I’m ok now. We had the talk. It was important. I guess it helped put my roller coaster emotions in its tracks, for now. I think it’s the hormones. I don’t know. I have been having these terrible roller coaster emotions lately. And the funny thing is that, it’s all in my head. All the words, the statements, things I see, the way I feel. It’s like, don’t get me crossed coz you’ll definitely get it. Yesterday, it was Ibu.
I was on the phone with her. She called me because she just wanted to know how the kids were. They were sick a couple of weeks ago. And we got to talking. About how my unemployed brother not appreciating the money that bought him breakfast. Ayah bought him a nasi lemak, but he didn’t eat it. I told Ibu that you need money to buy nasi lemak. Even if it’s only RM1.50. She jokingly said that I was also like that once. And I flipped. I told her off. Can you imagine that? Basically, I said something like this:
“No. I treasure all the money that I had when I was a student. Ayah didn’t give me money at all, unlike my brothers. I lived on my monthly allowances, which was not a lot, but I made do with the amount that I got”, and some other words.
To which Ibu replied, “Yerlah. And with all the money that you have, you gave them to people”.
That really ticked me off, and I made some hurtful remarks to Ibu because I was mad. I verbally attacked her using her life as an example on the occasions that she gave her money away. The minute I hung up, I was really feeling regret. I shouldn’t have raised my voice to her. It was uncalled for. I am her daughter for goodness sake. It’s a sin to raise your voice to your mother. The person who carried you for more than 9 months, and took care of you until you can finally make your own living. I felt bad. So about 10 minutes later, when I was a lot cooler, I gave her a call, and apologized. Though she said it was ok, it didn’t make me feel any better. This roller coaster emotion is really bad.
I really have to control them. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just so tiring having to take care of everyone’s feelings… [sigh]. Does that mean that I cannot express my anger or just let go some of the steam in my body? I don’t know.
Anyway, I have just discovered this great music streaming website from the internet where you can create a playlist of your own and practically listen to any song you like. So I created a list of British Indie rock music, which was quite famous in the mid 90’s and late 90’s. I love my playlist. It’s got The Seahorses, Catatonia, Ocean Colour Scene, Oasis, Manic Street Preachers, Garbage and Blur. I love it. And I have been listening to the playlist since a couple of days ago. These were the songs that I was into when I was in the UK. It was fantastic. I remember buying the singles and listening to them over and over again. And this was more than 10 years ago. Such a long time ago. I feel old.
I was on the phone with her. She called me because she just wanted to know how the kids were. They were sick a couple of weeks ago. And we got to talking. About how my unemployed brother not appreciating the money that bought him breakfast. Ayah bought him a nasi lemak, but he didn’t eat it. I told Ibu that you need money to buy nasi lemak. Even if it’s only RM1.50. She jokingly said that I was also like that once. And I flipped. I told her off. Can you imagine that? Basically, I said something like this:
“No. I treasure all the money that I had when I was a student. Ayah didn’t give me money at all, unlike my brothers. I lived on my monthly allowances, which was not a lot, but I made do with the amount that I got”, and some other words.
To which Ibu replied, “Yerlah. And with all the money that you have, you gave them to people”.
That really ticked me off, and I made some hurtful remarks to Ibu because I was mad. I verbally attacked her using her life as an example on the occasions that she gave her money away. The minute I hung up, I was really feeling regret. I shouldn’t have raised my voice to her. It was uncalled for. I am her daughter for goodness sake. It’s a sin to raise your voice to your mother. The person who carried you for more than 9 months, and took care of you until you can finally make your own living. I felt bad. So about 10 minutes later, when I was a lot cooler, I gave her a call, and apologized. Though she said it was ok, it didn’t make me feel any better. This roller coaster emotion is really bad.
I really have to control them. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just so tiring having to take care of everyone’s feelings… [sigh]. Does that mean that I cannot express my anger or just let go some of the steam in my body? I don’t know.
Anyway, I have just discovered this great music streaming website from the internet where you can create a playlist of your own and practically listen to any song you like. So I created a list of British Indie rock music, which was quite famous in the mid 90’s and late 90’s. I love my playlist. It’s got The Seahorses, Catatonia, Ocean Colour Scene, Oasis, Manic Street Preachers, Garbage and Blur. I love it. And I have been listening to the playlist since a couple of days ago. These were the songs that I was into when I was in the UK. It was fantastic. I remember buying the singles and listening to them over and over again. And this was more than 10 years ago. Such a long time ago. I feel old.
1 comment:
those good old 90s indie songs eh...yeah, now that u mentioned them, few songs already bermain2 in my head...
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