The Things I Do

So many things have happened since I last updated my blog. I had wanted to update something (my sorrow, the extract of which I will share with you later), but somehow I was having some kind of a mental block. Not to mention that time wasn’t exactly on my side. It’s like, I want to share something, but I don’t know whether I should. Anyway, I guess before we get carried away with that, let me just share with you something I drafted but couldn’t quite get to post (or finish it for that matter) on the blog:

“Not My Time - I was heading towards the Ladies yesterday when a name caught my eye. Apparently a very close friend of mine at work had her place moved to a bigger cubicle. I wondered to myself whether she was getting that promotion. I saw the boss’ secretary and I asked her. She looked at me and said, “She was recommended for a promotion, but please don’t tell anyone as everything is still PnC”. I nodded my head and walked straight to the Ladies. I didn’t know why but suddenly I felt a rush of tears brimming in my eyes. I am not jealous of this close friend. In fact, I can’t be happier for her. She truly deserves it, but I am only human, so I did feel sad coz it only brought back memories the conversation I had with the boss when he told me that he didn’t think I was ready for a promotion. The PMS session took more than an hour and by the end of it, I had tears of frustration sliding down my cheeks. But of course not in front of him, no way would I give him the pleasure OR the guilt”.

And that was the only thing I wrote. I took a break, and I hadn’t managed to continue that post. You see, I wanted to, but why dwell on matters which would only make me sad. It’s just unnecessary headaches. To me, let bygones be bygones. Allah knows best, and He thinks that I am not ready for such rezeki. Or perhaps, my rezeki comes in other forms which I have yet to discover. So why worry, and let myself be swallowed with sadness and perhaps jelousy. It’s not good. But as for that friend of mine, I am seriously happy for her. Like I said earlier, she deserves it. The hard work that she has put through is just beyond comparison. So yes, she seriously deserves the promotion.

So yes, enough about the promotion issue. I have other things to think of.

My sister-in-law may need to be operated due to the stone in the gall bladder or something (I am not much of a person who uses medical jargons). She has been complaining of stomachache for over a week now and my brother is very upset. They have a baby now. A handsome coming to 5 month old boy and I pity my nephew on what will happen to him if his mother goes for operation. Well actually, come to think of it, I pity my brother if his wife does opt for the operation because his baby will be sent to stay with his grandparents in Pahang and I know that my brother will hate that. Being away from his son is just something that he can’t afford to do at the moment. Ibu is more of a traditionalist and she hates operations. So now there are conflicting views on whether she should operate or try traditional medicines first. But my sister-in-law hates traditional medicines. She didn’t drink the water that my brother brought for her claiming that she didn’t like the taste of the water and preferred to sulk and complain. I had enough of the sulking so I told my brother to pack up his things and go back to Pahang, and return to KL on the same day to be admitted so that she can be operated the next morning. I can’t stand it. She always puts the blame on my brother and I hate it. So let her do what she wants to do. She’s a big girl. A mother even, so let her be. Ibu was upset though. But I told Ibu not to participate in any of decision-making involving her and my brother anymore in the future. It’s their life, so let it be. And Ibu agreed.

And that’s only one matter.

Recently I underwent changes in my life. It is for the better I suppose. I am now learning to control my temper and trying to stop cursing altogether (which is actually a little bit difficult, but I HAVE to do it). I am also now seeing normal things, which I have always taken for granted, for the first time in a long time. Yes, I see things in a slightly different perspective now. And I have to admit, I like the new me. Let’s pray together, ok.