Welcome Back!!

Yup… I am back from maternity leave. The frustrating bit is that, my maternity leave is only 2 months. Some of the local banks are giving 3 months maternity leave to new mothers. Unfortunately my company is just not that generous. Oh well, I don’t have a choice. So here I am back at the office. I have actually been meaning to write something on the blog during my maternity leave, but there were just so many things happening that I just couldn’t find the time. I had loads to share and get out of my system, but I just didn’t have the time to write. So here I am at the office, trying to write something in between the tasks that I have been ssigned to (which are piling up) so that at least the world knows that I am still alive, for now.

Another reason is that, a dear friend of mine called me just to check on me. She saw that my FB has been left idle for several months and my blog has been left unattended for quite a while. So she was worried about me. She tried to email me at the office but the email was bounced. So she was getting all these ideas in her head and finally decided to call me just to check on me. So yeah Aboo, your concern is flattering. We should meet up one of these days. I’ll treat you to an ice-cream.

Yes, I have given birth to a beautiful baby girl on 11 February 2011. I call her Mirrah Hayani. She is now 2 and half months. So yes, I have three beautiful children now. Two girls and one boy. So am I now ‘closing production’? I don’t know. But if Allah wills it, I do intend to add another boy to the brood. So at least I’ll have four with two pairs of each. I don’t know. It’s still too early to say anything. After all, I just gave birth 2 months ago. But my doctor said, if I want to have another one, I should have it by the age of 38. So yeah, I have a few more years to think about that. Not that I’m revealing my age. Hehehehe.. sorry. Do the maths, ok. I don’t mind getting pregnant but I don’t think I can take the morning sickness, and the labour pains. It’s kind of scary when I think about it. But who knows. Only time will tell.

Marsya and Raqib love the baby very much. Raqib at first didn’t really like the baby. He insisted on wanting to sleep next to me. And was always coming in the middle between me and Hayani. But I think he has gotten the idea now. The idea that he is now the big brother being sandwiched between two sisters. He even refers himself as Bang Ngah these days, or Abang. Whichever he prefers really.

My confinement period was absolute torture. Not so much of the after-pain, having to take care of the stitches and not being strong enough but more towards having to take care of Marsya and Raqib. With me on confinement, they also took long leave from their kindergarten. And both were showing different tantrums. Sleeping late, and I’m talking about 2am or 3am. Even Hayani slept late. She slept throughout the day and was awake at night so giving her Umi very little sleep. I was tired. Bie was not around to assist because he was in KL… [sigh].. there were just so many things happening. Right after I gave birth, a week after that, my brother-in-law got married. The week after that, my mother-in-law was hospitalized due to back pains and effects of a not suitable painkiller. Because of that, she was dehydrated and even experienced a mild stroke. Luckily she recovered, but her back pain was still there. Apparently some nerves were being pressed by the bones or something; which part? Don’t ask me. I’m not too sure. But she had to undergo an operation or she would risk loosing the ability to walk forever. So yeah, she was hospitalized from one hospital to another and finally settled at the University Hospital. In total she was hospitalized for nearly 2 months, about the same time that I finished my maternity leave. She was depressed and had very low morale. In fact, her morale is currently at the lowest. She now lacks the spirit to recover and is always negative about everything. So Bie had to constantly be by her side just to give her moral support or simply just be there for her. So I had to take care of my kids as well as the new baby during my confinement. Not an easy task especially when I was not that completely healed. But I thank Allah for giving me a speedy health recovery compared to my two earlier pregnancies. So I was able to look after them, but I was still mentally stressed. The tantrums and all were just too much. Luckily I wasn’t having any post-natal depression. Ibu was around, but I couldn’t allow her to take care of my kids that much. Running after them and attending to their every request was tiring enough. Ibu helped when she could but still, it was tiring. So I was glad when they had to return to kindergarten. At least their sleeping patterns were better. No more sleeping at 2am. Besides, Bie was around to help. And that was only one part of my many issues.

Living with Ibu for quite a lengthy period of time is nice, BUT I think my relationship with her is better if I don’t stay with her. This I discovered during the time I was looking for a job after I graduated back in 1999. At that time, I was job-less for four months. I was just too lazy wanting to rest after grueling years of study. Let’s just say that I was not in pretty shape back then. So I was thankful when I got a job in KL and finally moved out. So yeah, the same sort of thing occurred again. I mean, she is after all my mother and all mothers only want the best for their daughters. Their children in fact. And regardless of anything that happened, I love her very, very much and could never imagine my life without her. She brought me into the world and took care of me until I become the woman that I am today. She is my best friend. I share almost everything with her. But sometimes sharing too much can backfire.

Yes she doesn’t have Ayah’s optimism and positivity. She views things differently from me and sometimes her views are a bit too heart-wrenching for me. In other words, we don’t see eye to eye on certain things. And having to hear certain things over and over again, during my confinement with the stress that was bottling up in my head, what with the children, financial-related issues, Mak in the hospital and Bie not around to help, it was just getting to me. I was stressed to the max. I couldn’t sleep. The things she said re-played in my head like a broken VCR. It was terrible. I was mentally exhausted. Of course I tried not to reply to anything she said. I didn’t want to upset her. Because of that I was biting my tongue so as not to say things that would hurt her. But the things that she said hurt me. I try to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good mother and a good daughter-in-law but sometimes it just proves to be too difficult. It was terrible. I was thankful that I had the children to fall back on, although it was quite difficult to handle them during that time because I was not fully recovered. But please don’t get me wrong. I love Ibu. She has been there for me whenever I felt down or unwell, and cooking whatever it is that I wanted to eat. Ayah would go on a limbo to find the stuff whereas Ibu would cook it. But I guess living with her for quite a lengthy period is not an option. My relationship with her is better when I stay away from her. So yeah, moving back to KL after my confinement was a blessing. My mind was also a bit relaxed, and I had Ayah when I needed a heart-to-heart session. I just had to pour all my emotions to Ayah and that helped.

That was only one part. The other bit is that my maid chose NOT to return. She was still not sure whether she wanted to come back saying that her kids needed her what with her husband who recently passed on. At first she wanted to extend her stay. But when asked till when, she herself wasn’t sure. So we gave her the ultimatum. If she wasn’t back on 15 March then that was it. After all, her return ticket was on that day. So on that day, Bie called her up wanting to check on whether she was coming back. And she confirmed that she wasn’t. I was mad at her. After all the nice things that we did for her, gave her support especially when she learned that her husband passed away. She didn’t want to come back. Well, I think she was just not too sure whether she should come back. I know that she still loved the kids. She called just to speak to Raqib. She told me that she missed him. But I guess I couldn’t be selfish. She after all has kids and the kids probably need her. So there was the issue of where to place Hayani when I start working. That was another headache. I was worried sick, not knowing where to put her. Marsya and Raqib, no issue since I sent them to the kindergarten the whole day. At first I wanted to send her to a babysitter; anyone that could take care of a newborn baby around Mak’s house. There was also the option of sending her to USJ with Maksu. But Maksu just lives too far away. I don’t think I can afford sending my baby everyday to USJ. But that was taken care of thankfully when Mak got herself a maid to take care of her after she was discharged from the hospital. Well, Bak and my brother-in-law insisted that I park my baby there. At least there it is guaranteed that Bie and I will visit Mak at home on a daily basis. And with the baby there, hopefully it would help Mak out of her depression. So yeah, Hayani is now being taken care of the maid. Thankfully she’s used to taking care of babies so I wasn’t really worried about leaving Hayani there. I don’t know whether I’ll be taking another maid. Yes I am tired these days. Having to take care of the food, laundry, and the house, as well as the kids but I figure if other working mothers can do it, then why not me. Yeah, that’s me. Trying to be positive about the whole thing. I have to. I can’t indulge in self-pity. That would be a shame to all working mothers out there. So I decided to embrace it and just do what I can do. Because I reached home quite late (after picking up the baby and visiting Mak at her house), I seldom cook on weekdays. Even Marsya was enjoying the eating out dinner. Not really a good practice but it’ll have to suffice for now. I do intend to start cooking again soon. But I have to leave the office at 5.30pm sharp. Not something that can be done easily. Oh well, take one little step at a time. It’s the only way.

So that’s basically it in a nutshell. Tiring? You bet.. but I have to deal with it, whether I like it or not. At least I have the new baby to fuss about. She is just an adorable little thing. Her cheeks are all puffed up like the cartoon character Droopy and she smiles whenever she hears my voice. She is just the best. In fact, my kids are now the best and though tiring I am with their antics, their behavior make me smile and I tend to forget that it has been a tiring day. I love them. I love my family. Alhamdulillah for that…