Life Towards the end of October

Life without Aini has its pros and cons. On the one hand, I somehow treasure my privacy. I am free to wear and do whatever I want without the worry that she may emerge from her room. But on the other hand, I am a little tired, having to wake up a little early to prepare Marsya’s breakfast (and Bie’s breakfast for that matter) as well as prepare her packed food. Lately she seems to like roti canai and sausages. So I cooked them for her and put them in her little food bag. Afterwards, I would take my morning shower and ask Bie to monitor Marsya’s morning shower. All her clothes are ready the minute she walked out of the bathroom. Whilst everyone eats their breakfast, I would hang the recently washed clothes (if any) and pack the clothes that I should bring to my in-laws, as Marsya is stationed there after school. When I get back, I need to sort out my laundry and iron the clothes. I have been eating dinner at my in-laws (somehow they want us to dine there) so haven’t been cooking dinner at home yet; maybe next week.

But the one thing that makes me sad is that I had to send Raqib to stay with my parents in Seremban. That was a very difficult thing for me to do. I have never been away from him. And he too has never been away from me. On the morning that Ibu came to fetch Raqib, he woke up early in the morning, crying, looking for me while repeatedly saying, “Adik sayang Umi”.. (Raqib loves Umi), then he hugged me tightly. That brought me to my tears. I returned the hug and told him that I love him very much. It was like as if he knew that I was going to send him away to stay with my parents. He asked me to talk to him (meaning, call him if he stays with his Uwan) and told me not to forget him. How could I not cry to that. He was only 3 years old, but he seemed to understand the predicament that I was in. The night before, as I was packing his clothes, I was crying. For every little thing that I put in the bag, I had tears falling like rain. It was a terrible feeling. I hated it.

Gosh.. it was a mentally-torturing start of a week for me. Starting with the fact that I have to send my son away and also learning that my cousin passed away due to a motor accident; were just too much for me. My eyes were puffy from too much crying. And the fact that I was tired as I had to do the chores that Aini usually does for me, was all just too much. I was emotionally distressed and on the verge of a breakdown. It was terrible. But I slowly picked myself up, and come the next day (after reciting the Yassin that night), I felt a lot better. So much better. Still tired, but I have come to terms with the fact that Raqib doesn’t stay with me, and that I have to do chores at home. And today is Friday. I’m looking forward to go back to Seremban after work today. I get to see my son, and sleep with him tonight. I get to hug him and stroke his hair, telling him that everything was alright. I am so looking forward to that.

As for Aini, she calls me every other day (well, she miscalled me, so I had to return the call); mostly to talk to Raqib. She missed him terribly and just wanted to hear his voice. So yeah, there is attachment there. And though she has gone back to Lombok, we’re still connected. Even Ibu gave her a call a few nights ago. She was happy that Ibu called. Hhmm.. I wonder whether she’ll come back to us. Still too early to say.

On an unrelated development, I have finally confronted a dear friend about him leaving the company (yeah, I updated a post on this a few weeks ago). I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t act like as if nothing happened. I was mad at first because he didn’t tell me. But the anger just turned into a huge disappointment. I was upset because he didn’t make the effort to tell me. But I got that out of my system now and I have never felt so relieved. I called him this morning and immediately blurted out my disappointment. He was shocked alright. Didn’t expect to be ‘attacked’ quite so early in the morning. But I was determined to get it out of my system. And I am thankful that I did it. So as a peace offering, he gave me a nasi lemak for lunch. Home-made. His mother cooked it. And it was truly my rezeki, because it was delicious. I enjoyed it very much. So yeah, now we’re back on speaking terms. Alhamdulillah…

On another unrelated matter, a close friend of mine, Lin is leaving for Doha tonight. I will be sending her off at KLIA. So, immediately after work, I will go to KLIA, then off to Seremban I go to see my son. I am going to miss Lin. Yes we don’t talk everyday. But she will always be close to my heart. I’ve been friends with her for more than 2 decades!! Imagine that. We were in 1 Intan at Sek. Men. Convent Seremban back then. She was this nerdy, curly-haired girl. Her nose was always into story books (romance with lots of action if you know what I mean). So yeah, I am definitely going to miss her. And the fact that she will only come back in April next year is so disheartening. I would have had my baby till then. Well, I hope she’ll do well in Doha.

Can’t wait to go back to Seremban!!

My Birthday 2010

Everyone looks forward to their birthdays every year. Well, I don’t look forward at knowing I’ll be a year older (ask all my friends… they know that I am forever in my late 20’s), but I look forward to the birthday wishes, the thoughts that others remember… it makes it all warm and fuzzy inside, you know. And I like that. Getting a gift is of course something better. But at this age, I don’t get gifts all the time (though I know that I’ll be getting something from my Hommies towards year end). But I don’t mind. It’s the thought that counts.

Anyway, I looked forward to 19th October 2010 this year because I know that it was a special day for me. But I was woken up by crying and sobbing from outside the room. It was 6am. I thought the crying came from someone on the upper floor, but when I listened closely, it was from the living room. I quickly got out of bed and opened the bedroom room. There was Aini, my maid, sobbing and wailing relentlessly on the sofa. Bie was sitting on the other sofa looking forlorn. Aini grabbed my hand and hugged me. I was shocked. What happened? What was going on? Then in between sobs, she said, “Suami saya dah takder Puan” (my husband is no longer around). I kept quiet and looked at Bie. He explained further saying that she just learned that her husband had passed away. I was stunned. She was due to go back to Lombok in the middle of next month. And I know that she was planning to stay in Bali for a night with her husband, a second honeymoon so to speak. I hugged her tightly and held her hands. They were ice cold. She was in a state of shock. I asked Bie to call my parents, then my in-laws and asked them to come to my house. I didn’t know what to do in such a situation and I was sure that with my parents around, they would know how to console her. I held her for another half an hour, stroking her hair, asking her to have patience and recite istighfar, but she kept on sobbing. At this point in time, she still did not know how her husband passed away. And that was how my birthday began on 19th October.

My parents-in-law arrived. Bak bought prepaid worth RM20 so that she could call home and find out more on what happened. I was getting ready to go to the hospital. I had my monthly check-up to go to. As I was about to leave, I heard more wailing this time coming from her room. I knew that Aini was not fit to take care of my son, what with being in the state of sadness and all, so I quickly woke Raqib up, bathed him and brought him with me to the hospital. I asked Mak to stay with her in her room. It was the least I could do. I couldn’t bear to leave her alone.

My doctor noted that I had increased 3kg in one month. I now weigh 58kg and 5 months pregnant. Oh well, I know that I am on the road to recovery, so I guess I have to start watch what I eat. She also shared with me good news; I may be having a girl. I was quite surprised. All the signs show that I maybe having a boy even though I wanted a girl. I didn’t mind. As long as the baby is healthy, I am fine. But having a girl would be most wonderful. After all, we don’t have many girls in the family. So both my parents and in-laws would welcome the news most joyously. But of course, this is still too early. There could be a possibility that the gender was hidden, and that was why the doctor didn’t see any ‘siput’ there. But it’s ok. It was good news for me nonetheless considering how my birthday began that day.

When I reached home around noon, I found Aini downstairs at the apartment lobby talking to her friend. Her eyes were all puffy. I asked her how her husband passed away and was told that it was a motorbike accident; head on collision with another motorbike. Four of them passed away with her brother-in-law still critical at the hospital. I was shocked but quickly recomposed myself as I didn’t want to upset her. Aini also told me that she wanted to go back to Lombok as soon as possible. I told her that I still needed to renew her permit because it expires next month. After all, we have done her medical check-up. She told me that she didn’t care. All she knows was that she had to go home. She will find a way to come back here later after her permit expires. And since there was no way to talk her out of it, we decided that it’d be best that she went back the next day. After all, she was not in a position to do anything. She was crying all the time. And I pity her.

We bought her a return ticket earlier. She was due to come back on 15 March next year (I know.. I’m a good boss. Most people would never allow such long holiday, but she has been telling me this since we renewed her permit last year, and she obviously had her reasons, and I don’t really fancy hiring a new maid, so I ultimately agreed). But since this happened, I don’t know whether she’s coming back here at all. What with the new baby coming.. [sigh].. oh well, we’ll cross the bridge when we get there.

So that afternoon, I went to the bank to withdraw all her money, and went to Air Asia to change the departure date. Later that night when my parents arrived, we held a ‘tahlil’ session for the ‘arwah’ after Isya’ prayers. She was very grateful and also moved that my family cared for her so much. The thing is we don’t really treat her like a maid. What we eat is what she would eat. Wherever we go, we would always bring her. And Ibu was very supportive of her. Yeah, she’s closer to my mother compared to me. I guess me being her boss and everything; she still feels that there ought to be some imaginary boundaries restricting herself from getting too close to me.

The next day we sent her to the airport. But Allah’s test does not stop there. She missed her 3.50pm flight. I guess we were all at fault. We delayed in getting her to be checked in. We didn’t want her to be alone. So when she finally checked in at 3.30pm, she missed her flight. The funny thing was that, there were no announcements at all reminding the passangers of the flights that were going to take-off. I did hear announcements made for Macau and Singapore, but none for Bali.

The farewell session itself was a bit dramatic. My children, especially Marsya was very sad to see her off. Marsya was crying non-stop and repeatedly asked Aini when she was going to come back. Raqib surprisingly was not as sad as Marsya. I guess him being younger and not understanding much contributed to his lack of emotions. Aini was also crying as she hugged me and Ibu. The farewell session probably took a while too, and I guess that also contributed to her missing her flight.

We were already on our way back when the Air Asia officer called and told us that Aini missed her flight. We were all shocked. How could that be? It was just impossible. But it happened alright. So we made a u-turn and returned to the airport. We were told to buy another ticket as the next flight to Bali was at 5.55pm. But when Bie went to the sales counter, he was told that they couldn’t issue a new ticket anymore and that the next flight was at 10.55am the next day. It was their policy and if we still wanted them to issue a new ticket, then it was up to the discretion of the officer in charge. So yeah, we were treated like ping-pong balls; asked to go here, there, everywhere. Finally Bie got mad and went to see the officer again at the sales counter and demanded that the ticket be issued there and then. He also said it was an emergency and that Aini had to get on the 5.55pm flight. The officer finally relented and asked his colleague to issue a new ticket. And blessed to Allah, rather than pay the fare of a new ticket which cost us RM370, we only paid the penalty and the difference of the fare price between the one bought earlier and the new fare. We ended up paying only RM164. Blessed to Allah.

We waited for another half an hour to make sure that there were no more glitches and finally left the airport at 5.30pm. My children were complaining of hunger. I was hungry myself. I only ate half a doughnut and two slices of bread that morning. So we stopped at the MEX rest area and ate there. By that time, it was already 6.30pm.

When we got home, Marsya was crying again demanding that I called Aini as she wanted to speak to her. She also went to Aini’s room and stayed there on her mattress while crying. Raqib on the other hand was giving me a hard time too. He was throwing tantrums; not wanting anyone else to entertain him except me. I was dead tired that night. And him acting like that didn’t help. So yeah, there were a few pinches and slaps courtesy of his Umi that night. Even Ibu was worried about me. She asked me to be patient and tried to help out wherever possible. I don’t know. I was just TOO tired that night.

The next day, I was still on emergency leave. Not having Aini around proved to be quite difficult. I didn’t make Marsya’s milo the way that she liked and she didn’t like the egg sandwich that I made for her to bring to school (she said yucks.. can you imagine that.. sabar jerlah), and the list went on. Well, I’ve had little practice. Give me a break. I cooked lunch, fed my kids, and made sure that the laundry was sorted out. And that was me at home on emergency leave. This morning, I made tuna sandwich for breakfast (as well as for Marsya to bring to school). But I didn’t know where her school bag was, and didn’t know where her clean socks were. So yeah, she went to school today with no socks on. So imagine, the littlest things in life, which I have never bothered to even think about before have now began to materialize.

I don’t know how I am going to go about my daily routine with Aini out of the picture. But I guess I’ll just have to deal with it in my own ways. I believe Allah will help. After all, He was the one that planned all this for me. I’m sure He has His reasons for doing this. Temporarily, I will place Raqib with my parents in Seremban. Marsya will stay in KL with me as she has school to attend to. Come school break, I will send both my children to USJ to stay with my Maksu. I will not pick them up everyday; perhaps once in 2 to 3 days, I’ll pick them up. But I don’t mind. At least USJ is closer than Seremban. Maksu asked me to send Raqib to stay with her for a week or so, but I don’t think it’s fair for Maksu. She’s in between moving from PJ to USJ. I don’t want to impose. I know for sure though that by the middle of November, she will permanently be in USJ.

So yeah, that was the turn of event that took place on my birthday. It didn’t exactly turn out the way I wanted it to. Oh well, I suppose there’s a ‘hikmah’ for this. All these were planned by Allah and like I said, I suppose there are reasons as to why He planned it as such. We just have to ‘redha’… Insya Allah.

Wish me luck!

I Hear He’s Leaving

I just learned something today. A dear friend of mine is leaving. He has just tendered his resignation about a week ago or so. The thing is, I didn’t hear it from the horse’s mouth himself. I heard it from another friend. A part of me is kind of upset because I learnt the news from a third party, but another part of me felt that him not telling me was justifiable considering I haven’t been a proper friend to him for this past 3 months or so. I was sick, remember. Terrible morning sickness, not bothered to talk to anyone (people also didn’t bother to talk to me, most of them knew how I was when I am experiencing morning sickness). So, him not telling me didn’t come as a surprise.

But after I learnt that he was leaving for a better place that probably pays him more than 50% of what he’s getting now, I don’t know how to actually react. I don’t really know how to identify this feeling I have inside. I suppose, I have known all along that he was leaving. He has made it very clear to me that he is not happy with what he’s getting. And the fact that the Company compensates him poorly for all the works he does makes him even more unhappy and demotivated. He has had an offer in the past that pays him 30% more than what he’s getting now, but he rejected the offer because the Company promised to counter-offer. But unfortunately, the counter-offer wasn’t so much of a counter if you know what I mean. So he regretted his action very much. And kept on talking about the mistake of rejecting the offer. But now, he’s got a better offer on the table. And knowing the predicament he was in months ago, it’s only natural for him to accept this new offer.

Wow.. I can’t believe that he’s finally leaving. We’ve always talked about how it would be like if he were to have left. Things like who would take over his job, and will I be able to work closely with this new person. I have to admit that I am pretty close to him. It is so easy to work with him. I have always been able to get what I want contrary to what other people say of him. And now he’s leaving. I hope the person that takes over his place is as friendly as he is. Someone who is not too petty and of course easy to work with.

That is in terms of work. Personal wise, we are close too. I suppose I know a lot of stuff about him (too much sometimes, I have to admit and I don’t think I’d like to share them here), but he likes to tell me. And I am always the type that lends ears. I listen. And I give opinions and feedbacks. I suppose that’s what he wanted. In fact, that’s what anyone would want. And he has always been nice to me. An example of that was to give me a lift back home. His parents’ place is near mine. In fact, he has to pass through mine first before he can get to his parents’ place. Due to the convenience, he didn’t mind giving me a lift. So we would go home together (hence all the personal conversations because we talked all the way in the car) and him dropping off to my place before heading to his. Because of our closeness, Bie calls him my BFF short for Best Friends Forever. Friends at the office also know that we’re close. So sometimes, they would ask me to request things from him (work-wise) because they find it difficult to get anything from him. And I suppose he does give me the priority, because I always get what I ask for.

After 9 years of working closely together, he is finally leaving. It’s difficult to comprehend, but it has to happen sometime. Change is good. And I have to get that into my head. I don’t resent him for leaving. When he told me about the earlier offer (the one he rejected), I was going like, “Man..!! You’re leaving? No.. you can’t. How can you leave us? We have been a good team. Now who can I work with? I don’t want BL. She’s not friendly and is so ‘lorat’… I don’t think I can work with someone like her…”, and the remarks went on and on and on. But upon learning this recent offer, the one that he had accepted, I just couldn’t seem to have the same outburst. Somehow, I had known that he was leaving. In fact, at one point last time, I even coaxed him into looking for other jobs (he was just too upset about the offer he rejected). So yeah, I couldn’t react with the same outburst anymore. The feeling was somehow drained out of me when he received the earlier offer.

At this point in time, he doesn’t know that I know. And I don’t think I intend to tell him. I still want him to tell me the news himself. So until that time, I will just act casually, acting like as if I do not know anything. I am a good actress. So yeah, I think I can just act cool about it. We have 3 more months before he leaves. So I guess I’ll just have to make best of the 3 months up until the day he is finally gone.

Wow.. it’s so weird to say that. After all that we went through. The drive to Johor and back for launchings or workshops, the visits to Melawati Bazaar Ramadhan (last year, where he taught me to buy mercun for my children.. as if I would, so I reprimanded him for buying mercun for his kids), the differing opinions and arguments we have on world issues (social, political or religious), the Gang of Six lunches (that reminds me, I have yet to finish the scrapbook.. hhmm.. maybe I’ll finish it and give it to him as a present), the first time encounter I had with Japanese food (he loves Japanese food, and he taught me to eat Japanese food), the Subway coupon that I always nicked from him (because he doesn’t take lunch, whereas I do, so I need the coupons to go and have lunch at Subway with my Hommies), the ikan bakar lunch at belakang istana (that was also the first time for me and because I have never eaten the famous ikan bakar, he treated me for lunch there), the treat at the kari kepala ikan at Jln Kg Attap, my love for chocolate (I always nicked his chocolate if I go to his place and there happens to be chocolate there), the forever REM or Coldplay songs that he plays on his CD player (I hated that.. it was always the same songs over and over again), oohh.. and who can forget the Bali elements of his workplace (his colleague once told him to reduce the volume because she couldn’t sleep; she kept hearing the music in her head), that Bali element will be one of the things that I will miss about him – he’s just SO into it that I just don’t understand why (he said it was relaxing), the VCDs that someone mysteriously left for him on the windshield of his car (I took the VCDs and gave them to others who actually appreciate it) and of course people’s comments on his forever youthful look, despite being a father to two girls, the priceless look on his face when he first saw me with a hijab on (he was SHOCKED, coz the previous week, I got a lift from him to go back home and I was wearing a knee-length black skirt with high-heeled white wedges... hehehe).. Gosh.. I can go on and on.. I guess it really shows that I will certainly miss this guy [sigh].. oh well. Allah has made plans for him. And at the moment, it happens to be a good plan. So yeah, I am happy for him. I hope that he will be happy at his new place and not forget us here at KL Sentral.

NAS, I wish you all the best luck in the world. May you always be in the guidance of Allah SWT, Insya Allah.