I can’t imagine parents who would use their children as an excuse to hurt his or her spouse when their marriages are in turmoil. I hate that. Pity the children. No matter what ages they are. The younger ones will hurt the most, as they don’t understand what’s happening between their parents while the older ones resorted to ‘unhealthy solicitation’ with things that we don’t even want to comprehend.
A friend of mine (Firah) is having the same problem. Well, not her exactly but her cousin. Her cousin is married to a lazy, younger man. They have a cute 3 year old girl together named Balqis. Because the father didn’t want to work, the mother would be making kuih and selling them to people. The father stayed at home and slept until the sun was on top of his head, metaphorically speaking. When she got home, he’d be asking his wife for food, drinks, and the list goes on and on. This cousin of hers relented to all his whims. I guess as she is older than him, she tends to ‘mother’ him sometimes.
Firah’s mother couldn’t stand to see the man bossing her niece around that she took the family under her wing so that they could work; well basically to force her husband to work. Firah’s cousin was asked to help cook for Firah’s mother’s food stall. At first it went all right. The husband was working as a driver, Firah’s cousin cooked while Balqis went to kindergarten. But it was too good to be true. Soon after, the husband began giving all sorts of lazy reasons and stopped working. He went back to his hometown in Thailand and forced Firah’s cousin to come back with him. At first she didn’t want to, but because “cinta itu buta”, she went back home leaving her daughter behind because she was schooling. Balqis had come to love staying with Firah and her mother. From a thin toddler, she had grown to be quite chubby. Firah’s mother adored her.
One day, Firah’s cousin came to the house to fetch Balqis. What does a 3-year old toddler knows? She was just excited to see her mother so when her mother said that she wanted to take her back to Thailand, she didn’t mind. Firah’s mother was crying because she couldn’t believe that her niece had given in to her lazy husband’s whims. So, both mother and daughter went back to Thailand and rented a small room with her husband that only has a mat for sleeping (previously they stayed with Firah’s grandmother, but her grandmother couldn’t take it anymore – because of the lazy husband – and kicked them out of the house). People knew where she stayed and tried to take her back to her grandmother’s house, but her husband blackmailed her saying that if she leave him, he would keep Balqis and she will not get to see her at all. So, there was nothing much that she could do.
Months passed by and one day, Firah’s mother went back to Thailand to visit her mother. Word got round to Balqis. She cried wanting to see Firah’s mother. So, the mother gave in and allowed her to see Firah’s mother (the husband wasn’t around; Firah heard that he has become a “pengedar” for ecstasy pills – easy money). When Firah’s mother saw Balqis, both she and her mother cried; Balqis was thin and burning hot with fever. From a chubby toddler, she had grown thin. And she was sick. Firah’s mother took her to the clinic. Balqis didn’t want to go back to her mother. She was so happy to see Firah’s mother that she hugged her like as if she didn’t want to let go.
When Firah told me, I was angry. Angry at Firah’s selfish cousin and her husband. I can’t bear to see a child get hurt while the parents squabble, at HER expense. I mean, she didn’t have much to eat and she was sick, but did her mother send her to the doctor’s? Nooo!! She didn’t. Now how selfish is that? I know that a wife’s position is next to her husband but at the expense of her child? …[sigh]… I don’t know. I guess I’m being a little paranoid because I myself am a parent. If I don’t have Marsya, maybe then I wouldn’t be so emotional about it. Some people may think, “Alah.. anak baru sorang dah nak emosi lebih-lebih pulak,” well what to do. That’s parts and parcels of being a parent. I mean, who would have thought that I would have this sort of compassion for other babies and children that are strangers to me.
Firah told me that her mother was returning to Malaysia tonight. Balqis was putting all her clothes in a plastic bag and was carrying it around Firah’s mother, hoping that Firah’s mother would bring her back. But Firah’s mother sent her back to her mother’s before she left. She couldn’t bear to see the child cry. I can’t help but feel an awful pain for Balqis. I don’t know what’s going to happen to her. I told Firah to bring her back home to Malaysia, but I know that is not possible. Not when her father is in control of the situation. It’s just so sad.
A friend of mine (Firah) is having the same problem. Well, not her exactly but her cousin. Her cousin is married to a lazy, younger man. They have a cute 3 year old girl together named Balqis. Because the father didn’t want to work, the mother would be making kuih and selling them to people. The father stayed at home and slept until the sun was on top of his head, metaphorically speaking. When she got home, he’d be asking his wife for food, drinks, and the list goes on and on. This cousin of hers relented to all his whims. I guess as she is older than him, she tends to ‘mother’ him sometimes.
Firah’s mother couldn’t stand to see the man bossing her niece around that she took the family under her wing so that they could work; well basically to force her husband to work. Firah’s cousin was asked to help cook for Firah’s mother’s food stall. At first it went all right. The husband was working as a driver, Firah’s cousin cooked while Balqis went to kindergarten. But it was too good to be true. Soon after, the husband began giving all sorts of lazy reasons and stopped working. He went back to his hometown in Thailand and forced Firah’s cousin to come back with him. At first she didn’t want to, but because “cinta itu buta”, she went back home leaving her daughter behind because she was schooling. Balqis had come to love staying with Firah and her mother. From a thin toddler, she had grown to be quite chubby. Firah’s mother adored her.
One day, Firah’s cousin came to the house to fetch Balqis. What does a 3-year old toddler knows? She was just excited to see her mother so when her mother said that she wanted to take her back to Thailand, she didn’t mind. Firah’s mother was crying because she couldn’t believe that her niece had given in to her lazy husband’s whims. So, both mother and daughter went back to Thailand and rented a small room with her husband that only has a mat for sleeping (previously they stayed with Firah’s grandmother, but her grandmother couldn’t take it anymore – because of the lazy husband – and kicked them out of the house). People knew where she stayed and tried to take her back to her grandmother’s house, but her husband blackmailed her saying that if she leave him, he would keep Balqis and she will not get to see her at all. So, there was nothing much that she could do.
Months passed by and one day, Firah’s mother went back to Thailand to visit her mother. Word got round to Balqis. She cried wanting to see Firah’s mother. So, the mother gave in and allowed her to see Firah’s mother (the husband wasn’t around; Firah heard that he has become a “pengedar” for ecstasy pills – easy money). When Firah’s mother saw Balqis, both she and her mother cried; Balqis was thin and burning hot with fever. From a chubby toddler, she had grown thin. And she was sick. Firah’s mother took her to the clinic. Balqis didn’t want to go back to her mother. She was so happy to see Firah’s mother that she hugged her like as if she didn’t want to let go.
When Firah told me, I was angry. Angry at Firah’s selfish cousin and her husband. I can’t bear to see a child get hurt while the parents squabble, at HER expense. I mean, she didn’t have much to eat and she was sick, but did her mother send her to the doctor’s? Nooo!! She didn’t. Now how selfish is that? I know that a wife’s position is next to her husband but at the expense of her child? …[sigh]… I don’t know. I guess I’m being a little paranoid because I myself am a parent. If I don’t have Marsya, maybe then I wouldn’t be so emotional about it. Some people may think, “Alah.. anak baru sorang dah nak emosi lebih-lebih pulak,” well what to do. That’s parts and parcels of being a parent. I mean, who would have thought that I would have this sort of compassion for other babies and children that are strangers to me.
Firah told me that her mother was returning to Malaysia tonight. Balqis was putting all her clothes in a plastic bag and was carrying it around Firah’s mother, hoping that Firah’s mother would bring her back. But Firah’s mother sent her back to her mother’s before she left. She couldn’t bear to see the child cry. I can’t help but feel an awful pain for Balqis. I don’t know what’s going to happen to her. I told Firah to bring her back home to Malaysia, but I know that is not possible. Not when her father is in control of the situation. It’s just so sad.
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