Trip Last Sunday

Last Sunday we went to B***** for the getting-to-know session between the parents. Well my parents and the girlfriends’ parents. We didn’t expect to see so many people there. Apparently, nearly all of the siblings came home for the weekend, except for two of them. And all were bringing their spouses and kids. The minute we arrived, all came out at the front door looking at us (more like gawking actually). I felt like an animal in a zoo.

When we got off the car, they greeted us, friendly and all. The girlfriend was also there. Everybody was smiling. Ibu didn’t feel too happy. She felt awkward at the fact that so many of her siblings came back for the weekend.

At first, her mother didn’t talk much to us. Ibu kept quiet whereas Ayah was busy chatting with the father, introducing the whole family and telling him about our family, him being a pensioner but still lecturing on a contract basis, etc.. etc.. The mother was busy watching TV, probably a little nervous but trying to hide it by discussing what’s on TV with her kids. I thought it was rude as we were actually there sitting with her in the room. But like I said, she was probably nervous.

It was not until we were offered coffee and kuih that Ibu warmed up to the mother. I guess because at that time everyone was sitting at the dining table, so the close proximity made Ibu a little comfortable.

So they talked. Just small talks. But Ayah began to get serious and informed them of our intentions (not merisik or anything, but merely asking them of their requests). The parents didn’t say much. They kept on saying that it was up to us. They’d just follow suit. I guess I am a little surprised. I mean, they seemed to have so much to say in front of my brother but in front of my parents, they suddenly look like little cats to me. Saying that everything was up to us. So Ayah impliedly told them that he doesn’t mind for them to get engaged but it has to be proper. Ibu also mentioned that it’d be best if the girl works first before getting married because it’s unfair that she has the qualifications but she’s not working (I had to admit that it was very well said). Ayah added in that he had seen so many cases at the university; getting married so young with no taste of the outside world and suddenly the unexpected happened. He said he didn’t want that to happen to both my brother and the girl. The parents just nodded their heads and agreed. But ayah reiterated that whatever decision to be made will be between my brother and the girl. If they want to get engaged soon, then be it. Whatever it is, he just wants things to be done the proper way.

After that, we were served lunch and at about 1.30pm, we left for KL.

So now, the ball is in my brother’s court. He has to decide on when this whole thing is going to take place. I reminded him that I am already in my eight month of pregnancy and that my due date is 25th May. So he has to decide whether he wants to do it now, or after my delivery, OR after my confinement. He said he’ll take note, but whatever it is, we have to wait until the girl finishes he paper first. She’s got exam in April (for that paper that she has to re-sit for), so whatever it is, it’ll be after her exams.

So yeah, I am going to get a sister-in-law… I guess, soon.

A Mother’s Love

We don’t know the extent of a mother’s love for us, until we ourselves become mothers. That’s what I feel. We take for granted the love that our mothers shower us, thinking that it’s their forte coz after all, isn’t that what mothers are supposed to do. But sometimes we ourselves as children failed to reciprocate the love that our mothers give us. We think by giving them money or calling them to say hi, is enough to show that we love them, but believe me, those are just basically the tip of the iceberg. There is actually more to it than that. But of course, we failed to see that.

There are many types of mothers out there. There’s one who doesn’t talk much but is always taking crap (pardon my language) from other people. There are the possessive ones, the gossipy ones, the ones who can’t seem to stop talking about their children, the competitive ones, the pushy ones, the irritating ones, the ones who are overly protective, and the list goes on and on.

And we, sometimes as children, despised our mothers when they’re at their worst. We refuse to understand them and are always looking at the negative side of things. We sometimes treat our mothers with disrespect (when we’re angry about something) and always assume that our mothers are ok with it. Just give her a few days to cool off. But it doesn’t work that way.

A mother’s love for her children is actually indescribable. Do you really think that the lady who killed her two young sons because she was upset with her husband do not love her children? I feel that she loved her children very much, but her temporary insanity at that time together with bad judgment, influenced her decision to carry out the terrible deed. Who are we, the people who do not know her, comment on her or judge her? Although our hearts reached out for the boys and we were dismayed at the fact that the mother could actually kill her two kids, only Allah knows why it happened. Things happen for a reason and what better being to understand other than Allah himself.

I had an hour long conversation with Ibu yesterday and some of the things she touched upon made me have tears in my eyes. Lately, I feel that Ibu has drifted away from me. She’s busy with her personal things and I have to admit that though I’m married and all, I do feel neglected. I am always in contact with Ayah (he calls me like nearly everyday – what to do, I’m a Daddy’s girl), but Ibu… well, she’s not they type to call for unnecessary reason. She is also not the type that remembers important dates and all.

But yesterday, she made me open my eyes on what a mother’s love truly means. Though we’re all big children, but in her eyes, we’re still small. She gets hurt twice as fast if anything were to happen to us or if any of us is sad with grief. She cited one very good example; she’d rather be bitten by the mosquito rather than to see her children sleep restlessly at night. That caught me by surprise. Because of the hot weather these days, there seemed to be a lot of mosquitoes at night. I just don’t know where they come from. And I would actually stay awake just to ensure that the mosquitoes do not bite my daughter. I hate seeing her scratching here and there when she’s asleep. And when she does scratch, I would always wake up to put some lotion or ointment on the places that she was bit, whatever time that may be. So when Ibu said that, I felt emotional. Tears were welling up in my eyes, but I controlled them.

She said, “I love my children very much. There is no way for me to describe the feelings. I may not show them through tasty cooking or shower them with gifts and presents, but believe me when I say that I love each and every one of you. In my eyes, you are still very small. I am tired of crying, and I don’t want to simply cry if my child upsets me. I don’t want you to be sinned for every tear that dropped because believe me, I don’t want that for my children. But I sometimes wish that my children would understand me. You’re a mother now. I’m sure you know how much a mother loves her child”.

So from today onwards, I vow to accept her views and understand her actions. I will try to be more supportive and be her shoulder to cry on or let out any frustration when she needs it. I will also try to bite my tongue and not answer her back or comment negatively when she is telling me certain things (if I do comment, I would have to ensure that the comments will not hurt her). She is after all my mother and I want her to know that I will love her to the max until the day that Allah calls her to meet Him.

One Time Ago

I had just finished lazing around after four months of my graduation and decided to look for work. The perfect place where they say the job market was vast and competitive was KL. So I looked through the papers and started scouring for job vacancies. One particular advertisement grabbed my eye. It sounded good so I thought, why not check it out.

So I went to KL the next day, looked for the building and entered the office. It looked impressive and the people were smartly dressed. I was excited. I had my resume at hand and was told to fill in a few forms before they call me for interviews.

They liked me and wanted me to start work the next day. I was surprised but happy that I had finally found something. So I went back to the office the next day, ready and excited to embark on something new. We were ushered into a room where a staff presented some very interesting facts about the organization and the income that one could earn there. But, I was in a surprise soon after that. Apparently, the company was involved in the commodity market, supposedly in Hong Kong. So we had to come by the office at night to study the commodity market and source for potential clients.

I felt cheated. And vowed not to go back there the next day. My sentiments were shared by a new friend I found at the office, a newly-recruited employee like me called Henry. He was half-Thai and half Indian. So we got on to talking, and exchanged numbers.

We continued to keep in contact, for short coffee break or meet ups, even after I got my first proper job at Maxis Tower. One day, he asked me out. He fetched me at the office and we went to Damansara. He brought me to a pub he usually frequented and introduced me to some of his friends. They were a nice bunch. Very chatty and friendly. Some of them were playing darts while some of them were just hanging out and talking. As it was close to dinner time, I felt hungry. At first Henry just wanted to eat at the pub but I felt uncomfortable coz I wanted to talk to him where the noise was less without any interruption from his friends. Besides, I wanted to go to Stevens’ at Damansara Uptown. I just could not resist the food there.

So we went there to have our dinner. And we talked. About a lot of things. It was actually fun. We stayed until after 10pm when suddenly he received a call from his friends. They were having a dart contest or something and they wanted him to return to the pub to take place in the team. At first he was reluctant to do so but because the team had no other player, he had no choice but to join the team. He was very upset. He wanted to hang out with me but he had to go.

I told him that I was ok with it. Except that I needed some sort of transport to send me back home because I went there with him. He realized that but could not send me because his friends were being very persistent, calling every other five minutes or so. So, in the end, he hailed a taxi for me and asked the taxi driver to take me home safely. He took the driver’s number and car registration, and repeatedly told the driver to take care of me and would be looking for him if anything was to happen to me. The driver smiled and assured him that he would take me home safely. I don’t know how much he paid the taxi driver but the driver was beaming from ear to ear.

Before I got into the taxi, he faced me and looked at me straight in the eye. I felt uncomfortable and told him not to look at me like that. He suddenly took my hands into his and confessed that he liked me. Though I had a boyfriend at that time, he didn’t care. He wanted to continue his friendship with me and wanted to see me more often. But he was worried. He was worried that after that night, I wouldn’t want to see him again, and he also felt worried to leave me in a taxi with a man I hardly knew. He also felt very wrong not to send me home coz after all; he was the one who picked me up. I told him not to worry about me.

But inside, I was worried as hell. Alone inside a taxi with a complete stranger was not how I pictured the night would end. He didn’t want to let me go. He continued to hold my hands and kissed them. To him, this was it. Tonight would determine whether I was interested to see him again, and he was worried that I wouldn’t want to. I felt rather awkward. Finally he let go of my hands and kissed both my cheeks. He opened the taxi door for me and told the taxi driver to take me home safely.

I waved goodbye and prayed that I would get home safely. Lucky for me, the taxi driver turned out to be a friendly guy not to mention nice. He thought Henry was my boyfriend because he said he had never met anyone so protective of a girl before. He further thought that it was nice of Henry to worry for me. I told him that Henry was just a friend.

I got home safely and not long after that, Henry called me. He wanted to make sure that I was home safely. He also said that he would understand if I no longer wanted to see him after the incident. I told him not to be silly and that of course we would remain friends. But he was skeptical and said he would wait for my call. If I still want to continue the friendship, I would call him. If I didn’t, he would understand and he would not bug me anymore.

The minute we hung up, I called my dearest Bie and told him what happened. Bie didn’t flip. He just said not to contact Henry anymore. I told him that he shouldn’t worry and that I wouldn’t. I was actually a little afraid of Henry. It wasn’t so much of him ‘abandoning’ me on the taxi ride home, but it was more of his intention. Him holding my hands and kissing them. I don’t think I wanted to go along that route with him. So yes, I never did call him anymore. Henry too, just as he said, hadn’t called me anymore after that night.

It’s Actually Happening

I was at my parents’ last weekend. It’s been three weeks since I spent the weekend home, so I was excited to go back. All my brothers were there, except for the last one. He was still stuck at college because he had some studying to do. His finals are in April and he wanted to study (he does a lot of studying. I don’t know why. I wish I was like that during my student days… anyway).

I was lazing in front of the TV on the Saturday afternoon when my brother patted me on the foot and said that he had something to say. My Ayah was also there. So I sat up proper and waited for him to open his mouth. He sat on the sofa opposite me and said, “I went to B***** before I went to Terengganu last week to see her parents. Her mother was worried that I was avoiding them and she reprimanded her daughter for making me stressed and pressurized. So, I decided to talk to the parents”.

I’m like… hhmm… ok. Apparently, the mother felt that my brother was trying to avoid them. So she bising to her daughter, asking her why my brother haven’t been visiting for quite a while. And since my brother was in a very stressed condition, she was afraid that my brother would leave her daughter [I was already menyampah at this stage, but I kept my cool]. But my brother took my Ayah’s advice instead and decided to ask the parents direct on WHAT the parents actually want.

Her mother wants them to be engaged. But she doesn’t want the engagement period to be too long. If possible, she wants it to be soon. When my brother asked her what she meant by soon. She didn’t know how to reply. She kept on asking my brother to talk to my parents and ask them to come over to B*****. My brother put his foot on it and said, “To my family, 6 months isn’t that long. In fact, it’s very short. So tell me, what is Makcik’s definition of a short engagement? Besides, before I get my parents to come here, they must at least know what’s going on and I intend to relay them the message”. The mother just kept quiet.

My brother told us that the father wants it to happen in December this year. I thought he meant the engagement, but then my brother clarified it for me. “Not tunang lah Long. Kawin”. I was shocked. What??!! Getting married? This December? So, when is the engagement? My brother couldn’t reply. He said her parents are leaving it up to him, but the marriage itself is to happen in December 2007.

I was not very pleased. I mean, she still is not working. She’s got a paper (re-sitting) sometime soon and her parents want her engaged?? I didn’t know what to say. But I did see that the discussion with the parents took quite a loading off my brother. He was more cheerful and played with my daughter like nearly all the time. He talked to me and did not look stressed. Well, that was before he confided in us on what took place in B*****.

My Ayah, wanting to support his son, not wanting him to be stressed started laying out the plans. Perhaps getting engaged in April so that we have 8 months or so to prepare for the wedding. I just kept quiet. I wanted to support my brother all the way, but somehow I couldn’t. But I didn’t want to pressure my brother. Kesian kat dia. He’s had enough of the stress without me giving him my ideas and making him more stressed. So it was decided that the issue had to be discussed further with Ibu.

The next day, I had an opportunity to talk to my brother. I asked him whether he was happy that he’s finally getting hitched because the way I see it, he only wants to get married so that he can put an end to the stress that he was facing. He just kept quiet.

Me: I see that you only want to get married coz you’re thinking that you’re approaching 30 and that you’ve been friends with her for quite a number of years and biler lagi nak kawin if not now. Aren’t you happy at the thought of getting married?

Him: Mana ada orang happy nak kawin Long. Mana ada orang tak stress.

Me: That’s not the answer I was looking for. And besides, that SHOULD not be the reply. I don’t want you to get married for the wrong reasons.

Him: Dah pening kepalalah Long. Malas nak fikir dah. It’s now or never. If I don’t get married now, I will probably never get married at all.

Me: Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you’ll get married. Why are you being stressed over nothing? Chill, ok. This is a small thing. There’ll be greater things later in life.

Him: I’m afraid that our family wouldn’t be able to accept her. I have no problem with her family.

Me: That is something that you have to work with. Get her to come and see our parents. Ni asyik kau je ke sana. Get her to ambil hati Ibu.

Him: Dia tak nak Long. Dia takut.

Me: Takut? What is she afraid of? She wants to get married to Ibu’s son, but she’s afraid to meet Ibu herself? Come on lah. Ask her not to be silly. It’s not like as if she doesn’t know me. For God’s sake, I was the one who introduced her to you. She even seems segan with me!!

Him: Yeah, she mentioned that.

Me: Silly lah. Look, who am I to stop you from marrying her. After all, it’s your life. But I am concerned that she’s not working yet. And the fact that staying in KL these days is expensive. And depending on your income alone, I don’t think it’s enough. And she has got to work on her interaction skills. I want her to work not just for the money, but for the exposure.

Him: [Sighing] Tak taulah Long. Pening kepala dah ni fikir.

Later that night, we had a family discussion. Ayah was controlling the discussion. Ibu couldn’t get her words in. I had to act like a chairperson to make way for Ibu to talk. From Ibu’s face, I know that she doesn’t want my brother to get married to this girl. She was concerned of the fact that the girl wasn’t working and she didn’t want my brother to be burdened on everything. My brother didn’t look too happy. He wanted to get this over and done with, but he also wanted the restu of our parents. He looked even stressed during the discussion. He didn’t say much. I was his sort of spokesperson, so to speak. Finally Ibu just relented and said, “Terpulanglah. Ikut suka hati”. And I know my brother didn’t like that reply. His face was all squeezed up.

So I took charge and said, “Ibu, see his face. He’s all stressed up. Say something that will cheer him up”. Ibu looked at him and didn’t know how to react. She finally suggested something which made my brother a little comfortable. So it was decided. Rather than go with Ayah’s plan i.e. straight away visit them for an engagement, we will visit the family for a ‘berkenalan’ session. To which my brother almost immediately agreed. A first sign of relief. We will see what their side have to say and decide thereon on any engagement or wedding.

So it was decided. We will go to B***** on the 25th to Meet The Parents. And hopefully things will progress from there.

I have to admit that I do not like the idea of them getting married. But after talking to my brother, I could sense his stress level and felt nothing but huge brotherly love for him. And I hate to see him getting all upset. So I have decided to support him with his plans and pray that the marriage will last. I also hope that we wouldn’t face much complication during the engagement or the wedding itself. But most importantly, I want the girl to get a job soon coz I have a feeling that my parents might be receiving another grandchild into this world sometime next year (I don’t think they’re the honey-mooning type, unlike me and Dearest Bie) and I want them to be financially sound for that. I did say that if he’s all married, he must not forget to come back our parents’ place. Jangan asyik nak balik B***** jer. Kesian kat our parents. He just kept quiet.

So there, there is going to be a wedding soon and I just hope that things will work out. Looks like I have to get used to the idea of accepting her as the sister-in-law. All in the name of love for my brother. And that’s only one brother getting married. I wonder how it’ll be for my other two brothers.