Marsya Didn’t Get It

We received a letter from the Ministry yesterday. Marsya didn’t get to enter into Standard One this year. We were advised by the Ministry to register her Standard One for 2012. I was very disappointed. After waiting for more than two months, that was the feedback that we got. Earlier the Ministry promised to issue a letter in the 3rd week of December so at least we can make the necessary preparations. You know, if she gets to go to school then buy her stuff, but if she doesn’t then we can register her back at her old pre-school. Looks like an entire month has been wasted. While other kids have been going to school since January, I can only put my daughter in school in February, after the Chinese New Year break.

I have to admit that I am quite frustrated that she didn’t get it. I wonder what the issue is. Is she not bright enough? Or are her 4M skills (writing, calculating, rationale thinking, and I forgot the other one) not good enough for the Ministry to accept her to be in Standard One below the age of seven? All sorts of things are playing in my mind. I’d like to think that I have a bright daughter (heck, all parents would think that, so I am no exception), but I guess she was just not lucky. Or, not bright enough [sigh]… that’s the one that made me frustrated. She has been reading and had no problems doing simple mathematics i.e. addition and subtraction, but I guess that was just not good enough. It’s terrible isn’t it? It’s like that I can’t accept she’s not good enough to enter into Standard One this year. When for actual fact, Allah knows best. He knows why Marsya is not accepted, and that is beyond anything that I know.

I have to be grateful that she’s not entering into Standard One now. What if she couldn’t keep up with the rest of the class, or have problems making friends? All these are things that are beyond me. I know I’m saying this just to make myself feel better, but I have to accept the fact that she wasn’t accepted. Of course there’s the issue of telling EVERYONE in the whole world that she didn’t get it. In my head, I don’t want people to think that my daughter isn’t clever, or bright. Only I have the ability to do that coz I am her mother (a bit selfish aren’t I?), or it’s just me. Those thoughts are just playing in my head… [sigh]. Gosh, I am a TERRIBLE mother. How could I think less of Marsya? This is beginning to get sad now. Marsya is the perfect six year-old daughter that I can ever have. It is unfair for me to have such high expectations for her considering that she’s only six and to my parents’ eyes and those close to her, she is already a bright, clever girl. She is perfect in everyway. She has been one of the best things that had happened to me and I look forward to grow old with her. To have a wonderful mother-daughter relationship, for her to see me as her best friend… that sort of thing. Clever or not clever, that’s beside the point. To me, she is the brightest, cleverest and most loving daughter that a mother can ever have. And no one can take that away from me.

So yeah… I guess I just needed to get this feeling out of the way. It’s not the end of the world that she didn’t get it. Whatever it is, she’ll still be in Standard One next year. Hopefully next year, she’ll be prepared to enter into Standard One just like any of her friends that were born of the same year as her. And I’ll get the chance to enjoy shopping for her school clothes and stuff without having a big stomach as I’m having now, which is currently constantly in the way. I have to admit that it’s rather difficult to walk long distances these days. My feet hurt and I’d have back pains. After all, I am already in my 9th month. I have a month to go before my due date.

Marsya, darling Marsya… Umi is not angry with you for not being able to enter into Standard One. This is after all Allah’s works. Who is Umi to get all upset and riled up? Things happen for a reason and Umi should be thankful for whatever that reason is. Umi will try not to have too high hopes for you throughout your life. After all, we’re only talking about the entering of Standard One; there are other major exams or life-changing decisions in the future that you will have to go through, and Umi will try… WILL try not to be too competitive or emotionally-strung when it comes later… Insya Allah. Love you, darling.

Trip With The Family

I have been tired for the past week, especially last Monday. On Tuesday I had an appointment with my doctor who confirmed that I had premature contraction (coz I was having period pain-like ache) which I think was the impact of my exhaustion from the recent trip I had with the family, and I was given MC for 2 days. I didn’t even go to the seminar at Bursa on Company and Corporate Disclosure (I couldn’t get up; I was having back pains and stomach cramps). My baby now weighs between 2.7kg to 2.9kg and my doctor feared that the baby would weigh up till 4kg come my due date on the 26th of February, causing other issues like possible hemorrhoid and c-sections, both I deeply want to avoid. So she’s proposing that I do a planned delivery which means I would have to be induced. I pray to Allah that it wouldn’t have to come to that.

And to make matters worse, my email is not functioning. Somehow, it is not connected to the server or something. This always happens to me. I don’t know what the issue is really. Perhaps I need a new set of PC or something. Others don’t seem to have the same problems. They can always connect to the server. But I would have problems. At this age and time, we rely a lot on the Internet. Emails are crucial. Things are always being communicated via emails. So if the server is down and you can’t connect to the email, it is really a huge matter. I’ll have to talk to the IT guy again. It is pissing me off.

Anyway, why am I tired? I just got back from Lumut last weekend. My parents, well Ayah lah, decided to take a family trip to Damai Laut last weekend. Ayin and family, myself and Ibu/Ayah. Ayah booked the Swiss Twin Villa. It’s not the apartment, but it’s a single storey semi-D. Very nice house. Didn’t look too nice from the outside, but once inside, you just forget what the house actually looks like from the outside. It had 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. My children, upon seeing the bathroom, immediately wanted to take a bath. The tub was quite big, so the children had fun playing in the water, splashing about and just literally had fun. I had fun watching them. I think they spent nearly an hour in the tub. That actually gave me time to rest. Just imagine, we left KL at about 1pm and reached Damai Laut at only 5.45pm. The journey was tiring. I don’t remember travelling that long when I went to Damai Laut a few years ago. Of course we stopped at Teluk Intan to have a late lunch (the food was good – pajeri terung, sambal sotong, kerang rebus, udang masak cili api dengan kacang buncis, you name it.. typical Malay dishes and they were good. It was really cheap as well; only RM38 plus drinks).

That night, we didn’t go out for dinner. Everyone was just so tired. Luckily I brought a lot of food. I had lots of biscuits, 2 loaves of bread, tuna spread, sausage rolls, a few packets of drinks, bihun goreng, and so forth; suffice to say, we weren’t hungry at all that night. The next day, we went to the resort for breakfast. Since it was a buffet, I ate quite a lot. Well, if it wasn’t a buffet, I think I’d still eat a lot. Hehehe.. but surprisingly, the nasi lemak and sambal ikan bilis were good, in comparison to hotel standard. The rice tasted rich with santan and the sambal was spicy, not sweet or gingery-taste like most hotels; so two thumbs up for that. Of course there were other food, you know, the usual breakfast food. After that Bie and I took the kids to the beach to play with their kites (Ayah bought it for them from the hotel’s shop; see what I mean about twisting their grandfather with their little fingers); it was a long way down mind you to reach the beach, and I had difficulty climbing up the stairs to go back to the hotel. Let’s just say I had to make a few stops while going back up. And after that, I took the kids to the pool. Raqib was in the children’s pool, whilst Marsya wanted to try the adult’s pool. I didn’t swim with her, but I went round with her (Marsya in the pool while I was at the edge of the pool, every ready to jump in if she faced any difficulty – luckily she was alright. She had the float with her). We spent about an hour and a half at the pool, with my parents taking a rest under the cool shades of the big pool umbrella. I have to admit, it was fun doing it through the eyes of my children. Their laughter, their shrieks and their excitement were just the essential thing that made me enjoy the day at the pool, despite the hot weather and the fact that I was sweating everywhere.

After that, we drove out of the hotel and had lunch at a restaurant called Cili Api. It was alright. Still couldn’t challenge the food we had at Teluk Intan. We reached the twin villa at about 4pm and stayed indoors to rest. I tried to take a nap, but when you have active kids who slept in the car even for half an hour and still feel very refreshed, I couldn’t really go to sleep. But yeah, with the cool temperature in the room, it was the perfect ambience to go to sleep. I managed to rest for about 2 hours though. So it was good enough for me.

That night, we went to Teluk Batik to have dinner. Ayah wanted to order some ala-carte at the resort, but there was also an ‘army’ of Sunway Construction people there. They were having their family day. And we didn’t fancy going to a dining area with lots of people, so we decided to venture out and get a taste of the Lumut seafood. That’s where we decided to have dinner at Teluk Batik. The food was alright (I know, I have been talking about food again and again… I promise, for this entry, this will be the last mention of food). We ordered Kerapu sweet n sour, oyster egg, beansprout ikan masin, kalian oyster sauce, black pepper beef with ginger, chicken soup, seafood tom yam and udang lipan with dried chilli. There were a LOT of food. The fish was huge. I tried to eat the head coz Ibu said, “Sayang kepala ikan tu, Long” so yeah, I tried to eat the fish head (but failing miserably at it; I know a friend of mine would kill me for the eyes – he likes them and I don’t know why) and also finish a few other dishes. But by the end of it, I just couldn’t eat anymore. I was just too full. My stomach felt like it was about to burst with the baby popping out anytime soon. So I stopped (yes, I’m capable of stopping just like that). The damage that night was just RM187, for 6 adults (the kids didn’t eat much). I thought it was alright considering the amount of food we had on the table.

By the time we reached our villa, we were just so very sleepy. Because the road heading towards Damai Laut is a bit scary (7km of absolute darkness and silence, through swampy mangroves and palm oil fields), Bie drove quite fast. And Marsya just had to tell a story about a ‘pocong’ which she saw on TV at her Uwan Lif’s house (Uwan Lif is my Maksu; because she stays on the 4th floor apartment and we had to take a lift to go to her place. Uwan Buai is Ibu, because our house in Seremban has a swing). What she saw was basically a comedy, so she wasn’t afraid when she relayed the story to us. But for us adults, we didn’t really like her story. I mean, the route was dark. Anything could just spring out from the side of the road, giving us a surprise of our lives. So Ibu had to gently tell Marsya not to say such things because it wasn’t nice. I guess she was also trying not to scare Marsya. But yeah, the road was just too dark so can be a little scary.

The next day, after breakfast at the resort, we packed up and left. There went our 3 days 2 nights stay at Damai Laut. We made a stop at the Lumut waterfront first because Mak wanted us to buy anchovies. I also bought a few goodies to bring back home with us. And on the way to Bidor, we stopped by the roadside to buy mangoes and limau bali (the limau bali was quite expensive there. The limau bali in Tambun was cheaper but since we were nowhere near Tambun, we just had to make do with RM18 per limau bali there).

We reached KL at 9pm. I was dead tired when we reached home. I couldn’t stand up anymore. My back hurt, my feet were swollen and I was just too exhausted to speak. By 10pm, I was already in bed, lying down. I couldn’t sleep though. Probably too exhausted from the travelling. At about 11pm, my children retired to bed and slept next to me. Nothing is sweeter than having your kids sleeping next to you like that. Raqib had his arm around my neck, whereas Marsya slept while holding my hands. It was a wonderful feeling. I sniffed their hair inhaling the wonderful smell of shampoo and kissed their eyes. When they’re asleep, they are the most adorable children in the world. But when they’re awake.. OMG, let’s just say it can be quite testy; up to the point that Marsya likened me to an evil stepmother. Can you imagine that? Hehehe.. children and their imagination.

Will post some pictures soon.

Too Many Child Abuse Cases

I was leaving the office quite late 2 days ago, and naturally, I would take the paper from the reception area so that I could read it on the way back home while riding the LRT. The front cover of the Utusan shocked me. At the left top corner of the paper was a picture of a young child who seemed to be sleeping but was bundled in white cloth. Then I saw the word ‘dera’ i.e. abuse. I turned to the appropriate page and was shocked to learn that the child, apparently a young girl aged three had died and what a beautiful name as well, Nur Dania Qistina, suspected to have been abused by the stepmother. She had about 73 injuries, and died due to internal bleeding as a result of being hit by a blunt object repetitively. I couldn’t finish reading the story. I broke down and cried. Who in the right frame of mind would abuse a young child of three years old? Hitting the child repetitively like as if she was an animal or some sort of doll or toy. A person with a right frame of mind wouldn’t even hit an animal like that. A person with good conscience and faith wouldn’t do that.

I curse upon the elders who took care of her. The father especially whom I feel wasn’t doing a good enough job as a father. He could have at least noticed that there was something odd about his daughter. But then again, he was probably an abuser himself. The soon-to-be-ex-wife did mention that he had hit his children in the past before. I mean, children are naughty and are always up to something. When we are tired and needed rest, children will always get on our nerves... trust me; I have two young children who are constantly getting on my nerves, especially when I’m tired. I hit them. Yes, I do because I believe that hitting your children allows them to understand and differentiate the right and wrong. If you hit them because you want them to learn. But if you hit them because you just want them to be your punching bag to let off steam and anger, then forget it. You do not deserve to be a parent. You do not deserve to have children. I hit my children on the hands, or pinch their legs (ever so softly, trust me.. but my daughter cries a bucket of tears, like I have hit her with a dagger or something) but never excessively. Trust me, my children are luckier than me. I grew up being pinched, slapped and hit, but thank goodness, I grew up to be ok. But that’s beside the point. This is hitting aggressively, repetitively, until the child dies. How could someone do that?

What made me mad was that the new wife told the husband that the child drowned in a pail of water. I don’t know whether the husband believed her, but the wife is obviously stupid. What with today’s modern state-of-the-art technology, it is easy to see what went wrong, or the cause of certain problems, or in this case, the cause of death, just by doing tests and post-mortems.

Gone are the days where children can rely on their parents for their own safety. If they’re not abused, they’ll be raped. I don’t know what’s going on with the world today. People are just so sick. And the fact that they are Moslems, revolt me.

What’s terrible about it is this is not the first case. Sometime last year, Malaysia was shocked with the news of the death of three year-old Syafiah Humaira who was also a victim of abuse (serious wounds in the abdomen), but this time by her mother’s boyfriend. Mind you, we’re talking about Moslems here. I don’t like being judgmental towards other people because upbringing and surrounding circumstances can affect a person’s life, and who am I to judge people and say that I’m better than them. These are all means done by Allah to see whether we can endure His tests or not. But this is one case which I just cannot tolerate. The mother lives with her boyfriend. She in fact has a husband, whom she has not divorced yet, but was serving sentence over a murder case, I think, at a local prison here. How could she not be aware that her boyfriend had been abusing her daughter? Was she so much in love with him that she refused to see any wrong-doings of the boyfriend, that she puts her boyfriend above her daughter? Her own flesh and blood? She even claimed that her boyfriend had never hit her daughter. The fact that Syafiah’s younger brother is the biological son of the mother’s boyfriend speaks for itself. It’s just something that I cannot tolerate. It’s just awful. When the news came out about Syafiah, I never wanted to read it. I prefer to not take note of what had happened. It was just wrong. I felt that there was just something very wrong with the picture. I’m glad that the boyfriend was sentenced to death. It was a good verdict. Only Allah can help him now, and his fate lies in His hands.

There was also another case, a toddler by the name of K. Haresvarran, 18 months, was believed to have died following abuse which left him with broken ribs, a ruptured liver and bruises all over the body at a children's playground at the Vista Damansara Apartments, Jalan Kenanga, Kampung Sungai Ara, Petaling Jaya. Who could do that to a barely walking 1 year and a half child? Don’t they have compassion? It’s just awful…

I really do worry about the condition of the world that we’re living in. It is getting worse by the day. All I can do is pray to Allah that my children and family are safe from it all.

Isn’t Exactly My Day Today

I started the day cursing and swearing, all because of a presentation slides which we are hoping to use for one of the conferences held by the bank for this coming Monday. Many things pissed me off. I have ran out of all Malay and English jargons when indulging in the cursing session this morning. You know how you have put so much effort in a task, getting other people to assist you, putting in all sorts of information which you think the boss might want, which is not an easy process considering information gathering is one very tedious task; easy, but very tedious. But by the end of the day, the boss throws it back to your face and say, “What a load of crap is this?”… I mean, I know I’m not supposed to be complaining. After all, we have to learn to manage our bosses. But the presentation slides were prepared on the instruction by the MD that we needed to do a complete overhaul on the current presentation because it does not portray information that the analysts and market researchers need. So that was my line of thought. Noted that we are given less than an hour to present, yes.. I know that, but if you don’t like some of the slides, then take them out. As easy as that.

I don’t really know who to blame. I know my bigger boss is not aware of this instruction for complete overhaul. Whereas my small boss has not been looking into this as much because he simply didn’t have the time. So he relied on me. But I messed up. I did something which was not in line with what the bigger boss wants. He said, “It’s too much info. I don’t want this. Do something about it”, to the smaller boss. And now we need to do another overhaul so to speak in time for tomorrow as the MD and the bigger boss will not be in the office tomorrow. To make matters worse, the bigger boss has very sharp eyes, “The map is wrong. This is not where it’s supposed to be located”, or “Why is this map distorted? Why aren’t these tables aligned?” What my colleagues do not understand is that this bigger boss is very meticulous in this sort of things. I am fussy and meticulous too. But my younger colleagues are not so much. So when the bigger boss complains, the ones that get an earful are the smaller boss and me. I’m tired of having to be very meticulous all the time when others are not like that. A recent example being, I was reviewing a report done by this one executive, and oh my God.. I had to review the report for FIVE times before I decided to release it to the bigger boss for his review, knowing the bigger boss’ style of doing things. But this young executive did not understand. He just thought that I was being fussy for no reason. I was commenting on the presentation of his information. And that did not include the flow of information as well as the explanation involved, which basically I had to redo! I mean, what’s the point of me telling him to do it if by the end of the day, I had to do it myself? I was grasping for breaths of air when reviewing his report. I couldn’t stand at him not being meticulous, detailed and vigilant. The fact that he did not take into account my comment (the same comment I had throughout my review of his report for the FIVE times) but insisted that he did, angers me. If you’re wrong, then you’re wrong. I have proof that you didn’t take my comments into account, then live with it! Just accept it and embrace it. But no, he had to deny it and claimed that he was right. God… the nerve.

I guess it’s the hormones, currently flying everywhere. But I have to admit that this week is just not my week. Starting from Tuesday where I got stood up for a meeting. I am a little mad at that. The fact that made me mad was that, there was no offer of an explanation on the reason for not attending. Not to mention that my calls were not taken. But I try to be professional about it and try not to think so much on that. Humans make mistake… [sigh], I suppose.

Then there were just so many personal things that cropped up too. I’m not really bothered to update them here. Suffice to say, I am just so mad at everyone at the moment. And worried about Marsya not receiving the letter from the Kementerian. Did she get the offer? Or is she rejected from entering Standard One. I need a back-up plan if she’s rejected. Should I send her back to her old kindgarten, or go to another pre-school… I don’t know. Then there’s the issue of my brother-in-law getting married. Why the hell did he just put my mobile number and Bie’s on the invitation card? Why isn’t there a house number there? Why aren’t my older brother-in-law’s number there? I mean, I’m already on my 8th month of pregnancy. I don’t think I’d like to be taking calls from complete strangers who are interested in knowing more about the wedding, or its venue or anything related to the wedding. I mean, come on… don’t just rely on my husband. He could have put his number there, but he didn’t and I don’t understand why. That really pissed me off as well. I know I’ve been nice and if I’m not happy with certain turn of events, I don’t simply ‘tembak’ like my other sister, but I have patience too. Please don’t test my patience. Whatever it is, I am only doing this for Bie.

See what I tell you about my hormones flying around? And getting mad at everyone? Well, yeah.. that’s just me at the moment. I can’t help it. Frankly speaking, I have actually managed to reduce my cursing habits, and it’s been quite a while now, about 2 years or so. But these days, Allah is really testing MY patience, and I find myself resorting to the old habit. Not very good at all and I have to stop this. No cursing. No swearing. I promise.

A Colourful 2010

First and foremost, today is Marsya Hazirah’s birthday. She is six today, at exactly 10.00am this morning. We couldn’t celebrate her birthday in a big way today; everyone is busy. Maksu is preparing for her kids’ going to school (first day of school today), my parents are in Seremban, I am working today… so there’s just no way to celebrate it like we did in the past years. Thought of going to TGI tonight and celebrate it there, just us nucleus family. But Bie has another plan. He’s planning to buy some food and bring it home to his parents, and have a little celebration there. I suppose it’s ok as well. She does wants a PowerPuff Girl cake though, which I will have to get for her, together with a bigger celebration which I hope to host for her somewhere in the middle of this month, one of the weekends. We’ll see how. After all, January is the month of birthday celebrations in my family. Ayah has already gotten her a gift though. A beautiful dress (chiffon, satin, all fluffy which she likes very much because she feels that she looks like a princess) that she’s supposed to wear as a flower girl during my brother-in-law’s wedding next month. I didn’t particularly like it. It was too fluffy. But she adores it. When she tried it on last Saturday, she was prancing around, twirling and dancing because it made her look good. Like a princess. I suppose everyone would want to feel like a princess at one point in their lives. I was once like that too. I have also bought her a gift. And yeah, its princess-related as well. I know… it’s a story book, with happily ever after stories of Disney princesses. Happy birthday darling daughter; I hope you’ll get the letter from the Kementerian soon (on the decision whether she gets to go to Standard One or not this year).

Anyway, 2010 has been a colourful year for me. So many things have happened, be it in terms of work or personal basis. It started with the Rights Issue exercise, involving lots of late nights, working late, hardly seeing my children (that Raqib started to develop a fever and was on nebulizer because there was one time, he only saw me after three days or so, and we actually lived in the same house – he was asleep by the time I got home, and was still asleep when I left for work). Then the EGM in relation to the Rights Issue, then the RRPT Circular, slides presentation and FAQs for shareholders for the AGM. There were also others that needed to be looked at; relating to Investor Relations, corporate deals, and other ad-hoc stuff. It was never-ending.

The family holiday in Genting sometime in May was a lot of fun. I enjoyed it very much. Somehow, I love Genting and I wouldn’t mind going there again. We went with my parents, together with my brothers and his wife (the one yang dah kawin lah). We booked four rooms. We were out of the room for most of the time, enjoying the theme park. Sometimes, when you have small kids, it’s nice to experience these rides through their eyes. So yeah we didn’t get on any of the adult ride, but it was fun all the same.

Then there was the toothache. My wisdom tooth was giving me a lot of problem. The gum was swollen and I had trouble eating. So I went to the dentist and was informed that the hole was just too big and the tooth needed to be extracted. And she also mentioned that for all the toothaches that I saw them in the past, it was all related to this one tooth. Fine.. I got it. So yeah, I had it extracted. During the extraction, luckily there was no pain, because they sedated the gum area quite heavily. But the dentist had trouble pulling the tooth out. Apparently, the roots were too strong, something about curled up instead of the normal straight growth. So the pain was more towards me having my mouth opened too wide, too long. I felt like my mouth was tearing up. Of course the after-effect of the tooth no longer there was quite painful. I think it took me a week before I could finally eat anything solid. My gum (the area where the tooth used to be) was also infected. I think it was because of the food trapping. I hated it. I hope I do not have to extract any other wisdom tooth out. Any pain relating to teeth and the mouth area scare me.

Of course, at about the same time or two weeks after that, I suddenly developed a strong sense of smell towards everything and anything, especially food. My PMS was delayed for 10 days. I didn’t bother checking because it has happened in the past, especially during the days that I was stressed with work. But this time around, it was slightly different because my sense of smell heightened. So, I bought one of those pregnancy kits and after waiting for about 4 minutes or so, noticed two red lines on the stick. I was ecstatic. I have been trying since the beginning of the year, but there was no luck. I guess with work and all, it was good that I only got pregnant after the major part of the works was over and done with. Because, about two days after that, my morning sickness kicked in. And it was a terrible one. I even decided against having more children after this one (I even told my doctor that, but I was saying it because I couldn’t stand the morning sickness period… it was terrible… now I am hoping to at least have the fourth and final one… Insya Allah). I was hospitalized, with bottles of water dripped into me. I lost 8kg (it’s not a bad thing.. it’s a good thing I suppose so that when I do start to eat, the weight increament wouldn’t be so bad). So yeah, I didn’t do much work for the next couple of months. I was always on MC or on emergency leaves. Luckily my boss understood. But now, I am in my eight month of pregnancy. The appetite has come back. And I have gained weight. Two weeks ago I weighed 66.6kg, and I have a feeling that now it’s a lot more than that. Well, tomorrow is my check-up. We’ll see.

Then there’s the time when Aini had to go back to Lombok, earlier than anticipated because her husband passed away due to a motor accident. It was terrible. She was crying a lot and wasn’t very focused on her job. So instead of going back to Lombok for her break in November, she went back in October. So yeah, I had to struggle taking care of two kids whilst at the same time dealing with my thank goodness receding morning sickness. It was tough at first. There was no one to take care of the kids with Marsya still in school. So I had to send Raqib to stay with his grandparents in Seremban. It was terrible times for me. I was sad all the time, crying because I couldn’t bear to be away from him. As for Raqib, he developed his talking ability only after Aini left for Lombok, so whenever I called Seremban, he would be telling that he loved me and wanted to come home to me. I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I only saw him on weekends. But when Marsya started her school break, I immediately sent her to stay with her grandparents in Seremban. I felt a little relieved because with Marsya around, Raqib wouldn’t be so lonely. He had a friend. And my parents adored them to pieces. Yes there were scoldings and pinchings, but Ayah was just too much. Let’s just say that Marsya managed to twist him in her little finger. New clothes, new bicycles, new books, new stationeries, and afternoon breaks at Pizza Hut, McDonald or Kopitiam. They had it all.

Then there was Marsya’s little exam to see whether she is qualified to enter into Standard One before the age of seven. So we had to bring her to a school all the way in Shah Alam (that was the exam centre) so that she could be tested. Basically, they tested her on her abilities to interact with other people, reading, writing, and simple numerical skills plus listening to instruction skills. I don’t know whether she did well or not. I hope she gets to go to Standard One this year though. We’re still waiting for a letter from the Kementerian. They promised to issue it in the third week of December last year, but unfortunately; the letter is still not out yet. So, I’m praying that she gets it soon. Otherwise, it’s a shame really. She is after all six already and deserved going to a primary school (I’m biased here… I am after all her mother).

Bie has still yet to achieve that big break. So financially (especially towards the end of the year coz he didn’t get any fixed income) we were a bit tight. Luckily Aini wasn’t around, so I didn’t have to pay her salary. And Marsya was on holiday. So I didn’t have to pay for her kindergarten fees. But Bie is optimistic about 2011. He feels that the time has come for him to at least get something, maybe not in terms of a big break (though if we do get it, then Alhamdulillah…) but something that is recurring as 2011 is seen as a year which requires a lot of outflow. First there’s the maternity charges which need to be paid in February, Raqib’s registration at kindergarten and monthly fees which may be more expensive compared to Marsya’s because we intend to send him for both sessions; morning and afternoon as there is no one to take care ofhim during the day, and of course other expenses. But since Bie is optimistic, I have to be optimistic and supportive for him as well. I am tired of people asking me about Bie’s condition, and when he’s going to get a proper job with fixed income. I know Ibu is very worried and keeps on stressing the healthy life of having a fixed-income job. Well, I have confidence in Bie. This year will be the fifth year that Bie is doing it on his own. I have to trust him. I believe that Allah loves us and will bestow His rewards when He feels that we are ready for it. And I hope that 2011 is the year. I don’t want to be the ungrateful wife who is not supportive of their hubbies. At the moment, I am at ease. Yes I do worry about our financial situation… don’t get me wrong, I do. Especially if by the end of the month, we don’t have many funds in our accounts. But I always look at other people; whose lives are even more burdened than us. At least we can still eat and buy things for our kids, but those people, those who have lower incomes than us, they are even worse. So yeah, by the end of the day, I am still grateful for what I have. I have a great family, loving parents, wonderful kids and I am happy with Bie. Not a day goes by without reciting my gratefulness to Allah for blessing me with such wonderful life.

So yeah, basically that is 2010 for me in a nutshell. A bit too long isn’t it? Oh well, I just feel the need to put it down.

Have a great 2011 everyone.