It’s Actually Happening

I was at my parents’ last weekend. It’s been three weeks since I spent the weekend home, so I was excited to go back. All my brothers were there, except for the last one. He was still stuck at college because he had some studying to do. His finals are in April and he wanted to study (he does a lot of studying. I don’t know why. I wish I was like that during my student days… anyway).

I was lazing in front of the TV on the Saturday afternoon when my brother patted me on the foot and said that he had something to say. My Ayah was also there. So I sat up proper and waited for him to open his mouth. He sat on the sofa opposite me and said, “I went to B***** before I went to Terengganu last week to see her parents. Her mother was worried that I was avoiding them and she reprimanded her daughter for making me stressed and pressurized. So, I decided to talk to the parents”.

I’m like… hhmm… ok. Apparently, the mother felt that my brother was trying to avoid them. So she bising to her daughter, asking her why my brother haven’t been visiting for quite a while. And since my brother was in a very stressed condition, she was afraid that my brother would leave her daughter [I was already menyampah at this stage, but I kept my cool]. But my brother took my Ayah’s advice instead and decided to ask the parents direct on WHAT the parents actually want.

Her mother wants them to be engaged. But she doesn’t want the engagement period to be too long. If possible, she wants it to be soon. When my brother asked her what she meant by soon. She didn’t know how to reply. She kept on asking my brother to talk to my parents and ask them to come over to B*****. My brother put his foot on it and said, “To my family, 6 months isn’t that long. In fact, it’s very short. So tell me, what is Makcik’s definition of a short engagement? Besides, before I get my parents to come here, they must at least know what’s going on and I intend to relay them the message”. The mother just kept quiet.

My brother told us that the father wants it to happen in December this year. I thought he meant the engagement, but then my brother clarified it for me. “Not tunang lah Long. Kawin”. I was shocked. What??!! Getting married? This December? So, when is the engagement? My brother couldn’t reply. He said her parents are leaving it up to him, but the marriage itself is to happen in December 2007.

I was not very pleased. I mean, she still is not working. She’s got a paper (re-sitting) sometime soon and her parents want her engaged?? I didn’t know what to say. But I did see that the discussion with the parents took quite a loading off my brother. He was more cheerful and played with my daughter like nearly all the time. He talked to me and did not look stressed. Well, that was before he confided in us on what took place in B*****.

My Ayah, wanting to support his son, not wanting him to be stressed started laying out the plans. Perhaps getting engaged in April so that we have 8 months or so to prepare for the wedding. I just kept quiet. I wanted to support my brother all the way, but somehow I couldn’t. But I didn’t want to pressure my brother. Kesian kat dia. He’s had enough of the stress without me giving him my ideas and making him more stressed. So it was decided that the issue had to be discussed further with Ibu.

The next day, I had an opportunity to talk to my brother. I asked him whether he was happy that he’s finally getting hitched because the way I see it, he only wants to get married so that he can put an end to the stress that he was facing. He just kept quiet.

Me: I see that you only want to get married coz you’re thinking that you’re approaching 30 and that you’ve been friends with her for quite a number of years and biler lagi nak kawin if not now. Aren’t you happy at the thought of getting married?

Him: Mana ada orang happy nak kawin Long. Mana ada orang tak stress.

Me: That’s not the answer I was looking for. And besides, that SHOULD not be the reply. I don’t want you to get married for the wrong reasons.

Him: Dah pening kepalalah Long. Malas nak fikir dah. It’s now or never. If I don’t get married now, I will probably never get married at all.

Me: Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you’ll get married. Why are you being stressed over nothing? Chill, ok. This is a small thing. There’ll be greater things later in life.

Him: I’m afraid that our family wouldn’t be able to accept her. I have no problem with her family.

Me: That is something that you have to work with. Get her to come and see our parents. Ni asyik kau je ke sana. Get her to ambil hati Ibu.

Him: Dia tak nak Long. Dia takut.

Me: Takut? What is she afraid of? She wants to get married to Ibu’s son, but she’s afraid to meet Ibu herself? Come on lah. Ask her not to be silly. It’s not like as if she doesn’t know me. For God’s sake, I was the one who introduced her to you. She even seems segan with me!!

Him: Yeah, she mentioned that.

Me: Silly lah. Look, who am I to stop you from marrying her. After all, it’s your life. But I am concerned that she’s not working yet. And the fact that staying in KL these days is expensive. And depending on your income alone, I don’t think it’s enough. And she has got to work on her interaction skills. I want her to work not just for the money, but for the exposure.

Him: [Sighing] Tak taulah Long. Pening kepala dah ni fikir.

Later that night, we had a family discussion. Ayah was controlling the discussion. Ibu couldn’t get her words in. I had to act like a chairperson to make way for Ibu to talk. From Ibu’s face, I know that she doesn’t want my brother to get married to this girl. She was concerned of the fact that the girl wasn’t working and she didn’t want my brother to be burdened on everything. My brother didn’t look too happy. He wanted to get this over and done with, but he also wanted the restu of our parents. He looked even stressed during the discussion. He didn’t say much. I was his sort of spokesperson, so to speak. Finally Ibu just relented and said, “Terpulanglah. Ikut suka hati”. And I know my brother didn’t like that reply. His face was all squeezed up.

So I took charge and said, “Ibu, see his face. He’s all stressed up. Say something that will cheer him up”. Ibu looked at him and didn’t know how to react. She finally suggested something which made my brother a little comfortable. So it was decided. Rather than go with Ayah’s plan i.e. straight away visit them for an engagement, we will visit the family for a ‘berkenalan’ session. To which my brother almost immediately agreed. A first sign of relief. We will see what their side have to say and decide thereon on any engagement or wedding.

So it was decided. We will go to B***** on the 25th to Meet The Parents. And hopefully things will progress from there.

I have to admit that I do not like the idea of them getting married. But after talking to my brother, I could sense his stress level and felt nothing but huge brotherly love for him. And I hate to see him getting all upset. So I have decided to support him with his plans and pray that the marriage will last. I also hope that we wouldn’t face much complication during the engagement or the wedding itself. But most importantly, I want the girl to get a job soon coz I have a feeling that my parents might be receiving another grandchild into this world sometime next year (I don’t think they’re the honey-mooning type, unlike me and Dearest Bie) and I want them to be financially sound for that. I did say that if he’s all married, he must not forget to come back our parents’ place. Jangan asyik nak balik B***** jer. Kesian kat our parents. He just kept quiet.

So there, there is going to be a wedding soon and I just hope that things will work out. Looks like I have to get used to the idea of accepting her as the sister-in-law. All in the name of love for my brother. And that’s only one brother getting married. I wonder how it’ll be for my other two brothers.