I Stink

I made another HUGE blunder today. Me and my mouth, and my head for that matter for not thinking it thoroughly. I think I am loosing my empathic capabilities. I make comments to people close to me without really thinking what I say and in the end, hurting them in the process.

I am a terrible, terrible friend. Yes, I see that in myself at the moment. Never knowing when to shut up and always thinking I know everything when for the fact is that I know nothing. Always wanting to compare myself with others, sometimes being down right selfish to people’s thought and thinking with that ‘tak apa’ attitude. I don’t deserve good friends lah. Me, a woman who prides in maintaining close girlfriends even after marriage. Who depends on girlfriends even though I have a husband and a baby (how sick is that, right?). Well right now, I don’t think I’m that worthy anymore.

I hate the after feeling of making a stupid mistake. I hate making close friends hurt. I hate it, I hate it and I hate it. But I can’t seem to run away from that. Somehow in the future, I’d repeat the same mistakes and other people would end up getting hurt. I might as well be put in a box somewhere.

I had an online quarrel with a good friend a couple of months back. I felt terrible. I admit that it was due to my stupid remark (one of those moments where I make remarks without thinking – yeah, me being selfish and non-empathic again) that got the whole thing started. Stunned as I was by her reply, I was emotionally and physically affected. Others may not see that. They may see me as a ‘tak apa’ kind of girl who is not affected by the smallest comment. But when it happens in situations that I am attached to dearly (emotionally and physically), it got to me. I was upset for weeks. Heck, my monthly period was also delayed. Too emotionally strained. I was stupid. And now, I am repeating the same thing yet again. How DUMB is that??? [sigh]…

The thing is, I can’t shut myself up. Whenever I try not to say anything, I’ll end up giving comments. I’m like one of those critics in the paper. Though a critic is harsh, I try to stay away from that. But being me, I just have to be critical.

To all friends, I am sorry if I have ever hurt you with my remarks, comments or statements. I can understand if you’re mad at me, please do so. You’re entitled to it. I can’t promise not to repeat it because it’s in my nature to make remarks; it’s in my blood. But, I will try to think first before I say anything (I have to, I really have to). I hate it when friends get hurt because of my stupid remarks. I probably don’t deserve you. I’m probably better of not depending too much on friends as I’d only offend them.

Selfish that I am, I want both in my life; a marriage and friends. I don’t know whether you can balance both. But at the rate I’m going, I wonder who would be hurt in the process.

I’m sorry. Truly very sorry.

Patience Is Thinning

Last night was another night that my daughter went berserk on me. She was screaming, crying (sampai tersedu-sedu) and didn’t want to go to sleep. Whenever she slept, she would wake up again. And that’s like for every half an hour or so. It was tiring.

She wanted breast milk, but I can’t give it to her. It was too painful. She has a lot of teeth these days and does not hesitate to use them in whichever circumstances. Therefore, I refuse to let in on her. And of course she was in fits. She screamed, refused to take the bottled milk I prepared for her and cried like as if she was in terrible, physical pain. And to make matters worse, I have been very tired lately. The past several weeks were just too much and yesterday, I had that training at NIOSH, Bangi from 9am to 5pm. So I was physically and mentally tired. Her screaming didn’t help. The fact that she didn’t want her father also wasn’t helping.

Her crying got to me. I was upset. I could feel my patience thinning and the urge to smack her little butt was at the verge of my finger tips. But I tried to control myself and recited some zikir so that I could control my temper.

Earlier that day, she was also in fits. When I disallowed her to walk outside of the house (in front of my in-laws’ house), she screamed hysterically and started to “berguling” on the floor where Bak’s kancil is parked. When I tried to pick her up, she slanted her body so that I couldn’t pick her up. And when her abi tried to pick her up, she screamed even louder. But I was quite calm. Tired that I was, I didn’t give in to anger and thus could still control my temper. But last night was just too much. It’s been going on for a while already and I am just tired of it.

And when she was crying like that, I spanked her leg. She was surprised, looked up at me and screamed even louder. I couldn’t take it. I left her on the bed, still screaming and went outside of the room. My dearest Bie went into the room and picked her up, but she refused to be picked up. I was outside, pacing the room up and down trying to recollect my better judgment. My mind felt cluttered and I couldn’t seem to think straight. I did some breathing exercise and went back to the bedroom. My dearest Bie was trying to coax her to keep quiet. And he’s not doing a good job of it. So, I picked her up from him and uttered a few “memujuk” words and went ahead to breastfeed her. I was in terrible pain, all right and couldn’t sleep much. But I don’t have a choice.

And I thought that was it, and that she’d sleep soundly and would only wake up in the morning. However, that was not to be. She woke up again at 3am and refused to go back to sleep. She took my make-up bag and started applying the lipstick on her lips and the powder on her cheeks. I was to sleepy to take notice. Luckily my dearest Bie was there to “layan” her. I woke up now and then again and at about 4.30am, Bie was just too sleepy and asked me to give Marsya her “candu”. So there I was, doing it again. Painful as it is, I didn’t have a choice. Or else, she wouldn’t go to sleep.

This morning, I woke up quite late (didn’t hear the alarm clock went off) and left the house at 7am. Usually I left around 6.30am to avoid the jam. And yes, I was stuck in a few jam [sigh] and reached my aunt’s place quite late.

Is it normal to feel this? Is it normal to feel like spanking your baby when he or she is crying loudly, practically screaming non-stop? Now I guess I can understand why certain mothers resort to abusing their children (usually those in the toddler age group) when they just couldn’t control the temper anymore thus not being very patient at all. I don’t want to be one of those mothers. We still have our faith to dictate our actions and I intend to control my temper for as long as I can. Tak naklah nanti, “Sesal dulu pendapatan. Sesal kemudian, tidak berguna” kan.

Oh Allah, please give me the strength to control my temper and shower my baby with endless love and care. Amin.

Suddenly, Things Are Too Fast

I am rather guilty for not updating the blog. I have every intention to write about a lot of things, but I have been bogged down with work. A lot of it, thus very little time to tell stories in the blog. From eating a lot of durian at the office here (and getting sick afterwards) to attending weddings, life suddenly is a bit of a roller coaster. A bit like the film Click. You know, the one that Adam Sandler and Kate Beckinsdale acted in where Adam is this guy who likes to fast forward his life using this universal remote control so that he can skip the boring stuff and be at that career level that he’s been wanting to have. I like Click. It makes me ponder on the littlest things in life which really meant a lot to me but I have overlooked. The film has this surprising moral value to it, unlike any of Adam’s films in the past. It’s dead hilarious, serious (and at one point, extremely sad – I had to wipe the tears using the back of my hand) and I have to add in again, VERY funny. Go get a DVD or something if you haven’t seen it.

Look at that, I’m getting carried away with the movie already. Anyway, I have a class this Sunday teaching a roomful of safety officers some Business Communication Skills. I’m actually taking over the class from a trainer who couldn’t teach this Sunday so had to give up his class to someone else equally skilful and that someone happens to be me. Equally skilful?? Hell no..!! I am a nervous wreck. I don’t know if I can pull it of. I am SO afraid to be standing in a class full of male adults (about 25 of them and only 2 are female) and teach them Business Communication Skills. And to make matters worse, this is my first time!! I have the materials courtesy of the nice trainer, but can I pull it of? What do I do to pass the time? I have to teach them for 8 hours, all right, and that’s VERY long for a first timer like me. I haven’t had time to prepare as I was too busy with work. I mean, I need to at least be familiar with the stuff that I’m teaching. No doubt I do communication skills ALL THE TIME, but it’s different for safety officers. They don’t do reports, letters and memos everyday. So I have to convert whatever knowledge I have to their level and thus need to do some ground work. I have 4 days left. I can’t do it at home coz my time will be fully occupied with house chores.

This is very stressing. I have to come up with group activities. But what sort of activities can be done if you have to teach how to draft reports, memos, letters and emails? I need ideas. Anyone has any? You know, do group activities that relate to drafting memos, letters, etc. The trainer said, “Look up for them at the Internet”. As if I don’t know that already. But I haven’t had the time to surf the net for it. So, if any of you have ideas, maybe those that you came across during seminars and training, please…, please, share them with me. I am SO open to ALL ideas.

Gosh, it’s 9am already. Time sure flies fast. I’ve got board papers to do. Later…

May He Gets What He Deserves

Tomorrow my dearest Bie’s going to court. This is in relation to the condo/apartment we bought in Setapak about 3 years ago. The one which didn’t go very well. It’s just so sad. We spent about RM20k to buy the condo; about RM15k for the condo itself whilst the remaining RM5k went towards legal and stamp duty fees. My duit hantaran was totally exhausted towards the down payment whilst my dearest Bie added in several thousand RM just so that we can get our life on the track; you know, just being married and everything.

But the turnout wasn’t as we expected it. We met the owners. He was very nice. Seemed religious. Always puasa sunat with his wife. Always solat berjemaah at the nearest mosque. He even gave us marriage advice. We thought he was all right. Turned out, he was the devil in disguise. Just as when our sale and purchase agreement was nearing completion, he backed out. The reason he gave was that the solicitor didn’t act fast enough thus the bank was late in paying the differential sum to his existing financier or something. And to make matters worse, he DID NOT want to refund our money. He even had the nerves to ask us for compensations. We were shocked. I was in an emotional turmoil. I cried almost every day. We thought the new house would be the start of a happy marriage. But it didn’t.

That %&@#$ guy refused to meet up with us. My dearest Bie called him many times but he refused to talk. He asked Bie to speak to his solicitor. And when my dearest Bie went to the condo wanting to meet this orang tua tak sedar diri, he didn’t open the door. He kept quiet, konon takder orang kat rumahlah. When for actual fact, we knew that he was home. His shoes and slippers were outside. We were CONNED..!!

So, we took action against him, trying to get a court order for him to refund our money. Affidavits upon affidavits, court hearing kept on being postponed, and finally the day draws near. Tomorrow, my dearest Bie is going to court as witness to our case.

I truly hope that the Puan Majistret takes pity on us. I’m done crying. I just want that %$@* to refund our money. That is all.

However, I have to admit that this whole affair had its hikmah. Allah is after all the Most Knowing. We found another condo not long after the Setapak one was ditched. And somehow, with His help, we managed to korek sana and korek sini for the down payment and the legal fees, both the sale and purchase agreement and the loan agreement. Luckily we didn’t have to pay any stamp duty because at that time, the government just announced that for residences below RM180k, stamp duty waived. Ours was RM176k. And it is a much more wonderful place to live in. It is a low dense condo with just two blocks. Behind it is the forest reserve. So at night, the climate is kind of cool. We don’t even have air-conditioning. The fresh air is so much better. Yes, this is the hikmah that we got when the Setapak condo didn’t go as planned. Unfortunately with a very hefty price.

Whatever it is, I pray that things will go good tomorrow. I really hope so. Please pray for me.

Already Showing Power

The east side wing of the office is undergoing quite a renovation. Walls are being drilled into, dusts are flying everywhere, noises are heard at full blast, planks of woods can be seen all over the place, the ceilings are left gaping, a section of the wing is like a dump hole, and the list goes on an on. To make matters worse, people are actually working in this SO NOT conducive environment. They have to. They have no choice. All because a certain individual who has just joined the company is unhappy with the room allocated for him and wants to make changes. Huge changes at that. The thing is, these changes are not just for his room, but also the adjacent rooms. In fact, all rooms in which this individual has to pass when he enters his room. He wants standardized glass door for all the rooms there and same wooden panels. And which makes me most angry is the fact that he’s not joining as the MD; we have that already, recently joined as well, BUT as the head of Strategic Marketing. Just Strategic Marketing; all talk and no work. He’s only been with us for a month. Just ONE month and he carries himself like the head of the company. I guess my MD couldn’t do much because he was the one who pulled this guy in, in the first place.

My colleagues on the east wing have suffered since last Monday. Some of them were even on medical leave because they have asthma and other illnesses. Imagine having to breathe in the air full of dust particles and working in a condition like that.

I visited the east wing just now and not long, I felt my nose twitch and the impulse to sneeze was lingering at my nose. Imagine those who have been there since Monday? I pity my friends there. Because of one stuck-up, likes to curse, individual, everybody had to suffer. What even got me mad was the fact that he asked the head of admin here not to ‘layan sangat’ the people downstairs. He can say that alright coz he doesn’t sit there during all these renovation works. He has his room upstairs (the room which was allocated for him but he dislikes). He is still breathing cleaner air compared to my friends downstairs.

I hate people like this. They join here and just because they have the so-called relationship with the MD, he can do whatever he pleases. He hasn’t done anything for the company. At least perform first, and if you request these sorts of things, it wouldn’t be as bad. But you have done nothing. And yet you act like you own the company. Wanting everything to accommodate for yourself. This is NOT your company. You can’t simply use company’s money just like that. Not when we’re currently on the verge of financing a LOT of projects. We need all the cash that we have.

But then, that’s basically what all bosses think. Just because they’re the management, they think they have the rights over the company’s money. The heck with corporate governance and the responsibility to increase shareholder’s wealth. They’re usually employed on a contract basis, so when their contracts expire, they just stand up and leave. Leaving the company with a lot of debt, obviously not bothered coz they will say, “Let the new management crack their heads to resolve it”.

And this new guy’s probably the same. He’s not particularly friendly with the staff nor is he civil enough to smile at anyone who passes in front of him. And I heard that he’s also looking for a new secretary, preferably Chinese, single and willing to travel.

He’s definitely NOT in my good book.

Got Best Project Speech

I am a member of the toastmasters club, District 51. I have been a member since August 2003. Unfortunately, I haven’t been very disciplined on the delivery of project speeches. Nearly all my friends who became members about the same time that I joined the club, have all finished their ten basic manual speeches and obtained the title Competent Toastmaster abbreviated for short, CTM. As for me, I’m like a chocolate cookie. Now you see me, now you don’t. There was a time when I attend club meetings on a frequent basis. But there have also been times that I have not been attending at all. I was plagued by the usual disease; LAZY. The meetings usually take place after work and therefore, the LAZY streak suddenly crops into place whenever I thought of attending.

But now, we have a new president. My president is a very funny guy. And he’s quite cute looking as well, considering of his mixed parentage. Albeit he has a little tummy, I like him all the same. Lately, I haven’t been missing club meetings much. With the new president and the new exco members, the club seems to have been given a new breath of air. It is much more fun and the enthusiasm of the new members; make me want to attend the meeting all the time. The new members compete with each other to complete all ten speeches. And there I was, considered as an old member, still stuck at speech number seven. And to make matters worse, my president, in his closing speech always spare me some cute remarks reminding everyone present that I am stuck at speech seven and not moving forward. So, to take the challenge, for last week’s meeting I presented my speech number eight; To Beat Or Not To Beat, That Is The Question, something about if we love our children, should we hit them.

I was also the TME for the meeting. TME is Toastmaster of the Evening. I was in charge of chairing the meeting. Of course I applied my unorthodox way in chairing the meeting. The theme was music. I had everyone dancing and singing to REM’s Shiny Happy People and later conducted the Table Topic Session ‘ala’ musical chair. When the music stops, the person who was holding to the envelope had to give an impromptu speech. That got everybody excited. It was good.

When it was time for me to deliver my speech, I was a nervous wreck. Although I was the TME and thus got warmed up talking in front of people, but this is a speech that we’re talking about. I haven’t delivered one for ages. I saw myself stuttering in front of these people. I saw myself stuck, not being able to say anything. I walked to the centre stage and began my speech.

The next seven minutes, I had everyone listening to me tentatively. All eyes were on me. And when I finished my speech, I was given quite an applause. People were congratulating me saying that my speech was good, and that I didn’t look nervous at all. They even said that I was a natural and I was gifted i.e. not everyone can deliver a speech like I did. I smiled, taking into all the compliments with a very happy feeling. It felt good doing the speech. And I had to admit that it came to no surprise when I got the best project speech (macam bagus tak? Hehehehe...). I received excellent reviews in my basic speech manual and that made me feel good.

The next day, I received individual emails from friends and of course, my president congratulating me on my speech. And of course they’re looking forward to my ninth speech and thereafter the tenth and final speech. Hhmm… looks like I have to really think hard on something catchy for my next speech. Ironically, the project speech is skewed towards powers of persuasion. Now, what would be an interesting topic for me to persuade people on? Hhmmm…

By the way, a certain thank you for a good friend who gave me flowers about 2 weeks ago. It’s still on my table. I have thrown away the wilted leaves, but surprisingly, most of the flowered stalks are still green. I have just cleaned the vase and replaced it with fresh, mineral water. I truly appreciate it. Thank you so much.

Accident

I got out of the car this morning feeling somewhat pleased. I just saw The Lakehouse the night before and though there were few loopholes in the movie, I didn’t care. Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock gave wonderful performances. Their presence made the movie worthwhile watching. Who am I kidding? I am in love with Keanu Reeves (who isn’t) since he acted in Point Break back in the early 1990’s. And seeing him in a romantic movie again after such a while was just something that I look forward to. Though he played Diane Keaton’s boyfriend in Something’s Gotta To Give, he was just a supporting actor. But I liked him in that movie too all the same. He somehow has this appeal. Oh gosh, what am I saying… Mel Ija, focus.

Anyway, I locked the car and walked slowly towards the building that I work in. Suddenly, right in front of me, a Kancil sped fast. I don’t know when or how, but a motorcycle was in front of it. And within seconds, there was a loud BOOM..!! The Kancil knocked the motorcycle. What I saw after that was somehow captured in my head in a manner of slow motion. The Kancil knocked against the back wheel of the motorcycle, sending its rider toppling into the air, the helmet he wore slipped out of his head and he fell hip first to the ground, bounced on it like as if the ground was a Dunlop mattress and fell again, hard.

I was shocked. The man tried to sit up but couldn’t seem to do it. He seemed to be in terrible pain. The Kancil driver got off his car to help the man. He also went to check his car, no doubt to see whether it was damaged after he knocked against the motorcycle. Luckily the injured man could still talk. I couldn’t see blood in any part of his body, but his head was bleeding. Few people rushed to aid the injured man. I saw passing motorists looking at me. Apparently I still had both my hands on my mouth, an impulse reaction to suppress the sense of shocking ness after witnessing the accident that had just occurred in front of me.

An accident involving a motorcycle is the second of such that I have witnessed in my life. The first was when I was 19. A truck driver made a surprising turning to the left, without any signal and a motorcycle who happened to be quite fast knocked against the truck. The rider rammed onto the truck; head first. He fell to the road, unmoving. I was on my way to the hospital at that time and urged my mother to stop the car and help the man. But my mother was too scared. She has never liked accidents, having been in one herself. Nearby pedestrians and motorists stopped by to help. However, the truck driver didn’t. He drove off very quickly leaving the probably lifeless man to his fate. Till this day, I always think about that accident and wondered whether the poor man got out of the accident alive. I sincerely hope so though. I hope he was all right.

I walked to the lift this morning looking very while. The incident kept on playing in my head like a broken VCR… [Sigh]. Devastated? Yes, I am. I hope that the poor motorcyclist isn’t terribly injured. I really hope so.

A&W PJ… As Usual

It’s been a while since I have been hanging out with the Girls. I treasure the Girls as they were my family back in Newcastle and if I haven’t seen them for ages, I would make sure to arrange events so that we could get together. But alas, that’s not to be. Each and every one of the Girls has commitments. At first I refuse to understand those commitments… being selfish, yet again. But after the Girls gave their explanation (which made me feel horrible thinking just how selfish I was), I relented. In fact, I am trying to be un-selfish. From this day forward, I shall not be pestering the Girls anymore (try not to, though how hard it may seem for me) to go on gatherings, etc. I don’t think it’s appropriate. If time permits it, then we’ll meet up. Otherwise, there are always e-mails. However, that did not deter my plans to meet up with the Girls, well… some of the Girls at A&W PJ last Sunday.

There were only three of us; Yamm, Farah and me. We met up at the A&W PJ, as usual. One might think, of all the places in KL, why A&W PJ. Well, Farah lives in Bangi and PJ is the nearest place that her hubby can send her (coz after that her hubby went to the movies by himself). Another reason is that, we just LOVE to hang out at the A&W PJ. The sense of familiarity is overwhelming.

Yamm and I reached the restaurant at 11.20am. Farah was already there. We could see her through the glass window sitting alone while eating her fried chicken. I parked the Kembara and went inside to greet her. Then both Yamm and I went to order our food. I had a Mozza burger while Yamm had fried chicken. Then we changed table and after placing my tray on the table, I hugged Farah, very tightly. It’s been a while and somehow or rather, I missed her. Funny, eh? Hehehehe…

Farah was alone. She left her daughter with her in-laws. As for me, I left Marsya with my dearest Bie. It was time that he took care of her without me being there. Of course he took her to his parents’ house. So there we were, three girls sitting, chatting and laughing. It was good. I didn’t think that I would actually enjoy it since there were only three of us, but no. Surprisingly, I rather enjoyed it. Since Yasmin wasn’t there, Farah could actually talk to us care freely. And I was surprised at the many things that I learnt about her. She talked about her daughter and hubby, the new house that she has just purchased (congratulations dear) in Bandar Seri Putra, her terrible workload, the interview that she couldn’t attend, and the fact that she has this problem, relating to health which I didn’t know she has. It was like re-learning stuff about your friend. A friend whom you thought you knew. Apparently, I didn’t know that Farah was going through all these. So meeting up with her last Sunday was definitely worthwhile.

After the food at the A&W, we headed to Amcorp Mall. Yamm and I wanted to look for DVDs. But of course we took a slight detour. We went to the flea market and man, there were just so many antique stuff down there. Then we went to various clothes store, the pc games shop, Giordano, and finally the DVD shop. After browsing through the DVD selections, it was already half past two. Time to go home. But as we walked towards the main entrance, we could see that it was raining quite heavily. We still couldn’t go home. So we went back downstairs and decided to hang out at the Rak Thai restaurant. I had Rak Thai kuey teow which was wrapped in eggs, Yamm had spaghetti Thai or something whereas Farah had the rice dish. They were good. The foods, I mean. And the portions were huge. I couldn’t finish mine. So we talked again while eating. Without we realized it, it was a quarter to four. Bie had called saying that Marsya was doing the poo poo-ing quite often, but luckily, she wasn’t having any stomach ache or anything. And he asked me, “Biler you nak balik nie? Jangan lewat sangat”.

We left Amcorp Mall around four. After I sent Yamm home, I went straight to my in-laws. Bie was applying minyak nona on Marsya’s feet and tummy. Apparently, she had just done another poo poo. The minute he saw me, I could see happiness in his face and he immediately asked me to put on Marsya’s clothes. Of all the nerves. But I went ahead and put it on anyway. Marsya was happy to see me and not long after, she started touching you know what, wanting her milk. Sabar jerlah.

I enjoyed the meet up. Yes there were only three of us, but it was good. We managed to learn about each other and it’s been a while since we did that. Thank you Farah and Yamm for meeting up with me yesterday. It was really nice and I appreciate the time and efforts taken. I treasure both of you very much. In fact, I treasure ALL the Girls very much. Let’s hope we can meet up again very soon, if not all, just a few of us would do. Trust me, a few is better rather than not to have met up at all. And again, of course subject to the Girls’ availability (remember Ija, you shalt not pester).

Need Time For Myself

Life has been a little stressed lately. The thing is, I don’t know where the stress is. It could be work-related. Bits and pieces of it could be from family stuff. But largely, it’s basically me. I am personally stressed. I am tired. Marsya is a little lasak these days. Last Sunday, she fell down and tore her lower lip. She was running and as those little feet are still unable to properly balance, she fell. There was surprisingly a lot of blood. My dearest Bie’s shirt was smeared with her blood. I was a little shaken coz that sort of thing has never happened to her before. And that night, when she was sleeping, as she still breastfeeds, she bit my nipple quite hard in comparison with previous biting and it bled, quite profusely, I may add. I had to place a tissue on it to prevent the blood from dripping and smearing on my night shirt. And the subsequent breastfeeding was REALLY painful. Tension sangat whenever she asks for her milk. But, I guess that’s a sacrifice I have to make to ensure that my daughter breastfeeds until the age of two, Insya Allah.

Bie has been rather busy lately. His work commitments have resulted in him staying at work late. Now that he’s heading the pond team, he is busier than ever. I hoped that the management gives him the appropriate perks and benefits considering that now he’s heading pond. But hampeh. Nothing. His salary remains the same, but his responsibilities have widened. I hate that. Whenever I mention the issue to him, his reply would be, “Biarlah. I need to achieve this target first. And when I can do that, at least I have a strong point to argue when discussing salary revisions and benefits”. So, he continues to come home late. Working on Saturdays and sometimes Sundays. Then there were the frequent trips to Tronoh, Perak. But I’m glad that’s finished now. During his free time, at least once a week, he would be playing futsal. Something he does to release the stress and tension. Something which I haven’t been able to do. I wanted to go away. Take about three to four of my annual leave and stay at a resort or a hotel. I had wanted to go to Awana Kijal in July. But Bie said he’s busy and that we should wait until his works are settled. At this rate, I don’t know when it’s going to be settled.

I am tired. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who’s taking care of Marsya. I know Bie does too, but most of the time, it would be me. Whenever we go out, I would be the one ensuring that Marsya is fed before I feed myself. Bie would eat heartily. Well, he does volunteer to take care of Marsya while I eat, but it’s always after he has finished eaten. I don’t mean to be macam bagus here, but whenever he asked to take care of Marsya while I eat, I always brush him off, suggesting a scenario that I am well capable of taking care of Marsya while eating at the same time. When for actual fact, I was screaming inside telling him that why not YOU feed Marsya while I eat. I haven’t had the luxury to eat comfortably in a long time. Unless it’s just me and him, without Marsya. And my daughter pulak does not know how to sit quietly. She gets bored easily. So not long after, she would be climbing out of the baby chair trying to stand up, or she would sit at the narrow ledge of the baby chair, or she refuses to sit in the baby chair at all. On my lap she would be sticking her tiny fingers in my food or placing a bowl of rice on her head, leaving traces of rice in her hair. It’s tiring having dinner with the family.

I did ask Bie whether he’s ready for another baby, and he said, “It’s up to you coz you will be the one carrying the baby for nine months. Are you ready for that?” to which I just kept quiet. I think I’m ready to carry the baby for nine months, but I don’t think I can handle two babies i.e. a toddler and a baby, at the same time without getting major help from a husband. If my dearest Bie knows this, of course he will refute this. I have to admit that, he does help in other ways but when I am just too tired, I always see him as a person who’s not helping much around the house. How selfish is that, eh? I never clean the bathrooms or mop and sweep the floors or use the vacuum cleaner (in fact, I don’t even know how to). I guess both of us complement each other. But being me, I just wish sometimes that he pays more attention to helping me sorting out our daughter (baru sorang tu)… [sigh]… I need a break. I need time for myself.

I have been thinking of pampering myself for a day. In fact, Bie encourages it too. He suggested that I act like as if I go to work as usual, but rather than go straight to the office after I sent Marsya to Maksu’s, I should go somewhere else. I am contemplating on doing that. Watch a movie perhaps, go to a spa, do a hair treatment and be a couch potato and watch TV all day. Later in the evening, go fetch Marsya. It sounds really good. But biler hah? Hhmm… will have to set a day for this, maybe next Friday? Hhhmmm… interesting.

More Superman...

I am still into Superman. Sorry, I can’t help it. The Superman effects haven’t worn off yet. Therefore, I’d like to share this article written by Michael A. Fredericks. I am in complete agreement with him.

SUPERMAN wears his underwear outside. It’s red. He only has to put on his glasses to assume his alter-ego. He’s also a tad too righteous. It all seems ludicrous.

And with today’s cinemagoers having developed a taste for the now commonplace silverscreen superheroes, who carry out their heroic deeds - swinging through an urban jungle with organic webbing, firing powerful "optic blasts" from their eyes, stretching body parts to unbelievable lengths, and growing humongous and green when angry – in super-stylish fashion without breaking a sweat, the idea that is Superman seems…old.

But Bryan Singer seems to know that it doesn’t matter; it works if it’s Superman. In fact, it could only work if it’s Superman; the man in the blue tights and red cape will remain relevant regardless of the idealistic image and retro flaws.

(To wit, imagine an X-Men team with their undies outside; or a Hulk that’s too righteous; or a Spider-Man who merely has to put on his specs to go incognito.)

One could even posit that reinventing Supes could prove to be detrimental. Which is why Singer’s take on the mythology of the Man of Steel, although different in the sense that it’s less campy comic-bookish fun than the Reeve movies, also seems strangely familiar [TOTALLY agree with this one].

It doesn’t take us long to realise that Singer isn’t going to reimagine things the way Batman Begins did, that he’s going to build things on his film’s predecessors [Gave me goose bumps here. The similarity is so overwhelming].

As Superman Returns opens, we hear the voice of the late Marlon Brando, as superdad Jor-El, spouting much gibberish, exactly like he did then. John Williams’ original music score then begins to swell, complementing the opening credits, the lettering of which duplicates that of its predecessors.

With that blast-from-the-past intro, the story begins in earnest. We learn that Superman (Routh) has been away for a while – five years, to be exact – to look for the remains of his home planet, after he fought off three supervillains and got to do the horizontal mambo with Lois Lane [I remember this so well. The supervillains were from his home planet. His dad Jor-El imprisoned them in a glass but when the glass broke, they managed to escape. I also remember Superman getting all cozy and intimate with Lois Lane. They shared a bed for goodness sake after he sacrificed his super powers coz he was hooked on Lois Lane. Way cool..!!].

Yes, the story here takes place after the events of Superman II, which says something about what Singer thinks about the third and fourth instalments [Can’t wait for the sequels].

Superman/Clark Kent realises soon enough that the world, as well as the Daily Planet, kept spinning in his absence, and people have moved on. He has probably never felt more alien in his life.

Lois (Bosworth) is now engaged to Richard (Marsden, who seems to like playing characters where his lover is in love with some other more-manly guy), the nephew of Daily Planet editor Perry White (Langella), and to add insult to injury, they have a FIVE-YEAR-OLD son (Lake Leabu). She’s also written a Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial called “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman”, we suspect out of frustration and anger.

Meanwhile, Lex Luthor (Spacey), now out of prison, has just landed himself a whole load of cash – more than enough to pay for a trip to his nemesis’ hideout, the Fortress of Solitude, to pilfer the crystals our hero left behind. Needless to say, Luthor, the Greatest Criminal Mind Of All Time, has plans - something to do with real-estate built on Kryptonite landmass - to make a major comeback [I think Spacey makes the perfect Lex Luthor. He is menacing and evil, but with style].

Likewise for Superman, who sets out to reclaim his place in the puny planet that is his adopted world.

First thing he does to that effect is save Lois from getting killed in a plane crash, which really is an excuse to showcase the CGI here. It’s an amazing cinematic moment that is stunning visually, vicariously. As the people onscreen applaud his return, we are compelled to do so too [I love the CGI effects here. They were way cool. It made me cringe in my seat. And when Superman opened the door to ask if everybody was alright, I felt like standing up and telling him that I was fine. See, sampai macam tu sekali. Hehehe..]

But if you think this one’s going to be merely about the action and special effects – which puts a gleam on the whole Superman franchise – think again. Superman Returns strives to provide more, and does so by being character-driven.

The film spends a lot of time on the love story between Lois and Superman, expanding it with the inclusion of Richard, who’s really a swell guy (he flies, too, but by more conventional means). Like the Spider-Man movies, it gets the emotional aspect right [Very affected with the emotional aspects here. What to do. I’m a woman. And women can relate better in those sort of things compared to men].

It helps, of course, that both Routh and Bosworth fit in their respective roles, and look good together [Very good. I love it when Lois Lane stood on Superman’s toes and suddenly they were already in the air. Superb, I tell you. Now that’s what I call romance in the air].

Routh, with his angular jaw, pronounced eyebrows, and imposing six-two-and-a-half frame, is a wise choice to take up the mantle left behind by a great man. Looking like a metrosexual update who poses in midair frequently, he’ll never fill Reeve’s big red boots - nobody will - but you wouldn’t go into fits if you’re a Superman devotee (something which the casting of Nicolas Cage would have provoked) [Completely agree with Fredericks here. He will never fill in Reeves’ boots. But I don’t think there’s anyone else better than to carry the legacy than Brandon Routh. He is just so perfect for the role. I did hear that Cage was supposed to be Superman. Man, am I glad that he’s not doing it. He is SO NOT perfect for the role. He’s got no hair – no offense there – and his face is just not right for the role. Luckily he wasn’t casted as Superman or else that’d be a betrayal to the Superman legacy].

In super mode, Routh channels a reflective, brooding (super) person; we feel his longing for something/someone. As mild-mannered Clark Kent, he is sufficiently clumsy, though not nearly as comfortable as Reeve was in the comedic characteristics he brought to the role.

The difference between Bosworth and Margot Kidder, who played Lois Lane in the previous movies, is even more prominent. Bosworth as Superman’s one-time lover is all poise, though she keeps a worried look on her face throughout. She, like Routh, looks younger than her predecessor was, but feels more adult and serious in the role.

Spacey comes closest in chanelling his predecessor, Gene Hackman, although he tones down the monologues, and is less winky, coming across more bitter, vengeful, and menacing.

Similarly, the supporting cast all fit in their respective roles, especially Parker Posey whose deadpan delivery as Kitty steals the show several times.

At 157 minutes, Superman Returns may seem a tad too long, but I can assure you, it would hardly register. While I wouldn’t call this one a great movie, it is more than satisfying and enjoyable (with humour strewn throughout), nicely laying out the foundation for future adventures of comicdom’s most iconic son [Let me repeat. I can’t wait for the sequels. In fact, I’m looking forward to them].

And the best thing about it? It would make you go all nostalgic. As cynical and perceptive a cinemagoer as you may be now, you wouldn’t mind the red underwear, the spectacles, or the overly righteous behaviour. In fact, you’d embrace it [Very true. Very true indeed].

He has returned, he has really returned.

A Sucker For Superheroes? Definitely…

When the whole world was excited to see the Superman Returns, I didn’t bother. I didn’t like the idea of a soap actor playing the role that the late Christopher Reeves did so well. I mean, whenever we talked about Superman, Reeves come to mind. Well, I’m not a hard die fan of the Superman trilogy but I did grow up with Reeves as Superman and watching the new movie would be some sort of a betrayal to him. So when my dearest Bie and I were at One Utama last night, we said, “What the heck, let’s just see the movie”. And thereon, we went to the cinema with no expectation at all; we just wanted to see a movie.

But man, was I wrong. The minute the opening music came on screen, the old familiarity of the Superman movies crept up in me. I could actually feel goose bumps. In fact, I was a little excited. So when Superman, this time played by Brandon came back to earth after missing for five years, I was a little skeptical. Could he pull it off? Could he become Superman? Could he become the goofy Clark Kent? But I watched anyway.

So as Clark Kent, he went to the Daily Planet to get his old job back. And I was surprised at the resemblance. The way he spoke, moved and pushed his glasses was just like Reeves as Clark Kent..!! In fact, his goofiness was apparent. I was excited. And of course he turned into Superman to save a plane from crashing and right at that moment, I was highly infatuated with the new Superman. I liked it that Brandon Routh (pronounced as ‘south’) is now the new man of steel. He was good. I guess he did his homework all right. And now, I’m a sucker for him. A sucker for Brandon Routh as Superman. I like the movie. Directed by Bryan Singer (who also directed the first two X-Men), the movie was action-packed and filled with suspense. I like the Superman Returns very much. I like Brandon as the new Superman. And now I can’t wait for the sequel.

I have always been infatuated with superheroes. Call me silly, but it’s true. Whenever I watch a superhero movie, the after effect of it would a bit childish. I actually feel like a schoolgirl. I would have stars in my eyes and I would think of them before I go to sleep. Silly isn’t it? [sigh]… what to do.. I grew up with the notions of being surrounded by superheroes. And now with the advancement in technology, not to mention good-looking men in tight spandex outfits, Hollywood has made these movies with class and style. Among my favourites is Batman, played by Christian Bale – I SO LIKE Christian Bale. He played Batman in Batman Begins with absolute style. And his character as Bruce Wayne is just so cool. Rich man by day but a caped crusader by night.

Then there’s Spiderman. Tobey McGuire as Spiderman is just so perfect. In the second movie, Jake Gyllenhaal nearly took over his role as Spiderman as Tobey was engaged in Seabiscuit. But Tobey refused to allow that. So he came back as Peter Parker in Spiderman 2. And as usual, I was infatuated with him after the movie (make that for both movies). I like the nice kid element in Peter Parker and Tobey played that part so well. And he looks adorable as Spiderman.

And of course, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. I love ALL X-MEN movies because all of them are superheroes. But I like Wolverine the best. I like him because he has this distinct rouge about him. He’s also strong and way cool. Hugh is the perfect person for Wolverine. At first, Dougray Scott (the Scottish who played Drew Barrymore’s prince in Ever After) was supposed to be Wolverine. But, he couldn’t do it, as he was involved in Mission Impossible 2. It was good that he couldn’t make it coz I think he may not be cut out for the role. Hugh Jackman, with his nice biceps and body is the perfect Wolverine. I can’t wait for the new Wolverine movie to come out. The movie will be focusing on him alone, without his X-Men buddies.

The best part is that, I always imagine myself as the woman in these superheroes’ lives. Hehehe… perasan giler kan? But I can’t help it. I am DEFINITELY a sucker for superheroes. And if only they truly exist, I think I would find ways to ensure that I somehow am a part of their lives.

[Sigh.. too much superhero movies. It’s overwhelming…!!]

Starting To Loose Faith

The NST today featured a story of Tajuddin Ramli’s RM13 billion suit against the government and his claims that Tun Dr M and Tun Daim forced him to buy the 32% stake in MAS for RM8 per share which was way above the current market rate at that time with the assurance that the government would buy back the shares at RM8 when the financial crisis was over and that he would be relieved of all personal liabilities and losses. The purchase was considered by Tun Dr M at that time as a purpose to serve the national’s interest. The suit came about because Tajuddin claimed that the government did not live up to its words.

Surprisingly, The Star’s front cover page featured the story on MyKad and that you’re supposed to bring it anywhere with you or else you’ll end up paying fines. The story on Tajuddin was merely an article on Datuk Seri Najib denying of any knowledge of the deal Tajuddin had with the former PM. There was no mentioning of names. Tun Dr M and Tun Daim were not highlighted in the article. It just mentioned that Tajuddin is suing the government.

Another joker mentioned in both papers is Mohd Said Yusof, the Jasin MP who made the nation’s interest a few months ago when he asked the customs to close one eye over his import of sawn timber from Indonesia. After much investigation, the company was registered using his home address (which I find very stupid indeed – his own home address? Come on… give me a break). And now, to cover his back no doubt, and fight back, he’s starting to reveal the dealings that go behind the customs department. And stupidly revealing that he’s one of those people who was offered the confiscated luxury cars, at RM40k , except that the car he was interested in was reserved for a senior government official. And that made him mad. He was mad because he couldn’t buy the Mercedes CLK but was offered the Mercedes Masterpiece instead.

The strained relationship between the former PM and Pak Lah is another matter. Tun Dr M’s verbal attacks on Pak Lah while the majority of the UMNO leaders are attacking Tun Dr M, saddens me. Datuk Nazri’s declaring open war against Tun Dr M is just rude. No doubt Tun Dr M’s criticism on the current government is too much, but the younger leaders, if angry even, please show the old man some respect. He had built Malaysia into what it is for 22 years. No doubt he has his flaws and this can easily be dug out considering he’s no longer the PM, but at least have the courtesy to answer the man with respect. This whole affair saddens me. I don’t even know which side I’m supposed to follow. I don’t know who is right and who is wrong. As this is very controversial, I think it should have been done behind closed doors. Once it’s open for the public to see, the break up in UMNO is very apparent. I thought the UMNO is supposed to help the Malays and fight its cause. But now, this happens?

The handing over of the memorandum signed by nine ministers to Pak Lah to review the laws regarding religious conversions in light of the tussle concerning the burial rites of Muhammad Abdullah whom his wife claimed was Hindu while JAWI claimed that he was a Moslem is another issue.

The joint venture between ECM Libra and Avenue Capital (government-related finance company) to form an investment bank where ECM Libra’s Executive Chairman is Pak Lah’s close friend while the owner of ECM Libra with about 3% stake in ECM Libra (that’s about 13 million shares) is Khairy, Pak Lah’s son in law is also something that the majority of the public is not happy with. One wonders how Pak Lah can keep a close eye on the deal considering that this is one “related party transaction”, well not in Bursa Malaysia’s context at least.

The parliamentary debate that is aired on TV3 news is a whole load of crap. The issues that they debate on are so not value adding or beneficial to the Malaysians.

All these are making me loose faith in the government. The politicians are jokers. They don’t deserve to be the people’s representatives. They’re all interested in filling up their pockets and bank accounts with huge RM bills. They do not have the nation’s interest in their hearts. It makes me sick. I don’t worry for myself. I worry for my children. My children will still be here in 20 or 30 years to come where they’re at that age to help steer the nation to a better position. But, looking at it now, will there be a nation to steer? At least a strong and convincing one?

Don’t Know What He Wants

He never gives the clearest instruction. When he does, the end product is never good enough for him. I mean, that’s what his instruction was, right? If you don’t like the way I do it, then guide me. Tell me where I had gone wrong. Don’t just comment here and there but by the end of it, you don’t guide me how to do it. How am I supposed to know what goes on in that head of yours. I’m not Professor Xavier or Jean Grey who can read people’s mind. As a boss, shouldn’t you be leading me towards what you want to achieve. But no, all you say is re-draft. Re-draft how? The first draft was as per you’ve instructed. At least have the courtesy to guide me. Ok, so you’re too busy and could not find the time to guide me. Well, at least tell me what you want, then I’ll deliver. The problem with you is, you expect people to follow your thinking all the time. Well, sometimes I can, but sometimes I can’t. So on the occasions that I couldn’t understand what you have in mind, then explain..!!

It’s frustrating when you think that you’re on the same track as your boss but by the end of it, you find out that you’re on very different tracks. Such a waste of time and effort. I know, people will say, “It’s a learning curve. Take it with a pinch of salt”. It’s a learning curve all right, but do I have to put up with it ALL the time. It’s sickening and I’m tired. The instructions given are usually a three-liner. The other information, which is crucial to my work, is not made known to me. So of course I have to go back to you to understand further. And you’d go, “Oh, it’s like this…”. What the heck?? Tell me the whole thing upfront. Why release information bit by bit. Usually I can tolerate it, but today, I’m sick of it. I’m no manager though some of the works you gave are beyond my level of grade’s responsibility. But I’m thankful. That shows that you think I’m capable of doing certain things. But like I said, I’m no manager. Sometimes, I need guidance. And as a boss, can’t you just give that to me? If not in so many words, at least communicate your intention so that I am fully aware of your needs and wants and thus deliver.

Ok, I don’t usually burst like this when given a task. But today somehow, my feminine emotions got the better of me.

“Stay focused, Mel. DO NOT give in to emotions. You’ve faced all these before and it has never touched you in the past. Well, yes some of them made you mad, but you managed to control your temper and emotions. This is just one of those days again. Relax, ok. Have fun. Besides, you’re going to be the mc for today’s birthday bash. You need all the coolness in the world. Just do what he asks of you. If he comes back with MORE amendments, then just amend them. I know you hate for him to think that you’re incapable and start comparing you with others in the department…, well DON’T. You’re so much more than that and you know it. Or else he wouldn’t have given you the you know what”.

Bosses… [sigh].. not all are cut out to be good ones.

Hollow Moments

I am feeling ever so down lately. And I hate to admit it, but I know why. Apart from the pending ‘best friend’ who comes every month, my emotions have been a bit of a roller coaster. The management just announced the promotion list and it looks like as if I may have to report to a former colleague. No doubt he’s good, and sharp and committed, but I don’t know whether I can report to him. He came to my house to visit me during my confinement last year and I was wearing shorts (with knee high socks by the way – it was just way too hot that time), we joked around foolishly and his wife and I are friends. But now I may have to report to him and I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable with that idea… [sigh]..

What am I saying? Reporting to a colleague is the least troublesome thing that’s meddling my head. There are in fact other things, which are troubling my head. My relationship with someone whom I dearly love is at stake. I don’t know how I can keep up with this anymore. Am I in the wrong? Am I not being understanding enough? How can I pretend and act like as if nothing has happened. I am tired of this. Very tired. Things are not the way they are anymore. Whenever we plan something, it always fails because of unforeseen circumstances. I try to understand, I really do but somehow the supportive aspect is slowly making its way down the drain. Is it me? Am I too naïve to understand certain things because I’m not capable to? I hate it when I am accused of not caring anymore. I do care. Very much. If I don't care, I wouldn't bother to even think about it.

My closed ones are the place where I let off the anguish, the burden, and the sadness. I pray to Allah that things will go back the way they were. If not better. I know I’m confused and probably too small-minded to learn things that are beyond my puny little brain but shouldn’t we go to back to basics? Or are the basics too fundamental that they’re not acceptable anymore.

It makes me sad. Very sad. I don’t want to be branded as the most unsupportive one. Initially I tried to be supportive. But lately, my patience is just thinning. And what’s obvious is that, it's not just my patience alone.

Is It Time To Change

Have you ever stood in front of your wardrobe not knowing what to wear to work? Well, I have. Truthfully, there was a time where I stood in front of my wardrobe for about an hour looking and searching for the right outfit to wear to the office the next day. It would always be, “Too tight lah this pants. Can’t wear it”, or “Tak gosok lagilah. And I am so lazy to do the ironing”, or “This pants make my butt look big”, and these comments went on and on until I have finally settled on what I wanted to wear the next day.

Last night, I did it again. I stood in front of the wardrobe and stared at all the clothes I have in there. There was an AGM on Tuesday morning and I thought I wanted to look my best. I didn’t feel like wearing my three-piece (I haven’t been wearing a three-piece in such a long time), but yet I wanted to look corporate but with a hint of leisure. So I took my brown boot cut pants (they’re office pants) and light green fitting top with dark green lines just below the bosom. And I thought, why not.

So this morning, when I went to the office, I received a lot of comments. I have to admit that if I’m dressed down, I can be a bit shabby; there are days when I don’t bother dressing up. But this morning, I received quite a few comments, which urged me to re-look at the type of clothes I have in my wardrobe.

The first comment I received was, “Nampak tembam sikitlah sekarang”, in other words, I looked slightly plumpish. I guess the fitting green top showed my extra, unnecessary curves. The other comment I received was from a female colleague. She just joined us about a month ago but she’s very friendly. She was surprised to see me and said rather loudly, “Wow, you look sexy!! I like it. You look really good”. Her comments attracted curiosity from other male colleagues, who turned their heads to look at me. I was embarrassed. She told me to take is as a compliment because she said I looked good.

At the AGM this morning, I caught sight of another colleague, whom I haven’t seen for quite a while. The first word she said when she saw me was, “Mampatnya..!!”. I’m like: Huh?? What the hell?

As I walked past a guy sitting down, Marsha (the colleague whose name is similar to my daughter’s) who was walking next to me was squeezing my arm and saying, “Gatalnya Kak Mel. That guy was looking at you from top to bottom”.

Back at the office, I know that some of my male colleagues had trouble conversing with me while at the same time, looking at my eyes and not my body. I could sense it. Thereon, I felt conscious at all eyes looking at me. Luckily, I have a jacket in the office. So whenever I was in the office, I would be wearing my jacket.

This is actually a sign. A sign that tells me fitting clothes, low cut and tight pants, and short skirts are no longer my cup of tea. I am a wife and a mother, and I still dress like I’m 20!! I can’t help it. I like the way I dress. And I don’t really find it sexy. I don’t have any revealing clothes or tank tops and spaghetti straps. I don’t have skirts, which lengths are above the knee. So, where is the sexiness? Is it because of my plumpish body? So that when I wear anything, which may be a bit fitting, people resort to calling me sexy?

Whatever it is, it’s a sign. A sign that tells me to re-look at the way I clothe, after all, I’ll be turning 30 soon… [sigh]. My dearest Bie has never dictated what I should and shouldn’t wear. His only advice is to wear loose fitting clothes, which are not so revealing at the bosom or the tummy, and if possible, avoid short skirts. He never forces me to wear a headscarf. He wants me to discover that for myself. Some discovery. I am turning 30 and I still dress like I am 20.

Hhmm… I have to do something about this. But it’s so difficult. I am so used to wearing what I have been wearing since the past 10 or 15 years. Besides, my clothes aren’t sexy. Honestly. It only becomes sexy when I put them on. And it’s only some of them.

That’s not an excuse. I know. Well, for starters, I will not be wearing this outfit to work anymore. If I do, I’ll make sure that I have a jacket with me all the time. And maybe, I will start buying loose fitting tops. Well it’s a start isn’t it? I can’t do it overnight. Let’s hope that this feeling of wanting to gradually change works its magic in me. Otherwise, it’ll just be another hot-hot chicken ‘tut’.

Misyar Marriage

Lately, we have been hearing a lot about Misyar marriages. According to Prof. Datuk Dr. Mahmud Zuhdi Abdul Majid, a lecturer at the Akademi Pengajian Islam Universiti Malaya, Misyar marriages can avoid social ills in the society i.e. maksiat and it is also one of the solutions to curb the rising number of unmarried women in Malaysia. In other words, unmarried women and divorcees ought to resort to Misyar marriages to avoid the ‘shadowy’ humiliation of being single. Furthermore, women these days earn more than men and because of that they can afford having a Misyar marriage because the men do not have to financially provide for them. But what is a Misyar marriage?

“Misyar is described as a form of marriage in which the wife gives up her rights offered under the religion, including the right to have the husband living with her in the same house and providing her with necessary expenses. In short the woman gives up the right to have an independent home. The husband may come to see her at her parent’s home at whatever time he chooses for himself, or at a time agreed by the two”. [source: Islamonline.net]

Some scholars agree to Misyar marriages, while others disapprove on the context that it never existed during Rasulullah’s (PBUH) time. Well, whatever it is, Misyar marriages are practiced all over Saudi Arabia and countries near the Gulf, and these countries have always been perceived as the perfect role model for Islamic countries. Long story cut short; is Misyar marriage the perfect solution to curb social illnesses and encourage unmarried women to get hitched?

When I first read the suggestion, I was skeptical. I’ve heard of Misyar marriages from somewhere but I wasn’t sure what the arrangement is. So I surfed the net and looked it up. Believe it or not, but there are many opinions and articles on Misyar marriages. The majority of it, even those living in Saudi Arabia and the countries within its proximity, opposed to the marriage. These majorities are of course women. The sad thing is that, most of the men agree to Misyar marriages. In fact, they see nothing wrong with it. Well, that is expected (to some extent), but what angered me was the perception that these men give; being unmarried is a social stigma and should be well avoided.

As for me, I oppose to Misyar marriages. Why? Misyar marriages do not fulfill Islam’s aims of a marriage. A family is built from a marriage, which requires care and love. The family stays in one house and nurtures the relationship within by providing each other’s needs, be it financial, emotional or sexual. Then there are the children. All these components play important roles in forming a happy family and thereon a solid marriage. The husband’s role in the family among other things is to provide for the family. It is his responsibility to ensure that his family is well taken care of, as head of the family. Isn’t that is what required of a husband in Islam? If it isn’t, then why was I made to listen to it after my akad nikah? My husband then had to read a long list of items on responsibilities as a married couple.

But Misyar marriages are different. The husband comes to visit the wife (be it at the wife’s parents or the wife’s house – considering that these women are successful and rich and thus can afford to buy her own house) for conjugal visits and leave the next day. He may not visit his wife for many days, or weeks to come. But suddenly out of the blue, he’s there for his ‘matrimonial’ duty. What is that? He comes as he pleases and when he feels like having sex (out of the norm, perhaps) then he starts thinking, “Maybe I ought to visit my wife for something out of the ordinary tonight”. The husband is not entitled to provide emotional or financial support as their wives have given up those rights prior to their marriage. Note however that sexual acts require the consent of the wives. At least, that’s what I have been made to understand from Datuk Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat. He also said that consent from the wife is needed before a couple can embark on a Misyar marriage.

I just feel that Misyar marriages are just used as tools to allow men have ‘licensed’ sex out of marriage. So if they get caught, then they can say that they’re married. I also feel that the so-called social illnesses are not caused by women (well, not totally anyway) and thus improper to accuse that women should get hitched via Misyar marriages to prevent social illnesses. It takes two to tango. The ‘maksiat’ wouldn’t be there if there’s no demand. And who else demand them? Of course it’s the men (not all, this is just me being outrageously biased). So I think it’s downright unfair to say that women cause these social illnesses.

To me, a woman shouldn’t just jump into the idea of a marriage for the sake of being married. These women can do so much more and they can provide for so much more. I know some people would ridicule me and say, “It’s easy for you to say. You’re married”. That’s just it. Being married the proper way is so much better than being married the Misyar way. So why dwell on Misyar marriages when you can enjoy a real marriage and that too includes polygamy marriages (kalau dah Qada’ dan Qadar, nak cakap apa, but I shall not dwell on that). If you engage yourself in a Misyar marriage, you’ll loose out. Unless of course you’re the type that couldn’t care less about love, emotional and financial support, then be it. It is after all an individual’s choice.

But a Misyar marriage may lead to potential problems along the way. What happens if the wife gets pregnant – as Misyar marriages, well in Saudi Arabia at least, it’s supposed to be of secrecy, what happens to the children of Misyar marriages, what happens if there’s a divorce – remember that the wives have given up their rights prior to the marriage. All these need to be thought of first before agreeing to a Misyar marriage.

There are enough problems with straightforward marriages, what with the increasing number of divorce cases in the syariah court, but Misyar marriages? Considering that wives have given up their rights in the marriage long before any problem starts brewing, what are the odds of these Misyar wives getting any settlement after the divorce of their marriages? After all, the odds of husbands leaving with no trail are something that the wives cannot dispute.

So tell me, who gains from a Misyar marriage?

Pictures Of Trip To PD

I sort of promised some pictures when we went to PD last month. Well, here they are.

My friends posing with their children, except for Lin. Too bad Liny takderlah masa ni.

This was the first time that Marsya was in the pool. She was excited giler. Screaming and shrieking. Punyerlah suka.

Of course that's my daughter grinning all over and very excited.

There's Bie and Marsya at the balcony. The view was very nice from the balcony.

That's me and Marsya at the balcony.

Hard To Let Go

I was having dinner last night at my parents’ house when my third brother, Ayon said, “Ayon akan pindah JB minggu depan”. I stopped eating and stared at him.

“You mean like pindah sana for good ker?”

“Pindah as in duduk kat sana”.

“You mean sewa rumah semua and balik Seremban hujung minggu jer?”

“Mula-mula tak sewa dulu. Duduk rumah kakak kawan Ayon. Then maybe carik bilik ker”.

“Do you know that the cost of living in JB is not cheap? Mahal tau. And nanti nak bayar sewa lagi, makan lagi, and goodness macam-macam lagi. Are you sure?”

“Sini susahlah Long. Seremban takder market. Puas Ayon ronda satu Seremban including Seremban 2, but bil telefon diorang setakat RM100 jer or if lebih pun sikit. Susah…”.

I kept quiet. “Tapi gaji tak tetap. Macamana nak survive in JB?”

“Ayon akan dapat komisen”.

“Setakat komisen, tapi tak tentu. Tak tetap. The point is, kau asyik buat semua ni dah dapat belum any income?”

“Kalau tak keja camner nak dapat duit”.

“Yeah I know. But meanwhile, your set up cost staying there, sapa bayar? Ayah?”

“Alah.. Ayon ada duit sikit”, he mumbled, eating his rice without looking at my face.

“Along tak taulah Yon. Susah hati Along kau nak ke sana. Takder duit ke nanti, how?”

“Susah Long kat sini. Kat JB market dia besar lagi. Budak-budak dia tak buat keje. KL pulak, competition banyak. So, Ayon rasa memang Ayon kena gi JB lah”.

I kept quiet. He was adamant to go to JB. I worry about him. He doesn’t have a fixed income job. How is he going to survive in JB? His eyes are only on the huge commission if he gets to lobby a proposal for a phone company. That is, if he succeeds in getting a project from that of a potential client. Otherwise, he’ll have nothing. I told him to continue his study. Do a degree. A diploma is SO NOT sufficient these days. But he didn’t want to. He said he pitied Ayah as he would have to pay for his education when Ayah also has to pay for Haikal’s. When I told him to get a proper job, he ignored me completely. He kept on talking about the huge commission he’s going to get if he gets a project.

I know that he’s 26 but in my mind I still see him as my younger brother. I still see him smiling from ear to ear sitting on Ibu’s lap or clinging to Ibu when he wanted something. He was the youngest and dimanjai oleh everyone, until Haikal came into the picture that is. Whatever it is, he’s my brother and I fear for him. Is it time for me to let go? [Sigh]… I don’t know. I just can’t seem to let go. Ni belum Haikal lagi ni.

“So Along balik tak minggu depan? Ayon nak pergi JB hari Ahad minggu depan”.

“Hhmm.. Along tak baliklah minggu depan Yon. This weekend kan dah balik. Why don’t you come to KL? Before pergi JB”.

“Tengoklah camner. Ayon balik weekend ke Seremban. Dalam dua minggu sekali. So kita jumpalah nanti”.

“Well, you are always welcome to visit me in KL before you go to JB”.

That night before leaving for KL, I woke him up to tell him that I was going home. He salam my hands and kissed them. I felt my eyes watery. I wanted to do more than that. I wanted to grab him and hug him tightly, to tell him to take care of himself in a big city such as JB. But Ayon and I…, well, we don’t do hugs. Unlike Haikal who would kiss my hands and both my cheeks whenever he salam me, and he’s already 18.

I pray that he’ll get lots of projects so that he’ll receive a huge amount of commission. I so badly want to see this thing work out for him. He deserves it. He truly deserves it… [sigh]… It’s so hard to let go…

Happy Week

When Maksu told me that she was going back to Taiping for the school holidays, I felt tired. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Maksu can go back to her kampung if she wishes to. After all, she still has Tok Wan (her father-in-law) and besides, she needs to take a break after taking care of the kids at home. But that would mean that I have to go back to Seremban and commute daily Seremban-KL. To tell you the truth, I love commuting from Seremban to KL and back. Why? Well, I don’t have to drive, Bie does. And my office is just off Sungai Besi, so I don’t have to go through such terrible traffic jam. Unfortunate for my dearest Bie, he has to face a couple of traffic jams in order to reach his office. However, with the price of petrol these days costing RM1.92 per litre, we would probably have to spend about RM250 for petrol, not to mention the tolls, which add up to RM86. And this is just for the week. Bie just felt that it would be financially constraining. So, the only thing, which we resorted to do, was borrow Bibik from Ibu.

So last Sunday when we went to Gambang to send my brother off to his college, Ayah brought Bibik along. But when he went back to Seremban that night, he left Bibik with us. Thus the week started with Bibik staying with me.

Mentally, I felt relieved. I am not only leaving Marsya in good hands (Insya Allah, so far Bibik nampak macam sayang jer dengan Marsya), but I am also leaving the house in good hands.

Last Monday, I was on leave as I needed to assist Bibik to get accustomed to the house. When I woke up, she had already mopped the floor and cleared my kitchen, like arranging things in the right order, getting rid of unwanted items and folding my plastic bags, which I have to admit; it’s not something that I am patient with. I don’t even have time to fold my own laundry, let alone plastic bags..!! But she did it. My shelf was cleaned from any dust and my picture frames too didn’t have any dust on them. So I went about doing my laundry and taught her how to use the washing machine, microwave and iron.

Bibik cooked and ironed the clothes. I took care of Marsya. I bathed her, fed her, and played with her. Bibik did all the other chores. When my dearest Bie got home that evening, he felt good too. Otherwise, he had to park his car at the LRT Wangsa Maju, take the LRT to Taman Jaya to meet me, and then go off to Maksu’s place. After dinner, we would drive back to our house and reach it at only 10pm; too tired to do anything else. So yes, he likes having Bibik around.

On Tuesday, I had to go back to work. But I called Bibik occasionally to query on Marsya. And that evening, when the clock struck 5.30pm, I was eager to go home. It has been such a long time since I reached my home while the sun was still in the sky. Bibik had already fed Marsya and my laundry had been sorted out. While I played with my daughter, Bibik went to the kitchen to cook dinner. I felt at ease. I wasn’t tired mentally as I had help in sorting out the house and my daughter while I was away.

Last night, I left Marsya with Bibik while I went to KLCC with my dearest Bie to see X-MEN: THE LAST STAND. We watched the 9.30pm show (really good… I loved it). When I got home, Marsya was already asleep.

Today is already Friday. Tomorrow, I have to bring Bibik back to Ibu. Next week is the beginning of the school term and the roads will be busy again. I have to go back to my daily routine; leave the house at 6.30am to send Marsya to Maksu’s place and in the later part of the day, reach home at 10pm, too tired to do anything else.

[Sigh]… oh well, what to do.

Bibik’s contract is expiring this October. She has expressed her interest to stay on. In fact, she has been receiving other offers from three parties who want her as their maids. Ibu does not want to renew her because Ibu is retiring early next year. And since my brothers no longer stay at home (except for Ayon), there’s nothing much that Bibik does. So Ibu is thinking of letting her go so that Bibik can stay with me and help me out. Hhmm.. something to think about.

Sports Carnival

On 27 May 2006, my company (well, the Group level) organized a Group Sports Carnival at Uniten, Kajang. At first I didn’t want to go because I was malas lah. I had wanted to stay at home and lazed in front of the tv. But because the girls’ volleyball team didn’t have enough players and they need reserves or else they’d be disqualified from the game, I reluctantly agreed to become their reserve. So, on the day before the carnival, I attended a practice session with the team.

However, let me be frank with you. I have NEVER played volleyball in my whole entire. I have never liked the game because I always ended up having bruises on my hands, wrists and arms. So, the practice session was the first volleyball game for me.

On Saturday, I made my way to Uniten. Well actually the volleyball game was at the Petronas sports center or some sort, which is near Uniten. As I had to be there by 8.30am, I drove like mad from Seremban to Petronas (about 130 to 140 km per hour – NOT good). I think my Wira pun macam nak collapse jer. The rumblings of the engine were very clear.

When I got to the court (outdoor mind you), I changed into my jersey and did a warming up session. It was fun. The boys played first. I had fun cheering them on. Then it was the girls’ turn to play. I thought I was going to be the reserve player, but Fizah wasn’t confident that she could serve so she asked me to be in the team. Aku pun apa lagi… (excited kan after the practice on Friday).

We won the first game. It was a wonderful feeling. Well, let’s just say that we played against a not-so-good team and that’s why we won. The other three games after that weren’t that great. We lost the second and third game. But as for the forth game, we went onto the rubber set (which wasn’t bad considering that everyone was tired at that time). Because it was blazing hot on Saturday AND because I forgot to apply my sun block, my face and arms, particularly my nose, were shining red..!! Not just mine, everybody had flaming red faces. I was sun burnt. I hate it, but what to do. The skin was already burnt so I just have to go through the painful and itchy process of skin peeling. I was aware of that.

The boys didn’t have much luck. They didn’t win any game. But they did put up a good fight so that was good enough.

Apart from the games, I had fun just hanging out with my colleagues and friends. We chatted, laughed and talked. I even had the chance to mingle with a new staff, a not so bad looking guy (the only good looking guy near our hanging out place) who had just joined our Sales & Marketing department in Johor. He was being extra friendly with me. And I wasn’t looking my pretty that day. Shucks..!! Before you get any ideas, kawan jerlah..!! He was nice and he wanted to show me some pointers, so I accept jerlah. Takkan nak halau dia kot.

At about 5.30pm when we have no more games to play, we did a warm down exercise. It was good. I thought I was going to be so lepek on Sunday but the warm down exercise helped a lot. I was actually quite all right on Sunday. And so were my other volleyball mates.

The sports carnival was actually fun. And I actually enjoyed volleyball, much to my surprise. I even want to maintain this team we have and continue to practice volleyball; all the necessary skills and knowledge so that we can win next year. Go VOLLEY..!!