Raqib Turned Two

It was my Raqib’s birthday yesterday. He turned two. We did a short celebration for him at my parents’ house in Seremban. Of course Marysa was the princess of the day. She insisted on a Barbie and Power Puff Girls’ cake, which so didn’t happen. It was her brother’s birthday, not hers. Of course she couldn’t care less about that. Whenever there is a cake, and there also happen to be candles, that cake is hers. Well, that’s my daughter for you. By the way, she bumped her head on the floor coz she slipped and fell. The bump was huge and red. I was really worried and wanted to have a look at it, but she refused to let me see it. She didn’t want any ointment on it. She wanted baby’s powder. I know I shouldn’t have taught her to put powder on anything. My mistake. But she didn’t vomit or anything, so I guess I shouldn’t be worried too much.

Anyway, about the birthday celebration first, both Marsya and Raqib received presents (yeah, I know.. it’s not even Marsya’s birthday but she received two presents, courtesy of Ayah and Ayin – my brother). It was wonderful seeing the expressions on their faces when they received their presents. Raqib’s was priceless. He was going, “Waaahhh…” all the time. It was cute. Ok, I know.. a bit biased here, he’s my son.

Will share some pictures soon.

Sad News Indeed

I was on the way to work this morning, waiting for the LRT to be exact, at Terminal Putra when I received a call. Since I didn’t have the number in my address book (thanks to Raqib), I didn’t know who it was. The caller told me that her daughter has passed away and asked me to spread the news. I was a little surprised. I didn’t know who this person was. How could I spread the news? So reluctantly, I asked the caller’s name, and was quite surprised to know that she is actually quite a close friend. The minute she told me who she was, I immediately knew which daughter she was talking about. And after that, I was TRULY shocked.

Little Alya was adorable. She spoke really good English. The first time I laid eyes on her, I found her quite fascinating. Her curly hair, dreamy eyes, and soft brown skin were not of those her mother’s. In fact, she didn’t look like her mother at all. She inherited her looks from her father.

I nearly broke down in the LRT. But because there were so many people, I controlled myself. She had pneumonia and virus infections. She was admitted into the hospital on Sunday, but passed away on Tuesday. It was really hard for me to take. My friend however appeared very calm. She didn’t cry, but I did hear sadness in her voice. Alya was her eldest. The younger was a boy.

We hung up, and I was really fighting for self-control. My son, Raqib, was recently admitted to the hospital for asthma and secondary pneumonia. Luckily for us, he was alright. He’s asthmatic now, but at least he’s ok. I just have to monitor his medication. The day that he was admitted, he was very sick. He looked like he was fading away from me. He wouldn’t eat, and wouldn’t sleep. He didn’t even want any of my breast milk. I was so sad. And I fought the urge to cry in front of him. I prayed to Allah to make him better. I couldn’t bear to see him like that. He just lay on the sofa. Even his voice couldn’t be heard. Whenever he called for me, his voice sounded so faint. That night, when we went to the hospital, he was immediately on the drip. We stayed at the hospital for three days. He has recovered from his pneumonia but he is now asthmatic.

I feel for Asfa. Who wouldn’t? She has just lost her daughter. It is not an easy thing to endure. When she came to my wedding, she was pregnant with Alya. After that, she experienced giving birth to Alya. She was there when she was sick, when she was happy, when she learnt to step on her own two feet, and when she spoke her first words.

Allah loves her more.

I pray that Allah too gives Asfa the strength that she needs to continue her life. Al-Fatihah.

The Secret Keeper

Sometimes I wonder whether I have a face of a person who can actually keep secrets. Well, I’m not saying that I’m perfect that I am really good at keeping secrets, after all I’m only human, but people are somehow drawn into telling me their most inner secrets. Sometimes, they don’t really say that it’s a secret, but the things they tell me makes me obligated not to tell any other person. I don’t know why. I guess it’s the stories told. Or the way that the stories are told. I don’t know. But somehow or rather, I am obliged to keep them as secrets.

You’d be amazed at the many things that people tell me. I don’t even coax it out of them. They just tell me because they simply want to share the stories with me. The first time a virginity is lost, molest stories, seduction stories, backstabbing stories, etc, etc. It’s just weird that they would actually want to share them with me. Not that I mind, for I so do not mind it, but it does makes me wonder. Is it because of my face? Do I look like a counselor? A psychiatrist even? Well I do know that I had wanted to take up Psychology at college, but Ayah opposed of it. Ayah said that I wouldn’t know what to do with such a degree and that it was just not worthwhile. So I took up the normal Business degree. But looking back, I think I would have made a lot of money if I had taken up Psychology, if of course I am based overseas, especially the US because there seems to be a lot of troubled people there. Better still, Hollywood. I think I’d be cool and I’d have many celebrity patients. Hehehe.. what am I thinking.

Back to the main issue, for now, I will just listen wherever necessary. People tell, I listen. People seek advice or opinions, I give. It’s as simple as that. I feel like ‘Dear Ms Mel’ though, but at times only. Other than that, I enjoy listening to their stories. It opens up the person to a whole new side which I never know existed.

Nemo or Gamat

My Hommies and I were talking during lunch about Nemo and Gamat.

Nemo being characteristics of a man who seems harmless enough but is actually flirtatious and easily falls for a woman IF the woman tries her charms on him. Who look innocent and also a family-loving man, but if given the opportunity, will actually do the impossible that even the wife herself would not believe. In other words, dia ni cepat perasan lah jugak.

Gamat is seen as a man, who is flirtatious, enjoys life and the company of good-looking women, but when an opportunity arises, he is not bothered with it, and end up doing other things which is totally the opposite of that particular opportunity. He is not easily charmed by a woman’s appeal, though he enjoys the moment spent with her. But there are always boundaries. And the Gamat type of man knows that. So he never oversteps the boundary. He knows that it’s not healthy.

It is difficult to actually identify whether the man is a Nemo or a Gamat. I know certain man who enjoys harmless flirts, but by the end of the day, it’s just about having fun. They don’t think about it. They don’t dwell on it. And the next day when he comes across similar opportunities, he just knows how to control himself.

But a man will always be a man. Even how strong a man is, if the temptation is just too hard for him to overcome, he might just fall, right? Or get side-tracked, even for a bit. I don’t know. It’s difficult to find a man who does not fall into the seductive trappings of a sexy woman. Especially if it is the woman herself who conjures up the plans and traps for him. A woman who is a Master in the art of seduction. I suppose, even how hard he controls himself, at one point or another, he might let himself ago. I guess it always boils back to faith. So if one experiences internal conflict, one should always refer to Him. It’s the only way.

Whatever it is, I enjoy the company of both Nemo and Gamat. Both are different and attractive in their own ways. And I am not bashful to admit that (which is something I shouldn’t be admitting to). Bukan admitted to having flings or affairs with them, ok. God forbids, minta dijauhkan … more towards having a good time with them. Kawan-kawan only, what. Besides, I know who I am. These Nemos and Gamats VERY rarely look at me as a potential ‘sexy woman’ who likes to trap and charm men. I am neither that. Trust me. But, I am ATTRACTIVE…!! Hehehehe… [that’s me, being perasan].

Now back to work.. [sigh]…

Last Minute Baru Nak Comment

I am currently doing this circular which we need to circulate to our shareholders at the forthcoming AGM, which will be the first for us since we just got listed last year. It’s on Recurrent Transactions.. boring stuff. Anyway, what pisses me off, is that, the circular is about to be completed, and suddenly, at the last minute, comments from nowhere start pouring in. Company Secretaries from God knows where suddenly have comments of their own. Questioning why certain things are done like that, or why aren’t we lumping certain transactions into one (hello… we have our reasons..). It’s just so irritating. I hate it when at the very last minute of completing something, suddenly all these irritating comments appear out of nowhere. It has happened in the past (not for circulars) but for other documents. Being me, I just ignored them because I think those comments were baseless, made only in view of recent events. I mean, I was there from the beginning, so of course I know a lot more than whoever that Tom, Dick and Harry said.

And now I am really mad. I think I should just ignore their remarks. I mean, yes those that are required, I’ll take into account, but those comments which I think are not of substance, I am definitely going to ignore them. I mean, come on.. you’re not the bosses of me, so why should I take into account EVERYTHING you said? [sigh..] this is so irritating.

Ok.. that’s just me, expressing my emotions..

Being A Married Woman

I had a meaningful conversation with Ibu last few weeks. For the first time ever, she revealed to me something that has been close to her heart for many, many years. She has mentioned it in the past but I never really thought of it being something that she sees as a milestone in her life. Until several weekends ago.

I asked her what her opinion was on married women having affairs. The issue came to mind because I witnessed something of that manner in a friend at work. My colleague is a beautiful woman, married with five kids. Her husband seems like a nice man, who works in the academic line. But little does her husband knows, she is having an affair with another man (a single, young man) outside of her marriage. Some of us know, some of us don’t. And I was really trying to understand on why she did it. Of course I couldn’t come to her with my question because I am not really that close to her, so I asked another woman who has a lot of wisdom having learned them throughout her life. My mother, Ibu.

She told me not to give in to all those urges. It is bad and should not be done. But I told her that I was curious. Is is it because these women are bored with their lives, but couldn’t leave their husbands because they still love them... you know, those types of questions. And having said that, she shared with me a story.

She was a woman in her early thirties. She has three young kids and was content with life. One day, she woke up sweating. She had a dream of her old flame; the one true flame that she was in love with before she met her husband. She was confused and didn’t know what to do. From that day onwards, she kept on thinking about the old flame. She was contemplating on whether she should call him and meet up with him for coffee. The idea was in her head for a few days, but she never shared it with anyone. Who could she share it with? One day, she mustered the courage to call her old flame. He wasn’t home. But she left a message for him. Not long after, she received a call from him.
She was happy. He was happy. Both were married. But they talked like as if they were still young, in their early 20s. It was like as if they hadn’t aged at all. He told her that he missed her. She tried to control her feelings and told him casually that she was happy with life and that she has three kids. After updating one another on what has been happening, he talked about his feelings for her. He told her that he still loved her and wanted to meet up with her. She kept her cool and told him that she has a husband and loved the husband very much. He didn’t believe her and coaxed her into seeing him. She refused and told him that it would be best if they did not see each other, and that a phone call was just as sufficient. He was disappointed.

After she put the phone down, she cried. She so badly wanted to see him but she knew that if she relented to him, things which happen next were beyond her control and that was something that she couldn’t afford to happen. She loved her husband and her children. She did not want to betray them. But there was something missing inside her. She longed for that feeling; the feeling of being loved by that one true love.

They talked again on the phone and she told him that she was going to the UK for the next 3 to 5 years as her husband was continuing his studies. And the reason why she wanted to talk to him was that there was no way knowing whether she would ever see him or talk to him again. Again he coaxed into seeing her. Again she turned him down. Again she cried herself to sleep at night.

The day finally came. Clothes were packed. Dried foods were packed. The children were chattering happily with their cousins. The grandparents were sad at the thought of not seeing the children every day. The husband was busy doing the last minute checking of the passports and documents. She looked at him from afar. This was the man she married. How could she have thought of another man when she was actually married to a great man. A man who would make a difference in her life. A man who loved her unconditionally. She lowered her eyes and sighed. This was her life. Allah had reasons for paving such life for her, and little did she know, she was grateful. She was thankful that she has a wonderful husband, and great children. And she treasured her family. She smiled and all thoughts of the old flame were history. It was just not meant to be.

These days, she does think back about her old flame, but never in the same feelings she had about 25 years ago. She was grateful to Allah that she was strong back then to resist temptation, knowing that if she had done it, she would regret it for the rest of her life. She loves her husband dearly, and I know for sure that Ayah loves her very much too. They always share their food whenever they eat out, and Ayah always buys her gifts. They always joke around, and are always smiling. I am thankful for that and feel blessed as I am their daughter.

Ibu’s story made me think. It is indeed a lesson well learnt. No good will come out of it. The happiness from the affair is only momentary. The repercussions are even more difficult to bear. I hope this friend of mine realizes this before it’s too late. In fact, I think WE ALL should always be mindful and be on a lookout for one another. And of course, never forget to pray to Him, for only Him can help us in such situations.

Short Update

I have been so busy that I have not had the chance to upload any story or update on the blog. There are just so many things to tell, but so little time to say it. Well, actually, write it. And of course I am not going to talk about work. It is never ending and I don’t think I want to go there.

Lately, I have been going out with my girlfriends a lot. Last Friday, I went for a karaoke session at the Red Box at The Garden. The place is really cool and has many great songs. I went there with my hommies buddies. And we sang from 8pm till 11.30pm. I was tired by the end of it. But I had a great time. Now, tonight, I’ll be going to Chillies at KLCC. A friend of mine who works at Celcom is receiving a lot of bonuses this year, and I have managed to coax her into treating us for dinner. So, it’s Chillies tonight. So you see, my life is alright, I guess. I am always with friends, and if I’m not with them, I am always with my kids and Bie. I read books (during my travel in the LRT) and I watch the TV (when the kids are all asleep). So, yes.. I suppose that life has been kind to me. And I shouldn’t be asking more, right?

But as a human being, I am never satisfied. I don’t know why. Allah has truly been kind to me these past few months and I am really grateful for that. He has helped me in ways that only I myself know. Though Bie is still struggling with his works, but I am thankful that we are still strong together. His kids love him. Since he is at home for most parts of the morning, his kids are quite close to him. Raqib will drink his milk while lying next to him on the sofa, whilst watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on Playhouse Disney and Marsya.. tak payah cakap lah, but she is just Abi’s little girl. I love it that my kids are close to him. I guess there are hikmah’s everywhere. All these have made the children closer to Bie. So yeah, Bie may not be getting the job and the projects that he has been wanting, but the bond with his children is just so strong which makes me think that perhaps Allah is giving Bie the chance to bond with his children because if he’s busy with works, his chikdren will see less of him… and that’s not good. Well, whatever it is, Allah knows best. We will do the best at our end here, but by the end of the day, only Allah knows.

Upset All Of A Sudden

I was in such a good mood this morning. I had breakfast at Plaza Sentral with Kak Tina and enjoyed a hearty meal of nasi goreng with egg, which was actually quite good. Then I went up to my office feeling energetic despite sleeping late last night as I was watching Om Shanti Om (another really good movie starring Shah Rukh Khan, directed by Farah Khan.. yes, the woman who always choreograph dance scenes in movies – so yes, a lot of dancing. But you should really see it because it is VERY funny.. I had a good laugh watching it, and for the first time ever, I have to admit that Shah Rukh Khan looks very good TOPLESS.. no joke, ok. Six pack and all). Then I went to see my friend. He had something to share with me. We always talk in the evenings, after work, so seeing him in the morning which was actually out of the norm, well.. let’s just say that perhaps I shouldn’t have seen him. Not in the morning.

He shared with me his experience with a certain board director who accused him of being a non-Moslem and that his upbringing was not Islamic. It was uncalled for, of course. Especially coming from a respectable board director who happens to be a lawyer by profession. My friend was upset. And I could relate to that, as I would to, if it was to happen to me.

But later he touched on about other things. Things that perhaps should be left unsaid because it would create animosity and jealousy. I tried not to get so worked up about it, but I can’t. I am only human. Though my mouth says it’s ok, and my face is smiling telling people that I’m alright with it, deep down I am affected. If not much, a little. Stop comparing me with other people. I am my own person, and you have no right to compare me with them just because their stars are brighter than mine. To me rezeki comes in may form. So stop feeling sorry for me. If the times come, and Allah says it, it will happen. So why worry now, right.

Secondly, today is M Nasir’s concert and I am upset because I can’t attend it. I have wanted to watch an M Nasir concert like forever. But alas, it is not meant to be, and I have to admit that I am quite upset. I want to see M Nasir perform at Istana Budaya, but only the expensive tickets are left. The RM80 ticket that was booked earlier is no longer applicable, because I didn’t make payment within two days of booking (the booking right was lifted because of non-payment). Well, how could I see to the payment when I was occupied with other things? It seemed impossible at that time.

And now, I’m a little upset. I need something to make me feel better again. Perhaps a Subway sandiwich for lunch? Hhmm..

Update after lunch: I had a Subway sandwich. Italian BMT which stands for Italian Pepperoni, Salami and Turkey Ham.. SEDAP..!!

Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge

I just saw the Hindi movie yesterday evening. I saw it on DVD. It starred Shah Rukh Khan (who was recently bestowed a Datukship.. something I can never I understand, but there you go…) and young Kajol. Honestly, I have never seen the movie. I saw it once a long time ago, but it was the ending part. The part where Shah Rukh Khan’s face was all bloody because he was engaged in a fight with Kajol’s fiancé. But Bie raved about the movie. He liked it. He likes Kajol (the only Hindi actress that he liked) after he watched Dilwale. And he loved the songs, especially Tujhe Dekha To. I have never understood why he thinks that this is the best movie. But after I saw it yesterday, I understand.

Dilwale reminded me of my youth days. Where life was simple, fun with hormones raging unnecessarily all over the place. My craze back then was of course good looking boys. Hahahaha..!! I can’t help it. I was a young woman with lots of raging hormones. Fancying people and having crushes were the norm for me. I enjoyed it. It showed that I was alive and loving life. Yes.. I had a nice life back then. Not to say that it’s not nice now, but you know what I mean, being young and free.. it’s just nice, and I’m glad that I had that.

I watched it with Ibu. Even she admitted that it was nice to be young. And she remembered hers very well. Dilwale I guess has that affect on people. It made people look back at what they did when they were young. Especially where love and friends are concerned. And it made me wonder, can love really do that? Hindi movies can be a bit over the top. Especially where love is concerned. Somehow, watching it makes me wonder of the realism. I mean, it doesn’t look real to me. Yes the courting bit is normal, and young couple’s behavior when in love is as every bit as that portrayed in the movie, but I don’t know… somehow, the movie left this lingering feeling in my heart. And I can’t quite describe what it is. It’s like ‘tak berpijak di bumi yang nyata’ kind of thing. But there you go, it’s Hindustan. What can one expect from that. But everyone loves to dream and imagine themselves as being the main character in the movie. It gives them a warm feeling inside, I suppose. A feeling that can save them from the hassle of the reality of the world. I guess dreaming takes us away from current problems, and give us motivation for something to look forward to. Of course I do that too sometimes. But for Dilwale, I just can’t do that. I enjoyed the silly bantering between the couple as it took me to my younger days, but the love bit.. hhmm.. I don’t know. Call me practical, but I don’t think I can accept the ending part of the movie. Too unreal..

But of course the movie did GREAT. The two main actors are currently the biggest Hindi stars of all time, and I still adore Shah Rukh Khan. Datukship or no Datukship..

Something Short

I am so busy these past few days. I have the SIRIM audit tomorrow and my filings are all over the place. And then I have the RRPTs circular to do, which needs to be sent for printing by 13 April 2009 as we need to circulate it in time for our first AGM. I have to admit, it’s exciting, but scary at the same time. There are so many things to do but so little time to do it. But life goes on. Yes we dedicate ourselves to work, but family comes first, so I don’t really stay back until late at night just to ensure that I finish my tasks. If I can do it in the morning, then I’ll continue them the next day. Gosh, why am I babbling about work?

I actually just wanted to say that 17th February 2009 was a special date for me. No it isn’t my birthday, nor is it my Bie’s birthday. And it isn’t my wedding anniversary as well. It is special for two reasons; it was the date that Bie and I officially became a couple eleven years ago, and of course, the date that I got engaged about seven years ago. I wanted to mention it last Tuesday, but I was so caught up with work that I hadn’t got the time to write anything on the blog about it.

Bie didn’t exactly remember the date though. He complained that there are just too many dates to remember. There’s my birthday, our wedding anniversary, our children’s birthdays, etc. I disagreed with him, because to me, 17th February is very important. It was the first time I said yes to becoming his girlfriend (back then, now we’re married of course). And I don’t usually say yes to that sort of thing. In fact, I NEVER said yes to anyone because none of them seems to be the right boyfriend material-type. So how could he even think that 17th February is NOT important? Men will always be men. Yes I have to admit that not ALL men are like that. And I have to accept MY man as he is. Luckily he makes up the inadequacy in other areas. Well, nobody’s perfect.

Anyway, that was it. Just a mention to the WHOLE world that 17th February is an important date for me. Now back to work.

The Things I Do

So many things have happened since I last updated my blog. I had wanted to update something (my sorrow, the extract of which I will share with you later), but somehow I was having some kind of a mental block. Not to mention that time wasn’t exactly on my side. It’s like, I want to share something, but I don’t know whether I should. Anyway, I guess before we get carried away with that, let me just share with you something I drafted but couldn’t quite get to post (or finish it for that matter) on the blog:

“Not My Time - I was heading towards the Ladies yesterday when a name caught my eye. Apparently a very close friend of mine at work had her place moved to a bigger cubicle. I wondered to myself whether she was getting that promotion. I saw the boss’ secretary and I asked her. She looked at me and said, “She was recommended for a promotion, but please don’t tell anyone as everything is still PnC”. I nodded my head and walked straight to the Ladies. I didn’t know why but suddenly I felt a rush of tears brimming in my eyes. I am not jealous of this close friend. In fact, I can’t be happier for her. She truly deserves it, but I am only human, so I did feel sad coz it only brought back memories the conversation I had with the boss when he told me that he didn’t think I was ready for a promotion. The PMS session took more than an hour and by the end of it, I had tears of frustration sliding down my cheeks. But of course not in front of him, no way would I give him the pleasure OR the guilt”.

And that was the only thing I wrote. I took a break, and I hadn’t managed to continue that post. You see, I wanted to, but why dwell on matters which would only make me sad. It’s just unnecessary headaches. To me, let bygones be bygones. Allah knows best, and He thinks that I am not ready for such rezeki. Or perhaps, my rezeki comes in other forms which I have yet to discover. So why worry, and let myself be swallowed with sadness and perhaps jelousy. It’s not good. But as for that friend of mine, I am seriously happy for her. Like I said earlier, she deserves it. The hard work that she has put through is just beyond comparison. So yes, she seriously deserves the promotion.

So yes, enough about the promotion issue. I have other things to think of.

My sister-in-law may need to be operated due to the stone in the gall bladder or something (I am not much of a person who uses medical jargons). She has been complaining of stomachache for over a week now and my brother is very upset. They have a baby now. A handsome coming to 5 month old boy and I pity my nephew on what will happen to him if his mother goes for operation. Well actually, come to think of it, I pity my brother if his wife does opt for the operation because his baby will be sent to stay with his grandparents in Pahang and I know that my brother will hate that. Being away from his son is just something that he can’t afford to do at the moment. Ibu is more of a traditionalist and she hates operations. So now there are conflicting views on whether she should operate or try traditional medicines first. But my sister-in-law hates traditional medicines. She didn’t drink the water that my brother brought for her claiming that she didn’t like the taste of the water and preferred to sulk and complain. I had enough of the sulking so I told my brother to pack up his things and go back to Pahang, and return to KL on the same day to be admitted so that she can be operated the next morning. I can’t stand it. She always puts the blame on my brother and I hate it. So let her do what she wants to do. She’s a big girl. A mother even, so let her be. Ibu was upset though. But I told Ibu not to participate in any of decision-making involving her and my brother anymore in the future. It’s their life, so let it be. And Ibu agreed.

And that’s only one matter.

Recently I underwent changes in my life. It is for the better I suppose. I am now learning to control my temper and trying to stop cursing altogether (which is actually a little bit difficult, but I HAVE to do it). I am also now seeing normal things, which I have always taken for granted, for the first time in a long time. Yes, I see things in a slightly different perspective now. And I have to admit, I like the new me. Let’s pray together, ok.

Feelings

Have you ever felt something hit you so hard that you finally open your eyes and feel that your perspectives have changed? What matters to you most previously, they still do matter but somehow there are other things which matter most and you just realized it? It is hard to explain I suppose, but I am very sure that most people experience that in life. You know, like a major life experience or something which alters your perception towards life kind of thing. I’m not saying that I experienced something as major as that. But I guess the effects are more or less the same. Little it may seem, I truly appreciate the experience. I really do. And I hope to ‘recharge’ it later when I am in need of new perspectives.

Life is short you know. Your are your own person, so it is up to you how you shape your life. I guess we have to make priorities. And work on towards living based on those priorities. Make the best of everything but never forget the one truly thing that was the reason we are living and breathing on this earth. Just never forget, ok.

I love my children very much. I really do. Even how active, noisy and tiresome they are, they are still among the best that has happened to me. I am truly blessed. Allah is great isn’t He?

Gaza

I am very angry at Israel at the moment. Who do they think they are? Just because they have the US backing them up, the so-called powerhouse of the world does not give them the license to kill people in the Gaza. They ignored the resolution by the UN and made a statement that they have never agreed to intervention from other countries. How selfish is that. They are heartless and cruel.

Yes I have to admit that I am being very emotional about this. I can’t stand it that they kill people and feel that it’s alright to do so. We live in a civilized world, and we should have surpassed all the brutal unnecessary killings just because a resolution cannot be obtained. Yes, the Hamas may have initiated this current killings by breaching the cease-fire agreement, but come on, is it necessary to bomb schools and houses on pretext that the Hamas militants are operating there? What more, with the current fatalities on the rise (currently, nearly 900 Palestines dead where a third of that are children, and about 13 Israelis) the current numbers show that Israel are just being mean and ruthless, and vicious. Less than one percent deaths compared to the Palestines. Israel is just taking an opportunity here. Its continuance with the killings is claimed as self-defense, which to me is a whole lot of B.S.

The US is no difference. They abstained from the resolutions circulated by the UN because they claimed that they wanted to see a resolution from the Egyptians first. And I don’t believe a single statement. I really hate the US at the moment. It’s bad enough that they think they’re the rulers of the world. They are equally cruel and may even feel that Palestine deserve such treatment because it’s a Moslem country. Somehow I just feel that the current US administration is biased due to Palestine’s religion and faith which they associate with terrorism and all that (and they don’t have any oil to offer) Well right now, the US is the biggest terrorist among us all. The problem is that, they never see themselves as that. They always see themselves superior among others and will always feel that they’re the best people in the planet.

A friend of mine said:

“Relax Mel.. I know that you are so emotional on this. But let us be frank. Don't you think that we too can have the US at our disposal as much as the Isrealis did?? So, let's use them as well. The oil and money that the Arabs are flushed with will draw them to our favour. All that we need is just a little intelligence and guts to do it.... you cannot isolate the US out from the equation.. they have to be in because they are the only superpower regardless you like it or not. If you don't already know, the biggest funder to the UN is the US... and ever wonder who financed it... and why UN is so tamed by the US??”

Of course I totally disagree with him. Have the US at our disposal? Give them the satisfaction that they are the rulers of the world? NO WAY…

I can’t stand it. I don’t know how to help. I am not capable of volunteering myself to go to the Gaza and fight. I am not made as strong as them. All I can do is pray for them. However, I do try, in my personal capacity, to not use products made by the US. It is hard, but that’s because we’re so used to comfort and have pampered ourselves with luxuries. US-made products are in every household in Malaysia. I have changed my grocery-shopping venue and slowly switching the current products I use for other alternatives (which is hard, but I need to begin somewhere). Some products are unavoidable (like my Nokia phone and my IBM workstations) but where I am at liberty to do so, I will try my best to switch to alternatives.

Let us pray that the people in the Gaza (including the Palestines and voluntary workers from all over the world) are safe there. Let’s pray that Allah will punish these people accordingly. Remember, What Goes Round Comes Around. So if you feel that you have triumphed today at the expense of other people’s miseries and loss of lives, you will pay for it tomorrow.

Reminiscing Old Memory

Yesterday, I went to see some friends in KLCC. I haven’t seen them for quite a while now. In fact, come to think of it, I haven’t seen Hitam for quite a number of years. But as for Hasiz, I do see him from time to time. We usually have lunch together if he could drop by my office. Just as a background story, I was very close to Hitam and Hasiz before I got married. We always went out especially when I was living in Wangsa Maju during my single hood life. Just me and the boys, eating char kuey tiow at Mali’s or hanging out at Steven’s in Uptown Damansara. These boys never took me clubbing. We just enjoyed hanging out, eating and talking. So, yesterday was quite a reunion for me and the boys, and I actually looked forward to it.

The minute I stepped out of the LRT, I made my way to the water fountain entrance, next to Dome. Hitam was already waiting for me. I smiled at him, widely. He looked a little bit nervous. But he tried to cover it with his black sunglasses. We shook hands and waited for Hasiz to come. While waiting, he talked about his workplace and the fun that he was having there. I was happy for him. I think he deserved that kind of life because previously he worked in manufacturing plants. Then Hasiz came, looking flushed because he walked quite a distance to reach KLCC.

After that, we proceeded to Chillies. It was fun to be talking to them again, but I do notice that Hasiz did not seem to be talking much. He was sitting next to me and was just listening to whatever that Hitam was saying. I wondered why he was so quiet. But I didn’t ask. Hasiz and I came a long way, much further than Hitam. We knew each other before our SPM results were out in 1993. We met at a friend’s house during a raya open house. And we became even closer when we found out my close friends are friends with his close friends (too many friends, eh.. hehehe). So we hang out quite often. I became his best friend. I was his shoulder to cry on when he found out that his girlfriend was too-timing him; I accompanied him to the vet because his cat was sick, I was the one that he would call all the way from Manjung, Perak when he just felt like calling someone, I was the one that accompanied him to watch Legends of the Fall, I reconnected him to his old school friends because they happened to go to the same college as I did, I was the one he wanted to meet whenever he was on his semester break, and the list just went on. Well, I shared many things with him too. He knew a lot of stuff about me. We were just there for each other. He told me everything and I shared many things with him as well. He trusted me, and I trusted him.

Until the day he told me that he wanted to be more than friends. I was a little shocked. I didn’t expect it to come out from his mouth. We were just too close. I just knew so much about him and to convert the friendship into a serious relationship was just something that I could not accept. But he asked me to think about it. It got me thinking alright. I was at a crossroads. I liked it that he knows me so well and that I was so comfortable with him, but it scared me that I knew a lot of things about him. Besides, I didn’t want to enter into a relationship for the sake of having one. I wanted a relationship that meant something to me. It was scary. I could feel our friendship slowly turning into a relationship. I wasn’t prepared for it. I just didn’t feel right.

The day came when I had to fly to the UK to continue my studies. I was looking forward to it (who wouldn’t), but Hasiz wanted a relationship. He was willing to try out a long distance relationship. I was like, “Err.. what? You serious?”. I didn’t want a long distance relationship. I trusted him as a friend, but I did not trust him as a boyfriend. Besides, my feelings for him weren’t as strong. How could I be in such a relationship? However, he coaxed me into doing it. He was prepared. He would wait for me until I complete my degree. I had doubts. And I just didn’t feel that he was the one. I turned him down and told him that I want to be his friend. And that I wasn’t ready to change my status [lucky for me coz I met someone while I was in the UK and I guess the feelings were strong coz it didn’t take me long to say yes to that relationship].

It was funny. I remember the first time he learnt I had a boyfriend, and that he was visiting me at my parents’ place. Hasiz was mad and curious, and wanted to see this boyfriend of mine. He already had a girlfriend at that time. But later I learnt from Hitam that Hasiz was prepared to let go of his girlfriend for me. And the first time Hasiz met my boyfriend eye-to-eye, it didn’t go very well. I don’t know what he was trying to prove. I found it all very funny. Of course later Hasiz came into terms with the fact that I had a boyfriend. In fact later, Hasiz was friends with Bie. We hung out, chit-chat and laughed. That was why Bie didn’t mind I went out with Hasiz and Hitam. It was like as if an understanding was achieved. But I know that somehow, Hasiz has a soft spot for me. We share something, and it was nice to know.

So seeing him not talking much yesterday wasn’t really nice. Oh well. I guess he was giving an opportunity for Hitam to talk to me since I haven’t met Hitam for a much longer time. But I’m ok. Since now I’m at KL Sentral, I can drop by KLCC anytime to meet up with them. So, there’ll be other times. Ok, that’s enough of reminiscing for today.

New Year, New Hope

I look forward to 2009. I have a feeling that it is going to be a good year for me and the family. In all aspects, be it financially or socially. There are many things that I wanted to do in 2008 but were not done. First and foremost, of course I want to go to Awana Kijal (I know it’s local, and isn’t that expensive, but I have personal priorities to take care of) and if rezeki permits it, I want to take the whole family to New Zealand. That trip is something that I really look forward to, and I know that it has to happen this year.. Insya Allah. Then of course I’ve got some personal resolutions that I hope to carry out for this year. We’ll see. A step at a time.

Apart from that, my little girl is going to school. Well, not the proper school kind of thing, but a kindergarten or playschool. I wasn’t sure whether that was what I wanted for her. I mean, she’s still my baby. She still sleeps with me with her arms around me and whenever she cries, she will look for me. Therefore, I don’t know whether I should be sending her to school already. Mentally, I’m actually not prepared. I know that Maksu feels that Marsya is ready for school. She likes making new friends and she’s quite bright for her age (we’re being biased because Marsya is after all my daughter and Maksu’s grand-daughter). So, better stimulate that brightness in a right way at an early age.

Tomorrow, she’s going to be four years old. And I know that school would be the perfect place for her. Bie is definitely into the school thing 110 percent. He feels that it would do her good. She would learn how to read, make new friends, and learn many new things.

The school is based on Islamic principles but with an English medium. The teacher is asking me to put Marsya in the tahfiz classes as well, but I think I’d stick to just the playschool first. I don’t want to burden her with many things. She is after all just a child. She’s my baby. It’s hard for me to let her go into the outside world. She belongs to me…[sigh].. what am I saying..?? And she’s only four. Imagine when she’s seven, or thirteen or twenty-one even. They grow up so fast. One minute she was in my arms and I was cradling her to sleep and the next, she is already a big girl who likes to have many types of shoes and watches Geng Bas Sekolah.

Bie brought her for registration this morning and from the sound of it, she was excited about going to school. In fact, the minute she opened her eyes this morning, she was constantly whining and asking for her Abi to take her to school… [sigh].. and I can’t believe I’m sending her to school. This is a big step for me [one would say that it’s a big step for Marsya, but no. It’s a big step for me]. I mean, you can see from the way that I went on and on about it, that I consider this as quite a big thing for me. It’s very hard to let her stay in a school with complete strangers. Will she be ok, will she make friends, and will other students accept her; all these are playing in my mind. I hope the school will take good care of my daughter. I pray to Allah for her safety.

Over-protective? Who wouldn’t…

Anyway, I just want to share with you that I had a blast New Year’s eve. On 31st December 2008, I took leave from work and went out the whole day with the Gurls. It all started with brunch at Carl’s Junior Mid Valley, with Pah and Min. Then we went to The Red Box at The Garden and sang for two hours. After that, we went to see Australia (Hugh Jackman has a REALLY gorgeous body in the movie. With his bearded face and rogue looks, OMG, I think I’m in love… hehehehehe). The movie finished at 6.15pm, then we drove back to Putrajaya to hang out with the other Gurls (Yamm and Makcik) who couldn’t take leave that day, bought pizzas and chicken wings, and had a picnic in front of the Palace of Justice until 12 am. It was a good way to spend New Year’s eve. The kids were at my in-laws. Bie picked me up at 12 am, then we headed to Pah’s house to freshen up. I only reached home at 3.15am. Talk about having fun and talk about a good way to greet the New Year.

It’s always fun hanging out with the Gurls. I love them very much. Of course we missed some of the other Gurls who couldn’t make it that day. Zha is pregnant and was having some pains, so of course her husband wouldn’t allow her to go (even though she lives in Putrajaya), Izan couldn’t leave the kids, Noha had maid issues, Leeya and Murn both are not in KL. But we missed them all the same. Maybe next time.

With that, I welcome 2009. To happiness, love and success. Amin.

Mun's Tag

A friend of mine, Mun, has done the tag. But because she doesn't have a blog, I am updating hers here. She is a friend I got to know while I was studying in PPP. We were quite close even though she was actually my junior i.e. batch 14. I guess I just happen to know SOME stuff about her.. that relates to a certain someone who happens to be in my batch.. hahahaha..!! No lah.. not just that. She's a really cool girl and also crazy at times.. Though she looks like she doesn't care a stuff in the world, she is actually a very warm and affectionate person, and really do cares. Enjoy reading it..

Name : Mun

Sisters : 1

Brothers : 1 older bro, 2younger brothers.

Shoe size : Seven ½, sometimes 8, depending on brand

Height : 157 cm (rasanya la..ingat2 lupa).

Where do you live : Somewhere in Ukay Perdana, plan to move next year

Have you ever been on a plane : Yes.

Swam in the ocean : Yes (I cannot swim, so kalau pakai pelampung pon kira boleh la aaa)

Fallen asleep at school : Yes, no only in school, in uni days as well.. heheheheh.

Broken someone’s heart : Hhhmm, yup- according to him la..

Fell off your chair : yes, school days.

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : Yes.

Saved e-mails : Yes.

What is your room like : sgt bersepah, bantal2, selimut2.

What’s right beside you : Partition (I’m at the opis maaaa)

What is the last thing you ate : Egg sandwhich

Chicken pox : primary school

Sore throat : not recently

Stitches : Yes. I gave birth 6 mths ago (normal delivery) so go figure where’s the stitches

Broken nose : No.

Do you Believe in love at first sight : No I don’t.

Like picnics : Yupp.. lamanya tak pegi.

Who was/were…The last person you danced with : I don’t (cannot) dance

Last made you smile : Bella (my doter)

You last yelled at : Hubby errkk yell ka?? Jerit2 sayang gitu..

Today did you…

Smile to someone you like : Yes.

Kissed anyone : Choyah & Bella (my doters)

Get sick : Sakit hati kira ke? If YES then ye la..

Talk to an ex : No.

Miss someone : My doters, my mum, my sister (ramai la pulak)

Who do you really hate : LIARS

Do you like your hand-writing : I do actually (even tak cantik pon)

Are your toe nails painted : No.

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : Tak kisah

What color shirt are you wearing now : White.

Are you a friendly person : Yes (so I was told)

Do you have any pets : No. Never.

Do you sleep with the TV on : No.

What are you doing right now : Do this questionnaires in the office (pretending to do work)

Can you handle the truth : Yes, no matter how painful it is

Are you closer to your mother or father : I am closer to mak

Do you eat healthy : Not really.. ikut suka (look at me now!!)

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex : Yes. Byk pulak tu.. hahahhahahha

If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to : I would prefer not to talk, duduk diam2..

Are you loud or quiet most of the time : Not too loud, tapi tak quiet pon.. hehhe

Are you confident : Depends on the situation

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. 1st half of 1998 – KYPM Cheras – hostel carpark takkan ku lupa
2. 2nd Half 2008 – frust menonggeng nongeng takleh fly.. masuk uniten..
3. Merempit ke kelas.. naik motor gi uniten (sewa rumah di desa serdang)
4. Cross over to Thailand from Rantau Panjang ILLEGALLY (yes illegally) (umah makcik kawanku di sebelah imigresen rantau panjang). i) and naik motor – lambai2 kat pakcik imigresen, lepas… ii) naik sampan, cross sungai ckp kat askar nak pegi kejap beli barang…. (tak caya tanya fir, n syaz).. hehhehehh
5. Sibuk2 my big bro got married – keje kawen pertama in my family..

What I would do if I were a billionaire: (you mean “when”?)
1. Settle all debts.
2. Travel all around the world – in style ka, backpack ka..
3. Tanya my mom, my dad, my pa-ma inlaws, apa diorang nak… belikan for them.
4. Buy a nice beach house..
5. Treat my loved ones to good food and holidays (sama la mcm ija)

Five of my bad habits:
1. Too friendly at times.
2. Baik hati tak bertempat
3. Kedekut pada dia sendiri.. is berkira.. hehhehehhe
4. Kalau bad mood muka masam
5. Kalau malas tu, don’t ask me to do anything, takkan dibuatnya

5 places I’ve lived/living
1. Melaka
2. Seremban
3. Shah Alam
4. Serdang/Kajang
5. Ukay Perdana

It’s A Tag

Received an invitation from Pah to do a Tag. So Pah, this is for you.

Name : Hhmm.. Mel Ija.

Sisters : None.

Brothers : Three younger brothers.

Shoe size : Seven and half (the half came since I gave birth. I don’t know why.. hhmm..)

Height : 162 cm (add another 6 cm if I wear two and a half inch high-heeled shoes).

Where do you live : Somewhere in Melawati.

Have you ever been on a plane : Yes.

Swam in the ocean : Yes.

Fallen asleep at school : I can’t remember. I don’t think so though.

Broken someone’s heart : Hhhmm.. I don’t know. I think I have, but I’m not sure. Those people never said anything.

Fell off your chair : I think back during school days.

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : Yes.

Saved e-mails : Yes.

What is your room like : Hhmm.. A bit of a mess (I can’t believe I’m writing this) but not too bad. The mess would be on my dressing table (cluttered with bottles of perfumes, lotion, hair brush, toiletary bag, hair clips, CDs, purse, money, books, etc, etc), and the handbag corner (I seriously need to get a locker for my handbags which isn’t a lot, but still a sight for sore eyes).

What’s right beside you : A baby cot.

What is the last thing you ate : Domino’s pizza, NY cheese crust… nice..

Chicken pox : A long time ago. Maybe when I was 10 or 11 years old. The whole family caught it, except for my parents.

Sore throat : Sometimes. I believe in drinking LOTS of plain water though.

Stitches : Yes. But only recently, that is when I had Marsya nearly four years ago. It was PAINFUL.

Broken nose : No.

Do you Believe in love at first sight : No I don’t. Well, it has never worked for me that way. Attraction, yes, countless times... but love? No

Like picnics : It’s ok. Haven’t been to one in ages. Hhmm.. when was the last time I had one? I can’t remember. Maybe I should have one. Does packing foods and eating them at the zoo considered a picnic?

Who was/were…The last person you danced with : Marsya and Raqib. We were dancing to the tunes and moves of Mamma Mia. I love that movie. Full of fun and laughter.

Last made you smile : Marsha (this is my friend at work).

You last yelled at : Hhhmm.. Marsya lah I suppose, the daughter. She’s been giving me a lot of tantrums these days. And does not want to listen to what I say. I suppose she just wants my attention what with me being focus on Raqib. Sometimes it’s just so tiring. I suppose that’s why I yelled at her last night.

Today did you…

Smile to someone you like : Yes.

Kissed anyone : My dearest Bie.

Get sick : I didn’t cough or anything last night, but my voice was saying otherwise. Let’s just say that my friends at the office were shocked to hear my voice this morning coz I sounded like a smoker, and a guy. Very, very hoarse.

Talk to an ex : No.

Miss someone : My kids.

Who do you really hate : Selfish and kiasu individuals who do not even have the courtesy to raise their hands when they’re at fault (while driving in a car) or return your smile when you have clearly showed your beautiful smiles to them. I also hate selfish ambitious individuals who only care about themselves and ‘talam dua muka’ politicians and leaders.

Do you like your hand-writing : I do actually.

Are your toe nails painted : No.

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : My parents’ bed in Seremban.

What color shirt are you wearing now : Purple shirt.

Are you a friendly person : Yes (unless I hate the guts of certain individuals, then I can be quite nasty).

Do you have any pets : No. Never will have any.

Do you sleep with the TV on : No.

What are you doing right now : Listening to the radio while doing these questions.

Can you handle the truth : Hhmm.. Yes.

Are you closer to your mother or father : I am close to both of them, but in different ways.

Do you eat healthy : Not really. I think I should. Hhmm…

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex : No. I’ve never had an ex.

If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to : Depending on how bad the situation is or the cause of the bad day. Usually if it’s not really personal, I’d go to whoever that happens to be there. But if it is personal, I have a few people that I go to. You know who you are kan.. ke nak tulis kat sini.. hehehehe..

Are you loud or quiet most of the time : Definitely NOT quiet.

Are you confident : Hhmm… I’d like to think that I am.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:

1. Studied for exams.

2. Hang out with the Dilston Road girls. There was the trip to Hull, the occasional movies at Warner Brothers, the hang out at home time while watching sky movies, the rotating buka puasa sessions, the sports meet events and the list goes on and on.

3. Went steady with my Dearest Bie, first boyfriend ever, exactly 10 years ago i.e. 17 February 1998.

4. Travelled within the UK.

5. Acted in a play called “Raja Bersiong” in the 1998 Malaysian Night. I was the Queen. I choreographed a few dance scenes. It was wonderful. I had a really good time. I didn’t know how effective the play was until a friend told me that he heard a girl cry behind him. He was surprised himself. Didn’t expect it at all. But it was good. And fancy this, after the play, this guy (whom has NEVER noticed me before because I wasn’t exactly pretty and glamorous like the Longhirst girls) came up to me and said that he didn’t know that I was actually pretty, and started calling me to ask me out. Can you believe that? So shallow. I didn’t entertain him. Tak kuasa.


I would do if I were a billionaire: (you mean “when”?)
1. Settle all debts.
2. Give away a bit to charity.
3. Buy properties in major cities around the world.
4. Agree with Pah here… travel the world.
5. Treat my loved ones to good food and holidays.

Five of my bad habits:
I tend to procrastinate sometimes.
2. Snap at people when I am hungry and tired.
3. Lazy at the most weirdest circumstances (orang kata, malas tak bertempat).
4. Say things without thinking (when it’s said, then will I only realize the effects of it.. NOT good).
5. Tendency to immediately correct people when I know for sure that they’re wrong. NOT good.

5 places I’ve lived/living
1. Seremban
2. Shah Alam
3. Wangsa Maju
4. Taman Desa
5. Melawati

The people I wish to tag:

1. Yamm…!! Hehehehehe…
2. Murn… how about it? Wanna give it a go?
3. Pisces Man.. you up for it?
4. Ryzah.. when you’re not too busy.
5. Manal.. think you can do it?
6. I really wish to tag those who do not have blogs like the Gurls and others (meeha, mun, etc.. ). Tell you what, do it, email it to me, then I’ll post it here. Bolehlah… ok?

Me? Single..?

I have a new colleague. I call him Miss Saigon (originally Misai Kon short for Misai Kontot). He’s alright. But I didn’t really like him because he can be quite blunt (notice the “didn’t”). The things that came out from his mouth are were unexpected that one couldn’t help wonder whether he was trying to be funny (but failing miserably at it, by the looks of it) or being sincere. And he was already becoming one of the topics that people like talking about (when they have nothing better to do). But my views of him was about to change. And now, he’s in my good books. How? Continue reading please.

I was really stressed these couple of weeks. So, one day, I blurted my stress out.

Me: Tension lah like this.. and I feel so bored. I don’t think I can deal with this.

Miss Saigon: Why are you so stressed up, Mel? Go out with your boyfriend lah.

Me: I don’t have one.

Miss Saigon: You don’t have one? Can I introduce you to my friends?

Me: [A bit surprised..] You want to introduce me to your friends?

Miss Saigon: Yes.. so, how old are you, if you don’t mind me asking.

Me: [This has been my FAVOURITE question these days.. hahahaha] How old do you think I am?

Miss Saigon: Hhmm.. 28?

Me: [Beaming from ear to ear] Wow..!! Really? You think I’m 28?

Miss Saigon: Ke you’re younger?

Me: [Still smiling] I’m slightly older than that.

Miss Saigon: You’re 29?

Me: [I am laughing now.. ] Wow.. I am so happy that you think I’m 29.

Miss Saigon: So, how old are you then?

By this time, a few of my colleagues were already listening to our conversation. And one of them, my dear Marsha, was saying, “Kak Mel.. tell him”.

Me: I’m 32.

Miss Saigon: [Stared at me in disbelief] Seriously? You’re 32? This year?

Me: Yes I am. Just turned 32 last October. Why? Don’t I look old?

Miss Saigon: No. Hhmm.. I don’t think I have single guy friends aged 32.

Me: [I looked at him funnily] You still want to introduce me to your friends?

Miss Saigon: Yerlah.. but tulah. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’re 32.

Marsha was looking at me furiously. “Kak Mel.. NOT your age. Tell him the other thing”.

He was looking at us, obviously confused. I was laughing like mad. It was funny to see the expression on his face.

Miss Saigon: Why? Am I missing something here?

Me: Well, actually. I don’t have a boyfriend, BUT I have a… husband. And not only that, I have two kids. One girl, one boy. The eldest is coming to four whereas the youngest is a year and a half.

Miss Saigon: [Just looked at me in disbelief].. You have a husband? You’re married?

Me: Hahahahahaha..!! Yes, I am. Don’t I look married to you?

Miss Saigon: [Blushing now] I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I thought you’re still single. You seriously don’t look like you’re married.

Me: [Still smiling] Well, I am..

Apparently, I learnt from another friend that he was quite embarrassed coz he thought I was still single. He has broadcasted to his friends about me. Well, that’s what he told that friend. It made me feel good. I guess I can still pull it off. Weird, huh? Is it the way I move? The way I dress? I don’t know. When I talked to a guy friend, he seemed to think it’s the way I approach people and talk to them. It’s not me being over the top or anything, but he thinks I seem to portray the image that I am still single. Come on.. I’ve got pictures of my family all over my cubicle wall. My mobile’s wallpaper is a picture of my son, Raqib. So, I refuse to believe what he said.

But what the heck, because from that moment onwards, Miss Saigon is in my good books.

Tired Lah Today

I am so not up to be doing anything today. I just feel so tired. Deprive of sleep even though I think I slept quite enough. Well, at this age and time considering my current condition, six to seven hours of sleep should be sufficient. I seriously want more, but too bad. I just do not have the luxury.

I have so many things to do. A board paper to be finalized by tomorrow (first draft), a letter (BM version), and my PMS form. All of them by tomorrow. I dislike doing PMS form. I know it’s important, but I just do not have the heart to do it. Especially when there are certain KPIs which have not been met yet. I hate this KPI thingy. Everything is so individual-oriented that people will do anything to ensure that their KPIs are achieved, even if it means trampling other people’s heads. It’s just not the way I do things. I am more of a team-oriented person. I believe that output and solutions are better when done in teams. Oh well, you can’t have it all.

I don’t like to b@#%h about work, but sometimes I just need to let it out of my system. I don’t believe in staying back very late in the office just so that I can finish certain things (unless they’re really urgent and is required first thing the next morning). I have kids. I want to go home to them. It’s bad enough that during the day, the maid looks after them. So in the evenings, I want to be there for them. To cuddle them, and talk to them, and entertain whatever requests they have (though it can be very cumbersome, but they deserve my attention… pity my kids). Though I don’t work late like some of my other colleagues, my usual ‘home-time’ is about 7-ish. So yes, I usually leave the office around that time every day. Kasihan kan my kids? Bear in mind that the office closes at 5.30pm.

Today will also be like one of those days. I think I’m going to leave at 8pm. I have to. In fact, I was supposed to go for training starting from Wednesday to Friday. But because of unfinished work, I can’t. It’s such a loss really because people say this training that I am supposed to attend is really good. Heck, a colleague of mine came back wearing a tudung. So I suppose it must be really good. One needs some soul cleansing after a while. I know I do. I’m not terrible. But I am after all human. Humans make a LOT of mistakes. But since I can’t go, well not this time at least, then I wouldn’t know. Too bad kan. Sayang…

Now I can barely open my eyes. I think it probably has to do with the visit to the dentist yesterday (well, actually it’s not related whatsoever, but I still want to blame it on my visit to the dentist). The dentist said my wisdom tooth needs a filling. So she did the filling. But the filling was temporary and that I was supposed to come back to her in 2 weeks time to decide whether to extract the wisdom tooth out. She said there was no point leaving it there coz it serves no purpose. And keeping it will only result in more food being stuck there resulting in plaque and bacteria-breeding. So, now I have to decide. I know that by the end of the day, I might need to have it removed. It doesn’t really hurt at the moment. But it affects the gums at that area. The dentist said I’ve got gums problem. I was a bit offensive. I mean, who wouldn’t right. The mouth area and whatever inside it, is very sacred, and here’s the dentist saying I’ve got gums problem. Well, not the whole of the gums, but the gums near the wisdom tooth. Oh heck.. I have just got to decide, and that is to remove it. Even how painful it will be. Look at me. Rambling about tooth issue. Stop..

Conclusion.. I am just so very tired today. I want to go home…

Tembam, Berisi.. You Mean, Fat?

I have officially gained weight. I haven’t weighed myself, but I think my clothes spoke for themselves. After Eid, my weight just seems to ‘mencanak-canak’ naik. This is actually a bad thing. I am not supposed to gain weight, well not much anyway. I remember the days when I used to eat almost anything, excessively and I did not gain any weight. These days, I still eat the same amount of food, BUT my weight has also increased. Blame it on childbirth, yeah.. I’ve endured two labours and had my weight increased by 17kg. But there are also other women out there who have experienced numerous childbirths, but still have not gained much weight. Or perhaps the slower metabolisme rate now that I have entered into the 30’s realm. Oh man.. it’s just me. I love food. I love to eat. Maybe I have to start eating something to control my appetite. But that wouldn’t be me. I don’t like the idea of eating pills to curb my appetite and control my food in-take.

Why am I feeling that I’ve gone fat? How do I know this? Well, let’s just say that I have some very honest friends. Aarrgghh…!! How do I deal with this? Stop eating altogether? Nope.. that wouldn’t be me. No rice, no bread, no wheat or pasta, no coconut gravy food, no sugar, no chocolate, no ice-cream, no mayonnaise, no cheese, no fried food [and I can go on and on and on…]. I don’t know if I can live like that. But, I know I have to do something. At least so that I’ll fit in nicely into my clothes, so that bits and pieces do not stick out unnecessarily. Yes.. I do have bits and pieces. Not really that nice looking, I can assure you, especially when the pants’ waist suddenly became a bit too tight. Or it suddenly became a bit difficult to pull the pants up, near the butt area. Hehehehe…

Yesterday I had lunch at Delicous, Bangsar Village II. I had a Rueben Classic (basically a beef sandwich, with pickles and melted cheese – really nice, and the bread was toasted and grilled by the looks of it), and many side dishes which were shared among the six of us. Well, the side dishes are basically a Shepherd’s pie, Wedges with sour sauce, Roasted Tomato on Bruschetta, and Fried Calamari. I basically finished off most of them. Then of course we sampled from each other’s plates. The steak was nice. Really thick and juicy. The Fish and Chips were ok (I finished Yanti’s fish). And the pasta was ok. I like the Salmon Carbonarra. So macam mana tak gained weight? Of course my friends like to see I eat. They say I make the foods look really good and delicious. And they could spend a few minutes just looking at me eating. What can I say, I’m food fetish. I know I’ve got to put a stop to it. At least reduce about 50 percent of what I am currently consuming. But it’s so hard…!! [sigh]..

So yes I am quite tembam these days. Heck my daughter remarked something the other day which will make me remember it forever and ever, “Kak Long tak nak gemuk macam Umi”, roughly translated, “I don’t want to be fat like Umi”. Can you imagine my three coming to four year-old daughter said that? Kids these days are just so direct. During my days, if I were to say such things (well, not as young as three or four, but at least ten), Ibu will ‘carut’ me and say, “Cili mulut tu karang”, roughly translated as it is intended to mean, “I’ll put blazing hot chilli in your mouth if you say that”. Hehehehe.. a bit of a mouthful isn’t it, compared to the BM one. Ibu is one very ‘garang’ mother back then. I’ll probably share with all on how ‘garang’ Ibu was in future blog updates.

Anyway, I have to do something about the weight. I still want to look good in them. I don’t want to wear clothes that seemed to burst open when I put them on, metaphorically speaking of course. Or maybe this is actually a sign from God that I should start covering where appropriate. Hhmm… I don’t know. I guess it’s something that I should also be thinking about. Not now though.