Sleepy After Lunch

I just had a HEAVY lunch. An Aussie Beef Burger at this shop called Chillies Espresso at Sooka Sentral. And OMG, I am full to the max! Alhamdulillah. I actually forced a dear colleague of mine to treat for me lunch because he recently got a promotion. I think it’s only fair because I deemed it as fair. All is right in my world, I suppose. And now I am sleepy. Very sleepy that I had to make coffee just so that I don’t doze off. And I suddenly feel that all my clothes are tight. Well, my pants here for 10 years are also feeling tight about my waist. An indication also that I have put on [sigh]…. Oh well. What can you do.

I am actually guilty of not updating the blog. It’s been ages and ages, but I just seem to not be able to find a time to update any story. When for actual fact, I’ve got LOADS to tell (listening to Paula Abdul’s Rush Rush at the moment – I love this song and I even love the video clip coz it featured Keanu Reeves during his younger days. Yeah.. I am sucker for Keanu Reeves). But I guess I’ll just have to find a time to write them. You know, just share my thoughts.

The one thing which I am so inclined to share with the rest of the world is the request to abolish PTPTN and give education free, I guess from primary to tertiary education. I’m all up for that, but who’s going to fund it? Don’t expect a taxpayer like me to fund it when I’ve got other things to pay. But just talking about study loan, I had such loan for my tertiary education. And I was requested to pay the amount, about RM46k of it in my second year of joining the labour market. But I paid. Every month without missing a payment. I believe that if I pay my part, the money that I pay will get the chance to be used on other students who need them. So I don’t mind. To me, what goes round comes around. I was blessed enough to have had the loan offered to me, and I suppose that this is the time for me to give it back. Not to say that I have a big fat paycheck every month, which I don’t, but I just feel that it’s something which I must do. And after 10 years of paying, with no glitch, thanks to Ayah who made sure that I don’t miss any payment… Alhamdulillah, my final installment will be paid Insya Allah in July 2012. And that marks the end of my study loan.

To me, I’m fine with the PTPTN loan, but of course I think they shouldn’t charge any interest so I think the government should do away with the interest-admin charges. And to those who are asking to abolish the PTPTN loan, come on lah. It isn’t much to pay. Just think of the upside. How the repayment can help others who need them. Not all of us come from rich families (well, I don’t) and things like the PTPTN is so much better than bank study loans.

Well, those are my thoughts anyway.

Kepimpinan Melalui Teladan

I had a rude encounter this morning with a very terrible driver. I was sending Marsya to school. We were late so the back gate was already closed. So Bie went to the front gate where most of the traffic was coz that’s the main gate that parents sent their kids to. After dropping Marsya off (luckily the prefects were not out yet, so she didn’t get her name written like yesterday), we wanted to drive away but we couldnt because our way was blocked by this car. The thing is, this driver was blocking our way. But because he didn’t want to queue up like all the other cars, he resorted to the most simple thing that his pathetic mind could think of, which I think was very selfish, he stopped his car on my side of the road, preventing me from moving. I actually had to wait for the driver to get his kids off the car. I was mad. Really mad. And of course, I showed the hands gestures. Not rude swear gestures, but told him to move coz this is my way and I want to drive off. But he wouldn’t move. He kept his engine on and made signs in his car asking us to move!! I mean, COME ON..!! It’s my bloody way. Even if I go to the police, the police would say that I was correct. I had really wanted to get off the car to tell him off. But Bie did the noble thing and relented. He swerved the car to the other side of the road and got back into our side of the road leaving the sick car there. And all the while, he was waving his arms about in the car, obviously mad at us for a mistake that he did. It was OUR side of the road. Queue up like the others. But no, for reasons that are obvious selfish, he wouldn’t budge. Silly, sick man.

That made me really frustrated. How are we going to teach our children positive values if the parents themselves are not doing it? And it’s sad that there are many parents like that out there right now. Their everyday actions are being watched by their children and later on, their children will also do that, thinking that, that is the right thing to do. I’m not saying that we’re perfect, but we try our best to instill good and positive values in our children. Things like saying thank you for every little thing, be it at the person who is holding the door out for them or the cashier whom we just gave our money to. We teach them not to be selfish and to always queue up and wait for their turn to use or play the slides. Not push and simply cut queue. But other parents do not teach that. And it is apparent sometimes when at playgrounds, these kids just move their way to the front and cut queue without feeling any guilt or remorse. Who do we blame when that happens? Shouldn’t we be instilling these values first so that our children can emulate and instill them in their lives? Shouldn’t we ‘walk the talk’? It’s just so frustrating. And it’s a Friday morning. And I think I am looking fabulous in my new Punjabi suit. Yeah [smiling…], I am wearing a Punjabi suit today. And I like it. I think I look great, well at least to my eyes, who cares what others think. And I am not going to let what happened this morning to affect how good I feel about myself today.

It was A Litte Weird

I had lunch with my old gang today. It’s our state-of-the-art culinary friends, if you can call it that. We used to have lunch at fancy places, comment on the food and services and just do stuff, you know. I was even supposed to come up with s scrap book on all the places that we went to. I always looked forward to these lunches because apart from enjoying the food, I also get to enjoy the company. Today’s lunch was actually just a meet-up. Nothing fancy, but just a meet-up to see old friends and chit-chat.

I was late because I had a meeting with a potential investor. So naturally, I had to make a grand entrance. Sitting with that familiar crowd is somehow very strange for me. It felt weird. I acted normal, alright. At first I didn’t know how to react. What was I supposed to do? Ignore him? Just say the normal courtesy hi? What? I don’t know. All I know is that it felt weird. Really weird. I know it had to happen sometime. If not today, it would probably happen at other times. MIRA workshops maybe, or Invest Malaysia. But the bottom line is that, it is bound to happen. And I have to face it someday. And there he was sitting across of me looking uncomfortable and suddenly out of place. Like I said, I tried to act normal, but I just couldn’t. But being a good actress that I am, I acted like its nothing. I didn’t have to talk to him. There were other people I could talk to. And I guess that helped.

Looking back at it, the lunch I mean, I felt sad. Sad that I somehow cannot bridge the gap. The feeling is there. It’s not hatred, but it’s just this hidden feeling, gnawing at the back of your head, knowing that things will never be the same again. I don’t hate him. I don’t. Hate is such a strong negative word. But there is this wall between us. And this imaginary wall will continue to be there for a long time yet. And that made me feel sad. We were close. Very close. I could just call him up and talk nonsense about anything. But now, there’s just no more of that. It doesn’t work that way anymore. I couldn’t do that anymore. I don’t know about him; whether he shares my sentiment, but that is what I feel at the moment. And I know that this is the type of feeling that doesn’t go away readily. Kind of sad, eh?

[sigh]… oh well. Life has to go on. This feeling will probably disappear with time. But by that time, I have a feeling that it’d be a bit difficult to bridge the gap. Things will not be the same. But what can you do. I have my life and he has his. Work will always be work. And friends come and go. True friends will stay, though. And at this point in time, I don’t know.

Come 2012

I know it’s a bit too late to wish Happy New Year to everyone, but I have been tied up with a lot of things. It’s a lot of headaches. Work, home, kids… you name it. Everything under the sun. But I am not going to dwell on those items at the moment. All I want to share with you is how great it is to be alive today on this ‘bumi bertuah’. Without realizing it, I am already in my 30s (not sharing where in my 30s because, face it, I hate admitting my age to anyone, let alone the whole world) and I have three kids. One aged 7, the other turning 5 this year and the youngest will be turning 1 next month. Time sure does fly fast. And I am drawn to an email I received and read recently on people’s different perception of time. Some see it as very long and very dragging, but others just seem to sail through it fast. And how very true that is.

I am hoping that 2012 will be a good year for me and the family. I pray that whatever ventures that Bie is working on will be fruitful. He has so much passion and very highly driven. I hate to see that fiery passion die down just like that. I think he deserves much more. He has ideas and can be innovative, but… hey, it’s the business world. You win some, you lose some. It’s frustrating to read about your ideas and brainchild in the newspaper, knowing just several months back, you gave a similar proposal to someone who you can trust, hoping that YOU can initiate the idea on ground. But alas, what is not meant to be, is just not meant to be. Allah says it’s not time yet, so he waits. Although I do fear that he will become grouchy and frustrated with the whole thing, but Allah has certainly given him a very strong heart and a very tough perseverance quality. And it’s been 5 years now. 5 tough years, but we wait. And pray. And hope that good will cross our paths. And like any other beginning of the year, I hope that this is the year. A year that the light at the end of the tunnel is not merely a flicker in the horizon but something bright for all to see, Insya Allah.

I also vow to update my blog on a frequent basis… (yeah, like I’ve heard that before). But a resolution is nonetheless a resolution. So I will try. My best. So don’t hope anymore long updates for me. Frequent means shorter. Unless I need to steam out certain things, then trust me, that update will be a very long one. But I will try to lessen complaints and update more happening events, like the visit to Pusat Sains Negara with the kids and conversing with Actroid, Malaysia’s 1^st robot (from Japan though), very life-like and beautiful. Of course that’s only the first version. The ones they use in Japan is a lot better-looking. Or the time that I took my parents to The Curve to buy a stroller for Ayin’s baby. Yeah, my brother just had another baby boy last month. He wanted a girl, but he got a boy instead. So I guess he’ll keep on trying. But I love Haffy. He is a handsome baby. We were at the The Curve during the CNY break and the parking space was practically empty. We could actually choose where we want to park the car. How cool was that. Or the time where I first sent Marsya to school. She’s in Standard 1 now. Can you imagine that? 7 years ago she was just a wee tiny baby. A lot of drama (for her Umi) and definitely a completely new experience. And many more. So yes, this year I am going to go all positive. Yeah to Ija..!!