It's Been Awhile

Percaya tak that I can't log in to my blog from the office. I have been trying and trying BUT to no avail. Tension betul. I have some really cute pictures of my intan permata hati but I can't upload them coz I couldn't log in to the BLOG..!! A friend of mine has been asking me to update, but nak buat camner? I can't. I don't have internet access at home i.e. Kemensah. Luckily I could be online in my home kat Seremban. So here I am, justifying myself on WHY I haven't been updating my blog. So bear with me, alright.Things have been moving at a very fast pace since the last time I blogged.

My daughter has celebrated her 1st year birthday last 3rd of January and I am so happy for her. She can walk now and very fast too I might add. She has the habit of not looking in front whenever she walks. So, she always bump onto things. One night, she hit the corner of my wall. She fell back like as if she was a rubber ball or something. Fortunately, she didn't cry. But her forehead was red from the bump. Luckily, no bruise. She can say ummi now. And my heart flutters everytime she mentions it. She talks German alright. All sorts of wierd sounds come out from her tiny little mouth. Whatever it is, I love her SO much. This maternal thing is really freaking me out. I have become very motherly these days that I think it may be difficult for those who knew me back then to even comprehend..!!

My parents have been busy doing their.. whatever stuff. As the only daughter and the eldest (bless my soul), I tried not to get in the way. But it is just so difficult to ignore them. Ayah just got out of an operation. I'd rather not mention it here, but the doctor gave him 2 weeks medical leave. He can walk BUT not that fast. These days he does his own dressing. He promised to take us to Terengganu for the holidays. He has even booked a bungalow kat Pantai Burok to show to us that dia boleh jalan. So we thought, hmm.. ok lah. Since Ayah can travel then it would probably be fun to go to Terengganu with the whole family. It has been a while since we did that. But, after Ayah's friends' advice, he decided that he isn't ready to travel long distance and that we shouldn't go at all. I was dissapointed. So were my brothers (I think... well, my youngest one is VERY dissapointed coz he took a 3-day leave from his part-time job at the petrol station). Ayah felt guilty alright. But I had to show a tak apa kind of face and it's cool kind a face, coz I don't want him to feel bad. So here I am, a LONG holiday but not really going anywhere. Kind a sad, but what can I do. I had to be mature and accept the decision just like any matured person. And to make matters worse, my dearest Bie is not here. He is in ITALY..!!

Last 28 January, my dearest Bie took me to a Detox spa session at Vila Manja (http://www.vilamanja.com/), a really nice place. I LOVE the session. Now, why would he do that? Well, he is going for a 'working trip' to Italy which consisted of places like Rome, Florence, Milan and Venice and since he felt bad that I couldn't go, he treated me to a spa session. I admit that I felt green with envy coz he gets to go to those places but nak buat camner kan. So here I am, with my Seremban family and my intan payung, terribly missing him. Masa dia sampai Rome, I waited for his call but he didn't call me. I was worried. Sampai ke tak. But that night, he called me saying that he had safely reached Rome and that he was on his way to the Collaseum. Cemburu nie, but I was very happy to hear his voice that I put the jealous aside. I miss him. Terribly. I have been very quiet and I think my parents noticed it. I miss him. Today, well tadilah... I received a text message from him saying that he couldn't call me from Rome something about the line was rosak or something. But that he was on his way to Florence and that he missed me. The message was enough to make me smile from ear to ear. I can't wait for him to come back. This is one very long holiday... [sigh]...

Well, sajer nak tulis a short one, tapi tertulis panjanglah pulak.Anyway, I have a breakfast date and a bowling session with an 'old acquaintance' tomorrow. Tak sabar pulak rasanya. It has been a while since we went out the both of us. I think since I got married kot. I have sought permission from dearest Bie before he went to Rome last Saturday, so don't worry. It's all been taken care of. Besides, I need to get out of the house and indulge in something other than 'family stuff'...

Best Friend Forgotten... Not?

Two Saturdays ago, I went to an open shop at my friend’s restaurant in Balakong. It isn’t exactly her shop, but it was her aunt’s. But since she also cooks there and entertains customers, she also has some interest in the shop. I reached there just after Maghrib. It wasn’t really that difficult to look for the shop as it was the only one there. I went with another friend of mine who came with her husband and 3 months old cute baby. E was there to greet us. She was happy to see us and was grateful that we came. The traffic to get to Balakong was atrocious. And it took me an hour to reach Balakong, so the food better be good. And thankfully, the selection of food was good. There were nasi beriani with chicken rempah, soto, mihun sup, nasi himpit with kuah lodeh, satay, etc… etc. So, I ate a lot, as usual. E told me that Nasha Aziz was also around. I later saw her sitting with her future-mother-in-law. She is currently dating E’s cousin, a photographer. And she is one very pretty lady. I like her and I think she is one of the most beautiful celebrities in Malaysia. I wanted to take a photo with her, but I was too shy to ask her. She wasn’t bugged or anything and I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. So I had to repress my desire to take a photo with her. But no worries. I was enjoying my chat with E.

I have known E for a long time. Suffice to say, she was my best friend in school. We went on the same school bus when we were in form 3 and because we were so close, we knew each other’s respective families very well. I always went to her house after school and we would hang out in her room singing to songs which she played on the guitar. One of the songs that we used to scream out loud (until the next door neighbour heard us) was “Country Road”. We enjoyed it tremendously. Her uncle would be very happy to see me and would pinch my cheeks and inform all his friends there that if only I was as old as him, he would definitely ask me to marry him. I always laughed at that as I knew that, that would never happen. E’s family called me Awning, because my house at that time had a very long awning. I was very close to her late grandmother and would hug her and kiss her whenever I dropped by at E’s house. My parents and my aunts were also very warm to E. When Acik got married, E came to the wedding and stayed over night at the kampong. Even my cousins were taken with her and till this day continued to ask how E is. You see, E is a very loveable person. She has really good personalities and can easily make friends with anyone that she wants. My schooldays had always revolved around E and of course some other friends. When I had boy trouble, E would be the person that I sought. When her grandfather passed away, I was there by her side. There were just so many things that we did together. We both like to pose for photographs and, believe me, you just wouldn’t want to see some of the photos that we took. Whenever we talked about it, we would laugh like mad. E and me, inseparable. But all that changed over the years.

E changed when approaching SPM. She rarely went to school and was always doing other things. She made friends with people that I know my parents wouldn’t approve of. But I stuck by her anyway. My mother began to call her a problem child but I argued stating that E was my best friend and no one knew her more than I do.

I guess things began to take a different turn when I introduced her to a guy friend of mine whom later she went steady with. That was where the real problem began. It was sad really. We had huge fights over a boy. She was very jealous. She hated it that her boyfriend still contacted me even though he was going steady with her. And this did not apply to just one boyfriend, but TWO of her boyfriends, both happened to be my friends. She decided to take vengeance by flirting with a guy I used to terribly adore (who else but Labu… hehehe). It hurt me but I decided to forego it because E was my best friend. But when the same thing happened to her second boyfriend, I felt tired and decided that I needed to take a stand. Of course we had heated arguments. Even the littlest things upset her. And even the stupidest things that she did bothered me. There were a lot of bad-mouthing and because we couldn’t take it anymore, we decided to take on our separate lives after form 6. I was happy with my other friends and she was making friends with some other people. We lost contact with each other. I knew stories about her from my other friends or from her boyfriend, but never from her.

Come April 2002, I received a phone call from E. She was getting engaged and she would appreciate if I could attend the engagement reception. I was surprised. It was ages since I received a call from her. She said she was getting engaged to the boyfriend that I introduced to way back when we were in form 4. I was happy for her so I attended her engagement and met her. It was like flashes of memory playing a short movie in my head. Her aunts and uncles greeted me happily. Her late grandmother was very happy to see me that she had tears in her eyes. It was just so overwhelming. And from thereon, we remained in contact and have become close. She was the one who put the henna on my hands when I got married and she was the one who was happy to see my bulging stomach when I was pregnant. We may not be as close as when we were in school, but I am content at our friendship now. We never talk about the incidents which made our friendship sour. We just look forward at the possibilities of what the future holds for us.

When I left the restaurant that night, I kissed both her cheeks and hugged her tightly. Gosh I missed her and she returned the affection that I gave her and that made my eyes teary. Some say that if you had a huge a fight with a best friend, you can never resume the friendship. Well, they’re wrong. Look at me and E. Though we don’t laugh out loud and sing noisily to songs that she plays on the guitar, deep inside, we’re both happy that our friendship can resume where we left off.

Not Feeling Well...

I was having a mild flu since last Monday but I didn’t really bother because I could still go to work. There were no severe pains in the joint muscles so I was fine. Last Friday I took the day off because my Mak Su who has been taking of Marsya was going back to Taiping for a week on holiday. So I went about my morning routine as usual which involved cooking Marsya’s food, cleaning the room and bathing her while waiting for my dearest Bie to come back as he had promised to take us to his company’s Raya celebration. So he came back, and we went and met his friends. We didn’t eat much because most of the guests at the Raya celebration were like ‘sakai’. It’s like as if they have never seen food in their entire lives or something. Imagine this; my dearest Bie had a couple of ‘otak-otak’ in his hands BUT a guest, goodness knows from where, grabbed the ‘otak-otak’ from his hand and he ended up with only one ‘otak-otak’ in his hands. How ‘sakai’ was that? So we didn’t eat much there and decided to go to Ikano Power Centre for our afternoon refreshment.

Ikano was alright. We went to Ikea and bought a few stuff for the house. Small stuff mind you. And later walked all around Ikano Power Centre and later to The Curve. Very nice place. The Curve I mean. And there are a lot of eating places at The Curve. So all food lovers out there, you have got to visit The Curve. I mean it. So after visiting the Early Learning Centre and bought a Lamaze Mr Froggy for Marsya (Dearest Bie wanted to install Mr Froggy in Marsya’s pushchair), we went to the Thai Bar at Ikano for dinner and left the place around 9.30pm.

Upon reaching the house, I was feeling yucky. My stomach was rumbling and I had all these gasses inside me but the gasses wouldn’t go anywhere and it was uncomfortable. A few hours after that, I was left lifeless. I was vomiting a lot and my bowels weren’t helping as well. I couldn’t sleep. I would wake up every few hours just to vomit. My dearest Bie would also wake up with me and so would my daughter. I guess she was rudely startled by my urgency to run to the bathroom. The feeling was terrible. When I woke up early in the morning, I couldn’t even walk. My joints were painful and my head was heavy. After a glass of warm water, I vomited again. I couldn’t take it and I knew that my stomach was empty. So I cooked porridge for myself. And after the vomit, I tried to swallow the tasteless porridge. Luckily it didn’t come out.

Around noon, my dearest Bie took me to the clinic and the doctor informed that the vomits and all were the ultimate effect of my mild flu. As I didn’t take any medication nor did I visited a doctor, and my fever was one of those viral fever, that was why I vomited and did the other bowel thing. He also checked for other stuff; you know, the possibility of a dengue and all that (there are recently a lot of these cases) and were informed that if I still don’t feel well to re-visit him for a blood test. He gave me A LOT of medicine to eat and knowing that my dearest Bie will monitor my medication consumption; do I really have a choice?

So here I am today, still ill but feeling so much better than before. However, I am thinking of getting that blood test though as my joints are still painful. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to the office today. I am not fully concentrating on anything I do anyway. I don’t know why I am so ‘rajin’. Go figure…

Have You Ever..??

Have you ever felt that it is time to move on and that staying at one place for quite a while can be very detrimental not only to you but to other people surrounding you? Do you sometimes feel that people don’t appreciate you much and that your talents, skills, and capabilities are not being fully utilized as they are supposed to? Have you ever thought of leaving that current depressing situation and move on to greener field? Well frankly, I am very de-motivated these days. And this only applies at the work place. I feel that people are not appreciating me. I feel that my skills and capabilities are not being used as they should be. I feel incompetent when I shouldn’t be. I feel sick and tired and the thought of leaving the workplace in search of a better place is screaming at all angles.

Is it time for me to move on? I don’t know. I have been here since July 2001 and that is considered a VERY long time. It is my second employment after I graduated. When I came here, my pay was quite huge compared to the others AT THAT TIME. And I was very happy as I was doing something new. But the pay has been quite stagnant and at this point in time, the workload has also lessened. Is it me? Does the boss think that I’m not competent and that is why he’s not giving me any specific, responsible task? I’m not the type that relaxes all the time at the office. Without work, I’d get restless and the day would begin as a very lengthy one for me. I have uttered the words of leaving many times already. In fact, I just lost track of it. But what made me stay (for yet a few more months)?

The people here are FANTASTIC..!! I love my colleagues. They’re the best. There’s no backstabbing (well at the corporate office here at least), there are no cliques here. Everybody is everybody’s friends and they know who you are, what you are, and where you stay. They know where I send my baby off to every morning and they know where my favourite Thai restaurant is. They know I don’t drink milk and they know that I usually have a very huge lunch (much to the amazement of my fellow male colleagues; some of them do not take lunch. They have fruits). Invitations to houses for Raya, or Housewarming are always in abundance. And the best part is that, everybody makes an effort to go to these open houses or housewarming parties. Even when they say that it is only from 3pm to 6pm. But if you come at 7pm, they will invite you warmly inside their houses. Like last Friday, we had a Raya gathering at the office but pot luck basis. Everyone made an effort to contribute. Not just the money, but cook something and bring it to the office. We had a blast of a time last Friday. There were a lot of laughing and eating. And I like that.

I don’t know whether I’ll find that comfortable environment in any other work place. I guess I am a bit scared because the past employment (the first one after I graduated) had always kind a haunt me. The work was fantastic for a fresh graduate like me (corporate and debt restructuring advisory work), but the people were *&@$... Well, just a few of them. I was so stressed that even my housemates were afraid to say hi to me. When for actual fact, I needed their companionship the most at that time because I was so stressed at the office. But they were afraid of me because they didn’t know how my mood was at that time. There were times when I was very stressed with my immediate (single, old and divorced) woman boss, I would go to the surau and cried my eyes out. And when I came back to my room, my eyes would be puffy and red. I know that my colleague wanted to ask but she was afraid to utter the question. This went on for quite a while. I couldn’t take it anymore and I left. And thankfully, the environment here is a thousand times better. But lately, the work hasn’t. And it is very de-motivating. I know I should leave. I have already applied for a few jobs but not actively. Thinking of leaving as soon as I receive a bonus (if there ever is one, but I’m counting on it for next year. I really do). I need to go to a place where my skills will be recognized. I just hope that the people will also be nice. Oh well, you can’t have everything.

Alahai Open House

An Open House concept is practiced all over Malaysia during festival time. I don’t know how the concept was established but at the mere mention of it, one would associate it with Raya, Deepavali, Chinese New Year or Christmas, IN Malaysia, or wherever as long as there are Malaysians around. It simply means that, I’m having some food at my place, so please come over. It doesn’t mean that my house is opened for the public to see, so please, come on over - like what it literally looks like. I don’t think it is a worldwide concept as I don’t think I have heard of it when I was staying in the UK. I may be wrong so please do correct me. But the irony is that, the concept is only used during festival time. I mean, why can’t you use the concept whenever you feel like it. If you are hosting a kenduri for example, can’t you call the kenduri Open House Tahlil, or Open House Doa Selamat. I mean, the concept is the same. Although no cookies will be served to visitors but there’ll be food alright. But no, the Open House concept applies only during festival. Other times, one would just use other terms i.e. Housewarming Party, Kenduri Doa Selamat, Birthday Party, Wedding Reception, and the list goes on and on. Well, that’s my thinking.

Well, last Sunday, I had the opportunity to visit an open house organized by Bang Raz’s friend, Bang Jut, a self-made millionaire (sold his company for RM50 million) which had just finished construction. It is located near one of those Country Homes bungalows near the Mines Resort. He is not a developer. He appointed a contractor to construct the bungalow for him. There were two cars. My dearest Bie, Mak and Bak and of course my daughter Marsya were in Bak’s kancil. Bang Raz and his family were in their Unser. The entrance statement into the lavish and elite residential home itself was powering. The guards were there watching us with eagle eyes. I mean, that’s their job anyway. Of course they let the Jaguars and the Mercedes through without much queries.

There were many bungalows there. There were resort-villa style homes, Tudor style homes, Mansions, and log type of luxury homes. Bang Jut’s bungalow was modern contemporary. A double storey bungalow house with a basement of some sort. I was quite impressed. Bang Jut invited us into his courtyard where the tents were up and urged us to enjoy the food. The line of food was kind of nice. The usual raya dishes which include, nasi himpit, lemang, and beef rendang, as well as the not so raya dishes like sate, soto (which was really nice. I liked it), traditional kuih’s, Singaporean cupcakes (which I learnt was actually the Singaporean Popiah’s), fruits and drinks. I had quite a handful of foods. Those who know me would not be so shocked to see the amount of food that I ate. Let’s just say that I felt rather guilty afterwards.

Bang Raz was excited to see the bungalow. He asked me to eat quickly so that all of us can have the pleasure of viewing Bang Jut’s new bungalow. I finished my food with a slurp and proceeded to enter the bungalow. No drinks needed to wash away the food. I took my slippers off and entered into the black marbled bungalow. Not much of trinkets and ornaments were put up for display. The living room was very spacious. There were black leather seats in the middle of it with few very modern decorative items. The living room had only a small thick carpet in the middle. The rest of the floor was of shining black marble. The light in the living room came from the large glass window facing the golf course. I slid opened the huge glass window (a bit like our normal sliding door but only ‘taller’). And to my amazement, the pool was just there. In fact, if I wanted to, I can just sit at the glass window and dip both my feet into the pool. It was an outdoor pool mind you. It wasn’t wide, but it was long, following the length of the living room. It was cool. I loved the pool. And I just had to get out to view the pool deck and how the water was being circulated. In fact, if I’m Abang Jut’s friend, I would love to strip down into my swimming suit and take a dip into the pool. It was so inviting. But my dearest Bie quickly asked me to join the others who were already up the stairs to look at the bedrooms. There were only three rooms upstairs. But all very spacious with little rock gardens separating each bedroom. The bathrooms were huge each with their own walking closets. Most of walls of the bungalow itself were of glass. Thick ones mind you. Others were of black marble. We went back down the stairs and went into the entertainment room which was complete with its own theatre system. The dining room had a really nice dining table in it and the kitchen was spacious with stainless silver concepts written all over it. All in all, it was a wonderful bungalow viewing.

We came out from the bungalow looking somewhat pleased. Mak kept on complaining about the waste of space. Such a huge house but very little rooms. I mean, its modern contemporary. Why would you want more rooms. Bang Raz told Mak that Bang Jut has no children. I guess that was why the number of rooms was quite little. Well, after touring the bungalow, I would have to say that the bungalow wasn’t that big. I have seen bigger bungalows, but of course I have not had the opportunity to view them from inside. But because I love the pool, the built in walking closets and the bathrooms, I’m going to have to give two thumbs up for Bang Jut’s bungalow.

NOW that is an Open House. Not only did we get to eat the variety of foods being served but we also had the opportunity to SEE every corner of the bungalow. From the kitchen and basement, to the bedrooms. I wouldn’t mind going to another one of these Open Houses if there is ever a chance for me to do so. But, not all hosts like it when people tour into their houses. Because of that, I am happy to settle for the Malaysian concept of Open House which rang: Come on over and eat at my house..!! Plenty of food. Eat all you want. But sorry, keep out of the bedrooms, please…

Marsya Enjoying The Open Houses

Marsya waking up in the morning, before we bathe her so that we could start going to the Open Houses.

Marsya and her cousins with Tok Bak and Tok Mak.

Giggling with her dearest Abi at Aunty Suri's house.

First Time Raya With Marsya...

The first raya with Marsya. This was taken before we were to go back to Kuala Pilah to pay our respect at Arwah Atuk's resting place. The concept was 'sedondon', but unfortunately it was too late to get the tailor to sew our clothes. So we had to scour for the right colour in Jalan Masjid India at the last minute. But, still we couldn't get to be sedondon. Oh well, at least the colour is more or less the same, though I can't say much about the colour shade.

Coming Through… Move Out Of The Way

I don’t know what it is with Malaysian drivers. They just don’t know how to be courteous on the roads. Emergency lanes are just normal roads to them. Despite the many warnings issued by the police traffic or the JPJ, Malaysian drivers continue to utilize the emergency lanes for their own benefits. Don’t they know that those lanes are for EMERGENCY only..?? Belajar tingkat-tingkat, but when it comes to simple matters as that, this handful of drivers just couldn’t care less. All they have in their heads are that: I am LATE. What better way to avoid being late but cut queue and use the emergency lanes. Very selfish. Very kiasu. Very bad. Many road accidents these days occur not just because drivers drive fast and knock against other harmless drivers (which happened to be on the location when the accidents occur). A person stopping at the emergency lane due to car or engine problems are also likely to be killed in a gruesome road accident. Imagine your father stopping at the emergency lane and within split seconds, without he realizes it, he got hit by a car which happened to be speeding on the emergency lane. How devastating is that. Roads are provided for motorists to use, but some drivers are still thick enough and continue to use emergency lanes. These are just the many things that I cannot tolerate.

I was on my way back from Parit Sulong to Seremban on the second day of raya. There was a traffic jam in Parit Sulong (don’t get me started on that. It was just simply weird). Then a black kancil sped by our car in a lane next to us. I wouldn’t even call it an emergency lane because it was just tanah merah road. The kancil was quite fast. Suddenly we heard a crash in front. I hated to imagine what had happened but yes it happened alright. The black kancil rammed against a motorcycle which had two young female riders. The driver of the motorcycle was thrown aside (luckily not on the road, even more lucky not inside the river) whereas her passenger was still stuck on the motorcycle obviously dazed and in a shocking state. The black kancil was parked by the road, its windows all shattered whilst its driver was out of the car helping the girl. She wasn’t moving. When people tried to make her sit, she went limp and lifeless. I can’t imagine what the kancil driver must have felt but all I know is that, it is such a heavy price to pay for simply wanting to cut the queue. I guess the motorcycle must have wanted to pass through and suddenly the kancil rammed against its side. I just hope that the girl is alright. I truly hope so. My mother couldn’t bear to watch the whole event (as it happened next to our car). She just closed her eyes and waited for our car to pass by the incident.

On the PLUS highway, there were MANY cars using the emergency lane especially from the Ayer Keroh onwards. When they saw the police, they quickly drove on the road, afraid of being summoned. Luckily there was quite a number of police traffic waiting on the emergency lane. But the maddening thing was that, after the motorists bypassed the stationed police, they resumed their ‘emergency lane driving’ without a care in the world. They weren’t thinking about the safety of other road users, BUT they were more afraid of getting summoned..!!

I am inclined to say that Malaysians are terrible, ignorant and selfish road users because from January 2005 till to date, about 160,000 motorists DO NOT have valid licenses. Where has the mentality of our people gone to? How are we going to curb road accidents if respectable parents themselves do not bother to ensure that their loved ones have proper driving licenses before telling them to go to the market driving the proton waja? Datuk Seri Chan Kong Choy, our Transport Minister said in the press on Thursday, 10 November 2005, “Sendiri mati dan bunuh orang lain, Apa ini?. Saya amat marah, macam mana boleh benarkan orang ini membawa kenderaan tanpa lesen''. Don’t get me started on bus drivers. Whenever an accident occurs, their reasons would be, “Brake tak makan”, or “Tak bawak laju pun. Bawak 70 km/jam jer”. Hello…!! If you drive 70 km/hour, then there wouldn’t be an accident now would there.

What can we do? How are we going to change the mentality of the Malaysians to be more courteous on the roads and not kill people?

Me, Myself and I

I have never thought that I would have the chance to go to the UK. I was a kampung girl staying at Kampung Tanjung Petai in Kuala Pilah. I climbed trees, bathe in rivers (the only girl in the crowd of a few boys), played hantu-hantu everytime I came back from mengaji the Al-Quran from Pak Ngah Din and I even went to school there. I was at the Sekolah Rendah Kebangsaan Dato' Idris. My 'twang' was that of a pure Negri. I loved my grandparents to pieces and I never thought that come standard 3, I would be whisked away to an unknown land called Birmingham. When my Dad told me that he would take us on a plane and that we would go to the UK, I was excited. Not really thinking much then. Heck, I was 9 years old. What do I know. All I wanted to do was get on a plane. Do remember that I was a kampung girl. But when the actual day did come, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave my grandparents behind. They raised me. They loved me (both my beloved grandparents have passed away). And I couldn't leave. But the day came and as soon as we reached the Subang Airport, my brothers and I forgot about the grandparents that we were leaving behind. We were excited to get on the aeroplane.

We landed at the Birmingham Airport in the morning. We could see Indian nationals sweeping the floor. And we could also see the Mat and Minah Salleh's walking. We were surrounded by them! It was such a different sight. Here I was, used to the sawah and the coconut trees, among the thousands of Mat and Minah Salleh's at the Heathrow Airport. It was AMAZING. It was not until we reach Selly Oak, the house of Uncle Kaida that it finally dawned on me. I had left my kampung life behind and was about to begin an entirely different life there in Birmingham. How would I go about with life? I didn't even know English. I couldn't even understand it let alone speak the language. I became sad thinking of the beloved grandparents that I left behind. My schoolmates. My best friend, Haslinda. My brothers and I huddled with one another and we cried.

First day at the Adderly Junior Primary School was atrocious. I would have thought that there would be a lot of white folks, but the only white folks in the school were the teachers. The majority of the students were of Pakistani, Bangladesh and Afghanistan descendants. They didn't like me. They kept calling me Chinese. They even had a song for me. "Chinese, Japanese, what is this" - pointing to the upper part of the body, you know where. I hated it. I wanted to go home. The students bullied me. There was this one time, a boy spat on me. I was upset so I smacked him. He cried and told the teacher. The teacher was angry with me. I tried telling her that he spat on me but I didn't know how. The boy's face was smiling. I was mad. Really mad. But the teacher was on his side. I came home that day crying. I told my mother what happened. And the next day, my mother went to school to clarify the matter. The teacher was sorry and told the boy off instead. It was my turn to smugly smile at him.

But it wasn't all bad. When I got the grasp of the English language, life at school was fun. Really fun. Very different than Sekolah Rendah Kebangsaan Dato' Idris. I made a lot of friends. I was good with the teachers and the teachers liked me. They said that I was good student. My English accent then was very much like the others around me. They had accepted me. And I loved it. I joined the choir singing christmas carols at the Town Hall during Christmas and I was also active in sports. But, it was not until secondary school that I became VERY active in sports. Surprisingly, I had many friends as well.

I later joined the Washwood Heath Secondary School in Alum Rock. It was very different than the primary school. The majority of the students were white. But there were also quite a number of Asians. I was in the Asians category. I LOVED the school. And the students. My best friend then was Jennie Beattie. We have lost touch but during the wake of Tsunami last year, she sent me a letter as she was very worried about me. I was touched. Jennie still remembers me. I had many friends. Not just the ones I made in class, but also those in other classes. As I was active in sports (netball, softball, etc) and represented the school for the 1st year students, my cirlce of friends widen. It was good. As we were young then, a lot of the girls were also into silly things. Smoking, kissing with boyfriends and all. A friend of mine, Kelly urged me to smoke but I didn't want to. Kelly called me a coward but Jennie stepped in for me. I was so thankful for having a friend like Jennie then.

When I had to leave school to return to Malaysia, I was sad. So was the rest of my friends. They arranged a surprise party for me. Mr Day, the 1st year tutor told me that there was a netball competition. So I brought along my PE gear, all set to change and play. But he told me to go to the classroom first. So I did. When I opened the door, the room was dark. There was no one there. Suddenly, out of nowhere, 'SURPRISE..!!" I was shocked. There was no netball. There was only a surprise party, for me. I was equally touched as well. Going back that day which also happened to be the last day before the term break began was particularly sad for me. After nearly 5 years staying in Birmingham, I was finally going back to Malaysia. Mixed feelings really. I was afraid. And I also missed my friends. Besides, I no longer speak with a Negri 'twang'. I spoke with a British 'twang'. Gone was the kampung girl. I was then known as the one who went to England girl.

My Dad enrolled me in Convent Seremban. I hated it. I didn't want to go to an all girls' school. But my Dad insisted on it. He felt that I was left behind in terms of studies AND my Malay language was terrible..!! I despised him for that. Pn Fatimah Hari happened to be his friend and after much discussion, I was placed in 1 Intan, the top class of the form. The good influence from 1 Intan was supposed to help me catch up with my studies. As it was approaching the end of the year exam, I went to the exam hall 'tembak-ing' the answers. I didn't know how to answer them. But suprisingly, I passed all the papers. But on the border sort of thing. I later learnt that the teachers were 'kesian' at me. Whatever. At least I passed.

Convent days were also the best days of my life (after I got used to the school). At first, only prefects and show offs wanted to be my friends. They spoke English with me, as if I couldn't speak Malay. But I later spoke a lot of Malay and that got the prefects and show offs to slowly trail behind. I made friends with another set of girls, who till this day, are the few of my closest friends. No more prefects. I came to enjoy school. My results were terrible, but who cared. I was in school..!!

I was active in school plays, choir and debate. I loved them. I got to learn about puppy love during Convent days as well. There was Wan who went to Sekolah Menengah Sri Ampangan, then there was Labu, who went to KGV. The funny thing was that, at that time, I thought Labu was the first and final love for me. I loved him to the max. We never sort a had a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, BUT we flirted a lot. Especially on the bus on the way back home and at the stadium (Paroi Jaya) or the football field. I took the courage to speak with him on the phone (I made the first move you know. Very the timba mencari perigi sort of thing. But I didn't care). And we would constantly be on the phone. When I was in Form 5, a few weeks before the SPM was about to begin, I told him that I liked him. I couldn't help it. I was going nuts. Infatuated with him. He kept quiet and told me that he had a girlfriend and that I knew that he had one. I was upset. Of course I knew that he had a girlfriend but I thought if I confessed he would like me in return. He said he liked me, but he couldn't break his girlfriend's heart. I hung up and ignored him. But from thereon, he sort of made a move at me. But I couldn't be bothered. Let him go to his girlfriend. I didn't care. As a result, he made a statement which made me cry during one of the monthly tests in class. I think it was a test for science. Everybody was busy doing the test but I was crying. He said, "Alah Budak Convent. Petik satu jari, 10 marilah". That really made me upset. BUT, that did not reduce the amount of the so-called love I had for him. How funny and stupid was that.

From there onwards, any boy who admired or liked me, I would put Labu as a benchmark. Crazy? I know. I felt stupid when thinking about it now. But there you go. It was during one of those silly BUT wonderful teenage years. I did see Labu a few years back. I was already working at that time and was in Carrefour. I was wearing this dark brown flaired slacks with light brown tight fitting turtle necks. He saw me and I could see that he was suprised to see me and appreciating what he saw as well. I was glad that he saw me at my best. But I didn't have feelings for him anymore. Those feelings for him was SO school days. At that time, I was already seeing someone else. Someone whom I married a few years later.

Before I went to PPP/ITM, I went for form 6 at KGV. This was also one of the memorable times of my life. I had so many admirers at this time that I was enjoying the attention to the max. Each with their own individual attraction. It was the best. I was always going out with them. Or drink float at A&W with AM. AM always fetched me after school in his mother's car. I didn't dare go on his bike. ANA would become a driver picking me up whenever I need a lift from somewhere to somewhere. M would call me in the middle of the night conessing his love for me (actually this guy, was TOO much. Too much love was killing me..!!). I felt I was the prettiest girl then. My saham was very high then. So I just enjoyed the ride.

At PPP/ITM, I made a lot of friends. It was fun. Though I did not fall under the cool, popular and glamarous type of girls, I was alright. Made lots of friends. And I enjoyed it. After 2 years of hard studying (didn't think I did a lot of studies. I was busy with my drama club and was involved in college activities like the Open Day, etc) Praise to Allah, I got a cool A Levels result. 2A's and 1B. I was so thankful and felt very lucky. So I did my 1st year in Cheras before flying off to the UK for my degree. I went to the University of Northumbria at Newcastle-Upon-Tyne. Life in Newcastle was FANTASTIC. Need I say more. I learnt a lot of thing here; independancy, control finances and budget, make-up with friends after a fight, keep secrets, wear high heel shoes, and I also learnt the actual meaning of true love. And believe me, this love was NO Labu love. This love was genuine and I am thankful to this day to Allah for bestowing this feeling of love to me which I hope will flourish for many, many years to come. I met my first ever boyfriend here in Newcastle. After much flirting, going out with that person and this person, receiving gifts and cards, I finally said yes to a guy whom I knew for just about a couple of months. We went steady for nearly 5 years before taking the huge step towards marriage. We wedded on 27 December 2002; it certainly was one of the best days of my life.

Staying at Newcastle taught me a lot. It also made me realised just how much I love my parents. So when I graduated and they came, it really meant a lot to me. I felt their pride as I walked up the stage to receive my scroll. With my cape and hat, and the green kebaya that my parents brought for me from Malaysia, I felt that I was holding the world. I couldn't help grinning from ear to ear. The feeling of overjoy was overwhelming. One of the many experiences that I shall cerish.

I returned to Malaysia in September 1999. All my friends were looking for jobs. I lazed around. Too lazy to start looking for jobs. In January 2000, I started looking for a job. I didn't want to be unemployed anymore. In April 2000, I secured a job at Nikkei Pacific Corporate Advisors. A year and a half later, I joined the property division of the then Renong Group of companies and have been staying here ever since.

I also got married during that period and in 2005, Allah gave me a beautiful daughter whom my dearest Bie and I named Marsya Hazirah. She is one of the best things that has happened to me. Next to my marriage to my dearest Bie, Marsya is the best thing. I love the way she leans against me when she wants to go to sleep, her eagerness in searching for my milk when she's hungry or thirsty, her smiles which show her firmly rooted six pieces of teeth, her dancing when she hears the music being played (bunyi gitar being her favourite), the way she watches Disney Playhouse. In fact, I love everything that is to love about her. AndI couln't thank Allah enough for giving us such a beautiful and healthy baby. Now that she's approaching 10 months, I felt that time travelled so fast. The next thing I know, she will have started talking and going to school. And going through the same cycle that I went through.

These days, I am taking things at a step. I am also hoping to add more to the family. BUT not now. Marsya is still very small and I want her to enjoy us pampering her before we give her another baby brother or sister. Life is good. It was hard to believe that from a kampung, Negri-speaking girl, I have actually turned out to be what I am today. I'm not regretting it. Oh no. I treasure the days of the kampung and I also treasure the days that followed.

Life really is like a big wheel. It just turns and turns and turns...

First Post...

I don't know why I created a blog. I guess the constant nudge (and harassment) from a friend finally made me register as a blogger and thereafter own my own blog. I think it's cool. At least I get to say stuff unknown to others. Well, at least until I tell them, anyway. I'm excited to the max here. I wonder who'll be the first person to know that I have a blogger.