Last week, I met up with an old friend. A friend who would have been family if she had gotten married to my brother-in-law. But tulah, jodoh di tangan Allah. Who are we to say anything about it, right? Well, she’s now married to an engineer and has just recently been blessed with a baby, who is now four months old.
She has ‘expanded’ since the last time I saw her. Well, she used to be an ‘S’ size and now she’s an ‘XL’. And she was really resenting it. I hope I would be able to shed a lot of kg’s after I give birth come this May. I really hope so. It’s really scary if the weight doesn’t want to depart from me. Well, that’s another story.
She looked good, happy to be a mother. So we talked. Among the things that we touched upon was the feeling of insecurity. She claimed that these days she feels a bit insecure and is always accusing her husband of unnecessary things. She feels terrible that now she has gained a lot of weight and can’t help feeling that her husband may not look at her the same way he did before she gave birth. Of course I told her not to be silly and that her husband still loves and adores her.
She looked at me and asked, “Do you feel that? Do you feel insecure?” I thought about it for a while. Hhhmm… me? Insecure? I don’t know. I have not thought about it thoroughly. I have always wondered whether I have ever felt insecure, after having my baby and all… I don’t know. I looked at her and just shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t think so. Well, not to the extent that I feel overly jealous and start forming negative images in my head”. And she was surprised. “Never?” and I said, “No lah rasanya”. And I let my respond sink in my head.
She felt bad about feeling jealous but she just couldn’t help it. I feel terrible for her. Currently I am blessed that I haven’t felt the insecurity that she was talking about. I mean, yeah sometimes the feeling sort of appear out of nowhere, but it quickly diminishes into thin air. It is after all not a good feeling. And I feel that we shouldn’t harbor such feeling if we want to have a prosperous marriage (of course until after your husband back stabs you, then you have EVERY right to harbor whatever feeling imaginable… it is after all a privilege, because once burnt, trust me, a person never forgets easily and having the same trust and loyalty can be very, very difficult. I have seen it happened too many times).
So later at home, I asked my Dearest Bie whether he thinks I’m insecure. He thought carefully about it and said, “Sometimes I see you feeling insecure. But most of the time, you are more secure than you are insecure”. I kept quiet. So, I have portrayed a feeling of insecure, eh? Hhmmm… definitely need to work on that. I mean, I don’t think I have ever felt insecure. I let him go out with his friends, go singing at karaoke centres while entertaining his clients, or have dinners outside and will only call him if it’s REALLY necessary. But he’s the husband. He’s my partner. So I’m sure he has plenty of time to observe me.
Well, whatever it is, I will try to work on whatever little insecurity I have. I don’t think it’s good. So, we’ll see how it goes, eh…?
She has ‘expanded’ since the last time I saw her. Well, she used to be an ‘S’ size and now she’s an ‘XL’. And she was really resenting it. I hope I would be able to shed a lot of kg’s after I give birth come this May. I really hope so. It’s really scary if the weight doesn’t want to depart from me. Well, that’s another story.
She looked good, happy to be a mother. So we talked. Among the things that we touched upon was the feeling of insecurity. She claimed that these days she feels a bit insecure and is always accusing her husband of unnecessary things. She feels terrible that now she has gained a lot of weight and can’t help feeling that her husband may not look at her the same way he did before she gave birth. Of course I told her not to be silly and that her husband still loves and adores her.
She looked at me and asked, “Do you feel that? Do you feel insecure?” I thought about it for a while. Hhhmm… me? Insecure? I don’t know. I have not thought about it thoroughly. I have always wondered whether I have ever felt insecure, after having my baby and all… I don’t know. I looked at her and just shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t think so. Well, not to the extent that I feel overly jealous and start forming negative images in my head”. And she was surprised. “Never?” and I said, “No lah rasanya”. And I let my respond sink in my head.
She felt bad about feeling jealous but she just couldn’t help it. I feel terrible for her. Currently I am blessed that I haven’t felt the insecurity that she was talking about. I mean, yeah sometimes the feeling sort of appear out of nowhere, but it quickly diminishes into thin air. It is after all not a good feeling. And I feel that we shouldn’t harbor such feeling if we want to have a prosperous marriage (of course until after your husband back stabs you, then you have EVERY right to harbor whatever feeling imaginable… it is after all a privilege, because once burnt, trust me, a person never forgets easily and having the same trust and loyalty can be very, very difficult. I have seen it happened too many times).
So later at home, I asked my Dearest Bie whether he thinks I’m insecure. He thought carefully about it and said, “Sometimes I see you feeling insecure. But most of the time, you are more secure than you are insecure”. I kept quiet. So, I have portrayed a feeling of insecure, eh? Hhmmm… definitely need to work on that. I mean, I don’t think I have ever felt insecure. I let him go out with his friends, go singing at karaoke centres while entertaining his clients, or have dinners outside and will only call him if it’s REALLY necessary. But he’s the husband. He’s my partner. So I’m sure he has plenty of time to observe me.
Well, whatever it is, I will try to work on whatever little insecurity I have. I don’t think it’s good. So, we’ll see how it goes, eh…?
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