Tired Lah Today

I am so not up to be doing anything today. I just feel so tired. Deprive of sleep even though I think I slept quite enough. Well, at this age and time considering my current condition, six to seven hours of sleep should be sufficient. I seriously want more, but too bad. I just do not have the luxury.

I have so many things to do. A board paper to be finalized by tomorrow (first draft), a letter (BM version), and my PMS form. All of them by tomorrow. I dislike doing PMS form. I know it’s important, but I just do not have the heart to do it. Especially when there are certain KPIs which have not been met yet. I hate this KPI thingy. Everything is so individual-oriented that people will do anything to ensure that their KPIs are achieved, even if it means trampling other people’s heads. It’s just not the way I do things. I am more of a team-oriented person. I believe that output and solutions are better when done in teams. Oh well, you can’t have it all.

I don’t like to b@#%h about work, but sometimes I just need to let it out of my system. I don’t believe in staying back very late in the office just so that I can finish certain things (unless they’re really urgent and is required first thing the next morning). I have kids. I want to go home to them. It’s bad enough that during the day, the maid looks after them. So in the evenings, I want to be there for them. To cuddle them, and talk to them, and entertain whatever requests they have (though it can be very cumbersome, but they deserve my attention… pity my kids). Though I don’t work late like some of my other colleagues, my usual ‘home-time’ is about 7-ish. So yes, I usually leave the office around that time every day. Kasihan kan my kids? Bear in mind that the office closes at 5.30pm.

Today will also be like one of those days. I think I’m going to leave at 8pm. I have to. In fact, I was supposed to go for training starting from Wednesday to Friday. But because of unfinished work, I can’t. It’s such a loss really because people say this training that I am supposed to attend is really good. Heck, a colleague of mine came back wearing a tudung. So I suppose it must be really good. One needs some soul cleansing after a while. I know I do. I’m not terrible. But I am after all human. Humans make a LOT of mistakes. But since I can’t go, well not this time at least, then I wouldn’t know. Too bad kan. Sayang…

Now I can barely open my eyes. I think it probably has to do with the visit to the dentist yesterday (well, actually it’s not related whatsoever, but I still want to blame it on my visit to the dentist). The dentist said my wisdom tooth needs a filling. So she did the filling. But the filling was temporary and that I was supposed to come back to her in 2 weeks time to decide whether to extract the wisdom tooth out. She said there was no point leaving it there coz it serves no purpose. And keeping it will only result in more food being stuck there resulting in plaque and bacteria-breeding. So, now I have to decide. I know that by the end of the day, I might need to have it removed. It doesn’t really hurt at the moment. But it affects the gums at that area. The dentist said I’ve got gums problem. I was a bit offensive. I mean, who wouldn’t right. The mouth area and whatever inside it, is very sacred, and here’s the dentist saying I’ve got gums problem. Well, not the whole of the gums, but the gums near the wisdom tooth. Oh heck.. I have just got to decide, and that is to remove it. Even how painful it will be. Look at me. Rambling about tooth issue. Stop..

Conclusion.. I am just so very tired today. I want to go home…

Tembam, Berisi.. You Mean, Fat?

I have officially gained weight. I haven’t weighed myself, but I think my clothes spoke for themselves. After Eid, my weight just seems to ‘mencanak-canak’ naik. This is actually a bad thing. I am not supposed to gain weight, well not much anyway. I remember the days when I used to eat almost anything, excessively and I did not gain any weight. These days, I still eat the same amount of food, BUT my weight has also increased. Blame it on childbirth, yeah.. I’ve endured two labours and had my weight increased by 17kg. But there are also other women out there who have experienced numerous childbirths, but still have not gained much weight. Or perhaps the slower metabolisme rate now that I have entered into the 30’s realm. Oh man.. it’s just me. I love food. I love to eat. Maybe I have to start eating something to control my appetite. But that wouldn’t be me. I don’t like the idea of eating pills to curb my appetite and control my food in-take.

Why am I feeling that I’ve gone fat? How do I know this? Well, let’s just say that I have some very honest friends. Aarrgghh…!! How do I deal with this? Stop eating altogether? Nope.. that wouldn’t be me. No rice, no bread, no wheat or pasta, no coconut gravy food, no sugar, no chocolate, no ice-cream, no mayonnaise, no cheese, no fried food [and I can go on and on and on…]. I don’t know if I can live like that. But, I know I have to do something. At least so that I’ll fit in nicely into my clothes, so that bits and pieces do not stick out unnecessarily. Yes.. I do have bits and pieces. Not really that nice looking, I can assure you, especially when the pants’ waist suddenly became a bit too tight. Or it suddenly became a bit difficult to pull the pants up, near the butt area. Hehehehe…

Yesterday I had lunch at Delicous, Bangsar Village II. I had a Rueben Classic (basically a beef sandwich, with pickles and melted cheese – really nice, and the bread was toasted and grilled by the looks of it), and many side dishes which were shared among the six of us. Well, the side dishes are basically a Shepherd’s pie, Wedges with sour sauce, Roasted Tomato on Bruschetta, and Fried Calamari. I basically finished off most of them. Then of course we sampled from each other’s plates. The steak was nice. Really thick and juicy. The Fish and Chips were ok (I finished Yanti’s fish). And the pasta was ok. I like the Salmon Carbonarra. So macam mana tak gained weight? Of course my friends like to see I eat. They say I make the foods look really good and delicious. And they could spend a few minutes just looking at me eating. What can I say, I’m food fetish. I know I’ve got to put a stop to it. At least reduce about 50 percent of what I am currently consuming. But it’s so hard…!! [sigh]..

So yes I am quite tembam these days. Heck my daughter remarked something the other day which will make me remember it forever and ever, “Kak Long tak nak gemuk macam Umi”, roughly translated, “I don’t want to be fat like Umi”. Can you imagine my three coming to four year-old daughter said that? Kids these days are just so direct. During my days, if I were to say such things (well, not as young as three or four, but at least ten), Ibu will ‘carut’ me and say, “Cili mulut tu karang”, roughly translated as it is intended to mean, “I’ll put blazing hot chilli in your mouth if you say that”. Hehehehe.. a bit of a mouthful isn’t it, compared to the BM one. Ibu is one very ‘garang’ mother back then. I’ll probably share with all on how ‘garang’ Ibu was in future blog updates.

Anyway, I have to do something about the weight. I still want to look good in them. I don’t want to wear clothes that seemed to burst open when I put them on, metaphorically speaking of course. Or maybe this is actually a sign from God that I should start covering where appropriate. Hhmm… I don’t know. I guess it’s something that I should also be thinking about. Not now though.