Lately, we have been hearing a lot about Misyar marriages. According to Prof. Datuk Dr. Mahmud Zuhdi Abdul Majid, a lecturer at the Akademi Pengajian Islam Universiti Malaya, Misyar marriages can avoid social ills in the society i.e. maksiat and it is also one of the solutions to curb the rising number of unmarried women in Malaysia. In other words, unmarried women and divorcees ought to resort to Misyar marriages to avoid the ‘shadowy’ humiliation of being single. Furthermore, women these days earn more than men and because of that they can afford having a Misyar marriage because the men do not have to financially provide for them. But what is a Misyar marriage?
“Misyar is described as a form of marriage in which the wife gives up her rights offered under the religion, including the right to have the husband living with her in the same house and providing her with necessary expenses. In short the woman gives up the right to have an independent home. The husband may come to see her at her parent’s home at whatever time he chooses for himself, or at a time agreed by the two”. [source: Islamonline.net]
Some scholars agree to Misyar marriages, while others disapprove on the context that it never existed during Rasulullah’s (PBUH) time. Well, whatever it is, Misyar marriages are practiced all over Saudi Arabia and countries near the Gulf, and these countries have always been perceived as the perfect role model for Islamic countries. Long story cut short; is Misyar marriage the perfect solution to curb social illnesses and encourage unmarried women to get hitched?
When I first read the suggestion, I was skeptical. I’ve heard of Misyar marriages from somewhere but I wasn’t sure what the arrangement is. So I surfed the net and looked it up. Believe it or not, but there are many opinions and articles on Misyar marriages. The majority of it, even those living in Saudi Arabia and the countries within its proximity, opposed to the marriage. These majorities are of course women. The sad thing is that, most of the men agree to Misyar marriages. In fact, they see nothing wrong with it. Well, that is expected (to some extent), but what angered me was the perception that these men give; being unmarried is a social stigma and should be well avoided.
As for me, I oppose to Misyar marriages. Why? Misyar marriages do not fulfill Islam’s aims of a marriage. A family is built from a marriage, which requires care and love. The family stays in one house and nurtures the relationship within by providing each other’s needs, be it financial, emotional or sexual. Then there are the children. All these components play important roles in forming a happy family and thereon a solid marriage. The husband’s role in the family among other things is to provide for the family. It is his responsibility to ensure that his family is well taken care of, as head of the family. Isn’t that is what required of a husband in Islam? If it isn’t, then why was I made to listen to it after my akad nikah? My husband then had to read a long list of items on responsibilities as a married couple.
But Misyar marriages are different. The husband comes to visit the wife (be it at the wife’s parents or the wife’s house – considering that these women are successful and rich and thus can afford to buy her own house) for conjugal visits and leave the next day. He may not visit his wife for many days, or weeks to come. But suddenly out of the blue, he’s there for his ‘matrimonial’ duty. What is that? He comes as he pleases and when he feels like having sex (out of the norm, perhaps) then he starts thinking, “Maybe I ought to visit my wife for something out of the ordinary tonight”. The husband is not entitled to provide emotional or financial support as their wives have given up those rights prior to their marriage. Note however that sexual acts require the consent of the wives. At least, that’s what I have been made to understand from Datuk Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat. He also said that consent from the wife is needed before a couple can embark on a Misyar marriage.
I just feel that Misyar marriages are just used as tools to allow men have ‘licensed’ sex out of marriage. So if they get caught, then they can say that they’re married. I also feel that the so-called social illnesses are not caused by women (well, not totally anyway) and thus improper to accuse that women should get hitched via Misyar marriages to prevent social illnesses. It takes two to tango. The ‘maksiat’ wouldn’t be there if there’s no demand. And who else demand them? Of course it’s the men (not all, this is just me being outrageously biased). So I think it’s downright unfair to say that women cause these social illnesses.
To me, a woman shouldn’t just jump into the idea of a marriage for the sake of being married. These women can do so much more and they can provide for so much more. I know some people would ridicule me and say, “It’s easy for you to say. You’re married”. That’s just it. Being married the proper way is so much better than being married the Misyar way. So why dwell on Misyar marriages when you can enjoy a real marriage and that too includes polygamy marriages (kalau dah Qada’ dan Qadar, nak cakap apa, but I shall not dwell on that). If you engage yourself in a Misyar marriage, you’ll loose out. Unless of course you’re the type that couldn’t care less about love, emotional and financial support, then be it. It is after all an individual’s choice.
But a Misyar marriage may lead to potential problems along the way. What happens if the wife gets pregnant – as Misyar marriages, well in Saudi Arabia at least, it’s supposed to be of secrecy, what happens to the children of Misyar marriages, what happens if there’s a divorce – remember that the wives have given up their rights prior to the marriage. All these need to be thought of first before agreeing to a Misyar marriage.
There are enough problems with straightforward marriages, what with the increasing number of divorce cases in the syariah court, but Misyar marriages? Considering that wives have given up their rights in the marriage long before any problem starts brewing, what are the odds of these Misyar wives getting any settlement after the divorce of their marriages? After all, the odds of husbands leaving with no trail are something that the wives cannot dispute.
So tell me, who gains from a Misyar marriage?
“Misyar is described as a form of marriage in which the wife gives up her rights offered under the religion, including the right to have the husband living with her in the same house and providing her with necessary expenses. In short the woman gives up the right to have an independent home. The husband may come to see her at her parent’s home at whatever time he chooses for himself, or at a time agreed by the two”. [source: Islamonline.net]
Some scholars agree to Misyar marriages, while others disapprove on the context that it never existed during Rasulullah’s (PBUH) time. Well, whatever it is, Misyar marriages are practiced all over Saudi Arabia and countries near the Gulf, and these countries have always been perceived as the perfect role model for Islamic countries. Long story cut short; is Misyar marriage the perfect solution to curb social illnesses and encourage unmarried women to get hitched?
When I first read the suggestion, I was skeptical. I’ve heard of Misyar marriages from somewhere but I wasn’t sure what the arrangement is. So I surfed the net and looked it up. Believe it or not, but there are many opinions and articles on Misyar marriages. The majority of it, even those living in Saudi Arabia and the countries within its proximity, opposed to the marriage. These majorities are of course women. The sad thing is that, most of the men agree to Misyar marriages. In fact, they see nothing wrong with it. Well, that is expected (to some extent), but what angered me was the perception that these men give; being unmarried is a social stigma and should be well avoided.
As for me, I oppose to Misyar marriages. Why? Misyar marriages do not fulfill Islam’s aims of a marriage. A family is built from a marriage, which requires care and love. The family stays in one house and nurtures the relationship within by providing each other’s needs, be it financial, emotional or sexual. Then there are the children. All these components play important roles in forming a happy family and thereon a solid marriage. The husband’s role in the family among other things is to provide for the family. It is his responsibility to ensure that his family is well taken care of, as head of the family. Isn’t that is what required of a husband in Islam? If it isn’t, then why was I made to listen to it after my akad nikah? My husband then had to read a long list of items on responsibilities as a married couple.
But Misyar marriages are different. The husband comes to visit the wife (be it at the wife’s parents or the wife’s house – considering that these women are successful and rich and thus can afford to buy her own house) for conjugal visits and leave the next day. He may not visit his wife for many days, or weeks to come. But suddenly out of the blue, he’s there for his ‘matrimonial’ duty. What is that? He comes as he pleases and when he feels like having sex (out of the norm, perhaps) then he starts thinking, “Maybe I ought to visit my wife for something out of the ordinary tonight”. The husband is not entitled to provide emotional or financial support as their wives have given up those rights prior to their marriage. Note however that sexual acts require the consent of the wives. At least, that’s what I have been made to understand from Datuk Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat. He also said that consent from the wife is needed before a couple can embark on a Misyar marriage.
I just feel that Misyar marriages are just used as tools to allow men have ‘licensed’ sex out of marriage. So if they get caught, then they can say that they’re married. I also feel that the so-called social illnesses are not caused by women (well, not totally anyway) and thus improper to accuse that women should get hitched via Misyar marriages to prevent social illnesses. It takes two to tango. The ‘maksiat’ wouldn’t be there if there’s no demand. And who else demand them? Of course it’s the men (not all, this is just me being outrageously biased). So I think it’s downright unfair to say that women cause these social illnesses.
To me, a woman shouldn’t just jump into the idea of a marriage for the sake of being married. These women can do so much more and they can provide for so much more. I know some people would ridicule me and say, “It’s easy for you to say. You’re married”. That’s just it. Being married the proper way is so much better than being married the Misyar way. So why dwell on Misyar marriages when you can enjoy a real marriage and that too includes polygamy marriages (kalau dah Qada’ dan Qadar, nak cakap apa, but I shall not dwell on that). If you engage yourself in a Misyar marriage, you’ll loose out. Unless of course you’re the type that couldn’t care less about love, emotional and financial support, then be it. It is after all an individual’s choice.
But a Misyar marriage may lead to potential problems along the way. What happens if the wife gets pregnant – as Misyar marriages, well in Saudi Arabia at least, it’s supposed to be of secrecy, what happens to the children of Misyar marriages, what happens if there’s a divorce – remember that the wives have given up their rights prior to the marriage. All these need to be thought of first before agreeing to a Misyar marriage.
There are enough problems with straightforward marriages, what with the increasing number of divorce cases in the syariah court, but Misyar marriages? Considering that wives have given up their rights in the marriage long before any problem starts brewing, what are the odds of these Misyar wives getting any settlement after the divorce of their marriages? After all, the odds of husbands leaving with no trail are something that the wives cannot dispute.
So tell me, who gains from a Misyar marriage?
2 comments:
hmm. my opinion is just this, kalau its really memang islamic teaching, there must me solid reasons for it. anyways, no one forces the women to kawen misyar ni kan? if the woman feel that its not right, jangan la kawen...
summore kan, i personally feel that although not formally called "misyar marriages", byk jer existing marriages operate like that - husbands do not provide emotional & financial support. so to me, it is really up to the woman, what to make of her life.
Of course by the end of the day, it's up to the women to decide. It is after all their lives.
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