A few weeks ago, as I was sitting down having dinner with my parents at home, I received a call. It was a lady. She introduced herself rather quickly, not giving me a chance to catch her name and immediately bombarded me with questions. While she was asking away, I still had no idea who she was. It was until after a few minutes after that did I realize that I was talking to a friend’s wife. Apparently, she called me because she wanted to know why her husband was calling me dear.
My parents were looking at me with appalled faces. Wondering what it is that I had done to have received such a phone call from someone’s wife. I was shocked. I was discussing the Ayam Korma that I cooked for dinner with Ayah when the phone call came through. She demanded to know why her husband was calling me dear. I told her that he called everyone dear, and that I wasn’t the only one. Which was true. This friend of mine has the habit of calling those that he feels comfortable with ‘dear’. He would come to our cubicles and the word ‘dear’ would just come out from his mouth as easily as one usually says, ‘coffee?’. Then she told me off. She said that she didn’t like it that her husband called me dear, and hung up on me.
I stared at the phone, slightly shaken up, while thinking, “Did that happen to me? Did his wife just called me?” and when I saw my parents’ face, then did I realize that they were in front of me, with a very concerned look and a thousand questions reflected on their faces. I felt embarrassed. They must have thought the worst of me. Bie was in front of the TV and not very happy as well. He kept on going about transparency. I didn’t hear him. I was just too shocked. It was something which I didn’t expect at all. Those which I only saw on TV; Cerekarama perhaps, actually happened to me. Ayah looked at me questioningly. So I told him that I received a call from a friend’s wife who seemed very upset that her husband was calling me dear. He wasn’t convinced, so I had to tell him, “Ayah, don’t worry. He’s a friend. I am NOT having an affair with him. God.. please. Bie knows him. He also knows that we’re good friends. Don’t worry. This is all a big misunderstanding”. Ibu didn’t look too happy and was telling me that I should have told her off. But I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to stoop myself to her level. Someone has to be level-headed. And that someone has to be me.
Later that night, I received a text from her which said something along the lines to not text or email her husband anymore. Never mind that her husband called me at work, but I shouldn’t return his call. The one that made me mad was that, she said, rather than telling stuff to her husband, I should be telling (or sharing whatever it is, with) my husband. You know, like share stuff with her husband. I mean, come on. I tell Bie everything all the time. I share things with Bie. And my friendship with her husband is also not a secret from Bie. Bie knows about it and is cool with it. Heck, he used to send me back home to my in-laws from work. And Bie is very much aware of this as he was at his parents’, waiting for me. So leave my husband out of this. It’s not my fault if she doesn’t share things with her husband. So that really ticked me. So I replied. But being a courteous person that I am, I apologized for the misunderstanding and told her to talk to her husband instead.
The incident really spoilt my weekend. I was supposed to celebrate Ayah’s birthday that Sunday. That was why my parents were at home. I tried not to show that the incident bothered me and went ahead to celebrate his birthday at TGI. We bought him a cake and forced him to sing the birthday song, together with my son who also recently turned 4. It was a happy moment for me, but when my mind was not on the event, the phone calls and text messages haunted me. Truth be said, I was upset. I did not deserve that. And that night, I made up my mind on my friendship with A.
I have known A for 10 years. I knew him before I got married. I was new at the workplace so him joining the department a few months after that, was a welcoming thing. The department was tight. We were all young people reporting to a fairly young boss. So the air was different. Work is work, but when it comes to play, we would ‘play’ and have fun. Birthdays had always been a fun thing. So over the 10 years, I got close to him. The fact that I had to work closely with him on a lot of things made us even closer. He somehow felt comfortable with me and didn’t mind sharing stuff with me. And I shared stuff with him. But it has never gone beyond that invisible line. We never talk about personal things. Feelings towards our partners or anything like that. It was more towards discussion of opinions, beliefs, and things that go round in the office. About a certain bouncy-haired girl or a mutual friend we know who had moved to the Middle East for work (a sick fella, to me at least). He was the last person at the office who saw me wearing a knee-length skirt and white wedges coz the following Monday, I was already in my hijjab. Hidayah was given to me over the weekend, Alhamdulillah. He had a pretty weird time adjusting to the new me because he was afraid that I would change. But he got over it in the end. People at the office knew that we were close. But that’s just what we were. Close. And that friendship carried on until that fateful Saturday night when I received the phonecall from his wife.
As much as I hated it, I knew that his wife had every right to be upset. If I were in her position, I’d probably feel the same. She may not know the type of friendship I have with her husband, but I am thankful that Bie knows. I have been transparent with my friendship with A with Bie from day one. So, my friendship with A has never been a problem. At that point in time, I am thankful to Allah for giving me an understanding husband. Because, if Bie isn’t like that, I wouldn’t still be in friendships with some of the other guys that I have made friends with since the post-SPM days.
After much thought, in addition to the subtle warning from the wife, I made up my mind not to be in contact with A anymore. Our friendship has been tainted. Things will never be the same again. I just couldn’t pick up the phone to ask him how he was and there would be no more silly emails to him asking him about his ‘best’ friend who had moved to PEMANDU. There will also be no more silly text messages from the LRTs complaining about the smell of the armpit of the person sitting next to me. There will be none of those anymore. As much as I hated to end the friendship, it will never just be the same again.
I told A of the incident. Apparently he knew. He was in front of the wife when she made the call. He was too astounded to stop his wife from calling me. But he was just afraid that I wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore. He was afraid that I would just toss away the friendship at a single throw. To him, he still wanted to be my friend. His wife or anyone else for that matter could not tell him who he should make friends with. Though I told him that I needed time for the incident to sink through and that perhaps we’ll pick up from there, both he and I knew that, that is not going to happen. I was prepared to walk away. As much as it hurts me, I didn’t want to be his wife’s wrath. I respect her as a woman and a wife, as I am both and I am prepared to walk away if it means that the wife is happy and that their marriage is not affected. Besides, things between A and me, I don’t think it’ll be the same again.
When I am alone and suddenly I think of him, I will remember the good times that we had. The usual lunch sessions with the usual gang; each of us wanting to taste each other’s food, him always selecting the most expensive dish on the menu (and not eating it much afterwards). Then there’s the drive home where we would talk about almost anything. Back then, we would be travelling from Johor to KL, and somehow we never bore each other. There were just so many things to talk about. We were friends. The recent AGM reminded me of him more. He was always around. There was a time when he was wearing a bright pink tie, and a certain bouncy-haired girl complimented on his courage to wear pink. And he kept on repeating that compliment throughout the day. But all of that is gone now. It just hurts to think that I was perhaps likened to a bad woman. A home-wrecker. And I don’t think I can take that.
To A, I am very sorry. I really am. But I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Well, not as close as previously. I shall treasure the memory we have over these 10 years. They were great. Thank you for teaching me a lot of things especially those related to work. I will definitely utilize the knowledge in my course of work. Thank you for sending me home as well. Saved me from going on the LRT and smelling various body odour after work. If you do see me on the street somewhere, please do not hesitate to say hi. Yes we may never be good friends anymore, but we’re certainly no strangers. May you be happy, always, with your loved ones.
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