Yesterday, I went to see some friends in KLCC. I haven’t seen them for quite a while now. In fact, come to think of it, I haven’t seen Hitam for quite a number of years. But as for Hasiz, I do see him from time to time. We usually have lunch together if he could drop by my office. Just as a background story, I was very close to Hitam and Hasiz before I got married. We always went out especially when I was living in Wangsa Maju during my single hood life. Just me and the boys, eating char kuey tiow at Mali’s or hanging out at Steven’s in Uptown Damansara. These boys never took me clubbing. We just enjoyed hanging out, eating and talking. So, yesterday was quite a reunion for me and the boys, and I actually looked forward to it.
The minute I stepped out of the LRT, I made my way to the water fountain entrance, next to Dome. Hitam was already waiting for me. I smiled at him, widely. He looked a little bit nervous. But he tried to cover it with his black sunglasses. We shook hands and waited for Hasiz to come. While waiting, he talked about his workplace and the fun that he was having there. I was happy for him. I think he deserved that kind of life because previously he worked in manufacturing plants. Then Hasiz came, looking flushed because he walked quite a distance to reach KLCC.
After that, we proceeded to Chillies. It was fun to be talking to them again, but I do notice that Hasiz did not seem to be talking much. He was sitting next to me and was just listening to whatever that Hitam was saying. I wondered why he was so quiet. But I didn’t ask. Hasiz and I came a long way, much further than Hitam. We knew each other before our SPM results were out in 1993. We met at a friend’s house during a raya open house. And we became even closer when we found out my close friends are friends with his close friends (too many friends, eh.. hehehe). So we hang out quite often. I became his best friend. I was his shoulder to cry on when he found out that his girlfriend was too-timing him; I accompanied him to the vet because his cat was sick, I was the one that he would call all the way from Manjung, Perak when he just felt like calling someone, I was the one that accompanied him to watch Legends of the Fall, I reconnected him to his old school friends because they happened to go to the same college as I did, I was the one he wanted to meet whenever he was on his semester break, and the list just went on. Well, I shared many things with him too. He knew a lot of stuff about me. We were just there for each other. He told me everything and I shared many things with him as well. He trusted me, and I trusted him.
Until the day he told me that he wanted to be more than friends. I was a little shocked. I didn’t expect it to come out from his mouth. We were just too close. I just knew so much about him and to convert the friendship into a serious relationship was just something that I could not accept. But he asked me to think about it. It got me thinking alright. I was at a crossroads. I liked it that he knows me so well and that I was so comfortable with him, but it scared me that I knew a lot of things about him. Besides, I didn’t want to enter into a relationship for the sake of having one. I wanted a relationship that meant something to me. It was scary. I could feel our friendship slowly turning into a relationship. I wasn’t prepared for it. I just didn’t feel right.
The day came when I had to fly to the UK to continue my studies. I was looking forward to it (who wouldn’t), but Hasiz wanted a relationship. He was willing to try out a long distance relationship. I was like, “Err.. what? You serious?”. I didn’t want a long distance relationship. I trusted him as a friend, but I did not trust him as a boyfriend. Besides, my feelings for him weren’t as strong. How could I be in such a relationship? However, he coaxed me into doing it. He was prepared. He would wait for me until I complete my degree. I had doubts. And I just didn’t feel that he was the one. I turned him down and told him that I want to be his friend. And that I wasn’t ready to change my status [lucky for me coz I met someone while I was in the UK and I guess the feelings were strong coz it didn’t take me long to say yes to that relationship].
It was funny. I remember the first time he learnt I had a boyfriend, and that he was visiting me at my parents’ place. Hasiz was mad and curious, and wanted to see this boyfriend of mine. He already had a girlfriend at that time. But later I learnt from Hitam that Hasiz was prepared to let go of his girlfriend for me. And the first time Hasiz met my boyfriend eye-to-eye, it didn’t go very well. I don’t know what he was trying to prove. I found it all very funny. Of course later Hasiz came into terms with the fact that I had a boyfriend. In fact later, Hasiz was friends with Bie. We hung out, chit-chat and laughed. That was why Bie didn’t mind I went out with Hasiz and Hitam. It was like as if an understanding was achieved. But I know that somehow, Hasiz has a soft spot for me. We share something, and it was nice to know.
So seeing him not talking much yesterday wasn’t really nice. Oh well. I guess he was giving an opportunity for Hitam to talk to me since I haven’t met Hitam for a much longer time. But I’m ok. Since now I’m at KL Sentral, I can drop by KLCC anytime to meet up with them. So, there’ll be other times. Ok, that’s enough of reminiscing for today.
The minute I stepped out of the LRT, I made my way to the water fountain entrance, next to Dome. Hitam was already waiting for me. I smiled at him, widely. He looked a little bit nervous. But he tried to cover it with his black sunglasses. We shook hands and waited for Hasiz to come. While waiting, he talked about his workplace and the fun that he was having there. I was happy for him. I think he deserved that kind of life because previously he worked in manufacturing plants. Then Hasiz came, looking flushed because he walked quite a distance to reach KLCC.
After that, we proceeded to Chillies. It was fun to be talking to them again, but I do notice that Hasiz did not seem to be talking much. He was sitting next to me and was just listening to whatever that Hitam was saying. I wondered why he was so quiet. But I didn’t ask. Hasiz and I came a long way, much further than Hitam. We knew each other before our SPM results were out in 1993. We met at a friend’s house during a raya open house. And we became even closer when we found out my close friends are friends with his close friends (too many friends, eh.. hehehe). So we hang out quite often. I became his best friend. I was his shoulder to cry on when he found out that his girlfriend was too-timing him; I accompanied him to the vet because his cat was sick, I was the one that he would call all the way from Manjung, Perak when he just felt like calling someone, I was the one that accompanied him to watch Legends of the Fall, I reconnected him to his old school friends because they happened to go to the same college as I did, I was the one he wanted to meet whenever he was on his semester break, and the list just went on. Well, I shared many things with him too. He knew a lot of stuff about me. We were just there for each other. He told me everything and I shared many things with him as well. He trusted me, and I trusted him.
Until the day he told me that he wanted to be more than friends. I was a little shocked. I didn’t expect it to come out from his mouth. We were just too close. I just knew so much about him and to convert the friendship into a serious relationship was just something that I could not accept. But he asked me to think about it. It got me thinking alright. I was at a crossroads. I liked it that he knows me so well and that I was so comfortable with him, but it scared me that I knew a lot of things about him. Besides, I didn’t want to enter into a relationship for the sake of having one. I wanted a relationship that meant something to me. It was scary. I could feel our friendship slowly turning into a relationship. I wasn’t prepared for it. I just didn’t feel right.
The day came when I had to fly to the UK to continue my studies. I was looking forward to it (who wouldn’t), but Hasiz wanted a relationship. He was willing to try out a long distance relationship. I was like, “Err.. what? You serious?”. I didn’t want a long distance relationship. I trusted him as a friend, but I did not trust him as a boyfriend. Besides, my feelings for him weren’t as strong. How could I be in such a relationship? However, he coaxed me into doing it. He was prepared. He would wait for me until I complete my degree. I had doubts. And I just didn’t feel that he was the one. I turned him down and told him that I want to be his friend. And that I wasn’t ready to change my status [lucky for me coz I met someone while I was in the UK and I guess the feelings were strong coz it didn’t take me long to say yes to that relationship].
It was funny. I remember the first time he learnt I had a boyfriend, and that he was visiting me at my parents’ place. Hasiz was mad and curious, and wanted to see this boyfriend of mine. He already had a girlfriend at that time. But later I learnt from Hitam that Hasiz was prepared to let go of his girlfriend for me. And the first time Hasiz met my boyfriend eye-to-eye, it didn’t go very well. I don’t know what he was trying to prove. I found it all very funny. Of course later Hasiz came into terms with the fact that I had a boyfriend. In fact later, Hasiz was friends with Bie. We hung out, chit-chat and laughed. That was why Bie didn’t mind I went out with Hasiz and Hitam. It was like as if an understanding was achieved. But I know that somehow, Hasiz has a soft spot for me. We share something, and it was nice to know.
So seeing him not talking much yesterday wasn’t really nice. Oh well. I guess he was giving an opportunity for Hitam to talk to me since I haven’t met Hitam for a much longer time. But I’m ok. Since now I’m at KL Sentral, I can drop by KLCC anytime to meet up with them. So, there’ll be other times. Ok, that’s enough of reminiscing for today.
2 comments:
I'm surprised u never really thot that u didnt see that coming esp from someone as close as that hasiz fella. Of course la my dear, from the way u wrote there, its obvious he has been harbouring his feelings towards u. Its a no-brainer la.
And thats why i have drawn the lines with anyone who i dont think i wanna have more than a chummy relationship with a guy. Even if i know the fella is falling for me, it'll also give him signs that telling him, now hold on, dont u dare. But it doesnt mean that we r shying away from each other. I've also had a more than friends relationship and we knew we r no steady couple yet we r also not just friends.
Man and woman can never be truly very chummy unless they have feelings for u or they are gay. Having said that, we women shud always be the 1st to justify the whole thing and good for u for knowing ur stand and not playing around with his feelings. Or vice versa for cases where the woman plak yg berperasaan kat her close male buddy when he didnt see it the same way as hers and mula la cakap, i anggap u like my sister la ape la.
And kudos to u for able to make him buddies with ur husband too. For that i m sure he has a very deep respect towards u and like u said, a true soft spot reserved for u.
I guess I refused to see it coming. Because he always seem to have someone, a girl that is. So when he sort of have feelings for me, I was a little surprised. I wasn't the type that he'd go for.. back then. He was going out with the Basketball captain of a famous school, I am certainly not that.
I always wonder whether a man and a woman can be best friends. I even asked my hubby that, but he said, men can never be best friends with women. There bound to be feelings invloved. I don't know lah. But yeah, I was being realistic. My feelings for him werent that strong. I loved him as a friend. Not more than that. But yeah, I make a point to introduce ALL my male friends to the hubby. It's easier that way. But in some cases, with great difficulty lah jugak..
Thanks, Manal for your comment. Really appreciate that.
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