The Secret Keeper

Sometimes I wonder whether I have a face of a person who can actually keep secrets. Well, I’m not saying that I’m perfect that I am really good at keeping secrets, after all I’m only human, but people are somehow drawn into telling me their most inner secrets. Sometimes, they don’t really say that it’s a secret, but the things they tell me makes me obligated not to tell any other person. I don’t know why. I guess it’s the stories told. Or the way that the stories are told. I don’t know. But somehow or rather, I am obliged to keep them as secrets.

You’d be amazed at the many things that people tell me. I don’t even coax it out of them. They just tell me because they simply want to share the stories with me. The first time a virginity is lost, molest stories, seduction stories, backstabbing stories, etc, etc. It’s just weird that they would actually want to share them with me. Not that I mind, for I so do not mind it, but it does makes me wonder. Is it because of my face? Do I look like a counselor? A psychiatrist even? Well I do know that I had wanted to take up Psychology at college, but Ayah opposed of it. Ayah said that I wouldn’t know what to do with such a degree and that it was just not worthwhile. So I took up the normal Business degree. But looking back, I think I would have made a lot of money if I had taken up Psychology, if of course I am based overseas, especially the US because there seems to be a lot of troubled people there. Better still, Hollywood. I think I’d be cool and I’d have many celebrity patients. Hehehe.. what am I thinking.

Back to the main issue, for now, I will just listen wherever necessary. People tell, I listen. People seek advice or opinions, I give. It’s as simple as that. I feel like ‘Dear Ms Mel’ though, but at times only. Other than that, I enjoy listening to their stories. It opens up the person to a whole new side which I never know existed.

Nemo or Gamat

My Hommies and I were talking during lunch about Nemo and Gamat.

Nemo being characteristics of a man who seems harmless enough but is actually flirtatious and easily falls for a woman IF the woman tries her charms on him. Who look innocent and also a family-loving man, but if given the opportunity, will actually do the impossible that even the wife herself would not believe. In other words, dia ni cepat perasan lah jugak.

Gamat is seen as a man, who is flirtatious, enjoys life and the company of good-looking women, but when an opportunity arises, he is not bothered with it, and end up doing other things which is totally the opposite of that particular opportunity. He is not easily charmed by a woman’s appeal, though he enjoys the moment spent with her. But there are always boundaries. And the Gamat type of man knows that. So he never oversteps the boundary. He knows that it’s not healthy.

It is difficult to actually identify whether the man is a Nemo or a Gamat. I know certain man who enjoys harmless flirts, but by the end of the day, it’s just about having fun. They don’t think about it. They don’t dwell on it. And the next day when he comes across similar opportunities, he just knows how to control himself.

But a man will always be a man. Even how strong a man is, if the temptation is just too hard for him to overcome, he might just fall, right? Or get side-tracked, even for a bit. I don’t know. It’s difficult to find a man who does not fall into the seductive trappings of a sexy woman. Especially if it is the woman herself who conjures up the plans and traps for him. A woman who is a Master in the art of seduction. I suppose, even how hard he controls himself, at one point or another, he might let himself ago. I guess it always boils back to faith. So if one experiences internal conflict, one should always refer to Him. It’s the only way.

Whatever it is, I enjoy the company of both Nemo and Gamat. Both are different and attractive in their own ways. And I am not bashful to admit that (which is something I shouldn’t be admitting to). Bukan admitted to having flings or affairs with them, ok. God forbids, minta dijauhkan … more towards having a good time with them. Kawan-kawan only, what. Besides, I know who I am. These Nemos and Gamats VERY rarely look at me as a potential ‘sexy woman’ who likes to trap and charm men. I am neither that. Trust me. But, I am ATTRACTIVE…!! Hehehehe… [that’s me, being perasan].

Now back to work.. [sigh]…

Last Minute Baru Nak Comment

I am currently doing this circular which we need to circulate to our shareholders at the forthcoming AGM, which will be the first for us since we just got listed last year. It’s on Recurrent Transactions.. boring stuff. Anyway, what pisses me off, is that, the circular is about to be completed, and suddenly, at the last minute, comments from nowhere start pouring in. Company Secretaries from God knows where suddenly have comments of their own. Questioning why certain things are done like that, or why aren’t we lumping certain transactions into one (hello… we have our reasons..). It’s just so irritating. I hate it when at the very last minute of completing something, suddenly all these irritating comments appear out of nowhere. It has happened in the past (not for circulars) but for other documents. Being me, I just ignored them because I think those comments were baseless, made only in view of recent events. I mean, I was there from the beginning, so of course I know a lot more than whoever that Tom, Dick and Harry said.

And now I am really mad. I think I should just ignore their remarks. I mean, yes those that are required, I’ll take into account, but those comments which I think are not of substance, I am definitely going to ignore them. I mean, come on.. you’re not the bosses of me, so why should I take into account EVERYTHING you said? [sigh..] this is so irritating.

Ok.. that’s just me, expressing my emotions..

Being A Married Woman

I had a meaningful conversation with Ibu last few weeks. For the first time ever, she revealed to me something that has been close to her heart for many, many years. She has mentioned it in the past but I never really thought of it being something that she sees as a milestone in her life. Until several weekends ago.

I asked her what her opinion was on married women having affairs. The issue came to mind because I witnessed something of that manner in a friend at work. My colleague is a beautiful woman, married with five kids. Her husband seems like a nice man, who works in the academic line. But little does her husband knows, she is having an affair with another man (a single, young man) outside of her marriage. Some of us know, some of us don’t. And I was really trying to understand on why she did it. Of course I couldn’t come to her with my question because I am not really that close to her, so I asked another woman who has a lot of wisdom having learned them throughout her life. My mother, Ibu.

She told me not to give in to all those urges. It is bad and should not be done. But I told her that I was curious. Is is it because these women are bored with their lives, but couldn’t leave their husbands because they still love them... you know, those types of questions. And having said that, she shared with me a story.

She was a woman in her early thirties. She has three young kids and was content with life. One day, she woke up sweating. She had a dream of her old flame; the one true flame that she was in love with before she met her husband. She was confused and didn’t know what to do. From that day onwards, she kept on thinking about the old flame. She was contemplating on whether she should call him and meet up with him for coffee. The idea was in her head for a few days, but she never shared it with anyone. Who could she share it with? One day, she mustered the courage to call her old flame. He wasn’t home. But she left a message for him. Not long after, she received a call from him.
She was happy. He was happy. Both were married. But they talked like as if they were still young, in their early 20s. It was like as if they hadn’t aged at all. He told her that he missed her. She tried to control her feelings and told him casually that she was happy with life and that she has three kids. After updating one another on what has been happening, he talked about his feelings for her. He told her that he still loved her and wanted to meet up with her. She kept her cool and told him that she has a husband and loved the husband very much. He didn’t believe her and coaxed her into seeing him. She refused and told him that it would be best if they did not see each other, and that a phone call was just as sufficient. He was disappointed.

After she put the phone down, she cried. She so badly wanted to see him but she knew that if she relented to him, things which happen next were beyond her control and that was something that she couldn’t afford to happen. She loved her husband and her children. She did not want to betray them. But there was something missing inside her. She longed for that feeling; the feeling of being loved by that one true love.

They talked again on the phone and she told him that she was going to the UK for the next 3 to 5 years as her husband was continuing his studies. And the reason why she wanted to talk to him was that there was no way knowing whether she would ever see him or talk to him again. Again he coaxed into seeing her. Again she turned him down. Again she cried herself to sleep at night.

The day finally came. Clothes were packed. Dried foods were packed. The children were chattering happily with their cousins. The grandparents were sad at the thought of not seeing the children every day. The husband was busy doing the last minute checking of the passports and documents. She looked at him from afar. This was the man she married. How could she have thought of another man when she was actually married to a great man. A man who would make a difference in her life. A man who loved her unconditionally. She lowered her eyes and sighed. This was her life. Allah had reasons for paving such life for her, and little did she know, she was grateful. She was thankful that she has a wonderful husband, and great children. And she treasured her family. She smiled and all thoughts of the old flame were history. It was just not meant to be.

These days, she does think back about her old flame, but never in the same feelings she had about 25 years ago. She was grateful to Allah that she was strong back then to resist temptation, knowing that if she had done it, she would regret it for the rest of her life. She loves her husband dearly, and I know for sure that Ayah loves her very much too. They always share their food whenever they eat out, and Ayah always buys her gifts. They always joke around, and are always smiling. I am thankful for that and feel blessed as I am their daughter.

Ibu’s story made me think. It is indeed a lesson well learnt. No good will come out of it. The happiness from the affair is only momentary. The repercussions are even more difficult to bear. I hope this friend of mine realizes this before it’s too late. In fact, I think WE ALL should always be mindful and be on a lookout for one another. And of course, never forget to pray to Him, for only Him can help us in such situations.