Hating His Guts

I don’t get mad at my boss easily. But when I do, I hate his guts so much that I want to walk out of my cubicle and just go to the surau downstairs and sleep it off. But I can’t. He’s around. And he’s expecting me to do some things for him. What made me angry was the fact that I realize that whatever crap he tells me is true. He’s just too obliging, my boss. He is always wanting to do the right things, even when it doesn’t concern him much, just for the sake of that thing he calls responsibility. And I hate that. I’ll feel guilty and horrible inside and will start to develop this hating of guts thing towards him… [sigh].. he’s a nice man. He really is. And I can understand perfectly why he says certain things and why he says them. But as a staff, or a normal human being, I just couldn’t accept what he says and of course starts finding fault with the whole situation and starts hating his guts.

I’m not a terrible person. I haven’t been well for nearly 2 weeks now. Off and on with fever, dry coughs and tired body, what with preparing for the AGM (which thankfully was yesterday) which had me stayed at the office and going back late, affecting my body and milk production for my little one and just wearing my entire body down. So whatever anyone says at the moment, even if it was meant to be seen as professional, I will not take it gently. And this is what I am doing now. But to make myself feel better, I’ll tell myself not to care. I’m not the one being paid huge amount of money by the end of the day. So why should I go the extra mile and think beyond my so-called predetermined capability? They determine capabilities here by designations. It’s a job specification thing which I think is Bulls. But who cares. I’m just so mad.

Other updates? Later…