Handled Presentation By Myself

Today, for the first time ever, I handled a presentation to a fund manager from the UK by MYSELF, no bosses around when for actual fact, they had wanted to see the Senior Management. But the bosses had a board meeting today, so it just had to be me. And I guess I just wanted to gloat… hehehe. I mean, it’s not everyday that I handled such presentation by myself, but luckily I was able to answer the questions they posed. Somehow, I seemed to know the answers. And I have to admit that I am so proud of myself. Don’t tell me that you have never been proud of yourself over something you did and you just felt like smiling all the time non-stop? I’m sure each one of us have. We are after all normal human beings. But yeah, I think I handled myself quite well. It was a relief though when it was over, but I was really glad that they didn’t ask me things which I did not know. And as usual, one of the favourite questions posed by the fund manager is related to the Singaporean’s interest on our land, and why we didn’t have any strong local company to help back us up in our developments. And surprisingly, I managed to answer it without a glitch, sounding very confident, that I myself was surprised. The Mat Salleh sure had a lot of questions.

So yeah, maybe this will be a precedent. I’m not surprised if my boss will want me to handle more of such presentations in the future. Hhmm.. I may have unleashed something here. And I really don’t know whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. Oh well, I am taking it positively at the moment. So yeah, why not.. I am giving myself a chance to gloat.

Anyway, I also wanted to share something. I think I did something terrible a few days ago. I am an avid listener of a certain radio station. The deejays wanted us to call them to see whether we agree to their statement that people who have the nicest voices do not have appearances that match their nice voices. I happen to agree with them so I called them up. Yeah, I was on the national radio. I told them that I have a friend, who has one of the nicest voices I have ever heard. She has a deep, attractive and sensual voice. But whenever she meets her online ‘boyfriends’, those meet ups would be the first and the last. And the ‘boyfriends’ do not call her up anymore. To be honest, she’s not really that pretty. She is big in size (tall and big), dark-skinned, and not that pretty. And you know how Malaysian guys are only into looks (so shallow of them), only wanting the light-skinned, slim girls… so typical. And if they’re Malay, fair-skinned girls with ‘tudung’, pathetic, right. Well, this friend of mine, let’s just say, if she were to have been married, her husband would be the luckiest man in the world. She is very caring, a good cook, and very good with house-chores, a perfect wife trait.

Anyway, the deejays wanted me to give them her mobile number because they wanted to call her. Of course I refused. I didn’t want to betray a friend. But they were pushing it, and asked me to hold on line because they were sweet talking me into giving the number. And in the end, I did the unthinkable; I gave the mobile number to the deejays. And the moment I hung up, I felt terrible. I felt like I have sinned or something. And Allah answered my prayers. The deejays tried to call her, but she didn’t pick up the phone. They tried again; still she didn’t pick up her phone. I was relieved. I was thankful. I was so glad that they couldn’t get hold of her. So yeah, I guess I’m confiding it here because I just felt bad. Look at that, I was talking about how I handled the presentation, but instead got to writing about this. Better stop here. Till next time.

Life At The Moment

I am glad to announce that Eid this year for me was quite alright. I expected that I couldn’t eat anything, what with the morning sickness still kicking in. But I was wrong. I could eat, selectively maybe, but now I could eat compared to my early pregnancy days. In fact, I enjoyed Ibu’s cooking. I think that’s the best part of it. I enjoyed her Rendang Daging, Negri-style and her masak lemak cili api. She was cooking masak lemak cili api for me for the entire week that I was in Seremban.

So yeah, I’m stronger these days. And look good too I suppose since now I can put powder on my face and lipstick on my lips. I still can’t eat sambal type of food or any curry-related dishes and chicken for that matter, but I’m ok with what I can eat at the moment. It’s ok. I hope I will fully recover soon. My weight has also increased instead of falling. Last week’s check-up saw me putting on 2kg, so that makes my total weight now 55kg. So now I have to watch for my weight. I wouldn’t want to increase it too much. Otherwise, I would have trouble reducing it later. Well, not that I reduced much anyway, based on previous experiences, but who knows.

My boss has also been given me a lot of work. He says that the minute he hears my voice which I suppose sounds a lot healthier than before, he knows that I am better these days. So yeah, he has been giving me my work back. Previously, he was doing them on my behalf. It was kind of him I suppose. He hasn’t been complaining that I was absent most of the times from work. When I apologized to him, he just said that he completely understand, so I guess I have to give him credit for that, right.

But I really enjoyed my 1 week break in Seremban. I didn’t cook. Ibu did most of the cooking. Luckily my maid was around to help out. I can’t stand the smell you see. So I just took care of the kids. Bathe them, played with them and fed them. But I had a lot of talking sessions with Ibu. I love that. Ibu and I, we’re like best friends. Sometimes I can be quite strong-headed, and talking to Ibu during those times kind a make me feel ‘berdosa’ (sinful) to her because I contradict her in many ways. Sometimes forgetting that she is my Mother and I shouldn’t talk to her like that. But at that time, I was just kind of irritated with things that came out from her mouth. One of the incidences was when we talked about how she and Ayah are just too generous these days, with her kids (basically my brothers), and the fact that I wasn’t treated that way when I was still schooling. I guess I always complained the same thing whenever we talked about that. But I didn’t know that she felt bad and hurt whenever I touched on the matter.

I have always been independent during my study years. I never ask money from my parents because during my A-Level, I had my JPA scholarship, which wasn’t much mind you, but I managed. And during my university days, I lived solely on my monthly allowances. I NEVER called home to ask for money because converting RM to pound sterling can be a heavy burden for my parents. At that time, the exchange rate was at maximum about RM8 to a quid. So, I had always been ‘mothering’ my friends back during uni, reprimanding them whenever they buy silly things because our allowances weren’t so big. I didn’t like the idea of spending using overdraft which was quite common back then. The point was, I never ask them for money. Whenever they give, I will take, but I never ask.

When I got back, I looked for my own job. I bought a car using my own money (took from my Tabung Haji account, borrowed from Ibu, and arwah Uwan also gave me a bit – all to pay the deposit) and looked for my own job without getting my parents involved because I didn’t want to trouble them. And this went on until I got married. Things were different for my brothers. My second brother owned a car that Ibu bought for him, because she was worried of the travelling distance (from uni to home) and felt that a car would be safer. Though it was a second hand car, it was a car nonetheless. And when he bought his first car, Ayah contributed RM5k as deposit. Pocket money was also given since his monthly allowances were not enough. My third brother is I suppose is the luckiest one. His studies were fully funded by Ayah. And he seemed to get whatever he wants. An electric guitar, pocket money, etc, etc, all to encourage him to further studies and not get side-tracked on the wrong side of the street kind of thing. He actually got the PTPTN loan, but I suppose it wasn’t enough. He also got a car which Ibu gave to him. It used to be Ibu’s car but because he needed transportation, the car was given to him and Ayah bought Ibu a new car. My youngest brother, still studying is also now driving a car. Ibu allows him to drive her car (the one that Ayah bought for her) because it seems that his place of study is far from the hostel. I mean, I used to study at section 17, but I lived in section 18. I took the bus provided by the college or paid 60 sen for a mini bus ride to section 18.

I guess I was resentful of the fact that during my studies, I wasn’t given such lavishness compared to all my brothers, but I guess I have to bear in mind that Ayah didn’t make as much when I was still studying. But he is such a giver. Even though now that I am married, he still buys me a lot of things i.e. new kain to make baju kurung (I’ve still got about 4 of them not sewn yet), jade bangle (when he went to China a few months ago) and a lot of goodies for my children. But whenever Ibu and I touched on this matter, I was always dramatic and kept on stressing that I was independent, didn’t even ask money from my parents, little did I realize that Ibu was hurt, because it seemed to reflect that I wasn’t loved in the family and that my brothers seemed to have it all. So yeah, we had a stupid argument in relation to that matter where she touched on something that I am most sensitive about; Bie not having a fixed-income job and that I am the sole provider of the family. The thing that she said hurt me, so I ended up saying things back to her which later I regretted because I was saying it out of anger and just to spite her. She didn’t reply but walked out and left me in the kitchen alone.

I felt terrible. I didn’t mean to say nasty things to her. So yeah, I felt bad. All these while, I didn’t know that whenever we talked about it, she would be hurt. Now that I know, I have promised to myself that I will NEVER touch on that matter anymore. She hated it that I compared the way she treated her children like that. To her, she loves all her children the same. I was feeling terribly guilty after that, and the only thing I could do was to resolve never to mention the matter to her anymore. Yups.. I am promising to do that.

Apart from that terrible argument, the rest of my break in Seremban was nice. Relaxing. So yeah, that is what life is for me at the moment. Will update with Eid pictures soon.

Slow Morning

It is a slow morning here today. I am not particularly alert because my sleep was disrupted last night. I woke up at 2am because I needed to go to the toilet. Then Raqib woke up and wouldn’t go back to sleep. He insisted on wanting to watch the Powerpuff Girls at 2.30 in the morning. Bie wasn’t around. He went out after the kids fell asleep to hang out with his friends.. (yeah, I’m a considerate wife). So, I didn’t get any sleep at all until after 4.30am. I couldn’t shut my eyes. Though I was in bed, I couldn’t sleep thinking that Raqib was all alone outside watching TV. Naturally, I called Bie and asked him to come back soon so that he could look after his son. So yeah, he came back shortly after that, but my eyes still couldn’t be shut. So now this morning, I am not feeling particularly good. Maybe I’ll take a short nap at the surau later.

My leave for Eid break starts this Thursday (9th September). I will only come back to the office on the 20th of September. Quite a long break, but that’s quite natural for me, even though my hometown is only in Seremban. My in-laws live in KL. My boss (the big one i.e. head of division) always makes the same remarks whenever he sees my leave application, “It’s not like she’s travelling up north. Her hometown is only Seremban, why would she take long leave?”. But somehow, my leave is always approved. Well, my leave is my right. And it’s not like as if I take long leaves on a frequent basis. I only take them during the Eid break. I suppose that’s why he has never rejected my leave application.

When I come back on the 20th, I have to do a presentation to a fund manager based in Hong Kong somewhere. I thought it was only going to be just the one person, but no… his Singaporean counterparts are also interested to come and listen to the briefing. I hate that. I’ll get nervous and may blabber during my presentation. But my boss insists that I undertake the presentation on my own accord. Though he’ll be around, but he wants me to do it. Shucks..! I haven’t done any presentation in a long, long time. I wasn’t well. I don’t know what the latest updates are. So yeah, I may have to bring back some materials home with me during the Eid break. The presentation is at 9.30 in the morning. I don’t have much of a choice.

I can’t wait to go back home today. I just want to curl up in bed and watch Epilog Syurga Cinta. Yeah, I’m a sucker for Malay dramas at the moment. It started when I was unwell about 2 months ago and was in bed in my room most of the time. And since the TV in my room only shows three channels i.e. RTM1, RTM2 and TV3, I have been watching programs from only these three channels. And of late, I like watching Epilog Syurga Cinta. I like Zizan Nai. I think he’s cute. And he certainly is cute in this drama. But yeah, it’s your typical Malay drama. The guy is sort of blind to Islam, whereas the girl is very Islam-oriented. And yeah, the guy falls for the girl, but the mother is opposing to it because she doesn’t reflects the sort of person that a wealthy family who are called Tan Sri and Puan Sri would want. So you kind of already know what the plotline is, as well as the story line, but who cares, it’s something to look forward to at 6.30 in the evening.

It’s already 11am by my clock here. Maybe I’m ready for that nap..? Hhmm… but I need to go to the ladies first. Heck, I just went there a few minutes ago. My stomach hasn’t been too well. I don’t know why, hence why I woke up at 2 in the morning. But I am definitely taking the nap. I have to, or else I wouldn’t be too good.

It’s Been Ages

Hi all. It truly has been ages since I have updated anything here. I wonder why? Well, first and foremost, I am just not up for it. I don’t have the mood. I have not been well since the end of June 2010, and now, though I am still not that well, I have been making recovery. Slowly, but recovering nonetheless.

It all started in the third week of June. I bought the usual pregnancy test kit at the local pharmacy store. I was late for 10 days. It was nothing unusual. Since the few months before that, I have been late for more than a week, on few occasions. But this delay was a bit different because suddenly I could feel my sense of smell becoming acutely sensitive. The smell of oil being fried was a testimony to that, and I didn’t like the smell. So I thought, why not take the test.

So before taking my shower the next morning, I took the test. I waited for about 4 minutes and imagine my surprise when I saw 2 red lines. “Oh Allah.. is this true? Am I pregnant?”. I was excited. I have been trying for a few months before that. But I guess due to work pressures and all, somehow there was no luck. But with the test results at hand, I suppose I couldn’t dispute it, unless of course I went to see my gynecologist to confirm my finding, which I didn’t feeli like doing unless I was really sick.

I think I said too soon. Three days after I took the test, I started to become nauseous. I started to dislike cooking smells. And I couldn’t cook. I asked my maid to cook, but I couldn’t eat what she prepared. The smell was too overpowering. I began to lose my appetite. I couldn’t eat. I began to drink less water. I couldn’t stand the taste of plain water. I tried to take juice but the after-taste of it was just something I couldn’t take. I became weak. I wasn’t eating nor was I drinking any fluid. I tried to take some fruits. Like apples or oranges, but I couldn’t hold them in my stomach for long. Within an hour, it all came back out. Rather than run to the bathroom to vomit, I had a special bucket at my side to throw up.

I was in bed most of the time. I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t entertain my kids. I told my maid to stop the kids from entering the room because I couldn’t handle them. Furthermore, they somehow have a distinctive smell about them. The smell of sweat, saliva and yesterday’s food, I couldn’t stand them. Thus began the day I stopped hugging and kissing them… [sigh].. those poor children. I felt like I was a neglecting mother (I did neglect them.. luckily my maid was around). My maid taught Marsya and Raqib that I was not well and that they shouldn’t disturb me. Marsya understood, but Raqib was finding it difficult to understand. I mean, he’s only three years old. What does he know. So my maid resorted to something which I myself disliked, but it had to be done… she locked my bedroom door so that the kids couldn’t enter. It was something that I found very difficult to accept, but I had no choice. I could still remember Raqib banging on the door, crying, calling for me, wanting to enter the room. It was quite terrible.

Because of my weakness, I had no choice but to see my gynecologist sooner than I intended. She confirmed that I was pregnant, but she also said that I was severely dehydrated and advised that I be hospitalized for drips. I told her rather than stay at the hospital, I’d rather stay just during the day and have the saline dripped into me there and then. So the next day, I came back to the hospital and had 3 bottles of saline dripped into my body. My gynecologist wanted to see me the following week for further observation. I did, and as she suspected, no improvement. And she insisted that I be hospitalized so that I could be monitored. I dreaded it. I really did. But I myself had a huge suspect that I was going to be hospitalized. So on 13th July 2010, I was hospitalized for 3 days and 2 nights. My poor children came to visit and cried each time they had to leave. It broke my heart. But I didn’t have a choice. I was weak like a sack of potatoes. I didn’t have the energy to speak to anyone. I had been on medical leave for 3 weeks (luckily I had a very understanding boss); all I know is that I had to get better. My gynecologist still wanted to see me the following week, and I did. I was still dehydrated, and was losing weight fast. She didn’t know what to do. All she knew was to put more drips into me. So the next day, I went to the hospital again and stayed during the day for the saline water to be dripped into me. 3 bottles were utilised. Upon returning from the hospital that day, I knew that I was still going to be unwell. I was right. The minute I got home, I threw up… again.

So yes, July was the worst. I was not in the position to get out of bed at all. I was forever in bed, feeling very weak, refusing to eat or drink. It was terrible. Alhamdulillah, in August (though I was still occasionally on medical leave), I began to eat. There was no appetite for luxurious food. I still don’t have any of that yet (till today, though I hope I would be recovering soon), but I have begun to eat bread. So it’s wholemeal bread for breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner, with slices of cheese or hot milo. That was all that I could eat. My fruit is guava. The only fruit I could eat. As for drinks, a colleague of mine introduced me to this type of zam-zam mineral water that was supposed to give energy especially for people who are fasting (Ramadhan was approaching). He thought it would be good for me, so he dropped a few drops into my water. I liked the taste. The water didn’t taste as bad. So yeah, I have been dropping a few drops of the zam-zam mineral water in my drinks till to-date. And it has been doing me good, Alhamdulillah for that. August was such an improvement compared to July.

Ayah has also been calling me nearly everyday to determine whether I have started taking rice or not. Yes it is endearing that he calls everyday to check how I was doing, but at times it was all just too much. There were times, when I was just too sick, I refused to pick up calls from everyone, including Ayah. Poor Bie, he had to become my secretary to explain why I didn’t pick up calls.

Anyway, last weekend, which happened to be the final week of August, I went back to Seremban. Acik and Maksu were there. There was supposed to be an Iftar gathering at Acik’s house. I went back all the same for the sake of my kids. They haven’t been seeing people for the past weeks. Blame it on their Umi. Ibu was also telling me to go back, saying, “Campur sikit dengan orang. Asyik terperap duduk dalam bilik jer”, roughly translated, “mix with society will you. Don’t just stay in your room”. So yeah, I had no choice but to go to Acik’s house for the Iftar gathering. I didn’t really like to go to Acik’s house if I was having morning sickness. You see, her house has this ventilation problem. Or, was it just my nose. Anyway, I refused to enter the house until they all broke fast. But because there were a lot of mosquitoes outside (huge ones which looked quite deadly), I finally entered the house and walked straight to the dinner table, holding my breath as I tried not to look at the food.

I was uncomfortable. Everyone was eating. I tried to focus on the watermelon on the table, and took a few slices. By that time, everyone was nearly finishing. Then I caught sight of a yellow dish on the table. It was Masak Lemak Cili Api Gulai Tempe. I found out that Acik was the one who cooked it, and she makes really nice masak lemak cili api. Somehow, I could distinguish the smell of the gulai from all the other dishes on the table. I asked for a bowl, and a bit of rice. I wanted to try the gulai. I took a small spoonful of rice with the coconut-flavoured gulai as my sauce and put it in my mouth. I swallowed it. I didn’t feel the urge to throw up or anything. I tried a second spoon. Same effect, no gagging to throw up. And without I realize it, I have finished the rice in the bowl. The gulai was good. I liked it. And that was my first experience of eating rice, after more than 2 months not touching a single grain of rice.

I am now 14 weeks, in other words, 3 and half months into my pregnancy. By Syawal, I should be in my 15th week. I am so looking forward to my 20th week. Still a long way to go. So yes, I am counting the days and weeks because based on my experience, by my 20th week, I’ll be so much better. In fact, probably back to my healthy self, except of course with a bigger tummy. At the moment, there is a tummy, but it is very small. I can still fit into my old clothes. In fact, I am wearing clothes that I bought before I got married nearly 8 years ago. I now weigh 53kg; that’s about 6-7kg drop from my pre-pregnant days, and in just over 2 months. I have to admit that I like being slim like this, but the fact that I also look unhealthy; I don’t think I want to look like this. Even the nurse at the hospital thought that I just gave birth when for actual fact, I am pregnant.

This weekend, Ibu is coming to KL to bring me Masak Lemak Cili Api Gulai Bacang dengan Ikan Tenggiri. I asked her to put extra coconut milk and hope that the bacang is sour. And yeah, I am kind of looking forward to it.

Thanks for reading. I know it’s quite long compared to my normal entry, but I just wanted to share with the rest of the world of how I am at the moment. Please pray for my well-being, and also for the baby that I’m carrying to be in good health.

Happy Eid-ul Fitr everyone!

Three Of Us

I was at the World Islamic Economic Forum (WIEF) for the past three days, taking care of the company’s booth at the WIEF’s exhibition at the KLCC Convention Centre. Our booth was nice, but was covered by Sime Darby’s ‘double-storey’ booth, which happens to have a Porsche parked right in the middle. To make matters worse, there were three huge pillars covering our booth from sight. So yeah, our booth location sucked. I hope the Group Corporate Comm will highlight it to the organizer. We were one of the sponsors, but we didn’t get good locations. How terrible was that.

Anyway, I did make new friends, especially this young guy who I’d like to refer to as the Guava Juice guy because he always brought us guava juice, especially when he saw us tired from talking to delegates and potential investors. He was cute alright, with the right height, but very young too. It’s just too bad. But then, I think he was more interested in my gorgeous colleague. Oh well, it didn’t stop me from being ‘extra’ nice to him. I mean, the guy brought me a guava juice for goodness sake. You gotta give him credit for that. Anyway, that was not what I wanted to write about.

I met two of my dearest friends at KLCC for drinks. I haven’t seen them for ages. In fact, I haven’t seen the guy for ages. More than a year, actually. So, yes, I was actually looking forward to see ANA. Since he had a baby last year, I haven’t had the opportunity to see him. Since I have changed my looks, that is.

So we met at the lower lobby of the Petronas Twin Tower. ANA came first. He saw me, looked at me, and didn’t even make any comment on how I look these days. Then, Lin came. We went for drinks at the Dessert Bar (don’t ask me which level.. I lost count). I ordered an Americano, Lin a Capuccino and ANA, a Latte. We also had a cheese brownie and a tiramisu.

ANA looked good. In fact, he looked taller than me. I have always thought that I am taller than him. But I was wearing my boots yesterday, and still he was taller than me. Hhmm.. maybe because he seemed to have more meat these days compared to his younger days. But he still looked good nonetheless. No longer looking like a boy, but a man. I liked it. As for Lin, she is forever Lin, and I think will always look like that for many more years to come.

It was good to sit down again with these people. We haven’t been able to do that for ages. Each of us with our commitments and all, especially after we got married. So seeing them again, just the three of us, laughing and talking brought back many sweet memories, and to one particular night when ANA (at that time was working in Malacca) was in KL for work and we had dinner at Cosy Corner in Ampang Park. Lin and I were already working in KL, and he came to treat us dinner, I think it was a belated birthday treat or something (he is always treating us dinner. I don’t know why I never bother to offer treating dinner). After dinner, we went back to his hotel to chit-chat. It was supposed to be a fun thing, but because Lin saw his ex before we entered into the hotel (his ex was with a gorgeous girl, on their way to Citibank to pay the credit card), she wasn’t in particularly a good mood after dinner. She was depressed. And we were actually there for her.

She needed a smoke, but because the floor was a non-smoking floor, we went into the bathroom, and hung out with her in the bathroom just so that she could smoke. She was sitting on top of the bathroom sink, I was sitting in the dry bath tub, both legs stretched out, whereas ANA was leaning against the door, making very sure that the smoke did not get out of the bathroom. And we just talked and laughed in there. That is one event that I’ll never forget. It was somehow very comfortable… and nice.

After that, Lin crawled into ANA’s bed, and we let her sleep off her depression. ANA and I sat near the window and talked, while looking at the KL city beneath us. KL never sleeps, even when it is close to midnight. So having the three of us like that again last night, brought that sweet memory in my head. But of course that was nearly ten years ago. Time sure flies, but I am very glad that we’re still friends.

To ANA and Lin, you guys will always remain as my close friends even though time will have probably separated us. But it’s nice to know that whatever it is, I can still call you guys my close friends. The things that we have done and gone through will always stay with me as sweet memories. Even though at the time that it happened, you guys may have been really mad at me, but looking back, it is what that made us good friends in the first place. Thank you.

Road Trip To Penang

Last Saturday, I went on a road trip to Penang with my closest girlfriends. It was a day trip which involved less than 24 hours. And I have to admit, it was a lot of fun.

It all started when Zuec was having a bit of a depression. She was working and staying in Penang. But she had wanted to move back to the Klang Valley since the day she got her baby. And her baby is now 8 months old. But yet, she still couldn’t get a job in the Klang Valley. She was upset. She was sad. She missed her parents, sister and us, her friends. So I threw in an idea to Pah and Yamm, “Why don’t we go and visit Zuec in Penang? We could go there for a weekend. Take leave on the Friday before and stay in a hotel in Penang”. But none of us could agree on a suitable date, what being busy with other personal commitments or so. And suddenly Pah came out with this brilliant idea, “This may sound crazy but I want to propose it anyway. I’ve done this many times and I think we should do it too. Why don’t we make it a day trip? We go early in the morning, and leave in the early evening. It’d be fun and we don’t have to wait for a few more weeks to do it. We could just do it this weekend”. The idea was so fun and tempting that we decided to go on with it.

I told Bie about it (I still needed to get my hubby’s consent. After all, I was going to have to leave them in KL. This road trip involves just us girls), and Alhamdulillah, Bie gave his consent (phhieeww..). I was all set and excited. So were Pah and Yamm. So last Friday, they came over and slept at my house. And at 4.15am on Saturday morning, we woke up, ever so excited, to get ready for the travel to Penang. At 5.15am, we left the house.

Though it was still very early in the morning, you’d be surprised at the number of cars on the road. And to make matters worse, just before we reached Batu Caves, we had to slow down a bit because an accident just happened, involving two cars. One was at the side of the road whereas the other one was overturned in the middle of the road. It was scary and I really hoped that there were no casualties. But that sight did give me a shudder. So we sort of reminded ourselves not to drive too fast or be reckless.

The road trip started well. The radio was faulty, but we didn’t mind. We were talking and talking, laughing and laughing, slapping at each other, giggling like school girls… it was fun. We talked about a lot of things. Things that are happening in our lives, talked about other dear friends who couldn’t make it to this trip, got ourselves worked up over some other friends, and we just talked about everything and anything and it was wonderful. I love these girls. Pah and Yamm.. we go a long way. We were doing our A-Levels in Shah Alam together, we went to the UK together (same course, same university), and we were neighbours during the first year there. And I was always over at their house. So yeah, we’re like sisters (I love saying that because I have none). And though we have aged a bit (just a bit, not a lot), we still felt like those silly girls 10 years ago. And Zuec shares this special bond. So that’s why when we heard the call for help, we dropped everything and tried to be there for Zuec.

We reached the Penang bridge at 9.30am. Pah couldn’t stop smiling. We were singing an Ella song which we listened from my phone, and laughing because we were excited to be on the bridge. As we made our way towards Jelutong, I caught the same smile on Pah’s face. God, this girl – was she like smiling all the way from the bridge? It was funny. We called Zuec’s husband to tell him that we were already there. And in the lift, whilst going to the 18th floor, Pah was still smiling! Imagine that.

I knocked on the window. No answer. I knocked again. Zuec’s husband opened the door. We were disappointed. We wanted Zuec to open the door. But as we tried to say something to Lan, Zuec rushed over to the door and slammed it in our faces. What the..?? Is this what we get for trying to give a surprise to her? Within less than a minute, Lan opened the door while holding baby Huda in his arms and said, “Zuec is getting dressed”, and opened the door for us to come in. A short while after that, Zuec walked out of her room, obviously surprised that we were actually there, sitting in her living room. She told us to sit down for a while, as she wanted to take a shower. And 10 minutes after that, she was sitting down with us still trying to understand how we got to be in her living room. It was hilarious. She thought we were going to stay overnight and when she learnt that we were not and that we were going to return to KL later that evening, she wasn’t very happy. Even Lan tried to coax us into staying the night. But we couldn’t. I couldn’t leave my kids and Bie. So we told her that we would keep her company and not be upset. We told her to just have fun and make the best of it.

We only left her house around noon. Lan took us to Line Clear Nasi Kandar. I was really worried about the guy that was going to get our rice for us. He was just using his hands. Luckily mine used a spoon (although he just grabbed a piece of chicken using his hands). Let’s just say that I love Penang. I love the food. After the rice, I had a cendol. Not as equally nice as the one in Kuala Pilah. But, it was alright.

Next Zuec took us to the market because I wanted to buy jeruk. I love the jeruk there. Especially these green seedless cherries. I bought quite a few jeruk. Even though I know that by the end of the day, I will be the only one eating them. But who cares. We were in Penang. It isn’t right to not buy any jeruk at the market there.

Then we went to Hard Rock Penang. Bie wanted a shot glass to add to his collections of Hard Rock and Planet Hollywood shot glasses. I love the hotel. And I vowed to return so that I can stay there. The pool was huge and I know that my children would love it.

Then we went for ABC at Batu Feringgi and returned to town to buy pasembor. We didn’t eat there. We brought it home with us because it was time to return to Kuala Lumpur. It was already past 5pm and we didn’t want to return too late. But Zuec had this plan to go to Green Bay for a drive and a laksa. We didn’t get any laksa, but had barbeque chicken wings instead. Gosh.. the foods I ate. I think I have to start fasting next week.

We went back to Zuec’s place, freshen up a bit so that it wouldn’t be so tiring to travel back and said our goodbyes. Zuec was clearly upset. We were upset. The day had ended. It was time to go back. So we hugged Zuec, kissed her baby Huda and waved goodbyes. It was 7pm.

The trip back wasn’t as cheerful as the trip going to Penang. And I suppose, with all the excitement reduced to something calmer, we noticed that the Penang bridge was actually longer. Well, we didn’t realize it when we entered Penang that morning. We talked about a lot of things still. Yeah, we talked a lot. Reminiscing about the past was something that we liked to do as well. Out came the names of past boyfriends and admirers. Those guys that gave you flowers during college, or those that sent you home after a dinner in town, the long distance relationship that didn’t work out, the love that some of us may or not may find, the things that we regretted but we know we can never go back to, and the list goes on and on. So yeah, the trip back was full of serious matters – involving love, hope and loss.

We reached Jalan Duta at 11pm. And get this, I have to salute Yamm because she drove all the way to Penang and back. About 700km.. her alone. We told her that we could drive if she was tired, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She insisted on driving and Alhamdulillah, we got back safely. I bet she was tired. Kudos, Yamm..!!

I got home at 11.30pm or so. The kids were asleep. Bie was still up. I missed him. I really did. He was nice enough to let me go away with my friends for the day and I am truly grateful for that. I changed my clothes into my night dress and went and sit on the sofa with him. He was watching TV. I sat next to him and hugged him, my lips at the back of his shirt. It was such a warm and familiar feeling. Though the trip to Penang was a good one, it was also good to be home.

I noticed that I received messages. I opened them. They were from Yamm and Pah. Both relaying words of love, hugs and kisses. I smiled. As I was about to reply to the messages, I fell asleep.

Eventful Day Yesterday

Work never ends. Even if you finish one task, there’ll always be another task waiting for you. And yesterday involved a lot of juggling in between tasks. From having to finish the AC and Board papers because the papers needed to be circulated to the committee members yesterday evening to having to finish the circular and be an emcee for a signing ceremony in the afternoon.

Yes, we had a signing ceremony yesterday. There was this company owned by Dato’ Seri Effendi Norwawi which wanted to acquire this piece of land we have. And I was the emcee. I tell you, I should be getting paid for doing this. I think I should be in this line. Anyone knows who I can contact for any emcee freelance work? Ooppss.. ‘iklan’, just received an email from a gorgeous lawyer who said that I can buy him lunch… how sweet…!! Hehehehe.. well, this is related to the many tasks I was doing yesterday. I needed his written confirmation on something to appease my boss, otherwise my boss wouldn’t sign the paper and the paper wouldn’t have been circulated yesterday evening. So yeah, the lawyer did me a favour, and naturally, I thanked him, so he asked me to buy him lunch [I’m smiling now..]. He is one VERY good-looking lawyer. Always in his blazer with matching pants. Hhmm.. what should I reply.. something witty. Well, I’ll think about it.

Anyway, about the signing ceremony, yes, Dato’ Seri Effendi was there. In fact, he was one of the signatories. And to my surprise, he is a very short man. And very sweet. Soft-spoken, calm, not like he was going to war or something. And when I was doing the emcee-ing job, he paid his attention to me fully. And smiled once in a while when I said something funny (well, I thought I did say something witty yesterday.. hehehe.. perasan), and I like him. He doesn’t look that old. No wonder Tiara could actually fall for him. He’s a sweetheart. Of course he’s probably like my father’s age, but who cares.. he’s adorable. And I was all ears when he delivered his address yesterday.

The event I think was a success. I got many thumbs up for doing a great job. The company’s head Corporate Communication (CC) thought I was part of the CC department, but I told her that I’m not. And that I was in Corporate Planning, but I sometimes help out our CC department. And she was impressed with me. I didn’t fluster, didn’t look nervous and handled the task quite well. The head of my CC department added that I was identified to be in the Group’s pool of emcees and that I had a natural pace. Of course I like all the compliments and was beaming from ear to ear. In fact, I couldn’t get enough of them. On top of that, the afternoon refreshments were quite nice. There were dim sum (really nice selection), sate, chicken box (to me it just looks like fried chicken), sandwiches an assortment of salmon, cheese and tuna sandwiches, mini pizzas, salad, mini murtabak, and fruits.

So yeah, the day turned out to be alright. Yes I was neck-to-neck with my boss and Co Sec to ensure that the papers were signed and finalized, but in the end, the day turned out to be great. So, I just thought of sharing it with everyone here.

Morning Routine

As usual, as I got off the LRT to go to work this morning and rushed down towards the escalator. I know I’m going to be late this morning. Not THAT late, maybe about 5 minutes late. But it is late nonetheless. I hate that. It means I have to contribute RM2 towards the Late Fund that my department is maintaining. In view of the rising number of latecomers in the department at the moment, my boss thought a contribution of RM2 per late would perhaps motivate us to come early. We can’t help it. Blame it on the days of working late. Well, that’s the only possible reason I could give, on top of the fact that I wake up late. But then, the boss shouldn’t have to know that. I didn’t really mind giving up RM2 per day, but I do mind getting a memo from HR and getting a warning for being late. It seems that you can’t be late for more than 3 times a month. I mean, come on.. I have been working like mad for a couple of months, going back late, give us a face will ya. Of course they don’t really bother at the time you leave, but they have to make a HUGE spectacle if you come late, even for 5 minutes. Talk about stupidity. Anyway, that’s not what I want to talk about.

As I crossed the road towards my building, I noticed a familiar figure waiting at the traffic light. There he was, looking very casual in his blue t-shirt, jeans and black shoes, whilst carrying a laptop bag. He was wearing his office pass. I tried to take a look at the strip of ribbon (I call it ribbon coz I don’t really know what to call it, but it’s that thing that holds a pass – most companies have them) wanting to know which company he’s working for. But alas, I couldn’t make out the logo. We crossed the road and I tried to walk behind him (I know.. it’s a bit silly isn’t it), but he walked to the other side; not his usual route. I guess because his friend (a girl who is always walking with him) wasn’t around. And I smiled to myself. I like looking at him.

I have always noticed him. We seem to always get on the same LRT. But he was always with a girl. Equally attractive as him, clad in a tudung. But I don’t care. It’s not like as if I was going to ask him out or anything. I just wanted to look at him, that’s all. Very harmless. It makes the morning journey to work a bit more exciting. But I have never seem him looking casual before. And yeah, he looked good. It’s so nice to see good looking blokes around. Pleasing to the eyes. ‘Cuci mata’ like my friends use to say. I’m sure I’m not the only girl who does this, married or not. I think it’s a perfectly normal thing to do. It doesn’t mean that we love our husbands less. Of course not.

Anyway, going on the LRT to work and back is my routine everyday, unless a dear friend wants to drop me at my in-laws’ house and Bie fetch me from there, then that’s another thing. But having people push you or squeeze at you coz they insist on wanting to get into the LRT (even if the LRT is packed like mad) at whatever cost, and the fact that they have a ‘selamba’ face after that never fails to amaze me. But yeah, I face that nearly every morning. It is very irritating and I hated it. Then our bodies would be moulded against each other like jigsaw puzzles. I really hate that. And the fact that the guys seem to be enjoying it, pisses me off even more. Luckily these days, there are more trains. So no more pushing or moulding with complete strangers who have certain odours to them. So you can imagine why I look forward to seeing the guy. The guy who always manage to make me smile and he doesn’t even know I exist.

Major Obstacle Over

We’re currently doing a rights issue, and by Allah.. it is so much hard work. I didn’t expect it to be this hard. The process is a bit ‘leceh’ with many compliances and documentations be done. First there were the parameters. Did we want to fix the proceeds upfront, and how do we utilize the proceeds. And then there was the issue of fixing the issue price. Not to mention the approval papers, as well as the circular to shareholders and the prospectus. A lot of late nights, and phone calls over the weekend, from the adviser, the boss, and practically everyone who was anyone. It was madness. And on top of that, I also had to do my current tasks; those which will contribute to my year-end KPI. Not an easy task. But one has to do it.

And I am glad to announce to the rest of the world that we are issuing the prospectus to the shareholders in two days time. So that means, the majority of the works have been done. And I can’t wait for the listing of the rights issue. But of course, after that, it’ll be the AGM. Presentation to shareholders, Q&As to be updated, and briefings to be held for the analysts. All interesting, and challenging, but all also very tiring. But I don’t care. I don’t want to dig into that just as yet. I just feel like updating my blog. Not a good time to do it, but I think I owe it to myself. I need to be sane.

A lot of things have happened in the past few months. The most recent one being the passing of my Wan Along. I’m not really close to her considering that she was only my ‘nenek saudara’, err.. how do I define it in English, err.. my grandmother’s cousin, but I have grown to be very fond of her of late. She was among the very few that is linked to my own late grandmother, my Uwan. They stayed in the kampong. And whenever there is ‘kenduri’ at Uwan’s house, Wan Along would always be there. So yeah, somehow when I saw her, she reminded me of Uwan. When Uwan passed away in 2005, I was devastated. I was very close to Uwan. She took care of me and my brother, Ayin when we were little. In fact, we were very close to both my grandparents. And when both passed away, it was among the saddest events in my life. Gosh.. just by the mere of mentioning it, I have tears welled up in my eyes. It’s just so difficult you know. They were special people in my life. And I loved them to the max. And the sad part was that, for both events, I was not there to be with them. I didn’t even know Atok passed away until the third day of his passing. So yeah, I wasn’t even there when they buried him. And to think that on the day he passed on, I was having fun with my room-mates because we were studying for our A-Levels trial exam. Fun because all stayed up to sort of study (not actually study, but talking, gossiping and having a laugh). And the next night when I called home to know how he was (I know he had been sick. I had been visiting him at the hospital, even on the weekend before he passed away), I found out that he had passed on. I was devastated. I broke down at the public phone and had to be consoled by my warden. My friends came to visit me in my room because I was so depressed. The next morning, I packed my bag and went straight back to Kuala Pilah. The sight of his clothes hanging in his room was so depressing. His smell still lingered in the air. And that was in early 1997. Uwan passed away on a Saturday. I was at home. Ayin called me early in the morning to tell me that Uwan had passed on. I was already married then, and Marsya was only 7 months. It was also a sad thing for me. But I was thankful that I got to bathe her and see her off. All my brothers and my parents did too.

Hhmm.. what else have been happening? I mentioned a lot right, but for the life of me, I can’t seem to put them in words. So yeah, not many happy updates in the past few months, eh? Oh well, I promise to update more exciting stuff next time. Meanwhile, I need to ‘pen-off’. Will update more stuff next time.

Tragic Fall

Last Saturday, I went to Damansara to a certain lifestyle living cum furniture shop. I wanted to buy a small table for Marsya. She’s been doing her homework on the floor. And I don’t think it’s good for her. Besides, it was a bargain. A table and two small chairs for only RM49. So I thought it was ok.

Because the whole family has been sick, except for Bie, I didn’t want to stay there long. I wanted to go home. Raqib was sick and still feverish. Marsya was coughing and I wasn’t completely 100% recovered from my fever, cough, flu and bad throat. But I wanted to entertain my son anyway because he seemed so ‘seponyek’. So I ran downhill in the shopping complex (the floor which adjoined Ikano to Ikea was sort of going downhill) hoping to let Raqib enjoy the thrill of going fast. And man, I think that was the most stupid decision I have made in a very, very long time.

The pushchair hit a metal bar at the side of the wall sending myself and Raqib toppling over as if doing a somersault. There were gasps and screams from passersby. I fell on my front, sliding on the tiled floor, knocking my knee on the floor. I forgot that my son was in the pushchair and only realized it when a stranger ran to him and lifted the pushchair off the floor. Luckily he was still strapped to the chair. I quickly got up and opened the belt which strapped him to the chair. I lifted him and hugged him close. I thanked the stranger for his fast act and repeatedly acknowledge that it was my fault. The stranger (bless his soul) tried to appease me by saying that it was no one’s fault. It just happened.

Raqib was crying. I looked at this face. It was all red, but no bruises or cuts, or blood dripping. Thank goodness for that. He was alright. I looked up and saw my daughter. She had an angry look on her face. And she reprimanded me right there and then saying, “Umi, who asked you to run? See, you’ve fallen already”. I felt embarrassed. I wasn’t embarrassed at falling in front of complete strangers; I didn’t care. But I do care about what my daughter thinks. And I felt that I have tarnished my reputation as a mother in front of her. I was careless and it nearly cost the life of my son. I’d hate to imagine what would have happened if he hadn’t got the belt on.

So yeah, it was a lesson well-learnt. I don’t want to do anything else which at the time may have sounded alright, but when it actually happened, it was very stupid indeed. I pray to Allah to continue protecting my family from any type of harm, even as silly as what happened last Saturday.

Food Connoisseurs

I am in a group of friends who have made a proclamation that we’re food experts. So what we do on a monthly basis is host a luncheon (whoever is hosting will pay) at some really nice fancy restaurants, just to get a kick on the different types of foods served. It varies; from eastern oriental to fushion and western. I have to admit that I kind a like this ‘Gang’ because this is a chance for us to to try out all sorts of foods. After all, I LOVE food. And I think I have made myself clear that I can eat almost anything (as long as they’re halal and not any type of garden snails).

The last restaurant we visited was the Marche at The Curve. I have been to the Marche before but it was for its Ramadhan buffet, where the food selection at that time was ok. But then I went for its ala-carte and I was immediately smitten with its selection. For the life of me, I can’t remember the names of the dishes. But I love the sauté mushrooms, the big fat sausages, the crepe and the mushroom soup. The desserts were alright. I didn’t fancy them much because… I don’t know… they don’t really look that appetizing to me. For good desserts, I prefer Delicious. Now that is a good place to satisfy your sweet cravings.

We really had a good time. And on top of that, we went to Red Box after that for some singing. Below are some pictures.

And on top of that, we finally had our EGM last week on the proposed rights issue that we wanted to do. All the late night works, the meetings, and tiredness, paid off. Yeah, I basically saw my kids on weekends, or when my daughter wanted to go to school in the morning. It was truly sad. But anyway… we got fiery remarks and questions from our shareholders (especially one particular shareholder who seemed to know everything, and even reprimanded my MD in front of all the board members and shareholders. I mean, come on. Don’t do that. Personal attacks are so politically old school. I really pity my MD. Makes him look like he’s not well-versed with the proposed rights issue. I don’t think it was kind of that particular shareholder. But then again, he’s a shareholder. He has every right and capability to ask ANY question in the whole world), but things were ok, and the shareholders passed the resolution without any glitch.

I look forward for the weekend. Happy weekend everyone.

Roller Coaster Ride

I’m ok now. We had the talk. It was important. I guess it helped put my roller coaster emotions in its tracks, for now. I think it’s the hormones. I don’t know. I have been having these terrible roller coaster emotions lately. And the funny thing is that, it’s all in my head. All the words, the statements, things I see, the way I feel. It’s like, don’t get me crossed coz you’ll definitely get it. Yesterday, it was Ibu.

I was on the phone with her. She called me because she just wanted to know how the kids were. They were sick a couple of weeks ago. And we got to talking. About how my unemployed brother not appreciating the money that bought him breakfast. Ayah bought him a nasi lemak, but he didn’t eat it. I told Ibu that you need money to buy nasi lemak. Even if it’s only RM1.50. She jokingly said that I was also like that once. And I flipped. I told her off. Can you imagine that? Basically, I said something like this:

“No. I treasure all the money that I had when I was a student. Ayah didn’t give me money at all, unlike my brothers. I lived on my monthly allowances, which was not a lot, but I made do with the amount that I got”, and some other words.

To which Ibu replied, “Yerlah. And with all the money that you have, you gave them to people”.

That really ticked me off, and I made some hurtful remarks to Ibu because I was mad. I verbally attacked her using her life as an example on the occasions that she gave her money away. The minute I hung up, I was really feeling regret. I shouldn’t have raised my voice to her. It was uncalled for. I am her daughter for goodness sake. It’s a sin to raise your voice to your mother. The person who carried you for more than 9 months, and took care of you until you can finally make your own living. I felt bad. So about 10 minutes later, when I was a lot cooler, I gave her a call, and apologized. Though she said it was ok, it didn’t make me feel any better. This roller coaster emotion is really bad.

I really have to control them. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just so tiring having to take care of everyone’s feelings… [sigh]. Does that mean that I cannot express my anger or just let go some of the steam in my body? I don’t know.

Anyway, I have just discovered this great music streaming website from the internet where you can create a playlist of your own and practically listen to any song you like. So I created a list of British Indie rock music, which was quite famous in the mid 90’s and late 90’s. I love my playlist. It’s got The Seahorses, Catatonia, Ocean Colour Scene, Oasis, Manic Street Preachers, Garbage and Blur. I love it. And I have been listening to the playlist since a couple of days ago. These were the songs that I was into when I was in the UK. It was fantastic. I remember buying the singles and listening to them over and over again. And this was more than 10 years ago. Such a long time ago. I feel old.

Not Feeling Too Good

I know I haven’t been updating the blog for over a month now, and that whenever I do update, it’d always be about my feelings, or what I was feeling that day. I guess I just do not have any reasonable outlet at this point in time. I don’t share it with people I know because they might pass judgements. Somehow complete strangers seem to be the best bet at the moment. I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m rambling about. It’s like I know what I want to write, but when it comes to writing it down, I’ll always wonder whether it’ll be too much information.

So many things have happened. My brother is moving to his new house. It’s in Desa Coalfields. Further up than Sungai Buloh prison, but easily accessible via the Guthrie Expressway. Yes, it is very far, but it is a nice cozy double storey terraced house, with nice-looking bathrooms. My parents’ focus is there at the moment. They get worried about Ayin not being able to move in before the end of the month. They have this huge pity for him because he was double-crossed by the stupid Wan (the one who was supposed to do his kitchen). They pity that he had to clean the house by himself considering that his son is currently very ‘active’ and his wife couldn’t put him down even for five minutes to help him with the house. And I have to admit that I get tired of listening to the same thing from both my parents. I mean, everyone has to endure some kind of challenges in life, right. And that was my brother’s challenge. He’s a grown man. He’ll know what to do. I guess I’m just a little ticked off because I don’t remember them having such concerns when I moved into my house. Was it just because it was a 1,200 sq ft apartment? Heck I was pregnant with Marsya at that moment for goodness sake. Somehow they don’t worry about me that much. Yes they’re worried about my current situation, but I always tell them not to because it’s my problem. I’ll deal with it. Talk about eldest syndrome. I think I have it.

There is also another thing that is bugging my head. How I wish I can share it here with the rest of the world, but unfortunately it is not a very good thing to do… [sigh]… this thing has been weighing me down like a rock. It ruined my weekend. And I think it also ruined my Saturday breakfast and karaoke session with Yamm. I don’t want to be melodramatic about it. But when I am feeling like this, I can be full of drama (and exaggeration I suppose). Somehow Yamm caught it. She was asking me on Saturday, why I was ‘seponyek’ or something. It was her word. I can’t remember. But I denied any ill-feeling and told her that I was alright. And that there was nothing ‘seponyek’ about me. Of all people, Yamm asked me. I guess when you’ve been friends for long; one would notice that kind of thing. If Pah was around, I know for sure that she was going to dig it out of me. She doesn’t care… but Yamm is too nice to do that. She doesn’t force it out of you unless you yourself want to share. I’m not saying that Pah isn’t nice. When it comes to Pah, I don’t mind she digging anything out, even by force.

I think I have to have a heart-to-heart session. Or maybe just send an email because talking (especially when both are at the anger stage) rarely produces the results you want. Talk about being rationale even at this point in time. But yeah, that’s me. Always weighing on how best to do things.

Yeah, I think I’ll do that.

Why Oh Why Must It Always Be The Man

There is an AC meeting this morning. The thing which made me upset was that, I was the one who prepared the paper, but I didn’t get to be in the meeting. The one who got to be in the meeting was someone who didn’t prepare the paper. Who knew very little of the proposal that I prepared like mad for the past couple of weeks (talking with investment bankers, lawyers, and Management of our holding company, going back late, etc), but joined the meeting like he was someone special. And the fact that he got to be in, was because he is a MAN. Though the company talks about gender equality, BS!! I don’t think it is an acknowledged statement. Save for perhaps this one particular sister company whose head is a woman, other heads of companies are male.

I was in the huge boardroom this morning, arranging the presentation slides so that CIMB can do its bit. The Manager asked me why I wasn’t in the meeting, and I could only look at my boss and smiled. The least that my boss could do was invite me to join in the meeting. But no. He didn’t utter a word. I can’t expect to invite myself there. It wouldn’t be right. For meetings like this, you have to be invited in order to join it. Unless of course you’re top management, then you can do anything you like.

I even wrote my career aspiration (in my PMS form) something related to gender inequality, just to get it off my chest. Something about I want to hold senior posts in the company, but most of them are held by men. When in fact, women are as capable, but have to prove themselves twice as much just to be in league with the men. I couldn’t believe I wrote that down. I wonder what my Management thinks of me after they read that. Oh well, I just had to get it off my chest. And what better way but during PMS time.

Gasses Today

I don’t think my tummy’s doing well today. I think I’ve got the gasses. Or gastric as we like to fondly call it. I don’t think I have been eating wrongly. I have been eating at the right time. I haven’t been skipping my meals or anything. But today, at about 10.30am or so, I felt it. The gas. My feet were also cold. It wasn’t painful, well not yet anyway (hopefully never), but it feels really uncomfortable. I thought of not buying food today because I made a sandwich this morning, but my tummy called for hot food. Broth-like food. So I went to Plaza Sentral and bought myself a bihun sup. And though it didn’t make everything alright, it did improve the discomfort in my tummy. For now.

And now I am not in any mood to do much work. Luckily the major bulk of the tasks, well this one important stuff anyway, has been done. Tomorrow’s the meeting. The paper has been done and circulated, and the presentation slides are also ok. And now, what with the discomfort in the tummy, I am not in the mood to do much of anything.

Therefore, I better stop at that. Please let the gasses dissipate.

Cow’s Legs

I received a query from a friend in my Facebook asking why my blog is now ‘bersawang’ in other words, abandoned and deserted. Yes, I have to admit that I haven’t been blogging anything. So many things have happened but so little time to actually do any updating. You see, my boss isn’t around. He went for his Hajj and has not yet returned. And basically, I have to be responsible for some of the tasks that my boss left me with. And let’s just say that now I know what he has went through since he became the Head of Department. I am not even heading the department during his absence (our tasks were distributed evenly before he left), but taking up some of the roles that he has been doing is certainly quite a headache. I had to be twice as vigilant. Twice as active and do a lot of thing just to get one work completed. Previously, all I had to do was the work. And my boss would worry about the other things. But these days, not only do I have to do the work, I also have to oversee the worrying bit. And yes, it is getting to me. And I think I need a break.

And since that dear friend has dropped a query in my Facebook, I have decided to start updating the blog again. Well, my 2010 new year’s resolution, among them is to update my blog on a weekly basis. I wonder whether I can sustain until the end of 2010. Well, we just have to see.

I have put on a lot of weight lately. Now I weigh exactly 63kg. That is a LOT for me. I’m not that tall. I never reach above 60kg unless I am pregnant. And the thing is, I am NOT pregnant. Besides, my ideal weight is around 54kg or 55kg. Needless to say, I have gained 10kg over the last goodness knows how many months!! This has caused a huge concern. I suppose my buttocks have grown bigger. Sideways… uurrgghh..!! And I have also developed a tummy. My hips are huge. And they don’t look particularly good in jeans. To make matters worse, which made me upset for weeks to come was that, Ibu said my legs look like COW’S LEGS. Imagine that? My legs look like COW’S LEGS? The nerve. Well, the statement sort of coincides with the recent Aidil Adha. There were many cows about. Aarrgghh… something has to be done about this. Her statement affected me. Though a friend of mine said, “At least she said your legs look like cow’s legs. At least it’s small at the ankles, but what if she had said that your legs are like elephant’s legs, that would be even worse. So thank God that your legs look like cow’s legs”. Well, if you put it that way, yes I prefer a cow’s leg to an elephant’s leg, but still…

So among my new year’s resolution is to loose weight. I know that it’s going to be difficult. I am a FOOD lover. I eat food. I like food. I have never been on a diet for the whole of my entire life. I never exercise as well. I guess that has to change. I still eat, but I will TRY to eat sparingly i.e. not stuff everything in my mouth like I used to. Previously, even when I eat a lot, I do not gain weight. The reason being, I was below 30 – my metabolism is still high, and I was breastfeeding (there was a lot of fat in those milk expressed. Trust me. I washed the bottles). But now I’m above 30 (not a lot mind you… slightly above the big 30.. I know, I’m still in denial about my age), my metabolism rate isn’t what it used to be. And I no longer express milk. So yeah, something has to be done about it. Apart from eating sparingly, walking isn’t a bad form of exercise, right? So yeah, I need running shoes. Hopefully that would get me motivated into doing some running after work. We will see.

Please wish me luck, ok. I need to fit back into those Levi’s jeans (though I just had a roti telur this morning.. arrgghhh..)

Patience Is A Virtue

I somewhat feel melancholic today. Though my mouth says I don’t know why, deep inside, I know exactly the reason why. But I hate to admit it. In fact, I refuse to admit it. I refuse to see it as a problem. I know that I can get through this. I have to be patient. After all, Allah loves those who are patient. He adores them. He wants to see whether we are strong enough to go through the challenges that He has laid out for us. It makes me thankful, in a way. It shows that I am in His good radar. So to speak [smile]. But, I am only human. Even the strongest of mankind fall apart for no reason. I am thankful though that my faith has taught me to be strong and accept all tests with an open mind and heart.

I try to be a good daughter. A good daughter-in-law. Most importantly a good wife, and a good mother. But somehow, these days, I just don’t know whether I can shoulder the burden of these roles. It is tiring. So many hearts to take care of. So many feelings to mind. But what about my feelings? Does anyone bother to stop and think about my feelings? They see me as this strong woman who is able to weather any bad storm. But now I’m thinking, do I want to continue to become that woman? Rationally speaking, I have to. My rightful mind tells me that I have to be strong, for the sake of the roles that I am currently playing. But I don’t know for how long I can maintain the composure. These people.. these people who rely on me… emotionally and physically, I know I can’t let them down. But I want someone to mind me too. It’s just that I can’t shout for help. The inner voice inside me is shouting like mad. But my mouth and my actions, speak none of it. I don’t look like I need help. I look very capable. And happy. Like no troubles are bothering me at all. But inside I am crying. Not getting the emotional support and the inspirational words from the people I love is really upsetting me. All I get are hurtful remarks or indifferent actions. But I can’t cry to them. I can’t. Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. But I never cry in front of them. I don’t know why. I guess it boils back to me being the pillar of everything [sigh]. Yeah.. these tests are small, and it’s sad to think that I can’t even handle them. Such is life.

Ayah said to me, “Be strong and I am sure you will win everything. Hidup ni memang banyak dugaan dan kita kena pandang ke hadapan for the sake of our family, our children, ourselves, our career dan banyak lagi. Mesti tabah dan cekal”.

I love Ayah for saying that to me. And only in Allah can I share my sorrow and seek comfort.

Lost My Ring

I think the title speaks for itself. Yes.. I lost my ring. My cincin belah rotan i.e. the gold band. The one that Bie gave me before he gave me the engagement ring. It’s what the Malays called the Cincin Tanda. Aarrgghh… this is so frustrating. I went back to Seremban last weekend. And on Sunday morning, I went to visit my arwah uwan at the Makam Tn Haji Mohd Said (by the way, Sheikh Muzaffar, the astronaut, is the descendant of Tn Hj Mohd Said… just sharing a bit of info here). I usually wear both rings on my fingers. The engagement ring and the Cincin Tanda.

Iklan… just got a call from the Group Corporate Communication department. They want me to be the emcee for the jamuan hari raya in October. Company’s event. No script. I need to prepare the script myself. Malas betul lah. I mean, I’m sure there are others. I know it’s a Group’s event, but please lah. Takkan takder orang lain. UEM Group has over 10,000 employees lah. And I am also supposed to be the emcee for the Malam Anugerah Kumpulan UEM. At least there’s a script for me to read from. But for the jamuan hari raya, NONE. Looks like I have to prepare it myself. Last year, we called Adibah Noor and Salih Yacob as the emcees. The artistes’ line up was kind of cool as well. But this year, the new MD/CEO wants something less flamboyant and something less pricey as well. So we’re doing it at our office. At the ballroom downstairs. Oh well… mental note: Remember to seek for tokens. Nothing is free, ok.

Anyway, about the ring. Guess who made the ring ‘disappear’? Muhammad Raqib. He played with both rings actually. I always placed them on top of the side table. He has never played with them. Well, he has but VERY rare. Well, last Sunday, he played with them when he woke up. Bie realized it and took it from him. I wasn’t around as I was at the makam. But what Bie didn’t realize was that he played with TWO rings. Bie only recovered the engagement ring.

When I wanted to wear them later that night, I noticed that only my engagement ring was on top of the side table. Now where did my Cincin Tanda go to? I looked everywhere for it. And because it was already night, I had difficulty looking for the ring under the bed (mental note: Need to CLEAN all dusts under the bed). I was so sad. I hope Raqib just played with it when he was inside the room. I hope he didn’t take it outside. Ibu promised to look for it as I had to return home. So yeah.. as at to date, still no news of the missing ring. Please, please pray that the ring will be found. It’s too precious. It’s just a simple gold ring, but it is MY Cincin Tanda. Aarrgghh.. tension jugaklah dengan Muhammad Raqib nie. But that’s another story.

Cooking During Ramadhan

Since my parents are at home coz they wanted to visit my brother who is still in Tawakkal, yesterday I had to cook more than usual. My basic dishes are three. But coz my parents are around, I added another dish yesterday. So I ended up cooking Ikan Tenggiri Masak Lemak Cili Api, Mixed Vegetables, Sotong Kicap and Sausage Sambal Ikan Bilis (own receipe). Bie bought some popia basah and tauhu bakar. Ayah was on his way back from the university. I told him not to buy anything because I am cooking. Though he promised that he wouldn’t, when he came back late yesterday afternoon, he bought two other dishes i.e. Lala Berlada and Sup Daging. He also bought Roti John and two packets of bihun goreng. So yeah, end up, we had a LOT of foods to eat. And since my dinner table is one of those roundy types and quite small, we barely had spaces to put our plates..!!

Ayah is like that. He likes to buy a LOT of food during Ramadhan. Ibu is tired of arguing with him. After all Ayah keeps on still buying a lot of food. I am ok if he wants to buy Murtabak, Roti John and all that, but lauk-lauk? Hhmm.. but then, though I always tell him not to buy a lot of food. It’s a waste and all that, and that it’s Ramadhan, so we should actually be spending less and try to be less gluttony, I have ALWAYS enjoyed that habit of his, because it only occurs during Ramadhan. If I wasn’t breaking fast at my parents, Bie and I would talk about how Ayah likes to spend on a lot of food and that he doesn’t eat much of what he has bought anyway. We would somehow know the type of food that he would buy. Among them are Roti John, Murtabak, Siput Sedut Masak Lemak Cili Api, curry puffs, kuih apam, tepung pelita, etc, etc. He just loves to. He buys them because he said that he doesn’t buy them for himself, but for his family. He wants his family to eat. Well, that’s his reason. For actual fact, he just can’t resist the temptation of the foods being displayed on the tables in the Bazaar Ramadhan.

And because of too much food yesterday, I am thinking of cooking something simple tonight. Maggee goreng, with chicken burger. How does that sound? I know it doesn’t really complement one another, but once they’re in the stomach, they still get processed the same way… and come out the same!! Hehehehe.. talk about being gross during the holy month of Ramadhan. Sorry about that. But yeah, maggee goreng sounds like a great plan. I am definitely going to do that.

Sleepy

It has been a nice Ramadhan for me, so far. My ‘best friend’ has not visited me yet. So I think I should be able to fast for at least two more weeks, hopefully. And I just got back to work today. I was on leave yesterday. I didn’t do anything. I just stayed at home with the family. Marsya isn’t around as she is at Maksu’s (once in a while, she would tell me that she missed Maksu and wished to go there for a couple of days), so I have Raqib all to myself. And it was nice. I love staying home with him. It is so nice to see his smiling face in the morning. I love it when he walked out of the bedroom, saw me in the living room, and walked straight into my arms, hugging me. The feeling is amazing. It made me wonder why I don’t stay home more often. I mean, take leave and just stay at home… [sigh].. the plight of a working mother.

And now I am terribly sleepy. I only had 3 and a half hour of sleep last night. My brother, Ayin, was admitted to Tawakkal yesterday. His toe didn’t seem to be recovering very well since he kicked my other brother in the shin during a futsal game. And that was months ago. Apparently, its recovery is sort off and on. And to make matters worse, his not-so-good toe is now infected with bacteria causing his gland to engorge. And if not treated, the bacteria are going to enter into his blood system causing more damage, which can be hazardous. I was so worried. I only learnt about it at 5pm, and I had made plans to break fast at my in-laws. So, I could only reach Tawakkal after I break fast.

At 8pm, I left Raqib at my in-laws with the maid and rushed to Tawakkal. Luckily the hospital was quite near. No one was at the hospital with him. Ayah had already left with Ayin’s wife to fetch their son, so he was alone. When I opened the door to his room, and he was walking obviously in pain, my heart reached out for him. He is after all my brother. No matter that he’s 30 years old, and has his own family. As a sister, I saw passed all that. I helped him to his bed, and started to ‘mother’ him. I helped him change his pants, called on the nurse to clean the water leakage in his room, and asked the nurse LOTS of questions so that I know what sort of illness we were facing. Ibu, Ayah and his wife will only visit him the next day. His wife was sending their son back to Bentong with her mother, so that she could stay in the hospital with him, and take care of him.

I left the hospital at 12am. I went to my in-laws to fetch Raqib and the maid, and reached home at about 12.30am. Raqib had woken up. And after 3 hours of sleep, he was a bit refreshed to do stuff. So, it took quite sometime to coax him into going back to sleep. But when he finally did, it was already past 1am. I managed to sleep for a few hours until I heard my alarm rang indicating that it was 4.30am, to wake up for sahur. And I haven’t been asleep since then.

Now, I am VERY sleepy. My eyelids are drooping, and I am yawning like… a lot. I really can’t wait to go back early today. If I could only have a nap for about 10 to 15 minutes, I think it would do wonders to my body. We’ll see how.