Help Soon

These days I am just so tired. With the kids, work, and having to please various people. It’s just so tiring. I am still sending my kids off to PJ every morning and fetching them back later in the evenings to go back home. And what now with the futsal training, I reach home very late. And the kids, when they got home, if they’re asleep, then consider me lucky. But if their eyes are still wide awake, with no hint of sleepiness at all, then be prepared to sleep at 1.30am or at 2.00am. Though how much I try to force them to go to sleep, they just wouldn’t go to sleep, unless if it’s on their own. To me, if I am able to sleep at 12.00am, then that is already a blessing. I haven’t been sleeping earlier than that in a long time. How I wish I can go back to the days where I can sleep early with no interference from anyone or anything at all. Wishful thinking.

With my schedule like that, one can imagine how the house looks like. With toys all over the place. The sofa cushions all over the floor (Marsya likes to jump on them, or snuggle herself up among the pillows and cushions while watching TV), a mount-pile of dirty laundry. A mount-pile of washed clothes yet to be folded. The sticky floor, especially the kitchen area. And the bedrooms. I so wanted to clean the place up, and do whatever necessary, but I am so tired. So when I’m tired, of course I become lazy.

These days Bie have also become lazy. He used to be very rajin, and would sweep the floor and mop them. He would also clean the bathrooms without having been told. But gone are the days of his rajin-ness. These days, he would just lie in front of the TV or switch on the PC to play his championship manager game. He knows that the house is a mess, but he’s not doing anything about it. Yes he would arrange the cushions or the toys appropriately, and he basically looks out for Marsya, but other than that, he hasn’t been doing much. Blame it on fatigue and tiredness. But I don’t blame him. We’re both tired.

Having said that, I am getting a maid soon, to help me out with the kids and also help me around the house. She is already here, so I am going back to Seremban this weekend to check her out. Part of me is looking forward to this coz finally I have someone to help me round the house and take care of the kids, so I wouldn’t have to go to PJ anymore to send my kids to Maksu’s. But the other part of me is deeply worried. What if she turns out to be nasty? Could I bear leaving the kids into her care? Furthermore, is she a nice person? Can she help out around the house in an efficient manner? And, how’s it like having a stranger living in the same house? I guess I just have to get used to it. I don’t have a choice. I am now just so tired and I need an extra pair of hand to help me out. At this initial stage, I would probably still be sending the kids off to Maksu’s so that she can learn from Maksu how to take care of the kids (their feeding time, their food, etc). Later, I would park them at my in-laws’ house during the day, and fetch them after I got back from work. At least my in-laws can supervise her. Scary, but like I said, I don’t have a choice. This is one of the dilemmas of a working mother.

Wish me luck, ok.

Changes Are For The Better

It has been nearly two months now, and I must say, I am excited with these changes. Things are beginning to look positive. Everyone is happy. There is not a day that passes by, that whenever I call, she’s not there. These days, she would always be there to pick up my calls. Be it at the house, at the shops, or in the car. I am ecstatic with these changes. And I know for sure that I am not the only one.

It all happened two months ago. If it hadn’t been for that particular incident, I don’t think she would have noticed it. So I guess the incident was actually a blessing in disguise. The fact that someone else in the group stood up for her and took pity on her must have made her realized that things are not what it seems. That all those people were taking her for a ride, taking advantage of her kindness. Something that I have been tolerating for years up till the point that I couldn’t take it anymore that I felt like doing something out of the ordinary. Luckily I haven’t gone through with the extreme.

Allah is just so wonderful, so I guess our prayers have been answered. But I don’t want to be happy with it just as yet. I have to make sure that whatever that took place does not continue or happen again in the future. Things are very sensitive at the moment and I don’t want to jeopardize that. For a start, this is good. So I think I have to steer this into a more positive direction so that she is taken away, and as far as possible with those things which happened in the past. For a start, cut off all contacts with those people who I dislike. Then, indulge her with excessive love and remind her that whatever it is, we are there for her; mentally, physically and financially, if need be.

She is also undergoing several changes as well. Gone are the days where her concerns were only related to that thing. These days, her love and care are showered to everyone surrounding her. In other words, we come first before that whatever thing that she was involved with. Her attention span has expanded even bigger and I know fore sure that everyone loves her for that. Her relationship with a certain someone has also improved tremendously. And I myself couldn’t be happier. It’s just so wonderful.

But these changes are considered still at the very early stage. There’s no knowing if things may go back to square one, something which I hope will never happen. It is kind of scary even when just thinking about it. So I guess, we need to find ways to circumvent that. But for now, we’ll just enjoy this. It’s been a while, and I think everyone’s tired and deserve a break.

Let there be HOPE, Insya Allah…

Update

I haven’t been updating the blog for quite a while now. My intention to update once a week has somehow failed. Well, I can’t really blame myself (or should I?) coz things have been moving at a fast pace lately, and I am just enjoying the ride.

Last two weekends, I went to Johor for a conference. Three days and two nights. I stayed at Sofitel. It was a nice hotel. I liked it. Most of the participants were male. So you can imagine just how many males there were, old and young, at the conference. Some are nice, some are, hhmm.. how should I put this, EXTRA nice. Since this conference is considered as part of work, of course these married male participants felt like they were single throughout the 3-day conference, since their wives and kids weren’t around. And yes, I had few men trying to be up close and personal with me, inviting me for karaoke sessions, or just sitting next to me for dinner, or standing next to me during the refreshment breaks. I didn’t mind if they were young (being a bit choosy, aren’t we.. hehehe) but they were in their forties, with bald heads (well one of them) and looking at me from top to bottom with looks that made me want to puke in my mouth.

Since one of them happened to be one of the bosses here, of course he knew that I am married with kids. But man, the way he looked at me when I stepped down for dinner that night, gave me the creeps and these days, I am quite cautious of him. I don’t think I was overly dressed. I was wearing a sleeveless (not one of those tank tops, ok) that was like a turtleneck except that it has no sleeves (type of shirt you usually wear inside your jacket) and a shawl on my shoulder. The next day, I wore a black skirt and top, with a red scarf and a pair of boots (hehehe.. I know.. a pair of leather boots. I couldn’t help buying it. It was so cheap. 50 percent discount from the original price and it’s a Nine West). I don’t know if that sparked any interest. But I guess it did. Even a younger male participant (married though with four children) couldn’t help but stick around me for most of the time. But I could tolerate him. I guess it was the age factor that made me felt alright with it. At least I didn’t feel like puking.

But you know what? Despite the looks I got from them, and the ‘innocent’ invitations from them to hang out, I felt great. It boosted my confidence level knowing that I am still marketable. Hehehehe… bad isn’t it? But I couldn’t help it. I felt pretty and young, despite the fact that I have two kids. And of course I enjoyed the attention given. Who wouldn’t?

Bie and the kids did come down coz I couldn’t leave my baby behind. He is still breastfeeding. I told Bie about those men, and Bie (being his usual macho self) wasn’t angry a bit. In fact, he found it rather funny. He actually laughed. Funny isn’t it? But I had fun with the kids there during the night. The bed was huge so my kids had fun rolling themselves and jumping on top of the bed. The looks on their faces were priceless. Mental note: Must take them for a holiday.. and soon. Insya Allah.

Of course I had dinner with Bie. We went to Persada Johor coz my mom-in-law’s good friend; well her daughter that is, is working as a chef there. And we had briyani gam (which tasted better than the hotel food). And we also enjoyed the performance by the string quartet, which was imported all the way from Indonesia. All in all, it was good.

Now that’s on the conference. On the job offer; I am supposed to give a response soon right, and I was also expecting a bonus and an increment. But today, when I got the salary slip, I was disappointed to see that there was no increment and no bonus just as yet. I’m supposed to call that company up but my bonus isn’t in yet. So how can I compare and contrast?

Furthermore, a few days ago, my boss called me into his room. He asked me to update him some of my personal data. I was a little surprised. Why would he want that? I knew that I wasn’t due for any promotion (he made it clear earlier this year). And imagine my happiness when he told me that he was recommending me for a salary adjustment. Not much though, but considering that my responsibilities and job scope wouldn’t be affected, I welcome an increase in salary anytime, anywhere. So yes, I am waiting for that. Looks like I have to put hold the offer first until I see this so-called salary adjustment quantum, and of course my bonus payout.

Hhmm.. oh yes, we’re having a Group sports carnival soon. And guess what? I will be playing futsal for the company. The women’s team. At first I didn’t want to join because I just didn’t feel like it. I have never played futsal in my whole entire life, so I wasn’t about to start. But my homies were playing and they told me that they didn’t have any proper training. Unfortunately the guys’ team weren’t helping much in terms of coaching and training. And a colleague of mine (a guy) was constantly asking me to join the team. So I proposed to them to allow Bie to be the coach for the women’s team, and if Beckham is there, of course Posh too has to be there. Hehehehe.. so yeah, I am now officially a member of the team. We’ve only practiced twice, but I had fun on both occasions. Surprisingly, I could kick a ball or two. So after this, I think I’ll be watching Gol & Gincu.. for inspiration purposes. Hehehe..

That’s a lot up update isn’t it? The last update before I blog off; I am having a sleepover at Putrajaya tonight at Pah’s house. There’ll be about seven of us. At first we wanted to have a picnic, but in view of a possible rain, we thought we’d buy biryani rice (again) and eat it at Pah’s. It has always been fun hanging out with the Gurls. And I especially look forward to this particular gathering.

Have a nice weekend everyone!

Got An Offer

I went to an interview a few weeks back at this business consultancy firm somewhere in Tower 2 at KLCC. I wasn’t really looking for a new job, but I felt like testing the market. After all, I have been here at this company of mine for nearly seven years now. I don’t want to be too complacent. I didn’t even send out a lot of CVs. In fact, all I did was click on Jobstreet, about eight of them I think, and therefore I was quite surprised when they called me for an interview. But I was happy. At least I’m still marketable.

I went to the interview with no expectations at all. After all, I have never heard of the firm before. Furthermore, I am currently employed at a GLC and no doubt the pay isn’t as exciting, but the recent revised benefits are something that I should ponder on, if I decide to leave.

The establishment wasn’t that fantastic. I mean the office set-up. It looked pretty small and the reception area was very small. The posters hanging on the wall didn’t really entice me much. The firm was previously focused on IT-related services. So most of the information that can be seen were related to IT, networking, and others which are totally something that I am not in touch with. The fact that they made me wait for an hour and a half was another factor which made me decide upfront that I was so not interested in this firm. But since I had been called, I waited. It’d be interesting to see how I could contribute there, considering that I am not from the IT line.

Finally I was called in. The man who interviewed me was very good looking. In fact, I couldn’t help but stared at his face. He looked so fresh. Then I found out that if I were to join the firm, I would be reporting to him. Hhmm… interesting. He asked me to talk about myself. Then he went through my CV. He noticed that I was from PPP/ITM. He confessed that he also did his A-Levels there, before he went to the UK to do his degree. So, he is my super senior. Interesting.

He also talked about the job. I would not be doing any IT-related scope but more towards Strategy-related services and Policy making. The division works closely with government agencies and bodies, and provides innovative solutions to these entities in whichever capacity that leads to the betterment of these entities. They are involved in various industries and always work hand-in-hand with their clients. Of course if late night is required in order to finish a proposal, then everyone has to stay in and finish the work. There was a time whereby they worked through the night up till the next morning just to get a proposal out. I told them that I am ok to work late, but I have never worked until the next day. The minute he mentioned that, the first thing that cropped in my head is my kids, especially the breastfeeding one. Hhmm…

Because he had a meeting to attend to, I was only interviewed for about half an hour. After that, I left.

The weeks after that, I didn’t get a call back. I was alright with it. I wasn’t eager to leave the company that I am working for at the moment anyway, but if I do get an offer based on the salary figure that I put in the CV, then I may have to rethink the whole thing.

Exactly three weeks after the interview, I received a call. They want me. In fact, they are willing to let me have my bonus and whatever increment I’m supposed to get here before they make an offer. So that’s like another month. I am happy to know that they’re quite considerate on that. But now, it boils back to whether I want to accept it or not. And that is a very big question at the moment, because I do not know how to answer it. Should I go or should I not go.

I have asked the opinions of several friends. And most of them asked me to weigh the pros and cons, especially in terms of benefits and EPF contribution. I have to admit that the benefits I receive at the moment are very comforting. When I asked the firm on the sort of benefits that I may get, they weren’t very clear on that. So the next step is to know the details of the benefits I may get, and of course the salary structure. These two important things are quite crucial in determining whether I ought to accept the offer. They also asked me to use my intuition as there is already an answer there, except that I may have to dig it to find out. And of course, the non-financial aspects of it. Hhmm… very tough.

So now, I am still weighing it. It would have been much easier if my kids are all grown up. Then I can pretty much do anything. But my prime concern is the kids. I have never left them overnight. If I have a meeting outside (even in Singapore), I would ensure that I come back the same day. I’m not that worried about Marsya as she’s a big girl now (yeah I know she’s just three) but Raqib still breastfeeds and I can’t imagine leaving him not breastfed for even a single night. I remember a dear friend who encountered similar problems about 2 and a half years ago, and when she got back from outstation, her daughter merajuk with her. Hhmm.. difficult lah kan.

But I still have a month to go. The prospect of doing something entirely different is exciting. But staying here is comforting (which isn’t good, I suppose). Hhhmmm...

Just Sharing

A dear friend recently had her cyst removed. She discovered the cyst which was located in her ovary, about a month ago, and at that point in time, the doctor said it measured about 4 cm. She was depressed. She had a similar cyst removal operation about eight months ago. And she didn’t expect for another one to grow in such a very short notice. Having such operations were nothing new to her. The first surgery she had for such removal was when she was thirteen. And now, she is living only on one ovary. Including the recent surgery, she’s had five operations to remove cysts.

She just got married last December. Her ultimate goal in life is to get pregnant, as she so terrible wanted to hold a baby in her arms. So when she missed her period for about a couple of days, she did the test and found out that she was pregnant. She was happy. She looked forward to be pregnant. She knew that she had that cyst in her ovary, but she was hoping that the cyst would somehow reduce in size and disappear. But a few days after that, she had blood stains. And they continued to flow out bit by bit. She was worried, so she went to her doctor to see what she could do about saving the pregnancy. The doctor was surprised that she was pregnant. The doctor had wanted to sort out the cyst first, but now with a baby on the way, she couldn’t do anything.

The doctor gave her a week of medical leave and asked her to rest because the likelihood of her having a miscarriage is very high at this point of time. So she took leave. She stayed at home and took all reasonable steps to take care of this very early pregnancy. She sought advice on the sort of supplements to take and also proceeded on wanting to buy Anmum; anything to keep the baby growing in her healthy.

But on the Friday, she was having cramps in her tummy, like one of those period cramps. And later that day, she felt it. She went to check on herself and found that the amount of blood was a lot more than the normal stains she had been having. “This is not happening. It couldn’t be it”. She refused to seek doctor’s advice until her sister pestered her into doing so. So she went to the nearest clinic to see a regular doctor. The doctor scanned her stomach and informed her that her stomach was empty. There seemed to be nothing there. She couldn’t believe her ears. She repeatedly asked the doctor to check and scan again. The doctor did, and still the same anwer was given. She cried. Devastated by what the doctor said. But she had hope. She would go to her doctor, the specialist, the one she went to, to remove her cyst. She will get a second opinion.

Later that night, she met with her doctor. The doctor scanned her again. This time using the contraption that had to be inserted into the uterus, normally used in the very early pregnancy as the normal scanner would not be able to scan a newly-formed life. The truth pained her. The doctor confirmed that there was no baby. She had had a miscarriage and it was best that she undergo a D&C. To make matters worst, the doctor suggested that she undergo another operation to remove the cyst currently in her ovary. She was despaired. Distraught at the fact that she was no longer pregnant and the doctor’s suggestion for the operation did not help. It was just too overwhelming.

She couldn’t think. She was upset. She was sad. Her husband shared her sorrows. After numerous phone calls seeking advice from everyone she knew, on Saturday, she was wheeled into the operation theatre. The cyst was removed.

I received her text message telling me that she was sad on Sunday. I tried calling her, but her husband said she was asleep. She was on epidural so that the pain can be alleviated. So the following Monday, I went to the hospital to visit her. She looked alright. Not in pain or anything, thanks for the epidural which was constantly injected at the back of her spine. But she also looked very sad. She was upset that her stomach was now flatter, and she resented seeing another colleague of ours who was pregnant. The pregnant colleague also came to visit her. I didn’t say much. I wouldn’t want to give her headaches or anything. She received a lot of advices from those who came to visit. But I couldn’t make myself say much. I was just there so that I could give her emotional support. The loss was terrible for her. But when most of them had left, I talked to her, and told her to be patient and consider this as no luck and not rezeki. And that who knows, she might even be pregnant with twins. She looked dejected. And I didn’t know what else to say.

Before I left, I kissed her forehead and told her to get well. I told her not to think about getting pregnant. Allah works in mysterious ways and who knows what luck holds in for her.

She is still on medical leave. Her depression is now over and now she is concentrating on getting well. Let’s all pray for her well-being, ok.

Election Results

Just shocking. I didn’t expect that BN would loose like this. Five states lost to the opposition party is just simply something shocking. Even Dato’ Nik himself was surprised. This is definitely a wake-up call for BN. There must be something terribly wrong with the current government as this has never happened before. Not in this 50 years of independence. And if BN still doesn’t realize this (just like Samy Vellu still not letting go of his position as MIC President), then they are not fit to run the country. But, who else is fit to run the country? PAS? PKR? DAP? Unfortunately unlike BN, they’re not mature yet to take on such a huge responsibility like running the country. BUT, if they prove their worthiness of running the states that they’ve been entrusted to, and that means fulfilling all promises they’ve made prior to the elections, then by all means, they have the capabilities of leading the country.

Me? I have mixed feelings here. A little disappointed at the current scenario and also scared at what lies ahead, but I am also a little excited at the prospect of these new political changes and all possible benefits that lies ahead. Serves BN right for being the way it is, thus making the people loosing their confidence over the party, but can these opposition parties live up to their words? Only time will tell. Now that they have been given the chance, I hope they will seize the opportunity to prove that they can do it. Running the states or the country is not just about promises. You HAVE to deliver.

We will wait and see.

Another Sick Story

He finally admits raping daughter

06 March, 2008

KUALA LUMPUR: After four years of maintaining his innocence, a 43-year-old general worker finally cracked in court and pleaded guilty to sodomising and raping his daughter. At the Sessions Court yesterday, judge Akhtar Tahir sentenced the father of five to 15 years' jail and 15 strokes of the cane.The accused was charged with two counts of sodomising his then 13-year-old daughter in July 2003 and one count of incest on March 2, 2004.

His change of plea came after his defense was called at the end of the prosecution case which saw seven witnesses testify.In his mitigation, counsel V. Ravichandran said the accused was his family's sole supporter as his wife had left him when he was 33. He earned between RM700 and RM1,000 a month.

Deputy public prosecutor Othman Yusof objected to the mitigation and urged the court to impose the maximum sentence. The victim had complained to her school's discipline teacher after she was told by her older sister that she had seen their father rape her (the victim) in a bedroom of their house after giving her sleeping pills.Days before his arrest, the accused had waited until the victim was alone in the house before playing a pornographic movie and asked her to emulate the scenes. He proceeded to sodomise his daughter despite her pleas to stop.

The victim related the incident to her sister later that night and approached the school's counsellor the next day.Before sentencing, Akhtar said that the charges were serious. He ordered the sentence to be carried out concurrently from the date of arrest on March 4, 2004.

© Copyright 2008 The New Straits Times Press (M) Berhad. All rights reserved.


I read in NST online this morning and I was shocked at what I read. How sick is the father? He actually had the guts to rape his own flesh and blood. Not once, but twice. And to make it sicker, he gave her sleeping pills and raped her in the bedroom. And days before his arrest, he played some porno and asked his daughter to emulate the scenes while he sodomised her. He didn’t even stop at his daughter’s pleas. Imagine the tears, and the pain and the pleas asking her father to stop touching her with his dirty, overgrown thing..!! Such a f@#$%^g bastard..!!

I can NEVER tolerate this type of behaviour. I find whoever commits incest is mentally sick and shouldn’t be born in this world, in the first place. I mean, come on… she is your daughter for God’s sake. You took care of her when she was a baby. You played with her when she was a baby. You were there for her first words, her first steps, but the minute she blossomed into a young woman, the blood in your thing gets the better of your head and you concoct ways to rape her..!! Sick son of a B.

But are 15 years of jail and 15 strokes of cane enough to punish him for what he did? Imagine the trauma that his daughter has to go through. And she is still very young. She still has her own life ahead of her. But that life has been disturbed and we can never be sure whether she can recover from it. I think he deserves a heavier penalty for what he did. I shouldn’t want to propose anything here coz my proposals can be very demeaning to ANY man.

For all fathers out there, please oh please love your daughter. DO NOT even look at your daughter as if she’s a piece of pie that you can prod your manhood into whenever you feel like it, or whenever you feel that life is making you miserable and that your wife left you for goodness knows what. Please nurture your soul at all times and remember God. Please oh please be a God-fearing man and take very good care of your daughter.

Jumper

I saw the movie last night. It was alright. I love the notion of being able to teleport just anywhere though. In fact, I have been fantasizing of having such ability since I was in school. Imagine being able to jump from Rome to China, and then to London in a matter of seconds. And imagine the traffic jam that can be avoided if I can just teleport myself to work. How cool is that..??! Anyway, enough about teleporting for now. What I want to talk about is HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN.

I LOVE him in the Jumper. He was SO good-looking. Kind of cheeky, but in a good way. Yes I saw him in Star Wars as Anakin Skywalker, but I didn’t really like him. I mean, yes I like him (he had a good body in Star Wars III – Revenge of the Sith) but not as much as I like him as David Rice in the Jumper.

In the Jumper, he wore a long jacket. His hair was trimmed short so you can’t really see them as flowy and curly (I don’t like guys who have curly hair – remember JT during the N’Sync days?). And he looked more mature compared to his Anakin days. His body, though not as beautiful and beefed up as when he was Anakin in the third Star Wars, was rather heavy-built, and developed nicely into that of a man. I like it. His smiles, his laughs, his sadness, his seriousness and of course I fall in love with his eyes. His eyes are just like those when he was in Star Wars; piercing and very focused. I like them. I like him. I like Hayden. He looked good. I just want to hug him and be teleported anywhere in the world with him. Hehehe… OK, my dearest Bie is just going to have to bear with me for the next couple of days until my crush with Hayden is within my control. Just like when he had to endure my feelings for Neo (Keanu Reeves in The Matrix), Clark (Brendan Routh in Superman), Lincoln 2 Echo (Ewan McGregor in The Island), Will Turner (Orlando Bloom in Pirates) and many others. Hehehehe… what to do?

To me Hayden is a very talented actor. I saw him in Life As A House alongside Kevin Kline as his father and I thought he was very good. He was still very young then. But I think at that time, the second Star Wars episode was already out. Not too sure. Anyway, he played this troublesome teenager who was involved in drugs and some bad company. He in the end helped his father built a house. After Life As A House, I sort of have been on a lookout for him, coz I think he’s very good (but I haven’t seen Shattered Glass or Awake – hhmm.. will look up for the DVDs). He definitely has a chance of making it big in Hollywood. I really want to see him in other movies soon and I hope he looks just as good as David Rice.

Tired of Waiting

I actually have a paper to do, but am TOO lazy to do it. I have outlined the framework, but to put it on paper; with proper paragraphings and sentences just require TOO much thinking. And considering that it was already approaching 5.30pm, I just couldn’t make myself to start doing it. Oh well. It’ll have to be tomorrow, when I’m all fresh and everything.

I am waiting for my dearest Bie to pick me up from work. These days, he often comes late to pick me up. I know that sometimes when I have work to do, he had to wait in the car for me. There was one time; he had to wait for an hour for me. Thank goodness he was patient. Well, he did have some sarcastic remarks for me, but they were usually dropped after I got into the car with him.

Truthfully, I am getting tired of waiting. I know I have to be fair as he also waits for me sometimes. But these days, I rarely go back while the sun is still up. It’s all very tiring. Having just one car when you’re used to having two cars can cause a lot of headaches. I am happy that he’s picking me up. In fact I cherish our moments in the car together because that’ll be the times that we could usually talk without the interference of the kids, but it’s the waiting that is getting to me. Sometimes he has to meet people. And his discussions would end quite late. So I have to wait in the office for him. And by the time he arrived, all of my colleagues had already left. It can get quite creepy especially when there’s no one left at the office except for me. The office boy who usually locks the office would be elsewhere, lepak-ing at the stall somewhere drinking teh tarik.

Anyway, enough about this waiting issue. It’s just me… sharing my tiredness of waiting.

My kids are such a handful these days. Marsya is VERY tempremental. I can’t even reprimand her because she would curl up in a sitting position, put her head down with her arms entwining about her head and start wailing. Wailing to the point that I feel like smacking her. It is very challenging to the mind and the body, especially if you’ve had a tiring day. Her screaming always gets to me that sometimes I had to grit my teeth and refrain myself from hitting her. But when my patience is really challenged, I just smack her legs and leave her to cry for a good few minutes.

Like last night, she didn’t want to sleep with her Abi. She wanted to sleep with me. It was past 2am. Raqib was already asleep. I told her to sleep next to me on the bed but she started crying refusing to sleep on the bed. She wanted to sleep outside (in front of the TV) with me. Her being noisy woke her little brother up, who is a VERY light sleeper by the way. He started crying. So I have two kids wailing at the top of their lungs at 2am in the morning. I ignored her and quickly tend to my baby. He just wanted to be breastfed (that always does the trick as he will quickly fall asleep after that). My dearest Bie had to take Marsya outside in his attempt to make her sleep. But it was pointless. Later, when Bie wanted to put her in her crib, she refused to sleep there. Instead, she wanted to sleep next to me, on the bed. So there we were. All four sleeping on the queen-sized bed.

But my kids are still my kids. Even how irritated I am with them, I enjoy their company very much. Their smiles and antics are always the first things that are on my mind whenever I feel stressed with life and work. Oh well. That’s life for you.

Here I’d like to share some memorable pictures of them.

Umi loves you both VERY MUCH. Mmuuahhhss..!!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

I am on leave tomorrow. Reason being, I have arranged to have a day out with the Gurls. It’s like going to work expect that I won’t be at work. Instead I’ll be at the Mid Valley or The Garden the whole day, hanging out with them, catch a movie and have long lunches. Truthfully, I can’t wait to meet them. I think I haven’t met them in ages. Yes I did see them (well, some of them only) during my brother’s wedding, but we didn’t get to hang out much because I was basically busy entertaining guests and running here and there. And that was only Pah, Yamm, Zha and Min. The others couldn’t make it. Prior to that, I think the last time I saw them was in PD. Hhmm… I think that was months ago. So yes, I am looking forward to see them. We’ve been planning this for more than a month now. The only not-nice thing is that not ALL can make it. So end up, there’ll only be four of us tomorrow. Oh well.

We plan to call it a day at about 5.30pm because we were adamant to make it like as if we went to work (even though we didn’t). But my day doesn’t end there. I have also made other plans to meet my homies at a karaoke centre in Ampang where we will be singing our hearts out in view of the recent Anugerah Juara Lagu. My homies are my girlfriends at work. All are younger than me (I know..!!) and only one of them are still single. But out of the four, only one of us has kids and that would be ME. I am a little excited. I have already booked a medium room and plan to buy a bucket of KFC to enjoy while singing. We can bring food to this karaoke centre so of course I’m going to ensure that food will be there. So yes, I can’t wait for that as well.

But my fun doesn’t stop there. The next day, a bunch of my Seremban friends are coming over to the house for brunch. This was also something that was planned for quite a while. We haven’t met up with one another for AGES. I think the last time we met was during raya last year. So yes, I am also looking forward to meet up with them. Lin is bringing nasi goreng, whereas Elly is going to bring daging masak assam pedas and caramel. I can’t wait for that. As for me, I don’t know what to cook yet. Elly suggested I prepare some fried vegetables and eggs or fried chicken. Hhmm… I don’t know. We’ll see.

The next day, which is a Saturday, I received an invitation from a former colleague to go to her house for her son’s birthday party. And since she is such a dear friend, I will definitely go to her house. Besides, I think I am the only one who hasn’t gone to her house yet. She also invited a few of our other friends whom we fondly refer to as the Gang of Six.

So yes, I am looking forward to the days ahead. I know I am married and all, and have two kids, but that doesn’t stop me from having fun. I feel that fun should not be restricted just because you have kids. You should have time for yourself and of course with the kids. That somehow makes me sane. That was one of the reasons why I suggested taking leave to have a day out with the Gurls. So at least my weekend will solely be for the kids. After all, weekends are the only time that I could get to spend some quality time with the kids.

So for all women out there, married with kids especially, MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. After a hard day’s work, it doesn’t hurt to splash a few RM and time just to pamper yourself.

Let’s have fun..!!

The Wedding In Seremban

I had wanted to update what went on during the wedding at my parent’s house, but I never seemed to find the time to draft it. Besides, I needed the right mood to capture the event.

The wedding at our side I must say was superb (I’m biased.. I know). The pelamin was beautiful than the one at the bride’s house, and the guests were many. My brother and his wife were also beautiful. The clothes which were songket were beautiful, and the bride’s make-up was also beautiful (compared to the bride’s house). As Ayah has many friends, his guests include various VIPs (whom I didn’t recognize at all, so how was I supposed to know they were Tan Sris or Datuks – one Datuk complained that she didn’t get the bunga telur and ‘door gift’) as well as the old and current MB.

It was tiring. Imagine that we didn’t finish with the ‘door-gift’ for the guests even on the actual wedding day itself. So that morning, we had to quickly finish off the bunga telur so that we could distribute to all guests that came.

I wasn’t even dressed (or bathed for that matter) until it was nearly 12pm. After that, it was just rushing here and there. As my parents had to greet the guests whereas my brothers and husband were usherers, I had to act like the event-coordinator. So I was running here and there, making sure that certain things are done and/or given to the appropriate persons. I pity my little one as I couldn’t entertain him as much. Luckily there were many volunteers from my relatives to hold him and feed him. I stopped once in a while to breastfeed him, but other than that, I could be found in the kitchen, underneath the tent and inside the newly-weds room.

The entourage from my brother’s wife’s side came a bit late. In fact later than as programmed in the invitation card. They wanted to perform their Zohor prayers first and I could perfectly understand that. When they arrived, I was among the first to greet them and invited them to the house near the pelamin for the tepung tawar event. All of them sat in front of the pelamin. The emcee for the day did his job. He called the bride’s parents first to do the tepung tawar followed by her other close relatives. The last couple to tepung tawar was of course my parents. Then we invited them for lunch. We in fact reserved a few tables for their side so that when they came, foods were already guaranteed for them. The parents and other close members of the bride’s family sat at the newly-weds’ table. I have to admit that our caterer did a really good job. She made sure that the serving of the food for them was tip-top; so no room for complaint there.

The foods were good. I especially liked the beef rendang. For someone who doesn’t take beef, I sure ate the beef rendang a lot. Others were the normal chicken korma, dalca, etc. Ayah also had his famous Teh Tarik Corner with cendol and other kuih-muih (from crispy delicacies to sweet kuih kuaci). And there was also ice-cream. I had a tub, but before I could finish it, I was called to meet my parents’ guests. When I returned to the table to retrieve my ice-cream, it was already gone. Those boys sure were efficient in collecting dirty plates and cups including my half-eaten tub of ice-cream.

I think I only sat down to rest at about 5pm. There were still guests about, but since my parents were there to entertain them, I just let them be. I was just tired. We wanted to sing (there was karaoke there), but we were too shy because there were still plenty of guests around. So, we didn’t sing anything. As for me, I just sat there and played with my baby.

As usual, that night, Ayah invited his close friends and neighbours to the house. There is this informal ritual that Ayah likes to perform after the wedding reception during the day. It all began from my wedding five years ago. Well basically, that night, we had another event at the house. Lucky draws (Ayah managed to get about 8 to 10 hampers and several small gifts), birthday cake-cutting (collectively celebrated as there were many of us who were born in January including my daughter Marsya and Ibu) and performances by ‘professional’ performers like my dearest Bie, my brother, his friends and my Maksu (karaoke went on till midnight).

It was fun. We sang, we ate and drank more teh tarik. Bie and I also performed a duet together. We sang ‘Doa Buat Kekasih’ originally performed by Ramli Sarip and Khatijah Ibrahim. And for those who know me upfront, my performance was somewhat fun. Well, I danced while singing (more like swaying my body to the left and right) and held on to Bie’s arm as a show of affection. My new sis-in-law thought my voice was good. Hehehe… kembanglah aku. I thought it was cute.

All and all, the event ended at midnight. By that time, I was already in the room, trying to make Raqib go to sleep. Marsya was just too excited playing with her little aunts whereas Bie and my other brothers were hanging out with their friends while drinking teh tarik. The neighbours had long left. The house wasn’t so much of a mess because most of the event was held outside, on the porch. Luckily we used caterers instead of cooking the food ourselves. But the kitchen and dining area was a bit of a mess. By that time, I didn’t bother much. All I know was that I wanted to go to sleep.

I was pleased. The wedding went smoothly. Even if there were hiccups here and there, they weren’t noticeable. So it was alright. So yeah, the next wedding will perhaps take place in another five years time (by the looks of it since my youngest brother had already introduced his girlfriend to the whole family.. imagine his boldness), but still a long way to go.

Tagged: Pic In My Wallet / Purse / Handbag

I have been tagged by a dear friend (who else but Pah) to share with her (and the rest of the world too) of a picture that I may keep in my wallet, purse or handbag (collectively defined as “Purse”). The tag is basically another way to know the personality and/or character of a person just by the picture(s) that he or she has in her Purse.

Before I began to answer to the tag, I opened up my Purse hoping to find a picture or something that somehow defines me. There was that little part of me who was confident that I have a picture of my family and/or the kids tucked somewhere in my Purse. Imagine my disappointment to discover that I don’t. I do not have a picture of my loved ones in my Purse.

Come to think of it, I have never been a person who keeps pictures in her Purse. Yes I have a picture of Bie in it. But that’s only because it was imprinted on our kad kawin (as proof that we’re married in case we get caught spending the nights at a hotel somewhere; particulary useful when you don’t have ‘excess baggage’ in your arms – kids lah. But now that I have my two wonderful kids with me, the card no longer serves much purpose, I think, well maybe useful in circumstances which I can’t think of at the moment). Other than that, I have a lot of rubbish in my Purse. Receipts, statements, business cards, Jusco member card, IC, driving license, ING Insurance cards, etc, etc. But NO family picture.

Before I start using this pink Purse, in my old Purse, I used to keep a picture of my friends in Newcastle. It was one of the Raya gatherings at Boo’s house (Yamm, for the life of me, I can’t remember her real name). All my Gurl friends were there. Then there was that handsome Mamak guy (I can’t remember his name) who likes Prada bags and was always into designer clothes, bags and shoes. And also that rich Bangladeshi fellow; remember Pah he used to be our course-mate. And also that cute pony-tailed Indonesian fellow who now I think looks like Dato’ Fadzilah Kamsah. I particularly like that picture. Everyone was grinning happily. I think it still is in my old Purse. I haven’t transferred it into my new Purse. But then, I think it should just stay there. New Purse means new pictures.

So yes, I will be looking through cute family pictures and putting it in my Purse soon. Perhaps the one taken during my brother’s wedding. There was this very cute picture of four of us on the pelamin. My aunties were being cheeky saying that I was dreaming of being newly-weds when for the fact was, we had excess baggage (my kids lah) in our arms. I didn’t mind. I think it’s the best picture ever. I will load it up soon when I have access to it.

Do mobile phones count? I’ve got pictures of my kids there. But I don’t think I’ve got pictures of Bie. Hhmm… I wonder what that means.

Skeptical I May Be

It is nearly a year since Bie left his job to start doing on his own. I was heavily pregnant with Raqib at that time and was very worried that he was going to stop working the 9am to 5pm job and start on his own. He was worried as well. He was stressed. He had stubbles in his face and he rarely laughed or smiled. He was always thinking. Whenever I saw him, his face was always one of that who was thinking deep; probably thinking of what was to come if he had no fixed income. Or probably thinking whether he could make it on his own. I was very worried. We needed the money. I was in my final trimester. We needed money for the delivery, not to mention the monthly house instalment which reached to about RM1,200 each month. My salary isn’t very big. Yes I could cover groceries and other bills, but to pay the extra RM1,200 each month was something that really bugged me. But Bie went ahead and tendered his resignation. Of course he was sick before he tendered. He had the fever and was always having headaches. The fear of not getting a fixed income was getting to him, I guess.

But Allah is mighty great. About a month after he left his job, I received my bonus. I also managed to liquidate a few stocks so that I could have the cash to cover the whole family’s expenses. As for my maternity, because of the hemmorhoid operation post-delivery, my ING was able to cover the cost of my staying at the hospital and of course the operation. I was lucky there. So we managed. Cut a bit of stuff here and there, and we managed to sustain the cashflow – Alhamdulillah. Yes we couldn’t spend lavishly as we had wanted to, but we somehow managed. If I felt like eating out at fancy places, there’re always the credit cards. I just have to make sure that I don’t miss my monthly credit card payments.

During the course of Bie’s non-fixed employment, he was always running here and there, trying to secure jobs or find small time contractors to help him in doing jobs. Out of all the so-called jobs that his company was supposed to do, I only saw ONE job that gave us some returns. One very small job involving beautifying the kawasan kubur of Mont Kiara. Others gave him nothing. He received many various (possible) jobs but there are always the issues of trying to secure them, and of course mobilization fund, or what Bie usually refers to, “duit minyak”. With no mobilization fund upfront, how are you going to take up the job and do it? His partner was waiting for some funds from out of the country whereby upon the drawdown of these funds, a percentage of it will be disbursed to Bie’s company. But that talk has been around for ages, and till now, the funds are not really showing any positive signs. Luckily throughout this whole thing, we somehow managed.

So when he brought to my attention yesterday that he got a job from EPU, doing some project in Kedah, I was a bit skeptical. He was very enthusiastic though. He had wanted to let me in on it for quite a while, but he wanted to surprise me. So he was keeping quiet about it and didn’t say a word to me about this particular project.

He showed me the letter that the Kedah’s state official bestowed on his company, and that the next step was to meet the MB to get his blessings. I remained calm. In fact, nothing went in my head. I kept on thinking whether it was real or not, and whether this was just another one of his huge potential projects that up till now, none has materialized. I have become very skeptical. I wanted to be happy for him. I do. But I could not run away from the skepticism. It’s like the Jerry McGuire movie when Cuba Gooding Jr’s character asked Tom Cruise to repeat after him, “SHOW ME THE MONEY”. No money, how can one possibly be productive?

He looked at me, wanting a positive reaction. But I couldn’t. I just sat there and stared into space. How can I be enthusiastic for him when I am not able to see anything? A letter from some big hot shots meant nothing until money starts flowing in. When that happens, then can I smile, hug him and whisper words of congratulation. But right now, right at this moment, my level of enthusiasm is not at par with his so how can I possibly fake it and be happy about it.

Don’t get me wrong, however. I am happy that now he finally has something to look forward to. So he’s not reaching out for empty promises anymore. He’s going to be pretty busy for the next two weeks wanting to lay down the structure and how to go on about this. Just last night, he had a long meeting with his two other partners and two associates.

I really hope that this works. I pity seeing him running here and there. Besides, I need a break myself. I just need to rest mentally and physically. I haven’t been able to do that in a long time.

I pray for Bie’s success and hope that this time round, this new project that he’s working on will materialize soon.

Happy Birthday Marsya

(Thanks Pah.. I love the card)

Today is Marsya Hazirah’s birthday. She is three years old. I can’t believe how time flies. She was just a baby when I first laid eyes on her; a small baby all wrapped up in the hospital’s baby napkin with eyes closed, sleeping. And now, look at her. She’s all grown up.

Marsya likes to call herself Kak Long. I don’t know where she gets it from. I guess friends at Maksu’s place keep on calling her that, so the name Kak Long just sort of stick with her. She is still wearing the diapers (I am trying to teach her to not wear it, but it can be very testing), and still asks for her susu-milo (little does she know I opt for Sustagen, the chocolate flavour to replace the milo).

She can be VERY verbal these days. It’s actually tiring and fun at the same time whenever I have to converse with her. It’s always, “Tak nak kawan dengan Umi”, or “Kak Long nak gi swimming”, or “Umi, tengok Abi”, or “Kak Long nak tinggal dengan Uwan” (when she doesn’t want to come back with me but want to stay with Maksu), or “Umi, Laqib sepak Kak Long”, or “Umi tak marah Kak Long kan” or “Kakak nak ikut”, or “Laqib ada siput, Kak Long ada sunflower” or “Umi, Abi cakap bodoh. Tak baik kan, nanti Allah jentik telinga” and the list goes on and on. Fun? YES… adorably fun. The things that come out from her mouth these days can be something which is out of the ordinary. And I look forward to hear what she has to say.

Well, that’s my daughter for you. I love her a lot and I pray the best for her always.

UMI LOVES YOU MARSYA HAZIRAH. Take care darling...

My Brother Is A Married Man

Last Thursday, we had a small kenduri doa selamat at my parents’ house in conjunction with my brother’s wedding the following day. Bie and I (after much persistence from Ayah) decided to also do a cukur jambul event for Raqib on that, capitalizing on the kenduri for my brother. The fact that the kenduri happened to fall on our 5th wedding anniversary, I also took the opportunity for the doa recitals to be ‘donated’ for the happiness of our marriage.

The next morning, everyone was bustling in the house, getting ready to leave for Pahang. My brother reserved a few rooms at a local resthouse and Ayah wanted to leave early so that we would have ample time to get ready in time for the akad nikah session after Maghrib. There were a lot of rushing here and there, but finally we got everyone ready and left my parents’ house at about 1pm. There were about 5 cars from Seremban. A few more cars met us half way on the way to Pahang.

We reached the resthouse at about 4pm. The hantaran were placed in my parents’ room so that they could be given last minute touch up. My daughter had forgotten about me, thanks to my little cousins. Marsya had so many aunts looking out for her that she didn’t want to bother herself with me. Raqib on the other hand, didn’t want to let me out of his sight. At about 6pm, everyone was busy getting ready. I had to look for Marsya and carry her to the bathroom to bathe her.

At about 7.45pm, everyone was already downstairs at the parking lot waiting for the groom. My brother walked down the stairs. He looked so dashing in his cream baju melayu which was embroidered at the neck and the sleeves, with a cream sampin and a songkok on his head. Suddenly I felt emotional. I had tears in my eyes when I saw him. Though he looked nervous, he was happy. Flashes of chubby face and him wearing my dress when we were small cropped up in my head. I turned my head away and focused on holding the heavy cake.

We reached the bride’s house at about 8pm. Unfortunately the Tok Imam was not there yet. He wanted to perform his solat Isyak first. So we waited at the house. My brother looked very nervous. I could see it in his face. Once in a while he would smile, when the Tok Ketua Kampung jested with him. Others around him may see him as very calm. But I know him. He was a nervous wreck. But he recited a few zikir to calm himself down. I could see that too. When the Tok Imam finally arrived, everyone smiled with anticipation knowing what was to come.

My brother seated himself opposite the Tok Imam. He had a glass of water and waited patiently. My dearest Bie sat next to him. Giving him comfort in view of what was to come. A few messages and advices were exchanged especially the recital of the khutbah nikah, not to mention the practice session (for the akad to take place) and soon after, the actual akad nikah occurred.

The Tok Imam held out his hand and called my brother’s name. My brother accepted the hand.

“Aku nikahkan dikau dengan… tunai”.

“Aku terima nikahnya…. tunai”. The witnesses nodded their heads indicating that it was sah. And that was it. My brother was a married man. He took a glass of water to take a sip and his hands where shaking. The rest was history.

Ibu introduced her new daughter-in-law to our relatives. We exchanged hugs and kisses, while the new husband and wife took some photos at the hantaran. Then we were ushered to have our dinner.

I was so hungry because I only had mee curry during the day at the rest area before we arrived Pahang. But unfortunately there was only a little rice left. Even the lauk was not replenished. So there were not many foods to eat. The men had food (but very little, mind you somehow the dishes weren’t replenished) but the women didn’t. So we loitered around waiting for the food. We would expect that the host would attend to us immediately, but imagine our horror when no one came to ask our well-being. Some of my aunties were already upset. One of them started to complain rather loud. Ibu kept quiet and did not say a word. There were plans to leave the function and eat at nearby restaurants. I don’t know how long we waited, but no one came to us to say anything. I was mad. But I kept cool. My aunts were making noises. The father of the bride approached Ibu and asked whether we have eaten to which one of my aunts said, “Macamana nak makan. Nasi tak ada” roughly translated, “What to eat when there’s no rice”. The father was slightly embarrassed and immediately went to the back area of the house.

We waited again. I don’t really know how long we waited, but I felt that it was eternity. Finally the rice came. The lauk were also replenished. The host even fried some eggs for us. One of the hosts (I think it’s the bride’s sister-in-law) apologized for the delay and ushered us to have our dinner. So finally we ate. Luckily the lauk was good. But by that time, I was having stomach ache. So I couldn’t really enjoy the lauk. But get this, the mother didn’t even come out to check on us. In fact, she even changed into her kaftan while we were still around.

After that, we took pictures with the new couple, had coffee and headed back to the resthouse. It was past 11.30pm. I pity my brother though. He didn’t eat anything until it was after 12am after all the photo-taking was over. I mean, not to compare or anything, but when I got married last time, right after the akad nikah where all the guests were invited for dinner, my side (the host at that time) prepared food for us (Bie and I) to eat because they knew that the night was still long and they wouldn’t want us to go hungry.

The next day was the actual reception. At about noon, we headed towards the bride’s house. We were asked to wait at a house opposite the bride’s while the new couple got ready. Then we walked around the block to walk with the groom for the groom to meet his bride. This time around, I didn’t wait around. I immediately went to eat. At first I waited with Ibu at the bride’s house. But no one seemed to be saying anything to us. The new couple was being rejoiced and tepung tawar by the guests, but NO ONE called my parents; the groom’s parents to tepung tawar. So we waited and waited. I was mad. So I went out of the house and walked towards the tent. I was hungry and I wanted to eat.

While I was eating, the Mak Andam looked for me and told me to eat at the special table with the bride and the groom. But I was in the middle of eating already. I couldn’t possibly leave my food and eat at another table. So I finished my food and thereafter walked to the special table. My parents were eating. So were some of my other aunts. Ayah insisted that I joined them even though I had eaten. So I sat at the table and ate (again… I know..), but I didn’t take rice. I ate fried prawns, pekedil (very nice) and some desserts. It was alright.

After that, we took pictures. I understand later that they did call my parents for the tepung tawar, but it was after all the bride’s side have done theirs. And it wasn’t even the host that called upon my parents to do that, it was the Mak Andam.

We left at about 3pm. It was hot and everyone was tired. We bid farewell to the host. Mind you that the mother didn’t even bid us farewell. Ibu had to seek her out to say goodbye. It’s like as if she is only into my brother, but not the whole family. I don’t know. That could just be my feeling and I might be wrong. Oh well…

So the next reception will be at my parents’ in Seremban. I hope it’ll be a smooth-sailing event. After what happened in Pahang, I know that Ayah will take EXTRA care to entertain his future besan. After all, we have to learn to respect our guests, right.

Meanwhile, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE..!!

The Wedding Is Finally Here

My brother is finally getting hitched this Friday. The akad nikah will be carried out at the house of the parents’ bride in Pahang. My brother has already reserved some rooms at a nearby resthouse. I think he booked about eight rooms.

Come to think of it, I think he has spent a lot for this wedding. Note that he has been paying for everything, from the mak andam (which I think should be paid by the bride’s side, I mean it’s only natural… but, hhmm.. I don’t know what the agreement was between him and the fiancée) to the room in which the mak andam will stay. I pity him. After all the fiancée just started working, so I don’t think she would have a lot of savings to cater for her wedding, unless her parents helped out. So I guess in the event that my brother has to fork out first, I’m sure that’s just what he did. Oh well, he’s a big boy now. He should know how to manage his finances.

I have always thought that the wedding is still a long way a way. But last Monday, I woke up feeling a little nervous. The akad nikah is THIS Friday..!! Time sure flies fast when you don’t realize it. I immediately called him up relaying my nervousness and concerns. Surprisingly, he sounded quite relaxed. Despite the unfortunate events that went on during the preparation of his wedding (the fiancée’s nikah dress couldn’t be ready on time, was among them, thanks to the stupid sister of the mak andam who promised to deliver the dress tip-top, but because she had a fall out with her mak andam sister, she’s been badmouthing the sister behind her back and asking my brother’s fiancée to look for another mak andam at about three weeks before the wedding..!! How STUPID was that. I blame the stupid, irritating and menyusahkan supposedly tailor-sister). So yeah, we’re having this wedding and by the end of this year, I am going to have a sister-in-law.

I’m supposed to help out wherever I can, but somehow I don’t know why I feel so lazy to go back home. I pity my brother for having to face these difficulties alone. I guess I’m supposed to share the difficulties with him, but my mind is just so tired. So rather than face the difficulties and entertain them, I sought to ignore them completely and went about my family affairs which involve manning two very lasak kids and a husband. One would think that I would be completely busy at this point in time, well truthfully, I’m not. What needs to be done has already been done (well for my part at least) so I figure why should I interfere with the wedding preparation. My Acik is supervising the whole thing, and of course my parents too. Ayah keep on calling me now and then to ask this and ask that, but I just close my eyes, reply his every query, say goodbye and went back on to doing my chores. It’s terrible isn’t it? Oh well, I guess when the actual wedding happen, then I’ll know. And that’s just around the corner.

Please don’t get me wrong. I look forward to the wedding, I do. I can’t wait to have a sister-in-law (I do you know, even though I opposed to it earlier), but… I don’t know. All these preparations and whatever nonsenses that goes with them, thinking about them just make me feel very tired. I just hope that the wedding goes smoothly and that there’ll be no hiccups. I truly hope so.

I am also taking this opportunity to invite friends (who happen to frequent the blog or just visiting) to come to the wedding reception. Our side will be held on 5 January 2008 in Seremban. Please leave a message if you’re interested and I’ll email the invitation card.