Weird Feeling

Previously I posted an entry about having a stupid argument with a friend at the Putrajaya Mosque. Well, due to recent events where I feel that I ought to reflect on myself, (not to mention a continuous persistence from a friend), I sent him a text message apologizing for the event that took place. I know I was at fault and that I was too egoistic to admit otherwise.

Me : Hi. Still mad at me? Sorry for any hurt that I caused. It was truly my fault. I understand if you’re still angry but I hope we can start all over.

Him : I was mad? Bila?

Me : Please lah. Back in March dulu. Mad and maybe more to disappointment. Whatever it is, I am sorry ok.

Him : I wasn’t mad at you… no, not at all.

Me : Whatever you felt back then is highly regretted. But I hope we’re ok.

Him : I can’t stay mad at you dear, I love you too much…

Me : [Hah? Is this guy for real…?] Are you saying that to make me feel even more guilty? You’re not playing with me? I’m thankful that you can’t stay mad at me for long though. Thank you so much…

He didn’t reply to my last text message.

I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the last text message he sent me. I love you too much..?? What’s that supposed to mean? I have known him for more than 10 years now and never throughout the entire friendship has he ever uttered a single word reflecting love, sayang or care towards me. He always makes remarks that sometimes make me want to tear his eyes out. Well, metaphorically. Even another friend thought that he’s too macho to say such words to anyone.

But yes, I have to admit that over the years, he has grown mature so I never feel like tearing his eyes out anymore, but he always has this smug on his face whenever we talked about something. It’s like as if he’s saying, “I know you too well, Ija”. Well why shouldn’t he. He has known me for 12 years now. But then, I’m an open book. Everybody knows me too well for my liking.

It made me think back on the past relationship I had with him. We were never a couple. Never. I was always his close friend. Should he have feelings for me in the past, I don’t know, as he had never made it clear on whether he had feelings for me or not. I do know that he was romantically involved with a girl called S. He introduced me to S and when S ditched him, he tried to win her back. But to no avail. S is married now, so I’ve heard. So there was never a moment that he could have had affections for me unless of course as a friend. He better have affections for me as his friend. Yes he asked me to go to trips with him and explored Europe at his expense, and then there were the occasional gifts. But I always take it that he did that coz I’m his close friend. I mean, he never said anything about loving me be it before I got to know my dearest Bie or before I got married.

But I do remember him being upset when I got engaged to Bie. He didn’t call me for about three months. I merely thought that he was upset coz I didn’t tell him first that I was getting engaged. I mean, I had a lot of other friends as well, especially my girlfriends so it’s only natural that I tell them first.

And he also has given me vibes in the past that he thought I was somewhat special, but they were only vibes. I don’t take hints. You want me, you tell me upfront. Even if you give a million hints, I wouldn’t bother as they’re only hints. Bie went straight to the point. He liked me back then, he went ahead and told me.

[Sigh] I guess he loves me because we’re such close friends. In fact, looking at it now, it’s probably nothing. Maybe I am being perasan only. Oh well… but it’s nice to know that somewhere out there, a friend loves me.

Who Said PD's Not Fun

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to gather with a group of small friends, mainly those I went to school with. These are my close ex-school mates; those who studied form 4 elsewhere because most of them obtained glorious results. In fact, out of yesterday’s group, I was the only one who didn’t study somewhere else after SRP. But, I am happy that we’re still good friends.

Maie’s husband works with FAMA so she managed to obtain cheap accommodations at the Institut Latihan FAMA in PD. I thought the place was really going to be creepy considering that it was a government body’s resort, but the surprise was on me.

We left my parents’ at 1.30pm. The rest of the girls were either on their way or still traveling from KL to Seremban, contrary to what was arranged earlier on (yes Lin, that means you :P). So, when we already passed Telok Kemang, we were skeptical. I mean, where on earth is this FAMA’s resort. We kept on looking for signboards to the place but there were none.

After the army camp, I think about a few kilometers more, we saw the signboard. To get to the resort, we had to pass by ‘kampungs’ and orchards. It was a change from the bustle of the city. Then we saw it. It was white with blue roofs. Niza was already there with her family. I got out of the car and went to the lobby. It was quiet. Either its visitors were busy taking naps or they weren’t anyone else there. The sight of Niza greeting me at the lobby was somewhat pleasing. Apparently she had all the keys with her. She showed me the apartments and we finally resolved to stay in the one near the pool.

I opened the apartment, expecting a strange and stuffy smell coming out from it. But I was wrong. The apartment smelt fresh (courtesy of the citrus air freshener). It was clean. The bedsheets were also clean. The bathroom was clean. The balcony was clean. We could actually walk barefooted without having to worry about our feet being dirtied by dust.

Not long after that, the girls came, one by one. Liny was the last to arrive. She joined us straight at the pool, carrying a plastic bag of warm pisang goreng. So there we were at the pool, watching the kids play and talking. It wasn’t long before I joined in the pool with the kids (and their mothers and fathers). It was also the first time that Marsya got her body wet in a swimming pool. She was excited. She kept on splashing the water. At one time, she fell while walking in the pool and drowned sekejap. She didn’t want to be held. Bie picked her up. She was coughing and scoffing water out. Her eyes were puffy and she was also vomiting. When I took her to the adult pool and placed her in the baby’s float, she was terrified. She held on to me really tight. But when she got the hang of it, she was soon having fun. She even moved her legs in the water as if swimming. It was fun to see her. Her screams could be heard all around the pool. She was having a blast time. When we wanted to get her out of the pool, she was also screaming. Screaming not to be taken out of the pool.

That night Marsya slept at 7.30pm up until 8.30am the next day. Luckily for Bie and I. We could enjoy laughing with our friends without any disturbance from Marsya.

After dinner, we watched Lin’s wedding on dvd. We also ‘kutuk’ her ‘kaw-kaw nyer’. She couldn’t do anything to defend herself. It was funny. After that, we watched Elizabethtown but as most were already sleepy, I didn’t finish the dvd. I think I only stopped at the part where Orlando Bloom got back to the hotel with his father’s cremated body in the urn.

The next morning, we hung out, had breakfast and chit chatted. Lin went to PD’s market to buy fresh flowers for her mother as it was Mother’s Day.

We left the resort at about 2pm.

It was fun. It has been a long time since we gathered like that. In fact, it was the first time that we went somewhere to hang out rather than have short gatherings at any of our houses. I wouldn’t mind doing it again. Cuma we didn’t have much time to gossip. Maybe next time.

Will post pictures soon.

Tupai-Tupai

I had quite a nice lunch yesterday. About 17 of us went to Tupai-Tupai for lunch. Most of the bosses weren’t in. So the prospect of going out for lunch seemed like a tremendous idea.

There were four cars. When we reached Tupai-Tupai, our tables were already booked and the foods have all been pre-ordered. So, about a minute of sitting down, the foods arrived. There was about six dishes altogether. There was Tom Yam, toufu, siakap masak masam-masam manis, telur bungkus, vegetables ikan masin and lemon chicken. They were all good. The Tom Yam however could have been better. I don’t meant to brag but I have eaten a Tom Yam, which tastes so much better. We finished the main course with desert; trifle with ice cream on top.

Our tables were noisy. Apart from the sounds of people munching food, there were a lot of banters and chitchat. Kutuk-mengutuk, catch up on latest gossips, etc, etc. It was a good lunch. And it has been a while since we actually had lunch like that. The last time we did lunch was when we ordered A LOT of pizzas to the office about two months ago. That was good as well.

I love my colleagues. I can’t have enough of them. We are so close. I think I have mentioned this before in my previous post. I will definitely miss them if I leave the company. No doubt that the pay is measly, but the people have never failed to bore me. Even if I come to the office with a mood that makes people cringe, by the end of the day, I would have been better. I have never been in such good company before. I know that I have only worked for two companies since I graduated, but I don’t know whether I’ll find a good company as this at other places. Yeah I know that different places offer different benefits, what with different surroundings and all, but my current environment with these people that I work closely with every day, is just something that I find very hard to let go. Heck, I even shared my desert with a male colleague..!! Something which I don’t normally practice… before you people (whoever’s reading) get the wrong idea.

So yeah, Tupai-Tupai is quite a nice place to hang out if you have a large crowd of friends with you. And it is good to eat out with your colleagues once in a while. I don’t mean eat out at the usual place or tapau bawak naik atas. What I mean is REALLY hang out and have lunch… and of course pay a little extra while you’re at it.

Not So Good Monday Morning

I am in a foul mood this morning. I think it all began last night when I couldn’t find my blue pants. It’s uniform day and I’m supposed to be wearing my blue pants. But as I couldn’t find it, I had to wear my grey pants. And last night, Marsya couldn’t sleep, so she was crying, sort of ‘mengigau’. My dearest Bie (not that dearest last night) didn’t want to wake up. He asked me to pick Marsya from the baby cot, while he continued to sleep. I had to go to the bathroom, but no… he asked ME to pick Marsya up. So we had a few minutes of ‘eye-glaring and non-talking’ argument, and I picked Marsya from her baby cot, hugged her and brought her to sleep with me on the bed.

This morning, on the way to work, I nearly collided with a motorcycle on the traffic light at PJ Hilton… and of course got cursed by the motorcyclist in the process. I didn’t mean to. I was trying to kejar the green light because the cars next to me wouldn’t let me pass by, walhal they were going straight; I wanted to go right. So by the time I got to the traffic light, it was red again and I thought since the police was there, he’d let me pass by. But NO.. not did I only got cursed, the policeman prohibited me from going right. I told him that I wanted to go right into Federal Highway, but he showed his angry face and told me to go straight. I had no choice. I went straight. I guess he saw me nearly langgar the motorcyclist. He could have allowed me to go right, as the traffic from the other side wasn’t using the road yet, but he made me miserable by not allowing me to go right and forcing me to go straight.

I was very upset. The u-turn junction was far ahead and traffic was building up on the federal highway. I didn’t want to be late.

But I went ahead to look for the u-turn and made my way back to the federal highway, my face all squirmy and upset.

As I reached the parking space this morning, I nearly knocked against a fence. Luckily it only ‘kissed’ my car bumper by a mere millimeters distance.

As I didn’t want to be late, I didn’t buy breakfast.

I swiped my card at exactly 8.28 am.

And because of all that have happened, I am not exactly in a very good mood. Let’s hope that by lunch, my mood would have been restored.

Trip To JB

When Bie told me that we HAD to go down south for the weekend to attend a wedding, I felt bored already. I don’t really like going to JB. It’s just so tiring. Sitting in the car for over four hours with Marsya who these days tak boleh duduk diam, is certainly not something I look forward to. Besides Bie would definitely be the only one driving, AND we would definitely have to bring Bak’s kancil. Malasnya…

So Bie decided that we ought to bring our car. It would be more spacious and Marsya can walk from one end of the car to the other. Though my heart still didn’t want to go, I went ahead with the plan anyway. Tak best lah kan if I don’t go (that’s me, trying to be positive about the whole thing). Besides, biler lagi nak kenal dengan my husband’s relatives. So with a very slightly heavy heart, I tried to look forward to the trip to JB.

On Saturday, Bie picked me up from my parents’ place and I was surprised to see my brother-in-law joining us. He NEVER joins in any of the family trips or affairs. He always had something going on. I wondered how Mak got him to join us. I also sighed heavily. That would mean that the car would be very cramped and we would end back to square one. It’s like driving a kancil BUT with five passengers now instead of four… Marsya excluded. But the trip had to go on, so there we were, all five of us cramped in a wira heading towards JB.

We reached JB at 11.00 pm. On the way there, we stopped by the Restoren Jejantas coz Bie and his brother wanted to see the football match between Manchester United and Chelsea. I was a bit irritated because that would mean that we would reach JB quite late. But if the EPL’s on TV, Bie would always find ways to watch it, especially if it involves his MU team. So there we were, for about 45 minutes. We continued our journey to JB before the second half of the game began. Thank goodness for that. By the way, MU lost to Chelsea 3-0. Too bad.

We slept at a relative’s house. Marsya couldn’t sleep that night. She was cranky and didn’t want to sleep. It was past 2.00 am and I was sleepy. My parents-in-laws had long gone to sleep. Bie wanted to watch James Bond. And he asked me to tidurkan Marsya. I got furious. So in the end, we both went upstairs and tried to tidurkan Marsya. My daughter only slept at 2.30 am.

The next day was quite all right. The nasi beriani gam at the wedding was quite nice. And Bie’s relatives were nice people. Their children were very helpful. Ashraf, the son, was quite attentive with Marsya. Ira, his sister, was very accommodating. So I felt ok.

Later that day before we head back to KL, we went to Mak’s friend’s place. She was hosting a Maulidur Rasul at her place and her daughter cooked nasi beriani also. So, I ate more rice (I tell you, I felt totally fat on Sunday). Her daughter is a wonderful cook. She’s a chef at Concorde Shah Alam. After she packed us some of the beriani rice to bring with us back home, we made our way back to KL. Of course we stopped at my parents’ first for more food (see, what did I tell you about me being VERY fat on Sunday).

We only reached KL at 12 midnight. As it was quite late, Mak persuaded me to sleep over at her house. Which I did (it brought back many old memories as I stayed with her after I got married, after all, I slept in my old bedroom. The familiarity of the room was kind of nice, although my personal belongings are no longer there).

After lunch the next day, we went back home. There it was, a tiring but not TOO bad, trip down south. However, I don’t think I want to go down to JB again in the near future. Letihlah. Maybe later though…, much later.

Worried

My menstrual cycle has been a bit off lately. On 30 March 2006, my menstrual came as usual, but it lasted for a month..!! I was a little scared. I should have done my pap smears after I delivered but I was petrified at the thought that the doctor was going to poke weird stuff in me. I mean, I had just delivered at that time and the pain was still fresh in my head. But as my menstrual seemed problematic (I don’t recall having this problem before), I felt that it was time to see my gynecologist.

So yesterday, at about 4pm, during the terrible downpour in the Klang Valley, I made my way to see my gynecologist. You guessed it. I was late. I only reached the hospital at 6.30pm. All major roads in the Klang Valley were congested due to flash floods and accidents. Luckily Dr As was still around.

As I entered the hospital, a welcoming memory swept into my head. This was where I had my baby. The frequent check ups, the friendly staff, the hospitalization period, all swirled in my head. They weren’t bad memories. They were kind of nice. As I made my way to the sofa, I looked at my surroundings. The hospital certainly has changed since the last time I went there. The renovation works that were done during my hospitalization had certainly made the hospital nicer compared to before.

Before I was called in to see Dr As, I had to be weighed. I dreaded the weighing scale. I know that I have put on weight and this was evidential from the pants that I have been wearing; they’re rather tight these days. So when the nurse announced that my weight was 58 kg, I gave a small outcry. I really need to do something with the excess kilos. I need to reduce at least 4 to 5 kg’s if I want to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. At the moment, I so despise my huge thighs but I am guilty for not doing anything to it. Ahh… I’ll work something out.

Dr As was nice, as usual. She was surprised as she hasn’t seen me for a quite a while. And it was only natural that she thought I was pregnant. I told her my problem and before she checked, she asked me to take a urine test first to see whether I was pregnant. So I did. And the nurse showed the result to Dr As. Part of me was afraid that it’d be positive, but there was a little part of me, very little mind you, somewhere beneath my heart was hoping that I was pregnant. So when Dr As announced that the result was negative, I had mixed feelings, which later of course turned to relief at the fact that I wasn’t pregnant.

So she did the necessary tests and confirmed that my uterus was fine. No fibroids or weird stuff sticking on them. I was thankful for that. She also confirmed that I am currently having my menstrual, for real and that I should see her in two weeks time for further check up and a pap smear.

I sighed with relief. I’m all right. I guess it must be my hormones. Dr As said there was an abnormality in my menstrual but nothing I should be worried about. I don’t remember being stressed though, but who knows. Indirectly I guess the stress could have taken place.

Well, my appointment with Dr As is in two weeks. Let’s see what she has to say then. But for now, I’m thankful. No more worries.

Weekend With Ibu

When I heard that Ayah wouldn’t be at home last weekend, I felt so lazy to go back. Ibu would be busy with her thing and if she went out, I would be left at home with Marsya, Bie, my brothers and Bibik. I sighed at the prospect of going back. So I called Ayah and asked his opinion on whether I should go back and he advised me to go home for the weekend. Ibu wasn’t going anywhere and all my brothers would be there. I relented. So on Saturday morning, I did my laundry as usual and packed the necessary clothing to go back to my parents’ for the weekend.

When I reached the compound, Ibu was already there sitting on the chair. She looked up and smiled. I looked at her and smiled back. Marsya was excited to go out of the car. So I opened the car door and passed Marsya to my brother. Then I heard Ibu saying, “Alah cucu Uwan… dah sampai dah”.

Later that afternoon as I was lying in front of the TV, Ibu asked whether I wanted to go out, pergi minum petang, and I said, “Why not”. Well, we did go for minum petang but at Acik’s place. Acik cooked “keledek goreng” for us and it was good.

The next day, Ibu ajak me to go to Aunty Ani’s shop to look for a new bed. I was quite surprised. It’s not that she never ajak me to go places before, she has done so in the past, but of late, she has been occupied with other things. So I told her that I’m going to Jusco with Ayin (my brother) and if she wanted to come, it’d be good. And she agreed. I know that she was tired and sleepy, but she came with us anyway. She tried to join in all the things that we wanted to do, even though she was tired.

So when she had to leave before Maghrib for prayers at Mambau, she felt bad. After all, I was supposed to go back to KL that night and she didn’t want to miss us before we left for KL. But what was to be done, had to be done. She left for Mambau without even saying goodbye. I felt something weird inside but I brushed it off.

She called me up at 8pm asking when we were leaving for KL. I told her that we would probably leave around 10pm coz Bie wanted to watch Constantine. I told her not to rush though coz if I couldn’t see her that night, I would see her the following weekend, if I go back home again. So after Constantine, we had dinner (eating hurriedly) and left for KL. After all the next day is a working day and I haven’t ironed my clothes.

As I was heading towards the town area, Ibu called. She had just finished her thing and wanted to see us before we left for KL. I assured her that it was all right and that I’d see her again, but she was adamant. She told us to park somewhere and she would meet us there. So we parked at Petronas and waited for her arrival.

She arrived about 10 minutes later. I saw her got out of the car and walked towards my car. My daughter was eager to see her. So when Ibu opened the car door, Marsya held up her arms to Ibu. Ibu picked her up and kissed her all over. Marsya did not even want to come back inside the car. She was actually clinging to her Uwan. I liked it. It was the first time that Marsya didn’t want to let go of Ibu. And I smiled.

We said our goodbyes at the petrol station and head our separate ways.

Ibu is still Ibu. Though she may have her flaws (who’s perfect anyway) and sometimes makes us mad, she is still Ibu. And I’m sure we make her mad as well. But that’s another thing. I can never stay away from Ibu too long. I have to admit that of late she’s been occupied with a lot of things and I guess being her daughter I got sensitive all over. I should have been more understanding, I guess. No matter what she is, she’s my Ibu. My mother. The woman who gave birth to me and who brought me up into what I am today. No matter what our differences are, I will love her until her dying days.

Dinner With Friends

Last Sunday, I had the opportunity to have dinner with Zam and his new wife. We had dinner at the Roadhouse Grill in Jalan Ampang as that was convenient for both of us as Zam stays in Jalan Tun Razak, while I stay in… you know where. I haven’t had the chance to chit-chat with Zam even before he got married. Previously when asked, about getting married, he always sighed and said, “Hujung tahun…”. And this went on for quite a number of years. Every year when I asked him the ‘marriage’ question, he would say end of the year. But he never seemed to have met anyone to walk the aisle with him.

Suddenly out of the blue, he called Bie up and said that he was getting engaged and he wanted Bie to be there. I was surprised, as I didn’t know that he was seeing anyone. But yeah… it was quite sudden. Zam and his wife only knew each other for a couple of months. They got engaged and last month they got married. I guess I could call it a “whirlwind romance”.

When we parked the car at the Roadhouse Grill compound, I saw Zam and his new wife already waiting for us. Marsya was asleep so I had to lift her gently from my lap (she woke up soon after). Zam’s wife, Id greeted us and we entered the restaurant.

I didn’t talk to Id much. I was busy with Marsya who by the way was making quite a racket throwing peanuts on the floor… and of course I was busy observing Id. She didn’t talk to me much. She talked and laughed with my dearest Bie. I can understand that she may felt comfortable with Bie, so that’s why she only talked to him alone. Zam was sitting next to Id, looking content and happy. His slowly increasing waistline is the evidence for that.

After looking at her for a while, I began to see why Zam likes her. She’s sweet. In fact, she looks better without any make-up on as opposed to having lots of make-up. She’s quite big-sized, but she’s not fat. And the one thing, which I am very sure as to why Zam adores her, is that she talks and laughs a lot. Zam didn’t have to say anything. Id did most of the talking. When I began to join in the conversation, I could see that her edginess sort of calmed down. She began talking to me, looking at me while talking. She talked about the wedding reception in Terengganu and laughed at how both her and Zam overslept the next morning. She also showed the wedding photographs and I could see that she was happy. There’s no telling about Zam. He kept on beaming throughout the entire dinner.

I am happy that Zam has found his ‘one’. And I’m glad that Id sees all the wonderful things in Zam. As I sat watching them eat in front of me, I could see that Id would gently pat Zam’s shoulder and leaned against him when Bie and I talked about something. During few moments, I would hear her call, “Abang…” and I smiled.

No Longer The Apple Of The Eye

Last Friday night, I came back from work late. I had a management paper to do and it had been long pending. When I reached Mak Su’s house, she was with Wan. Apparently Wan was experiencing labour pain. Her contraction periods were getting shorter and her face was red as she was trying to cope with the pain. It reminded me of the time when I was about to introduce Marsya to the face of the earth. It was scary and I could feel her pain. I mean, who came up with the statement, “…masuk anak nombor dua nanti, lupa dah sakit nak beranak”. Hello..!! The pain is fresh in my head, ok. Anyway, Mak Su was to accompany Wan to the University Hospital. So the clothes were packed and Wan sat on the sofa, her face all red. We could hardly hear her voice.

Then it dawned on me: Marsya will no longer be the apple of everyone’s eyes…

It saddened me. Mak Su will be baby-sitting the new baby when Wan gets back to work after her confinement period. Marsya will no longer be the baby of the house. She will be replaced with the new baby. My poor baby…

I told Bie and he told me not to be upset. He said, “Kalau yang lain dah tak manjakan dia, kita still manjakan dia. Apa you nak risau? Abi and Umi dia kan ada”. In a way he was right. But I can’t help feeling that Marsya will not be taken care of dengan penuh kasih saying. I think I’ve gone bonkers. Whatever it is, Marsya is still Mak Su’s granddaughter and NOTHING can take that away from her, not even the new baby. Besides, the new baby will not be doing much. After all, she’s still a baby. Marsya is a year plus and is at that particular age where everybody likes to kacau just to see her laugh or cry. Ok, this is me, trying to make sense of the whole thing. Trying to accept that Marsya will no longer be the baby of the house.

I guess I’m feeling this way because right now, in my life, Marsya is the apple of MY eye. Since she doesn’t have any brother or sister, she will continue to be the apple of our eyes (our being me and Bie).

Oh well, who am I to prevent Mak Su from taking up new babies. Even if Mak Su doesn’t want to take care of any new baby, she can’t refuse Wan. Wan’s eldest boy was taken care by Mak Su when he was a baby. So it’s only natural that the new baby be taken care of Mak Su as well. I mean, Mak Su is just the type of woman that every mother looks for in a baby-sitter. She is compassionate, fun, caring and loving. That’s why most mothers send their babies to Mak Su’s, including me. Coupled with a caring husband like Pak Su, NO ONE can resist NOT sending their children to Mak Su’s and Pak Su’s.

Anyway, Wan delivered a beautiful baby girl on early Saturday morning. She named her Wan Najwa. Mak Su said she’s very fair. And weighs about 2.72 kg, which I think is all right considering Wan’s VERY small sized tummy when she was pregnant. In a way, I can’t wait to see the new baby as well. I haven’t bought the baby any gift. I think I prefer to give the new baby some ‘ang-pow’. I think that worth a lot more than any baby gift since she already has an older brother, whose toys are pretty much just lying around.

Well Marsya, looks like you have to compromise with Najwa. You see, Marsya is also very ‘manja’ with Najwa’s father. “Pantang nampak Mi, menggapai jer tangan suruh angkat”. Anyhow, having Najwa around is probably a positive thing. It’ll help Marsya (and me) to deal with the probability of having a new baby in the future.

Forever And For Always

In your arms
I can feel your heart beat now
I can really feel your love
In your arms
I can still feel the way you want me
When you hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered
When you told me
I can stay right here forever in your arms

And there ain't no way
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way
And there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....

Chorus:

'Cause I'm keeping you
Forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every morning
To your sweet face
Always-----oooh baby

In your heart
I can still hear a beat for every time you kiss me
And when we're apart
I know how much you miss me
I can still feel your love for me in your heart

And there ain't no way
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't now way
And there ain't no howI'll never see that day....

Repeat Chorus:

(I wanna wake up every morning... with you )
In your eyes
(I can still see the look of the one)
I can still see the look of the one who really loves me
(I can still feel the way that you want)
The one who wouldn't put anything
Else in the world above me
(I can still see your love for me)
I can still see your love for me in your eyes
(I still see the love)

And there ain't no way
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way
And there ain't no howI'll never see that day....

Repeat Chorus (2x):
I'm keeping you forever and for always...
That's a keeper
Baby Oooh always and forever
I'm in your arms

I got this song Forever and For Always by Shania Twain from my dearest Bie on our 2nd year anniversary. I guess, we just got married and everything... and I was also heavily pregnant with Marsya, so Bie must have gotten a little sentimental and thus dedicated this song to me. Well, personally, I like the song. The melody is soothing, the lyric shows love and the video clip is so sweet. Check it out people. This song is worth listening to...

Don’t Know What To Say

Have you ever felt that sometimes it’s just so tiring to listen to people’s problems? I mean, yeah you listen to it but the person who’s telling you seems to think that you’re on their side while the other party thinks that you’re actually on their side. I mean, there are limits to it and I think I’m tired of the whole thing already. But since both parties matter to you, you just can’t walk away. So you just sit there and listen.

Well personally, I am tired of it. But I can’t say no, nor can I just walk off and ignore that things didn’t happen. Because they did. And I guess, it will continue to happen for quite a while more. I don’t know what to do. I’m at loss. Lucky for me, when I don’t want to listen I can just go off and do things, which they can’t say no to.

The problem at hand may actually be the size of a peanut, but if not taken care of sooner, can grow into the size of a… I don’t know, a huge beach ball, perhaps. I do so badly want to solve it; get it all out in the open but I can’t. I still have to respect certain people and certain parties. It’s all very tiring really. I don’t know how long I can actually tolerate the whole thing. I am tired. Tired of having to make amends and excuses trying to cover them up. So that others can’t see right through them.

I don’t know what to call this. It’s not really a burden, but it is definitely something to ponder on. If it isn’t cured here and then, goodness knows what’s going to happen. Others may view it as non-problematic. They may even think that I’m making fuss over nothing. And that I’m the one who’s dramatic. But I can’t help it. The others do not go through what I have to go through. They don’t carry this burden on their shoulders. I do. I’m also very scared. And whenever I have the chance, I pray that Allah will light our way and not let us walk blindly in the dark.

Something For The Tooth Fairy

I went to the dentist yesterday. It’s been ages since I actually went to see one. At first I was really scared. I remembered the last time I checked my teeth was when I was about 12 years old. The dentist had to jab my mouth to numb it as I had quite a filling to do plus the dentist needed to extract a swollen molar tooth out. It was excruciatingly painful..!! I remember the incident like as if it was last week. And naturally, that made me very scared to see a dentist.

So, when Dr Liew ushered me in to his room, I was scared. But I kept quiet and tried to relax. I tried not looking at the metal equipment by the side of the chair. When Dr Liew asked me to sit, I felt like I was going to be tied up to the electric chair. I was terrified. But, I kept my calmness. I mean, if it hadn’t be for the terrible tooth ache that I had been suffering for quite a number of weeks now, I wouldn’t dare make myself available at the dentist. So I thought, “Let’s get it over and done with”.

I must admit that I am thankful for Dr Liew. He was patient and tried his best not to make me scared and of course, feel the pain, after he learnt that I dislike dentists and because of that I haven’t checked my teeth in like a very long time. He talked in a soothing manner and explained each of his conduct. First he jabbed me. I remember when I was younger; the needle seemed much bigger and longer. But yesterday, the needle wasn’t THAT long. It was still big, no doubt about that. But, NOT THAT long. I felt the pain as the needle went through my gums, but surprisingly, I endured it pretty well.

Then, he cleaned my teeth and gums; getting rid of all the decays. He was surprised at the fact that I haven’t seen a dentist for more than 15 years because he said that my teeth didn’t seem to reflect that. I felt good when he said that. So my teeth weren’t so bad after all.

However, Dr Liew discovered that I had four holes to fill in. I was surprised as well. I would have thought that I only had at most two holes, but unfortunately there were more. But I didn’t mind. As long as I was there, I told Dr Liew to fill in whichever hole he saw. And he did.

After an hour or so, Dr Liew finished performing his task. He told me to come back and see him in six months to see whether there would be potential holes to fill in. And to my surprise, I agreed. I mean, going to the dentist wasn’t that bad. I was lucky that I didn’t have to go through the root canal procedure or extract any molar tooth, which is even more painful.

So now, I’m still afraid to go see a dentist, but the fear isn’t as much as it used to be. I think everyone should take care of his or her teeth. Try brush the fear aside because if you keep on holding on to the toothache, later the teeth may be irreparable and the dentist may have to take it out, and THAT is even more painful not to mention, costly.

When Is The Right Time To Have Another One

I received a text message last night from Sha. She is expecting. Six weeks now. I felt very happy for her. That is what she has been wanting since the last time I saw her. Besides, her son is probably two years old now, so I think that would be the perfect time to have another one. Well, for her anyway. She lost her unborn baby when it was only four months and was in a state of depression. She recovered from her depression only when she conceived another baby. And now, she’s pregnant again, for the third time.

Something in me welled up. As soon as I replied to her message, congratulating her and what naught, I looked at Marsya. Is she ready to have a brother or a sister? Marsya was asleep on my lap. She just had her milk and seemed very content. I brushed her hair to the side and looked at her perky little mouth. Then I thought, “Am I ready to be pregnant again? Am I ready to go through a period of morning sicknesses and slowly enlarging bulging tummy?”. I don’t know. What I do know is that, I am afraid. Afraid of being in that terrible state of morning sicknesses, the third trimester, the labour pain and the confinement period.

I had terrible morning sicknesses. Actually, come to think of it, it wasn’t so much of a morning sickness; it was more like a sickness throughout the day and night and that went on until my fifth month of pregnancy. Then, there was the burden of having to carry a huge stomach. My back was painful. I couldn’t walk as fast. And it got worse at the end of the third trimester. My feet were swollen and I couldn’t sleep on the side. I had to have my feet on the pillows every night while going to sleep. And waking up from the bed can be a very painful task. After that, I felt as if the lower part of my abdomen was weighing me down. I had to hold on to it for fear of it suddenly dropping. The labour pain was another thing. I was lucky to be in the labour room for two hours. BUT it was the aftermath that kept on haunting me till today. I don’t know how I did in the labour room, but I guess the pushing was a little too much and I had problems with my… you know what. Well, it was bleeding from the inside and doing the pooh-pooh thingy was excruciating. The stitch on the canal where my baby came through was also painful. Then there was the post-maternity blues. I was depressed!! I couldn’t go out. I had to eat certain type of foods only and I had to wear socks and jackets to keep myself warm. I couldn’t surf the Internet as that would strain the eyes (that’s what Ibu said lah) and that kept me even more depressed. The monthly check up at the doctor’s was the only fulfilling thing for me.

So you see, I don’t know when I should be pregnant again. Besides, previously it was just me and my dearest Bie. But now, there’s Marsya.

I went to 1-Utama on Saturday and I saw a pregnant lady, probably coming to about 7 months of her pregnancy, carrying a baby (about a year and a half) who was bawling about something. That scared me. The mother herself was heavy due to the bulging stomach, and she was carrying a full-grown baby who was crying wanting only the mother. It did give me some sort of a fright.

So, I don’t know. I don’t know whether I want another baby at this point of time. I am happy for friends who are about to have one, but me? I just don’t think so… not at this time, anyway.

Selfish Parents

I can’t imagine parents who would use their children as an excuse to hurt his or her spouse when their marriages are in turmoil. I hate that. Pity the children. No matter what ages they are. The younger ones will hurt the most, as they don’t understand what’s happening between their parents while the older ones resorted to ‘unhealthy solicitation’ with things that we don’t even want to comprehend.

A friend of mine (Firah) is having the same problem. Well, not her exactly but her cousin. Her cousin is married to a lazy, younger man. They have a cute 3 year old girl together named Balqis. Because the father didn’t want to work, the mother would be making kuih and selling them to people. The father stayed at home and slept until the sun was on top of his head, metaphorically speaking. When she got home, he’d be asking his wife for food, drinks, and the list goes on and on. This cousin of hers relented to all his whims. I guess as she is older than him, she tends to ‘mother’ him sometimes.

Firah’s mother couldn’t stand to see the man bossing her niece around that she took the family under her wing so that they could work; well basically to force her husband to work. Firah’s cousin was asked to help cook for Firah’s mother’s food stall. At first it went all right. The husband was working as a driver, Firah’s cousin cooked while Balqis went to kindergarten. But it was too good to be true. Soon after, the husband began giving all sorts of lazy reasons and stopped working. He went back to his hometown in Thailand and forced Firah’s cousin to come back with him. At first she didn’t want to, but because “cinta itu buta”, she went back home leaving her daughter behind because she was schooling. Balqis had come to love staying with Firah and her mother. From a thin toddler, she had grown to be quite chubby. Firah’s mother adored her.

One day, Firah’s cousin came to the house to fetch Balqis. What does a 3-year old toddler knows? She was just excited to see her mother so when her mother said that she wanted to take her back to Thailand, she didn’t mind. Firah’s mother was crying because she couldn’t believe that her niece had given in to her lazy husband’s whims. So, both mother and daughter went back to Thailand and rented a small room with her husband that only has a mat for sleeping (previously they stayed with Firah’s grandmother, but her grandmother couldn’t take it anymore – because of the lazy husband – and kicked them out of the house). People knew where she stayed and tried to take her back to her grandmother’s house, but her husband blackmailed her saying that if she leave him, he would keep Balqis and she will not get to see her at all. So, there was nothing much that she could do.

Months passed by and one day, Firah’s mother went back to Thailand to visit her mother. Word got round to Balqis. She cried wanting to see Firah’s mother. So, the mother gave in and allowed her to see Firah’s mother (the husband wasn’t around; Firah heard that he has become a “pengedar” for ecstasy pills – easy money). When Firah’s mother saw Balqis, both she and her mother cried; Balqis was thin and burning hot with fever. From a chubby toddler, she had grown thin. And she was sick. Firah’s mother took her to the clinic. Balqis didn’t want to go back to her mother. She was so happy to see Firah’s mother that she hugged her like as if she didn’t want to let go.

When Firah told me, I was angry. Angry at Firah’s selfish cousin and her husband. I can’t bear to see a child get hurt while the parents squabble, at HER expense. I mean, she didn’t have much to eat and she was sick, but did her mother send her to the doctor’s? Nooo!! She didn’t. Now how selfish is that? I know that a wife’s position is next to her husband but at the expense of her child? …[sigh]… I don’t know. I guess I’m being a little paranoid because I myself am a parent. If I don’t have Marsya, maybe then I wouldn’t be so emotional about it. Some people may think, “Alah.. anak baru sorang dah nak emosi lebih-lebih pulak,” well what to do. That’s parts and parcels of being a parent. I mean, who would have thought that I would have this sort of compassion for other babies and children that are strangers to me.

Firah told me that her mother was returning to Malaysia tonight. Balqis was putting all her clothes in a plastic bag and was carrying it around Firah’s mother, hoping that Firah’s mother would bring her back. But Firah’s mother sent her back to her mother’s before she left. She couldn’t bear to see the child cry. I can’t help but feel an awful pain for Balqis. I don’t know what’s going to happen to her. I told Firah to bring her back home to Malaysia, but I know that is not possible. Not when her father is in control of the situation. It’s just so sad.

Paheli

I haven’t been watching any Hindi movie lately because none of them seems appealing enough for me to spend about three hours of my time in front of the TV. Besides, the new actors these days are just so new, hence, I have no interest to watch Hindi movies.

However, I was reading the entertainment section a few days ago and the movie Paheli (which was aired on RTM 2) caught my eye. It starred Shah Rukh Khan and Rani Mukherji. “Now, here’s a movie worth watching”, I thought. Since my Astro is still a bit off due to last week’s thunder and lightning, I couldn’t very well watch Lost on AXN. So, Paheli was just the right thing to see.

The first thing which made me attentive was the colours. Paheli which was based on an Indian folk tale, used a lot of wonderful striking colours and these made Paheli even more interesting.

The movie was about a young newly-wed who were on their way back to the bridegroom’s house after the wedding celebration. The entourage stopped at an old monument for a break. A ghost took a liking in the pretty Latchmi (Rani Mukherji) but when he learnt that Latchmi was married to Kishenlal (Shah Rukh Khan) and about to move over to Kishenlal’s house, he suppressed his interest.

Kishenlal is only interested in making money, due to his greedy father’s influence. Though he took a liking to his new bride, he had to restrain himself from touching her as he had to leave the next morning to the city to make more money. So, poor Latchmi, cried herself to sleep, feeling neglected by her new husband.

The next day, on the way to the city, Kishenlal took rest at the old monument. The ghost saw him and was surprised that he was making a trip so soon considering he just got married. So (taking on a physical form of a man) he asked why Kishenlal was leaving his new wife behind. Kishenlal replied that he had to make money and could only come back after 5 years as that was the opportune time to make a lot of wealth, as had been told by his father. The ghost realised the opportunity, took the form of Kishenlal and returned to the village to see Latchmi. Everyone at the village was surprised that Kishenlal had returned especially his father. But Latchmi was over the moon.

When fake Kishenlal finally got to meet Latchmi, he couldn’t believe his eyes. He also felt guilty as he wasn’t the real Kishenlal. But love got the best of him and thereon, the ghost lived with Latchmi as husband and wife; a very loving and romantic husband.

The real Kishenlal worked in the city to make more money for the father. He also felt weird that his father didn’t send him any news. Whenever he tried to send a letter home, there was no reply. The years passed by and one day he realised that he missed his wife. He felt bad about leaving her behind and wanted to make things right. So he made the journey home.

Meanwhile at home, Latchmi was pregnant much to the bewilderment of the fake Kishenlal. He was afraid at the prospect of the baby to be born but he was also happy as he had this love child with Latchmi. Happiness got the best of him until the day the real Kishenlal stepped into the house. It was such an awkward moment when both Kishenlal’s met face to face. Kishenlal’s family was shocked. Latchmi wasn’t aware of this as ironically as it seems, she had to go into forced labour.

A decision had to be made to decide who the real Kishenlal was. This prevented the ghost to see his newborn baby as the villagers were adamant that a decision on the real Kishenlal be formed first.

The villagers met with a shepherd (Amitabh Bachan) who offered to help them. After a few tests, the final test made the fake Kishenlal gave up his true form. The shepherd asked that whoever was the lover of Latchmi must go inside the water bottle. The ghost couldn’t help himself. He knew it was a trap but he was too in love with Latchmi that he surrendered himself and dispersed to enter into the water bottle. The truth was exposed and all the villagers were shocked.

Back at home, Latchmi cried after learning the news and flashes of images of her and the ghost played in her head. When the real Kishenlal finally met up with Latchmi, he hugged her and promised not to leave her again.

Call me a sucker for romantic movies, but yes… I have to admit that I am.

Paheli is very different than any Hindi movie. Unlike Devdas which was so serious and heavy, Paheli is light and entertaining. The songs in the movie were not presented in a typical Hindi movie and the choreography of Farah Khan made the dances unique and interesting to watch (especially at the end of the movie). Paheli illustrated the old culture of India. The clothes they wear, the sport that they used to play, and the close-knitted culture of an Indian family, are all portrayed in Paheli.

This is not a Yash Chopra movie with music composed by AR Rahman, but it had all the ingredients that made it the best movie as at to date. So, go ahead and watch it. For more information, go check out the website http://srk.bollyvista.com/ and scroll down to Paheli’s official website. You won’t be sorry.

Confrontation

I read a friend’s blog the other day about confronting a certain someone about something. She’s not much of a verbal person, but she went on ahead and confronted it anyway. I applauded her for that as I think it takes a lot of courage not to mention guts, to confront someone, especially if that someone is very dear to you.

Well, I had the opportunity to be confronted recently. A friend of mine, someone quite dear to me confronted on something I said. Considering that I am a ‘tak kisah person’, I didn’t think what I had said would actually created a huge impact on him. Well, he was quite upset and called me up to clarify the matters. We talked on the phone. He was where he was, while I was at the Putrajaya Mosque attending a friend’s akad nikah. It was terrible. I have never engaged in such heated arguments with him before. I raised my voice at him. I couldn’t control my temper. I could sense that he was trying to control his temper by not raising his voice. But the tone of his voice reflected the anger that he had towards me.

I paced up and down the aisle of the mosque while looking out for Marsya (she was enjoying the huge space and was running here and there). The phone was in my left hand. I guess that friend of mine was hurt. I was hurt too. I hated that he accused me there and then. He made me look like a culprit of something bad. I guess I was being a little defensive. I couldn’t help it. He questioned my doings like as if I did something terribly wrong.

Him: What did you tell her? Now she has a bad impression of me

Me: Well, we talked about you. I told her stuff about you just like I would have talked about you to another friend.

Him: But you don’t know her as well as you know another friend.

Me: Yes I do. She’s my friend. I was just trying to be nice to set you up with her. But since you didn’t even have the courtesy to call her after the first date, that created an impression by itself. Don’t accuse me of saying bad things about you.

Him: What else did you tell her?

Me: I told her that you went to the wedding with N. And that you fetched N from Klang and bring her all the way to Seremban just to attend Lin’s wedding. Which by the way she already knows. She even knows that you’re going out with N.

Him: What else?

Me: And that she wasn’t aggressive enough like N, and that’s why you prefer her to N.

Him: Some things are being told to you in the strictest confidence. You have no right to talk about me with her.

Me: Well I’m sorry. I didn’t know that it was supposed to be a secret. Besides, who told you? I bet it was N.

Him: You don’t have to know who told me. That’s not important. What’s important is now that you talked to me behind my back.

Me: I know that it has to be N. Who else? How did N know about this? How do you know that she wasn’t exaggerating it? I know that you’re now going out with N, but that is no reason for you to believe everything N said? She knows you for only a couple of months. Whereas you have known me for more than 10 years.

Him: But that does not give you the right to say things about me.

Me: So I’m sorry. What else do you want me to do? The damage is done. Do you want me to say sorry to you for like a lot of time? Go on, tell me what I should do? So, I have admitted. Is that it? You want me to feel bad, right. Well, I’m sorry. What else do you want me to do?

Him: You shouldn’t have talked to her about me. The thing is, if I don’t tell you, you’ll be asking me a lot of questions. But when I do tell you, you just had to inform her.

Me: Look, we weren’t badmouthing you. Why don’t you call her herself and asked her what we talked about concerning you. Don’t talk to me about it.

Him: I hate it when people have bad impressions of me. Now she’s thinking I’m like that, when I’m not.

Me: So, what did she think of you? Is she wrong to form her own opinion of you?

Him: Yes if it’s based on the wrong perception. You have no right.

Me: Why do you care what she thinks anyway? She’s no concern to you.

Him: That doesn’t mean that you can talk about me with her.

Me: You know what. Fine. Don’t tell me anymore anything about you. I’m not interested. You can go out with anyone you want or marry N for all I care, but I’m happy with life. I was only interested in your life coz I thought we were friends. Well, you can forget about telling me stuff already. You can just keep it to yourself. I don’t have to know what’s going on with your life now coz I don’t want to. I have a husband and a baby and that’s already quite a lot for me to handle. So I’m a blabber mouth. Fine, then don’t tell me anymore coz who knows whom I’ll be spilling your stories to next. Look, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I want to hang up. You need to cool down and I don’t feel like talking when I’m like this. Maybe we talk some other time.

Then I hung up the phone. I was mad (and sad too). I’m sure he was mad at me. [sigh]… I don’t know. Sometimes I talk without thinking, I guess. I didn’t expect the conversation with her was actually being relayed to him through N..!! I admitted to being a bit defensive. But the damage is done. I was truly sorry for saying things that was supposed to be ‘treated in the strictest of confidence’ to the girlfriend of mine. I was just relaying to her my conversation with him just like I was relaying to another friend.

Now we aren’t talking. I don’t know whether we’ll be talking again. Though I told my friend (the one whose blog I read) that we’ll move on, especially if we’re close friends. But in this case, I don’t know. I just don’t know.

A Daughter At The Workplace

From the moment that the HR department announced that a new executive is joining the company, my colleagues never grew tired of teasing me. They would tease me when they see me, when I’m at the ladies and when I was about to go home. So, when the executive finally joined us, everybody smiled at me in that teasing manner.

The new girl sits in front of me. She’s young. Only 27. She was previously attached to a property development company and now she’s joining us. My colleagues would go up to me and ask me, “So, how’s Marsya today?” and I’d be smiling and saying, “She’s fine”. You see, this new girl bears the same name as my daughter’s. Except that hers is spelt with the letter h.

Marsha seems nice. Soft spoken and well…, nice. I don’t know. Maybe because this is her third day here. But I do have a common platform with her. She used to live in Seremban and she used to study at the Sekolah Rendah Convent Seremban before schooling in TKC. Her older sister was also in Convent primary school. Hhmm… perhaps her sister would know some of my friends as I only joined Convent during the secondary era.

Anyway, considering that she’s still new, I am expecting a lot of teasing from my colleagues here until…, I don’t know, perhaps for another month… [sigh]… What to do. I can’t put a patent to Marsya’s name. After all, Marsha was born BEFORE Marsya. So who am I to complain?

Italy Oh Italy

In January, my dearest Bie went to Italy for a 'working trip' with his boss. Well, here I'd like to share some pictures. The above picture is of Bie with his 'entourage' in Milan.

That's him in a water taxi in Venice.

That's him in Venice, in front of some church or something.

This is in Rome. I can't remember what the building's called though. He told me numerous times.

That's him at the Leaning Tower of Pisa (pronounced as pizza... honest)

The one above is of him in front of the Colleseum (not sure about the spelling).

Another Friend Got Married

About two Saturdays ago, a friend of mine, someone quite close to me, got married. I remember when I got married three years ago, she told me that she would not attend the last friend that was getting married because she didn’t want to go alone. She saw herself as not being able to find a boyfriend, let alone get married. I brushed it off almost immediately as I know that she’d find someone in her life. When that time would come, I wouldn’t know as that is Allah’s will.

Well, she met her boyfriend about a year after I got married at a friend’s wedding. She didn’t think that it was serious. But serious or not, she got married to him after two years of seeing him. She was so beautiful on the day that she got married. During her akad nikah, she wore this short blue embroidered kembaya, with a head veil. When I entered her room that night, I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was truly beautiful. She is actually a simple girl, small in size with straight, rebonded hair. But that night, she looked stunning. When she prepared herself for the majlis berinai after the akad nikah, she was even more beautiful. Unfortunately, I didn’t take those berinai pictures. As her grandmother is a traditional mak andam, she had the opportunity to wear a huge headdress and went through a few traditional ritual where mak andam-ing is concerned. And they made her look good alright. Even my Ibu admitted it.

I knew Lin back during my Convent days. She was one of those goody-goody girls, who was quite clever in class. She liked reading. So, I would see her with novels ALL the time. With her spectacles and curly hair, she would sit and shove her nose into the books without really looking around her to see who was actually sitting next to her! After SRP, she went to MRSM Taiping, and thereafter, she did her A-Levels in the UK (even before the SPM results were out) at this girls’ school somewhere in Scotland. We maintained friendship (surprisingly) and when I went to the UK to do my degree, we kept in contact. As she was in Norwich, and I was in Newcastle, we couldn’t really see each other a lot. So we were constantly on the phones. As Telewest and other telephone cable operators had this cheap weekend rate, we would always ‘date’ on the phone. I did get to see her when I went to Norwich. We stayed in her room and because it wasn’t a planned sleepover she had to scour her friends’ room to look for extra lenses holders! It was funny.

We remained close friends even after we got back to Malaysia. We would meet up for dinner, breakfast on Sundays, meet after work, or I would go to her Ampang condo, just to hang out. It was wonderful. As I used to work at the KLCC, she would drop by KLCC and we would have dinner there. And we could chit-chat for hours. I know a lot about her love stories, which I think I should not dwell into.

When I got married, she was among the girls who stayed back to do my inai. They had to wait for me until 1in the morning as I was busy posing for the cameraman during the ‘tukar-tukar baju’ event. Lin and the other girls later slept at my house as it was too late to go back. There we were on the tikar at the living room, sleeping. It was good.

When she got married, I had wanted to do the same. In fact, I had taken leave a day before the wedding so that I could help out wherever necessary. But alas, I had to work so I couldn’t attend her wedding. She was upset with me but what could I do. So, the day the akad nikah was held, I left the office at 5.45pm as I needed to go back to Seremban immediately. I had to be there when the akad nikah was being carried out. I was lucky as I reached her house at 9pm together with the groom. So, I managed to be there for the akad nikah.

I’m happy that she’s married. And I truly hope that she’ll be happy with her husband and have lots of wonderful children.

Some Pictures At Frasers Hill

The family at Jeriau Waterfalls

Marsya just woke up (dah kena mandi in the cold weather) so she's not very happy

Marsya and I while waiting for our turn at the poison box game

Marsya all smiling at the open space near the Frasers Silverpark

This is my dearest Bie with Marsya at the clock tower

The Trip To Frasers Hill

Last Saturday I went to Frasers Hill with my colleagues. It wasn’t an official company outing. It was just an informal get together with my friends at work. A friend of mine arranged it. Yants arranged the accommodation, the BBQ dinner (she got another male colleague to help out) and the telematch games. They were really good. I couldn’t attend the telematch though because I came in a bit late that Saturday. We got up at Frasers Hill at 5pm; that’s when the gate opens to go up. If I had arrived at 5.41pm, the guards wouldn’t let me up because that would be the time that vehicles from Frasers Hill were coming down. The road was just a single lane.

The weather was wonderful. It was cool and not hot. As I arrived at 5pm, the temperature hadn’t fallen that much. So it was alright. Marsya was excited to get out of the car. My colleagues saw the car stopped at the reception of Frasers Silverpark Resort and they started to wave like mad. I quickly opened the car door and the cool wind brushed my face. I picked Marsya up and placed her on the ground. She started walking even before I could say the word “Marsya, stop…!!”. I guess she was just too happy to be walking about.

There were about 30 of us. All with maids, children and mothers. Not long everybody was touching Marsya’s face, arm and hand. Since Marsya wasn’t afraid of strangers, they enjoyed playing with her. Zaili led Marsya to the slides, and believe me, Marsya kept on asking for more slides! After the telematch, everyone retired to their rooms to get ready for the BBQ dinner. I finally had the opportunity to check into my apartment.

My first reaction was, “Is this it? Why is it so quiet? Where are the rest of the tourists?”. Kim and I were the only ones staying at block A1. The rest was in A2. I had an eerie feeling as I stepped out of the lift. As Bie opened the door, my mouth couldn’t stop reciting the Kursi. I entered the room and inspected its contents. It was just like any normal 1-bedroom studio apartment. There were two sofas, a large cupboard, a double bed, and the kitchen. I checked the bathroom. Not really something that I expected. It wasn’t as cozy as any other hotel bathrooms that I had been to (I loved Equatorial Bukit Jambul in Penang. Best..!). But I had to make do with it whether I like it or not. I quickly unpacked and bathed myself before I bathed Marsya. At 8pm, we went down for the BBQ dinner.

The dinner was good. The selection of food was nice. There was lamb, chicken, prawns, fish, sausages, coleslaw, fried rice, spaghetti, and corn. They were good. But I couldn’t enjoy them as much as I had wanted to because Marsya was walking everywhere. My dearest Bie and I had to alternately feed ourselves so that we could look out for Marsya. When the group photo was taken (well, I would say partial group photo as not everybody was in it), I was breastfeeding Marsya underneath the stars behind a fir tree! It was 10.30pm and I guess Marsya’s tantrums meant that she was sleepy. So, we retired to our room.

In the room, I had to slowly take off Marsya’s pants and jacket because they were dirty. Luckily she didn’t wake up. After that, I thought of watching Cerekarama with Bie, but soon after, I was nodding to sleep myself. So, I went to bed. I slept until about 7am. In fact, I had a good sleep, despite the initial eerie feeling I had when I entered the room. Marsya also slept soundly. She woke up twice for her morning breastfeeding, but it wasn’t such a sleep-disturbance because I just fed her naturally (the beauty of breastfeeding).

The next day, we went down to the café for breakfast. The selection wasn’t really happening. I still remember the Istana hotel breakfast buffet. The selection was among the best. A friend of mine vomited because she had too much to eat. Anyway, the morning scenery at Frasers Hill was breathtaking. It was cool and there was mist everywhere. After breakfast, we went for sightseeing at Frasers Hill. We drove to the Jeriau waterfalls (and climbed the long steps down just to touch the waterfall water) and stopped by at the clock tower to take pictures. Then we went back to the room to pack our stuff.

At 2pm, the gate to go down Frasers Hill opened. I was kind of sad. I loved the cool weather. Leaving Frasers Hill meant that I couldn’t breathe in the fresh air anymore.

Back at the office, my colleagues shared a story that made some of us here tremble. Fadz brought along her mother to the trip. At 2am, her mother was rudely woken. She stared at the foot of her bed and saw two figures, clad in white telekung looking at her. She was shocked and screamed, “Allahu Akbar!”. One of the specters disappeared. She screamed again, repeating Allahu Akbar. Then the remaining specter disappeared. Apparently, that was the only incident that took place among our small entourage. I was thankful. My family had a good sleep and we were lucky because those night visitors did not visit us at 2am to say hi…

Will post pictures soon.

The Many Faces of Marsya Hazirah

Tengoklah tu. Orang naik basikal, dia pun nak naik gak. Here she is with Yana on the bicycle.

This is when we went to Aunt Yamm's house for raya. She was just so eager to go to the camera and grab it off my hands. She is wearing a baju kurung here, dijahit khas oleh Uwan Cik dia.

Nie lagi satu tengah protest. She didn't want to sit in the pushchair so here, she was screaming her heart out.

I was washing the clothes and tengah sidai baju kat balcony. Dia sibuk nak ikut aku sidai baju sekali. And lately, she has a thing for this small baldi. So without I realised it, she fell into the baldi (takde air tau). At first she cried, then she stopped crying (meraih simpati jer sebenarnya) and enjoyed the scenery while eating a biscuit sambil kaki goyang2. As you can see, siap jilat tangan and jari tu...

Baru-baru ni, when I got back from work, Marsya was wearing Nurul's tudung. She looked happy in it and Bie just couldn't resist but take her pictures. Here she was waving to her Abi as her Abi takes her picture.

There are more to come.. latest ones... tungggguuu...

The Fours That Came And Went

I have been tagged by a friend to actually list down all the ‘fours’ that I have done throughout my entire 29 years of life. Well, here goes…


Four Jobs I Have In My Life

Currently working at a property development company (not listed by the way) in a department called Corporate Planning and Business Development. I have been here for more than 5 years now. Maybe it’s time for me to move on. To greener pastures and hopefully better pay… considering that petrol price has increased by 20% and my pay isn’t really heading towards that direction. But we’ll see. All in good time (what am I rambling about…)

Worked with an advisory company somewhere in Maxis Tower, KLCC. I did a bit of corporate finance. I find it highly fascinating. Not only was my office kind of cool, but the work was also very challenging. But alas, I couldn’t stay there long. Some people there made me want to bring a gun to work (joke lah…). So I resigned.

As a highly respected cleaner at ETAM, Eldon Square in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne. It was a 3 times a week job which started as early as 6am. So I would wake up at 5am and walk all the way to the City centre and enter Eldon Square through a backdoor. There were two cleaners there. There was me, and a local lady (who wasn’t very friendly – she didn’t talk to me much). I usually alternate my duties with the local lady. If she did the top floor, I would be doing the ground floor. But I don’t know why I had to clean the toilet all the time. What to do; makan gaji lah katakan.

As a temporary teacher in a primary school in Seremban. I was only 19 so my students (the standard six ones) were very nice to me, especially the boys. They would wait for me after school and carry my books and walked home with me. And when I finished teaching there, they bought me gifts.

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over

Sabrina – starring Harrison Ford, Julia Ormond and Greg Kinear. I love this movie. I know that it’s actually a remake of the old one, but I guess I love this new version.

Pretty Woman – starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gear. I LOVE this movie and can watch it over and over again.

The Wedding Singer – starring Drew Barrymore, Adam Sandler and a few others. I like the 80’s setting and the big hairdo and Sandler is so funny in the movie

All the Bujang Lapok series (especially Bujang Lapok). I can watch all of them over and over and over again.

There are actually many other movies that I can watch over and over again. For example, Dil To Pagal Hai and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. But the above are currently at the top of my head. They’re light and entertaining and are highly suitable if you just want to rest your mind and head.

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch

CSI Miami (I like Horatio) and Vegas (I don’t like CSI New York).

Charmed – what to do. I just love all the three sister. The Power of Three is waaaayyy coool. I sometimes wish that I myself am a sexy witch.

Lost – Except that I didn’t see the last episode of the first season and dahlah nak tunjuk the second season. I know that AXN kept on showing re-runs but I always seem to miss it.

Sitcoms like Friends (my favourite), Everybody Loves Raymond (I just love Marie and her superiorness but I hate the father; obnoxious giler..!!) and That 70’s Show (but it’s not shown now.. too bad)

Four Places I've Lived

Seremban, Shah Alam, and Kuala Lumpur tu considered as one place ker? Well, if yes, then I have stayed there and am currently living in Kuala Lumpur.

Fenham in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne (that’s when I did my degree and is one of my favourite living place)

Saltley in Birmingham (that’s when my Ayah did his Phd – I loved staying here. Wouldn’t mind staying here again)

Can I just have three as I don’t think I have lived anywhere else except for the above.

Four Places I've Been On Vacation To

Nearly all of the places in the UK except for the Northern Ireland. From Scotland to Wales to Land’s End to the Midlands, etc. I love all places. So yes, I consider myself to have gone on vacation on all those cities and towns.

Bits of Europe. This was during the time when Ayah did his Phd. It was just before the end of the summer holidays back in 1988. We drove to Dover and got on the ferry to Calais. From there onwards, we went camping to various parts of Europe. We went to France, Amsterdam, West Germany (at that time East Germany was still a communist country), Luxembourg and Switzerland. The best place was Switzerland. We camped near the Lake Geneva and the view was tremendously beautiful. I loved it very much. We also managed to go to Mont Blanc (not all the way to top; just at the foot of the hill). The holidays were fantastic. We learnt a lot of things especially about the European people and their culture. Heck, we even dropped our pillows whilst on the way to Dover and we only realised it when we reached Calais.

Concorde Hotel in KL on new year of 2003. It was one of the best vacation ever. I suppose you can call it our honeymoon because we just got married a few days before.

Sutera Beach Resort in Terengganu. It was alright.

Four Places I'd Rather Be In

At this moment, right now, I’d rather be at home with my Dearest Bie and baby, just lazing.

Otherwise, I’d rather be in a first class plane to Spain for a 2-week holiday with my Dearest Bie and baby.

Or, be sitting on the pathway of the Great Wall of China while watching Marsya running here and there.

Or take Marsya on one of those baby rides in Disneyland, California.

Four of My Favourite Food

Chicken Monterey at Chillies.

Thai Food at D’Cheng Mai in Sungai Buloh (the best Thai food in the Klang Valley as agreed by my Thai friend).

Mud Pie at TGI (fantastic I tell you. It’s all chocolatey with bits of oreo in the centre…pendekata, the best dessert I have had so far)

Curry laksa at Little Penang.

Actually banyak lagi, but the above 4 are among the best. In fact, my friend’s baked macaroni pun best.

Four Websites I Visit Daily

Google.com (very effective search engine).

The Star online.

Virgin radio – the music that we all love.

Pah’s and Yamm’s blog.

Four Victims To Do This Tag

No one in particular coz if suruh pun, I doubt whether they’d do it. But these are the people that I want:

Murni

Min.

Makcik.

Zha.

Sometimes Having Relatives …Sucks

Ibu called me yesterday and told me that an aunt of mine has defaulted on her JPA loan, which she used when she furthered her studies (thank goodness, locally). And as Ibu was the guarantor, the lawyer’s letter went to her. Apparently, no one knows where Aunt MU lives now. Since her husband passed away more than 3 years ago, she has re-married (she’s now a second wife to some KP in Perlis somewhere) and we all have kind of lost contact with her. Even her kids do not know where she is. You see, the kids were closer to the arwah as opposed to her. I pity her children. All three girls are fully grown up now. The youngest I think is 18 years of age (I think so. I mean, I haven’t seen them for ages). And they are good girls. Recently, the grandmother who took care of them passed away due to heart complications. Now, I don’t know what happened to the girls. It’s lucky that they’re bright. So I think they would do well and prosper in life, Insya-Allah.

Ibu expressed her sadness and disappointment that Aunt MU defaulted on her loan. She was worried at the thought that she may have to start paying for the loan. I advised her accordingly (and hope that Ayah finds Aunt MU to give her his piece of mind). When my Uncle passed away, she was worried that she couldn’t get her hands on the EPF money as she had these girls to care for. I can understand her worries because education is expensive these days. Ayah did the necessary and the EPF monies were given to her, as custodian for her kids. Ibu was there to console her. She was constantly on the phone with Ayah and Ibu seeking comfort and advice.

But now this happens. I am very mad.

Bila nak kita tolong, sungguh baik hati, tapi sekarang..??

I am seriously upset at own relatives doing these sort of things. In fact, this issue about default on loan is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many other issues but I don’t want to touch on them. Let them be embedded in my head for me to think alone (well, I sometimes let it out at my Dearest Bie or friends. I can’t help it. I’m like a pressure cooker – sometimes).

Well, whatever it is, I truly hope that Allah will always protect me and my family. I pray that Allah protects my Intan Payung 14 month old baby from any harm and misgivings. I also pray that Bie, my parents, my in-laws and my siblings are sheltered and always in the protection and guidance of Allah, Insya-Allah…

He Is Back..!!

At the time that you’re reading this email, my Dearest Bie has already returned to Malaysia. Cuma malas nak update. Anyway, he's jet lagged and all and very tired. He came back on Wednesday, 8 February 2006, instead of the original Tuesday. He and the gang decided to extend one more day in Amsterdam because when they reached Amsterdam, it was already late and the shops have already closed. Not wanting to miss the winter sales in Amsterdam, his boss decided to extend one more day which was of course unanimously agreed with the rest of the gang. I was a little upset when I learnt that he was only coming back the next day, but as the day picked up, I was alright with it. As long as he came back, then I was fine.

The morning finally arrived. I was a little excited. At 7.30am as I was waiting for the red light to turn green at the Stadium Paroi junction, I received a phone call. My Dearest Bie has checked out and was currently having coffee at Delifrance. I was ecstatic. I drove rather quickly (BUT still within the speed limit) and reached KLIA around 8.20am. I parked my car at the side of the road where the arrival hall is and went out. I scoured through the crowd looking for him. But I couldn’t find him. As I walked to and fro near the car, I saw him. He was wearing his Mickey Mouse t-shirt and grayish bluish pants. I maintained my excitement. In my head, I saw myself running to him and jumping on him with my legs entwined about his waist. BUT, that didn’t happen. Of course I wouldn’t do that. Not with my 3 inches new high heel (I recently bought to make myself feel better at the thought of Bie enjoying himself in Italy). He pushed his trolley towards me and asked me to open the car boot. I did so and he arranged his luggage in the car boot. I went back into the car and he joined me at the passenger seat. Then I salam his hands and said, “Welcome home”.

I took him for breakfast at the mamak shop in Senawang. He had roti telur while I had roti kosong banjir. It was fun seeing he ate. He seemed to enjoy the food. Yerlah, more than 10 days of just eating pizza is hardly something to brag about. Although he did tell me that he had kebab and a briyani sort of rice in Amsterdam (a lot of Moslems there) so it wasn’t entirely pizza all the way. When we got back, Ayah bought soto lagi for breakfast. And surprisingly, he ate the soto as well. Like as if he didn’t have any breakfast already, walhal dah makan roti telur earlier on.

After showing me the handbags that he bought for me, he slept and didn’t wake up until 5.30pm. Marsya was happy to see him. She didn’t want to let go of him when he picked her up.

We went back to KL the next day. He sent me straight to the office. In the car, he spoke a lot of things that he did and saw while he was in Italy and Amsterdam. I did feel a little jealous with all his stories, but I tried to suppress it. It wasn’t healthy.

So there you have it. Bie is back. He bought a lot of stuff. Well, basically they’re for his parents, my parents, my siblings, his siblings, Maksu’s family and little trinkets and souvenirs for his friends. The nice part was that each time he bought something, there was always an extra. He knew that I would have wanted it for myself as well, so he bought an extra for me. So, I got an extra of everything (except for the green scarf which I didn’t like. He anticipated it and gave it to his mother).

His boss liked the Italy holiday. And in June, his boss is thinking of going to the States. That kind of worried me because there is a small possibility that his boss will invite my Dearest Bie to this trip. However, this is not confirmed yet. It’s all too soon to say anything. My Dearest Bie dah pening kepala. Not pening at the prospect of going to the States, that one, he said it’ll be cool. But the thought of my antics is what he is worried about. This means that he would have to layan my antics which would probably be a lot worse compared to the time he went to Italy. What to do. Anything to ambil my hati. And he knows that.

Lost Everything

I watched the Three Musketeers last night, the one that starred Kiefer Sutherland and Chris O’Donnel. Though it’s an old movie, I only managed to watch it last night. And it was good. I love it. Well, I have always loved period drama anyway (I can watch Sense and Sensibility over and over again without feeling bored). So, at about 3.30am, after the movie ended, I made my way to the bedroom, switched on the table lamp, snuggled in my blanket, switched off the air-condition and turn on the fan, I fiddled with my mobile. Well, it isn’t actually mine. The mobile is Bie’s. I am using it because my mobile doesn’t show any display (courtesy of Marsya throwing it on the floor). So it’s kind of difficult to read text messages or to make phone calls, as I can’t see anything on the display. Since my Dearest Bie is in Italy, I am using his. It’s a Motorola camera phone. Not the latest model though but still with too many features for my liking. But I went ahead and use it anyway.

Before closing my eyes to sleep, my hands sajer gatal bukak inbox. I wanted to see all the text messages that I have in my inbox. You see, my sim card memory isn’t very big but I still manage to keep important text messages for my viewing pleasure. These text messages were from my Dearest Bie. The days before I got engaged to him, after I got engaged and after we got married. They were my precious text messages. The oldest I have is dated sometime in May 2001 when my grandmother (Ayah’s side) passed away and he was in Manjung. He informed me that he was at the movies and got out a bit late, and that’s why he wasn’t calling. Well, his text messages were more lovey-dovey compared to what I have written here.

Then there’s one where I sent him back home to KL after his visit to Seremban. He sent a text message thanking me for everything. Then there’s the one he sent which he told me that even if I have the biggest backside in the world, he would always love me no matter what. Then there was one that he sent when he had to stay at IOI Puchong for a few nights for training, I think back in March 2003. He sent a text message saying that he missed me. The other one was sent on the first day that I sent Marsya to my aunt’s place. Well, my aunt takes care of Marsya while I’m at work. I was so sad at leaving her behind that I cried in the car on the way to work. I called him up saying that I hated leaving her behind. Well, Bie sent me a text message thereafter saying not to worry and that Marsya’s in good hands.

Anyway, back to the main issue, I was trying to delete some of the messages that weren’t that important. I clicked on one function after the other and let me tell you, this Motorola phone is SO NOT user friendly. I couldn’t find a way to delete the messages. The instructions given were vague and I was afraid that if I clicked on them, all my messages would be erased. But I don’t know why my hands were SO gatal last night. I clicked on an instruction and was SHOCKED to read that all messages have been erased. I quickly went to my inbox to check whether all my precious text messages were still there.

And I sighed with relief; they were still there. So I thought, why don’t I open one message at a time and delete it one by one. I did just that, but when I went back to my inbox, ALL OF THE PRECIOUS TEXT MESSAGES WERE GONE..!! I was stunned. This couldn’t be right. I only deleted one message but why were all the other messages missing. I checked again. No messages. Past memories flashed in my head. I remembered the text messages word by word. And also how they came about. I couldn’t believe that I have actually deleted all the messages in the inbox..!! All the messages that I had taken great care not to delete. I have actually lost them. And the next thing I knew, I was crying (remember that I am STILL recovering from my state of depression). Now everything was gone. The text messages meant a lot to me. Whenever I feel down, I would look up for those messages but now they’re gone. What can I remember them by? I couldn’t very well have saved them elsewhere. I was sad. Sedih sangat-sangat. All those wonderful words gone at a blink of an eye. I don’t remember when I stopped crying but I do know that the last time I looked at the clock, it was already 4.30 in the morning.

Today, I am still sad at the thought that I can no longer look at all those sweet messages. Whenever I think about it, I shrugged it off and proceeded to do something else. You see, those messages were given to me at the spur of that moment. Now I can never capture those moments anymore. Those moments can never be re-winded. They can never be acted out again like some TV shows. The messages are gone and so were all those pure moments.

Is Depressing the Right Word..?

What I’m about to write may make some of you puke.. hehehe, I mean. It’s perfectly natural to feel ‘nak muntah’ with what I’m about to say. Well, here goes… I MISS my Dearest Bie..!! There I have said it.

It has been 6 days since my Dearest Bie went to Italy. His first destination was Rome, then he made his way to Florence, then he took a water taxi to Venice. As we speak, he is currently in Venice. Enjoying himself no doubt. I miss him terribly. I didn’t know that I would feel this terrible miss. But, I am. And it sucks. I hate missing him. I hate the fact that I can’t just call him to know how he’s doing and that I can’t talk for long hours with him over the phone. The first day he reached Rome, he called me once… AFTER six hours he landed..!! I was worried sick. I didn’t have much appetite (percaya tak tu?? Me, the one who eats A LOT!) and was constantly in my room, brushing away a tear or two (imagine that… J). When he finally called, I felt like a huge light just shone in my heart. It was a wonderful feeling. The next day he didn’t call. I was in a state of depression. Didn’t talk much with my parents. I only played with Marsya the whole day, and at night when Marsya was fast asleep, I would look at her face and think of my Dearest Bie. They look SO MUCH alike. That sort of helped me with my loneliness and my terrible miss for my Dearest Bie. I didn’t even want to go anywhere. Ayah ajak pergi Giant, but I said no and the old acquaintance, yang we were supposed to go out, tak jadi so I continued to laze in front of the TV, with Marsya sitting on top of my tummy.

Yesterday was the day that I picked up the courage to leave the house. I went to Acik’s place and brought her and the kids to Jusco. After walking around the new shopping mall, I treated them to McDonald. But I still didn’t have the mood to talk that much. Today I felt a lot better. I went to Giant with Ayah and bought myself a blueberry pie. It was good. And the best part was that, Bie called me twice today. Once in the morning, and the other phone call about half an hour ago. It brought smiles to my face. And to add further to that, he sent me text messages (from his boss’ phone no doubt) saying that he was leaving Florence and heading for Venice. The other one was that he misses both Marsya and me (and he finished his message with ciao… funny coz it is so unlike him. I guess being in Italy and all…). So as you all can probably detect, I am slowly recovering from my depression state. I am now talking to my parents, no longer hiding in the bedroom for the termenung session, and EATING a lot as well (I think I have gained a lot of pounds during this holiday), I play with Marysa but not all the time. I mean, I don’t whisk her away into the bedroom to stare at her face anymore. Instead, I let her play on her own, under the supervision of Ibu’s Bibik.

So, yes… this cloud of depression is slowly being lifted off me. Now I am looking forward to Tuesday. That is the day that my Dearest Bie is going to come home. Ayah has volunteered to fetch him from the airport, well, he will accompany me to the airport. But I told him, no. I told him that I want to fetch Bie myself. At first he wasn’t happy. But I put my foot in it, to which he finally said yes. So, I am really looking forward to see my Dearest Bie. Next Tuesday, yeaaahh baby… !!

It's Been Awhile

Percaya tak that I can't log in to my blog from the office. I have been trying and trying BUT to no avail. Tension betul. I have some really cute pictures of my intan permata hati but I can't upload them coz I couldn't log in to the BLOG..!! A friend of mine has been asking me to update, but nak buat camner? I can't. I don't have internet access at home i.e. Kemensah. Luckily I could be online in my home kat Seremban. So here I am, justifying myself on WHY I haven't been updating my blog. So bear with me, alright.Things have been moving at a very fast pace since the last time I blogged.

My daughter has celebrated her 1st year birthday last 3rd of January and I am so happy for her. She can walk now and very fast too I might add. She has the habit of not looking in front whenever she walks. So, she always bump onto things. One night, she hit the corner of my wall. She fell back like as if she was a rubber ball or something. Fortunately, she didn't cry. But her forehead was red from the bump. Luckily, no bruise. She can say ummi now. And my heart flutters everytime she mentions it. She talks German alright. All sorts of wierd sounds come out from her tiny little mouth. Whatever it is, I love her SO much. This maternal thing is really freaking me out. I have become very motherly these days that I think it may be difficult for those who knew me back then to even comprehend..!!

My parents have been busy doing their.. whatever stuff. As the only daughter and the eldest (bless my soul), I tried not to get in the way. But it is just so difficult to ignore them. Ayah just got out of an operation. I'd rather not mention it here, but the doctor gave him 2 weeks medical leave. He can walk BUT not that fast. These days he does his own dressing. He promised to take us to Terengganu for the holidays. He has even booked a bungalow kat Pantai Burok to show to us that dia boleh jalan. So we thought, hmm.. ok lah. Since Ayah can travel then it would probably be fun to go to Terengganu with the whole family. It has been a while since we did that. But, after Ayah's friends' advice, he decided that he isn't ready to travel long distance and that we shouldn't go at all. I was dissapointed. So were my brothers (I think... well, my youngest one is VERY dissapointed coz he took a 3-day leave from his part-time job at the petrol station). Ayah felt guilty alright. But I had to show a tak apa kind of face and it's cool kind a face, coz I don't want him to feel bad. So here I am, a LONG holiday but not really going anywhere. Kind a sad, but what can I do. I had to be mature and accept the decision just like any matured person. And to make matters worse, my dearest Bie is not here. He is in ITALY..!!

Last 28 January, my dearest Bie took me to a Detox spa session at Vila Manja (http://www.vilamanja.com/), a really nice place. I LOVE the session. Now, why would he do that? Well, he is going for a 'working trip' to Italy which consisted of places like Rome, Florence, Milan and Venice and since he felt bad that I couldn't go, he treated me to a spa session. I admit that I felt green with envy coz he gets to go to those places but nak buat camner kan. So here I am, with my Seremban family and my intan payung, terribly missing him. Masa dia sampai Rome, I waited for his call but he didn't call me. I was worried. Sampai ke tak. But that night, he called me saying that he had safely reached Rome and that he was on his way to the Collaseum. Cemburu nie, but I was very happy to hear his voice that I put the jealous aside. I miss him. Terribly. I have been very quiet and I think my parents noticed it. I miss him. Today, well tadilah... I received a text message from him saying that he couldn't call me from Rome something about the line was rosak or something. But that he was on his way to Florence and that he missed me. The message was enough to make me smile from ear to ear. I can't wait for him to come back. This is one very long holiday... [sigh]...

Well, sajer nak tulis a short one, tapi tertulis panjanglah pulak.Anyway, I have a breakfast date and a bowling session with an 'old acquaintance' tomorrow. Tak sabar pulak rasanya. It has been a while since we went out the both of us. I think since I got married kot. I have sought permission from dearest Bie before he went to Rome last Saturday, so don't worry. It's all been taken care of. Besides, I need to get out of the house and indulge in something other than 'family stuff'...