It was A Litte Weird

I had lunch with my old gang today. It’s our state-of-the-art culinary friends, if you can call it that. We used to have lunch at fancy places, comment on the food and services and just do stuff, you know. I was even supposed to come up with s scrap book on all the places that we went to. I always looked forward to these lunches because apart from enjoying the food, I also get to enjoy the company. Today’s lunch was actually just a meet-up. Nothing fancy, but just a meet-up to see old friends and chit-chat.

I was late because I had a meeting with a potential investor. So naturally, I had to make a grand entrance. Sitting with that familiar crowd is somehow very strange for me. It felt weird. I acted normal, alright. At first I didn’t know how to react. What was I supposed to do? Ignore him? Just say the normal courtesy hi? What? I don’t know. All I know is that it felt weird. Really weird. I know it had to happen sometime. If not today, it would probably happen at other times. MIRA workshops maybe, or Invest Malaysia. But the bottom line is that, it is bound to happen. And I have to face it someday. And there he was sitting across of me looking uncomfortable and suddenly out of place. Like I said, I tried to act normal, but I just couldn’t. But being a good actress that I am, I acted like its nothing. I didn’t have to talk to him. There were other people I could talk to. And I guess that helped.

Looking back at it, the lunch I mean, I felt sad. Sad that I somehow cannot bridge the gap. The feeling is there. It’s not hatred, but it’s just this hidden feeling, gnawing at the back of your head, knowing that things will never be the same again. I don’t hate him. I don’t. Hate is such a strong negative word. But there is this wall between us. And this imaginary wall will continue to be there for a long time yet. And that made me feel sad. We were close. Very close. I could just call him up and talk nonsense about anything. But now, there’s just no more of that. It doesn’t work that way anymore. I couldn’t do that anymore. I don’t know about him; whether he shares my sentiment, but that is what I feel at the moment. And I know that this is the type of feeling that doesn’t go away readily. Kind of sad, eh?

[sigh]… oh well. Life has to go on. This feeling will probably disappear with time. But by that time, I have a feeling that it’d be a bit difficult to bridge the gap. Things will not be the same. But what can you do. I have my life and he has his. Work will always be work. And friends come and go. True friends will stay, though. And at this point in time, I don’t know.