Headache

About a few weeks ago, my brother called me. He’s having a headache at the moment because apparently his girlfriend’s parents (and sisters) are making a big issue on when they’re getting hitched. And that’s not all. Her sister is asking for a hantaran worth RM10k.

I could sense the apprehension in his voice. He was stressed. I know for sure that he is not ready for a huge commitment like this. And the fact that the parents and the sisters are constantly nagging him (and of course the girlfriend) is making him mentally tired.

My brother is going to be 29 this year. Although to some people, the age 29 is a very perfect age to get married, I don’t see it that way. After all, it boils back to whether he is ready or not. And that includes mental, physical and of course financial. He has just started work about two years ago. He is not paying rent nor is he paying for anything else (except for his car installment and his student loan) and visiting the girlfriend’s house in Pahang, driving a Proton Waja, may seem ‘wealthy’ enough to the girlfriend’s parents’ eyes. I mean, it’s just a Proton Waja. It’s not even a Honda. But I think the parents think my brother is making big bucks. And since he is still single and all, of course they want to grab him before someone else does.

Now the girlfriend… [sigh]. She is not even 24 yet. She just finished her final degree examination from UiTM. She hasn’t even graduated yet. Her graduation is probably somewhere in the middle of this year. She’s not working. And she is still very young. The thing is, I was the one who introduced them. I mean, how the heck would I know that they would hit it off until today. She was a trainee at my office during her diploma days. She’s pretty. Well, the typical tall, fair and wearing a tudung sort of girl. And when I mentioned that I have a brother who was still single, she did not hesitate to ask me to introduce her to him. And my brother, being a man and all, was eager to be introduced. So I thought, why not. There’s no harm in being friends. So, they became friends for almost a year before they sort of became a couple (well, the girl basically started to pandai merajuk and that’s where my brother got this hint that the girl is looking for something more). So yeah, they went steady UNTIL today. I mean, I didn’t expect it, but that’s what happened.

Now, I’m not saying that I don’t like her. But I guess when she was a trainee, it felt alright to introduce them because it was quite harmless. I mean, what could come out of it? But now, the thought that she may become my sister-in-law is very… I don’t know how to say this, but I don’t feel like having her as my sister-in-law. There, I’ve said it. I know it’s terrible and that I shouldn’t be feeling that way. But she doesn’t seem to be the sort of girl that I’d like to have as a sister-in-law. Aarrgghh..!! You must think I am such a terrible person. But that is just how I feel at the moment. Of course I can’t say much about my brother. Obviously he is comfortable with her or else he wouldn’t stick with her throughout these 3 years or so.

Now, why is it that I don’t like having her as a sister? My standards are not THAT high. But I’d like someone whom I can discuss things with, intelligently and creatively. I’m not saying that she’s not intelligent. She is quite bright or else she wouldn’t be having a degree. But someone that I can talk with. These days, whenever I talk to her, I have to start first and that, only on issues I think would interest her. Otherwise, she would just laugh it of. She is basically a follower. Sometimes not really having a mind of her own and if you bring her around, her social interaction skills are very minimal. Well, it’s unfair of me to dislike her based on these characteristics. I know.

But I guess the thing which affected my perception of her is what from my brother told me. My brother used to complain that she is very possessive of him and that her life revolves only around him and her studies. In fact, there was a time where she insisted on seeing my brother every day even during her exams. And because of that she flunked her paper. Another thing is that she is jealous of my brother nearly all the time. She gets very upset if my brother goes out with his friends without her. And to make matters worse, there was a time where my brother brought her out with his friends and their respective girlfriends. Of course he knew the girls. So he joked with them and laughed with them. I mean, they’re after all friends. Unfortunately, the girlfriend didn’t see it as that. In the car, she accused my brother of going out with the girlfriends behind her back. And that he seemed at ease and very cozy with his friends’ girlfriends. My brother was mad and had to console her all the way to her college. I mean, what is that? They’re just friends. If he wants to cheat on her, he would have done that a long time ago. But he likes her. So be mentally open and just accept that fact.

There was this time when my brother was away on a week’s course. Of course he met a lot of other girls there. And the girlfriend calls him nearly every time and the one thing that she always said, “Ramai lah perempuan-perempuan kat situ. Jangan nak menggatal”. I mean, what is that?? [sigh]… be a little more open. But somehow, she couldn’t grasp that idea. Whenever my brother tells me these things, I would be the one who naik rimas. I guess I’m not like that so the thought of that girl doing it to my brother makes me a little annoyed.

And now, she is pushing my brother to get married. She still has to repeat one more paper (she flunked in her finals) and is not even working yet. And in addition to the fact that her sister is asking for RM10k, is not really making me accepting to the idea of them getting married. I hate people pushing my brother like that. Like I hate people pushing me. The girlfriend said she didn’t mind adding a few more thousand RM just to add up to RM10k. Well, that’s NOT the point though is it. It’s like as if you want to show off or something. I think it’s ridiculous. And what’s more ridiculous is the fact that her sisters when they got married, got a hantaran between RM3k to RM4k only.

And now my brother is having a headache. I blame him really. He is always going to Pahang during his spare time for the so-called family visit. And the mother adores him very much. Always cooking his favourite dish and never tired of inviting him to stay the night (which my brother never did). And the one piece of advise that the mother gave to her daughter concerning the relationship is somewhat troubling me. She always says, “Dia tinggalkan kau takper. Tapi kau jangan sekali-sekali tinggalkan dia” (translation: It’s ok if he leaves you, but you must never leave him). Isn’t that corny? I know other people see nothing from that statement, but when I have all these perceptions in my head, I begin to think negatively. I mean, why would her mother say that to her? It seems really odd. A mother would advise her son not to fool around with someone’s daughter or don’t do anything to jeopardize anak orang, but, why would her mother advise her like that? See… me and my negative perceptions.

The latest news I heard is that she is pushing to get married on my brother’s birthday. And that is not far off now; 13 July 2007. Absolutely ridiculous. After all, I am still in my confinement on that date. She hasn’t even seen my parents (except for the one time at my house. And that was purely an accident really. My brother was visiting and my parents happen to drop by at the same time). She is not even working at the moment. What, she expects my brother to pay for all after they’re married? Living on just one income in KL these days is just not enough. Unless of course your partner makes a LOT of money, then I guess that would be fine. And considering my brother’s salary, trust me… not enough. Besides, she needs to ‘open her eyes’. Get the feel of working first. I don’t want her to regret anything later, after they’ve got married. Harness her social skills first.

I have a friend who got married when they were students, but when the wife started working, she just realized that her world is actually bigger than what she has been exposed to all these while. They ended up divorced. Now the ex-husband has remarried with a child. I don’t know what happened to the ex-wife though. I don’t want that to happen to my brother. Basically right now, the girlfriend has not been exposed to the outside world. Bear in mind that her world currently revolves around her family, her student life (now no more since she has finished her degree) and my brother. She doesn’t know the ‘taste’ of the real world. She doesn’t know how it feels like to have cash at hand working in a working environment. I want her to experience all these. With that, I don’t mind her getting married to my brother. At least work for a year or two.

I spoke to my brother about it and he mentioned that her objective in life is getting married. She doesn’t have any career aspiration or the desire to improve further or develop. All she knows is that she wants to get married. Come on. Open your eyes first. Have at least a little career aspiration…[sigh]. It’s after all for your own good. It’s depressing when one doesn’t have all that in mind. I mean, she is just 23 years old. This is the time for her to take the opportunity to learn new things. Take on new challenges.

Last weekend, when I was home at my parents for the short break, my brother was also there. He wasn’t his usual self. He was quiet. He didn’t talk much. And he played with my daughter only for a short while. I was worried. My mother was worried. When asked, he just said he has many problems at the moment and that was that. He didn’t elaborate. He was worried about the amount of money that he’s currently making and I also heard from my dearest Bie that he was contemplating on taking a loan. THAT I know for sure has never entered his mind before. My brother is not a spendthrift. In fact, he is a saver and has never borrowed money from anyone (orang pinjam daripada dia, adalah. He’s like a banker coz his friends are always borrowing money from him). So when he is starting to contemplate on taking loans, I worry. I don’t want him to take loans just for the sake of getting married. It reminded me of the Seniman Bujang Lapok movie where a husband was complaining that even though they have four (was it four? Or was it three?) kids, he was still paying for his marriage expenses coz the wife’s mother asked too much when they got married that he had to borrow from a ceti. I don’t want that to happen to him.

So now do you see why I am quite reluctant to accept her as my sister-in-law? I am open for her to get engaged first, for at least a year, then get married. I mean, who am I to stop them from getting married? After all, it’s my brother that she wants. It’s their lives. And if she can make my brother happy, then why not. I’ll support them all the way. But please understand. Please oh please kerja dulu.

My mother is even more difficult. She dislikes the fact that people are pushing her son like that plus the hantaran of RM10k is not really helping in consoling her to the idea of her son getting married to the girl. So at the moment, she dislikes the idea of them getting married altogether. And when she dislikes it, it is difficult to turn her around. Trust me. I had similar problems before I got married to Bie. Luckily my Bie had a ‘selamba’ face and continued to see me and pray that my mother would like him, until that day finally came. And that period in itself took nearly a year and a half.

Oh well. I pray the best for my brother. I want him to be happy and I want him to make the right choices. I just wish his girlfriend would open her eyes first before settling down. After all, I am looking out for my brother’s welfare. I pity him. He feels uncomfortable that the parents are starting to talk. I don’t want him to get hitched because he feels that he has to. When I asked him whether he’s ready mentally, physically and financially, he couldn’t answer me. He said he doesn’t know. And as a sister, that worries me.

No Electricity

As I walked onto the 18th floor of the office this morning, everybody was sitting at the reception area outside. The floor was dark and it was very warm. Apparently, there were some problems with the electricity. Not just our floor, but the entire building. Luckily, I didn’t have to stay long. I had to be at the Crowne Plaza for a signing ceremony (we’re signing an MoU with two very prominent companies in the south of Johor).

When we reached the Crowne Plaza, some of my colleagues were busy setting up the place. Seating arrangement, video placement, reception table, you name it; they were all busy. While waiting for the ceremony to start, I chatted with a few people there. Building my network so to speak. A colleague of mine came up to me and said, “Still no electricity at the office”. I frowned, pitying all my other colleagues. I’m sure you can imagine the warmth of the office if there’s no air-condition.

The ceremony began. The media were ushered to sit in front, while we, the host, sat at the back. The bosses gave a short speech and sat down to sign the agreements. There were a lot of flashes as the cameras flashed away at the scene. About 14 media parties were invited to attend the ceremony. And after that, the press conference. I don’t know why, but most of the questions were directed at my MD. Luckily my MD is good at replying bonus questions and all. So it didn’t seem that bad.

After that, we invited our guests for morning drinks (make it brunch drinks). I called the office, just to see whether the electricity was back on. Unfortunately, it was still blacked out. I sighed thinking of the prospect returning to a very hot and dark office. Luckily, the food was alright. So that took my mind off on the state of the office.

We returned to the office not long after that. It was still dark and by this time, it was very hot. After all, it was already noon. Everybody was sitting near the windows or near the reception area (where there’s light). I joined a few other friends, and would you believe it, I was actually eating still. They’ve opened up a hamper and there were a lot of biscuits and chocolates lying around. I couldn’t help myself. The chocolates were just too good. I was also perspiring (very slowly) and felt a little drowsy (maybe because of the excess food consumption and the warmth of the office). I had wanted to leave the office and go downstairs when suddenly the room was filled with light. YEEESSS..!! The electricity was back on.

So here I am, sitting at my work place, not really wanting to do work and updating the blog instead. I’ll do work afterwards, when I’m in the mood for it.

Road Congestions Stress

I swear that I am going to loose a small strand of my hair every morning and evening from now onwards. I have so far been able to curb my cursing habits (coz I have to control them right? It’s not proper to hear a lady curse and swear all the time… besides, Bie hates it. He VERY rarely curses, so malulah if I curse a lot more than him). But at the rate of the road jams and congestions that I have to endure every morning and evening, I know that I might not be able to break the habit. In fact, I may be falling back into the habit, which is WAY NOT cool.

And this always happen when I am behind the wheel. When I am driving and I see other people driving poorly, example; dengan selamba using the emergency lanes as the normal lanes without feeling any guilt at all, tak bagi signal when you should (coz otherwise, you’ll be menyusahkan orang lain, especially people like me), driving ever so slowly at the fast lane, parking in the middle of the road without feeling any guilt sebab nak gi ATM sekejap ke (especially if it’s a one-lane road and you’re NOT SUPPOSED to park there in the first place), double parking by my car especially when I want to get out of the parking lot (if ada orang in the car then that’s ok, but the fact that there’s no one in the car… THAT pisses me off), driving ever so fast when they actually see me giving a signal to enter the next lane sebab dengki tak kasi I pass through first, masuk parking dengan penuh selamba when I have been waiting and signaling for that parking space way before that selamba car (geram giler, especially if I have been looking for a parking space for about half an hour already), driving very slowly at an accident scene because they want to see the accident (which causes massive jams for more than half an hour… padahal sometimes it’s not even an accident i.e. it could just be a rosak car parked at the side of the road) and the list goes on and on and on…

And whenever I am faced with such predicaments, glorious words and phrases would automatically come out from my mouth. Like yesterday evening. I was on my way to pick Marsya up from Maksu’s place after work. There was this one very stupid lorry parking right smack in the middle of the one lane road causing a terrible jam because all the other cars behind it wanted to pass through, but could not. And the lorry driver dengan muka selamba without feeling guilty was actually in the lorry buat tak tau. I was pissed off. So of course wonderful words come out from my mouth. The first being “idiot”, the next being “f$@#&^g b!@%!^d” and others being, “bloody hell”. I know I shouldn’t be saying it, what with being pregnant and all (I shouldn’t be teaching those words to my unborn baby) but you know what they say about a pregnant lady… the temper is just so very short that you shouldn’t mess with them when that happens.

And this morning, as I was making my way down the Istana Negara road to enter into Federal Highway, I realized that I was entering a terrible jam. I was surprised. It was 7.00am and at that time, there is NEVER a jam upon entering Federal Highway. But this morning, it was terrible. So of course I muttered a few wonderful phrases under my breath. I couldn’t help it. I was mad. I thought there might be an accident or something near the Chinese girls’ school. Apparently, no accident. Ada bas (rosak ke apa ke, I don’t know) parked by the side of the road but somehow taking space as well in the third lane (the slow lane) causing all the cars to go slow thus causing the terrible jam. When I passed by the bus, I could see the driver standing outside of the bus seeming oblivious to the jam that its bus was causing. With no consideration at all.

All these make me stressed up. And of course the nice words come out. I try not to curse, I really do. But sometimes, when a moron is doing something that makes your blood boils, I just can’t help it. They just come out. Oh God help me. I want to stop cursing these nice words. I guess I can substitute them with other nicer words, but somehow it’s not the same. The satisfaction is not the same. I even talked to myself, asking myself to be more patient. Well, sometimes it works but when the situation is just too much, it rarely works. Tension lah macam nie. Am I the only one like this behind the wheel? Does anyone else face the same problem? Do share with me on how to curb this terrible habit. I really need to control myself.

The Break That Wasn’t

I took leave last Friday as Thursday was a public holiday. So that gave me a good four days of rest. Or was it?

I thought I was going to get a good rest. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I did spend time with my daughter (loved those moments) and my parents. But my brothers weren’t around. And on Friday, my dearest Bie went to JB on a business trip. He got back late Saturday.

Somehow I was looking forward to spend the long weekend at my parents’ but when I am there, I felt emotionally drained. I felt tired. I don’t know where the source of the tiredness is. It could be physical (I doubt so much on that) or it could be mental. I don’t know. But somehow, the long weekend didn’t feel like a break at all. I mean, what did I just do? I went to JJ in S2 on Thursday. I had lunch with my Ayah. My Ibu wasn’t around. I think she went to Malacca a few days before and hadn’t reached home yet. I bought a few maternity pants there and had lunch at Secret Recipe. Later that night, we had dinner outside; the whole family and it wasn’t a satisfactory dinner because the ‘kedai’ was late with our food.

The next day, we had brunch at McDonald and a friend picked Bie up while on his way to JB. So I was left with my daughter. We went to Acik’s house for a visit then got back to the house, rested for a while and had a really late lunch. Ibu was off again doing her personal matter while Ayah had appointment outside. I was left with Marsya alone in the house. Luckily she slept quite early that day. So I took the opportunity to see The Devil Wears Prada. Quite a good movie. I liked it.

The next day was just like any other day. Ayah asked me to accompany him to Giant to buy some household products. Ibu had to go to Malacca again. When we got home, Ibu was already home, cooking lunch. And the evening was just like any other evening. Bie came back also with a tired look on his face. He had some really big issues which needed to be thrashed out. He discussed them with me. That left me feeling somewhat disoriented.

By Sunday, I felt REALLY tired. By this time, physically AND mentally. I wish I had gone somewhere. But no, I didn’t. I need to spend some time alone at a new place. Well, not exactly alone, but with my loved ones. I don’t wish to dwell on this but I do. And when I think about it further, I become more tired. I pity my little one; both the one in front of me and the one inside my belly. My baby does not need to feel all the stress that I am facing right now. Do you think it’ll feel MY stress? I hope not. Kalau tak, kesian dia… pening. I was so tired and stressed yesterday that I snapped at my dearest Bie. I couldn’t help it. So yeah, I was mad at him and he was mad at me. We tried to keep quiet about it (after the stressed snapping moment); him entertaining his mind, I suppose while I gained my composure. I can’t help it. When I’m tired, I do that a lot. I know that Bie was tired also as he just got back from JB, but I just couldn’t help myself. I was on the verge of loosing it yesterday [sigh]. I hate it.

Today is a start of a new week. I’ll have to make it up to Bie tonight. Well, I have apologized. I sent him a text message saying I was sorry. So tonight, I’ll do it verbally. We both didn’t bring up the subject after that awkward moment yesterday but I know that deep at the bottom of my heart, we have to talk about it. Get it out in the open. I’ll do it tonight; definitely. We were both tired and I guess yesterday was the peak of it.

Letihnya…