My Poor Baby

It’s so difficult to become a mother yet a successful career woman at the same time, especially if you have no maid to help out. And I am beginning to feel the taste of it. Previously, with a maid around to assist, I never gave it much thought. Especially since both Marsya and Raqib are grown up. Well, not grown up in the sense of it, but they can talk and walk and take care of themselves, if necessary. So the maid just takes care of the basic stuff like cook them food or bathe them. But with a baby in the picture and no maid around, it sure does change everything. I can deal with preparing the food for the other two kids and bathing them, after all Bie is around to help, but the baby. There is no one to take care of Hayani. I worry about leaving her to complete strangers. Not all strangers or nurseries have the patience to heat frozen breast milk to feed the babies. They prefer formula as it is easier. And that’s only the tip of the ice-berg.

Man, what am I saying? I’m just a little stressed this morning. Not to mention breaking down in front of the kids last Friday, but that’ll be another update. I don’t think I can take pouring out all my heart in one blog update. It’s just too much and I don’t have the time to write them down. It’s in my head though. I just don’t know how other mothers do it. There are plenty of working mothers out there, but they seemed to have no problems. They sail through life with no assistance from any maid and yet are still able to hold their head up high when it comes to careers. How do they do it? How can a person have both? How can a mother have both? Anyway, like I said, that’ll be another update.

Hayani is the most adorable creature on earth. Well for me at least. As usual I send her over to my in-laws. They have a maid to take care of Mak, while at the same time; she will also take care of Hayani. I even pay her more since she’s also taking care of Hayani. But today, Mak had to go to the hospital, for her routine check up. The plan was for Abang (Bie’s eldest nephew) to accompany Mak to the hospital whilst the maid stayed at home. But at the very last minute, Bak made some changes to the plan and asked Abang to stay at home instead. The maid is supposed to accompany them to the hospital. And of course, he didn’t tell us this. So this morning, as usual, I went to the house to find that only Abang was there. Bie called Bak and was informed that they’ve left for the hospital together with the maid. Great! Who’s going to take care of Hayani? I have to go to work. We can’t possibly send Hayani to Maksu’s house in USJ. I’ll be late for work. So Bie asked Abang to take care of Hayani for a while so that he could send me to the LRT and the other two kids to kindy. I was upset. At least have the courtesy to call and inform us so that we would know what to do. At least plan out where to send Hayani… my poor baby. I felt as if my baby was rejected by those who are supposed to take care of her. She is after all not a priority to some. It made me feel terrible. It made me wonder whether I should take an emergency leave just to be there for her. But I can’t afford that. My boss though he never specifies it, does not really like emergency leaves UNLESS it is REALLY an emergency. It also made me wonder why I bother working when there’s no one to take care of my baby. But of course I shoved that thought to the back of my head. I need to work. We need the money.

Bie said he’d come back to the house after he sent my other two kids to kindy to take care of Hayani. I was a bit skeptical. He has never taken care of a baby before. Never bathe them or feed them because all my children breastfeed, so he has never had to wake up in the middle of the night to make bottled milk or anything. So him taking care of my three month old baby was a bit worrying. So when I got to the office, I immediately called him to find out how Hayani was doing. Bie told me that he was on the way to USJ, to Maksu’s house. There is no one to take care of Hayani. He had to do something and there’s no knowing when Bak and Mak would come back from the hospital. My poor, poor baby. So Bie together with Abang (who held her while feeding her milk) made their way to USJ. Thank goodness for Maksu. Somehow, I can always rely on Maksu, Ibu or Acik. I don’t mean to be biased, but I don’t think I can rely much on my in-laws when it comes to my kids. I guess, age is also a factor. My in-laws are old compared to my parents. And with Mak’s current condition, I don’t think they would have much time to think about my kids’ welfare. And as much as I try not to be disappointed with it, I am in fact quite disappointed. I do try to rationalize the whole thing, but I am also just a human being, who happened to be a mother. So things which revolve around my children, I do take them at a personal level. I can’t help it.

So yes, today Hayani is at Maksu’s. Today, after picking up the kids from kindy, Bie would have to come and fetch me and later go to USJ. I foresee a tiring day today. And Raqib wants to eat noodles tomorrow for breakfast.. [sigh].