Marsya Didn’t Get It

We received a letter from the Ministry yesterday. Marsya didn’t get to enter into Standard One this year. We were advised by the Ministry to register her Standard One for 2012. I was very disappointed. After waiting for more than two months, that was the feedback that we got. Earlier the Ministry promised to issue a letter in the 3rd week of December so at least we can make the necessary preparations. You know, if she gets to go to school then buy her stuff, but if she doesn’t then we can register her back at her old pre-school. Looks like an entire month has been wasted. While other kids have been going to school since January, I can only put my daughter in school in February, after the Chinese New Year break.

I have to admit that I am quite frustrated that she didn’t get it. I wonder what the issue is. Is she not bright enough? Or are her 4M skills (writing, calculating, rationale thinking, and I forgot the other one) not good enough for the Ministry to accept her to be in Standard One below the age of seven? All sorts of things are playing in my mind. I’d like to think that I have a bright daughter (heck, all parents would think that, so I am no exception), but I guess she was just not lucky. Or, not bright enough [sigh]… that’s the one that made me frustrated. She has been reading and had no problems doing simple mathematics i.e. addition and subtraction, but I guess that was just not good enough. It’s terrible isn’t it? It’s like that I can’t accept she’s not good enough to enter into Standard One this year. When for actual fact, Allah knows best. He knows why Marsya is not accepted, and that is beyond anything that I know.

I have to be grateful that she’s not entering into Standard One now. What if she couldn’t keep up with the rest of the class, or have problems making friends? All these are things that are beyond me. I know I’m saying this just to make myself feel better, but I have to accept the fact that she wasn’t accepted. Of course there’s the issue of telling EVERYONE in the whole world that she didn’t get it. In my head, I don’t want people to think that my daughter isn’t clever, or bright. Only I have the ability to do that coz I am her mother (a bit selfish aren’t I?), or it’s just me. Those thoughts are just playing in my head… [sigh]. Gosh, I am a TERRIBLE mother. How could I think less of Marsya? This is beginning to get sad now. Marsya is the perfect six year-old daughter that I can ever have. It is unfair for me to have such high expectations for her considering that she’s only six and to my parents’ eyes and those close to her, she is already a bright, clever girl. She is perfect in everyway. She has been one of the best things that had happened to me and I look forward to grow old with her. To have a wonderful mother-daughter relationship, for her to see me as her best friend… that sort of thing. Clever or not clever, that’s beside the point. To me, she is the brightest, cleverest and most loving daughter that a mother can ever have. And no one can take that away from me.

So yeah… I guess I just needed to get this feeling out of the way. It’s not the end of the world that she didn’t get it. Whatever it is, she’ll still be in Standard One next year. Hopefully next year, she’ll be prepared to enter into Standard One just like any of her friends that were born of the same year as her. And I’ll get the chance to enjoy shopping for her school clothes and stuff without having a big stomach as I’m having now, which is currently constantly in the way. I have to admit that it’s rather difficult to walk long distances these days. My feet hurt and I’d have back pains. After all, I am already in my 9th month. I have a month to go before my due date.

Marsya, darling Marsya… Umi is not angry with you for not being able to enter into Standard One. This is after all Allah’s works. Who is Umi to get all upset and riled up? Things happen for a reason and Umi should be thankful for whatever that reason is. Umi will try not to have too high hopes for you throughout your life. After all, we’re only talking about the entering of Standard One; there are other major exams or life-changing decisions in the future that you will have to go through, and Umi will try… WILL try not to be too competitive or emotionally-strung when it comes later… Insya Allah. Love you, darling.